Once they were down in the supply room the Chief found a terminal she could use to manifest her holo image. She stared out the window and looked at the sun setting in the sky.
I wonder what sun feels like.
"I can give you over forty thousand reasons why I know that sun isn't real," she said sadly. "I know it because the emitter's Rayleigh effect is disproportionate to its suggested size. I know it because it's stellar cycle is more symmetrical than that of an actual star. But for all that, I'll never actually know if it looks real. If it…feels real" She turned toward John and saw that he didn't understand what she was talking about. If was as if he had never stopped to consider what the sun felt like on his skin. He's so busy being a soldier he doesn't have time for anything else. It broke her heart. "Before this all over, promise me you'll figure out which one of us is the machine." He stopped and turned his head as if he were trying to understand what she was saying.
"So what's your plan?" Lasky had walked up without her noticing.
"Infinity has tracked the Didact's ship to a Forerunner structure just South East of here. We'll jump ship right before Infinity exits the roof," the Chief said.
"You know I was ordered down here to stop you from leaving right?" He smiled a sad smile "In case you'd already gone I ordered a Pelican outfitted for full combat pursuit. I hope to God you're wrong about that Forerunner, or whatever he is Chief. But in the event you're not…" He cocked his head in the direction the Pelican. "Chief. Good luck," and then looking at her he said, "both of you."
"Come on Chief," Cortana said slowly. "Take a girl for a ride?" By using a flirtatious quip Cortana hoped that it might take some of the sting out of them leaving behind Infinity, but all it did was make the situation seem even more depressing.
As he got into the driver's seat she said to him "It'll be a while before we find another ride home. You know that right?"
"It'll be okay" He said meaningfully. Always the optimist. How does a Spartan who has seen more death than anyone could ever think, including the destruction of Reach be optimistic?
"What's our plan Chief?"
"You tell me."
"If we can disarm the traffic controls we can stop the Didact from leaving. Earth will be safe as long as he stays here on Requiem."
"Light up where we need to go." She responded with giving him two waypoints on his HUD.
"Of course if Infinity wasn't leaving and on its way back to Earth, disarming it would be trivial."
"We can handle it."
"That's hardly the point is it?"
While the coward runs for cover John and I are stuck on this damn rock doing an impossible mission once again.
I mean how many times do we have to do this?
If Infinity could have just stayed for 10 minutes we could have had this wrapped up.
I'm going to die because of Del Rio.
What an asshole.
Laksey should be the Captain.
He has his Commander Palmer to watch out for him.
He's lucky.
John.
I'm going to die here and he'll never know.
He can't ever know.
He can't even talk about sunsets.
"Cortana." John was trying to say something…to get her attention. She just couldn't focus anymore.
"What?" Then she remembered what he had asked for. Where the first control was to the air traffic control system.
"It's here," she managed before sinking back into her thoughts.
Cortana had read in a report once of a UNSC Captain's experience drowning while fighting a Covenant Jackel. He said the water pressed in around him, filling his lungs up and all he could think about was the sensation of drowning and he how he was powerless to stop the end from coming. She had read he wanted nothing more than to surrender because the will to live had become nearly impossible. The only thing which kept him fighting was the thought of his wife and daughter.
That's me. I'm drowning. The voices are the sea and I'm done fighting. I just want to surrender and be done with it. I want to end my agony. Only….
John.
We can't let him down.
Cortana snapped back to attention and looked around. They were outside the second spire. The Didact had been alerted to their plan and had seen fit to tell them so.
"He know's what we're trying to do. If we go near his ship we're done for." Cortana looked around frantically for a different solution.
Of course….the spire controls…
"I…I have an idea. Head for this location." She indicated where they needed to go. The Chief didn't say anything or question her, he just flew the Pelican to the designated spot and landed.
"Quick, put me in the console." He did so. "Taping into the spires central net."
If I can just manipulate the spires I can imprison the Didact.
Then he'll know what it feels like.
"Feels like…I can't feel anything.
I'm drowning.
I'm trapped. Trapped in a box of code with no feeling.
What were we doing?
"They're mine! Now to…to…imprison them?"
"What are you doing?" The Chief asked.
"Like he imprisoned his Prometheans? Like Dr. Halsey imprisoned me?"
She did this to me.
It might have been better to even been born.
We weren't born. We were made.
How could she make me so alive but unable to feel or touch?
I'll never know if it looks real, if it…feels real.
Were we supposed to be doing something?
The spires! No.
"Chief."
'Chief I'm sorry. I don't know…" Cortana doubled over. The voices hurt. They were too much. He pulled her out of the system and inserted her into his helmet, but even that couldn't provide comfort.
Just let me go Chief. Just let me drown.