"I saw you," he croaked, trying not to sound accusing but knowing he was failing, too tired to sugarcoat it.

"I didn't sleep with him," she promised, looking somewhat embarrassed and uncomfortable but still determined as she started to pace, "we, ah, stopped as soon as you walked in."

"Oh," he watched her pace for a moment wringing her hands, unsure if her words should be a comfort or not. They may have not slept together but they had intended to. Wasn't that just as bad? It certainly still stung, still made him feel like crap. His head was hurting too much for this, his stomach still knotted. He closed his eyes in a vain attempt to block it all out.

After a few moments Chandler felt the bed dip slightly; he assumed she was now sitting on the edge but didn't open his eyes to clarify. It seemed a lot of effort for little reward and his throbbing head had found small comfort in the soft hotel pillow. He just wanted to succumb to merciful sleep. To make it all just go away.

He didn't want to be here, didn't want her to be here. Didn't want this conversation, any conversation.

"It's probably best if I begin from the start," she muttered, clearly not hearing his silent pleas.

He didn't feel the need to reply. Couldn't. As much as he probably needed to hear what she had to say, he really didn't want to hear it, any of it. He desperately didn't because no matter what she said, no matter her reasons, it was always going to end in an explanation of why she had chosen Joey.

This was going to hurt.

Hell, it already hurt.

"I, uh, I was really depressed from what my mom said," she continued, "and not having a boyfriend and that drunk guy and well…you know, you were there; you spent the evening letting me cry on your shoulder."

He had. He'd been the good friend. The dependable one. The overlooked one. He should really be used to his role in life by now.

"After you left my room I, uh, I tried to go to sleep, I really did, but I was too drunk and restless…so I got up and made myself another drink."

Scotch on the rocks with a twist no doubt. He hated he knew so much about her. This would be so much easier if he didn't know every little perfect detail about her; if he didn't know that he'd missed out of the most amazing woman on this planet. That no one would ever be able to substitute her.

"But the alcohol wasn't enough," she admitted quietly, "I… I just wanted to feel alive, to be desired, beautiful, needed…to be with someone...physically. To feel that bit of pleasure and feel worth something. I just wanted to forget everything, all the comments, all my failures... just for the night."

He could hear the embarrassment in her voice, having to admit this out loud to him probably wasn't something she'd expected to have to do. Hell, part of him wished she'd just stop talking as it was painful. Painful for her to say and painful for him to hear. There was nothing he could do apart from lie there and try to shield what was left of his heart as his body slowly shut down.

"I debated going to the bar and doing it the old fashioned way and hooking up with some stranger," she confessed awkwardly; she wasn't proud. "But with so many guests being here for the wedding I was terrified of sleeping with a future in-law or something. So, I decided it wasn't worth the risk. I almost tried going back to sleep again…"

God, he wished she had done that. Everything would still be normal if she'd just done that.

"But I didn't," she continued, unaware of his internal thoughts. "I had the not so great idea that I had 2 male friends and one of them might consider...helping me out."

He frowned, not fully understanding, his head beyond painful and foggy. Had she considered him as well as Joey? Had it just been the case of bad luck that Joey had been there? That if Chandler hadn't gone back to the bar for another drink it could have been him? Was fate really that cruel that a single drink could have changed his life?

"So," she continued, oblivious to his unspoken questions. She was desperate to just get this out and over with. "I made it to your room, well your other room," she corrected. "I was really really drunk, Chandler and I just really needed…sex… ."

She winced, hating this. He winced, hating this.

"Joey answered," she rushed on, wishing confession time was over, "so the decision was made. I knew he would do 'it' without any questions. I'd just be another name on a very long list and last night I was fine with that. It's not my usual style, not what I'd ever usually want but I was just so depressed and feeling so blah and that was the way I chose to deal with it. My vice. I knew he would just give me sex and that's all I wanted just then...if it had been you that answered…it wouldn't have been that easy…"

"How do you mean?" he croaked when she didn't continue. He was not sure if he wanted to try and understand her meaning or not. Every thought being processed was taking that extra bit of effort for his exhausted brain to figure out. Whilst part of him was desperate to understand her meaning the larger part of him just begged him to give into sleep and worry about everything later.

"We're best friends, we have a connection that I've never had with anyone else; not even Rachel," she admitted quietly. "If I'd turned up at your door, drunk, wanting sex, you wouldn't have agreed. You would have just tried to make me feel better, cheered me up with jokes and hugs…like you always do."

"Says who?"

"I know you Chandler," she insisted, "admittedly, I realize now that I didn't quite know everything about you, but I knew you'd treat me with respect and wouldn't want to risk our friendship. You would have thought of it as taking advantage of me. Even knowing what I know now, I still know you and know you wouldn't have wanted it like that."

"What do you know now?" he asked quietly, his hand pinched the bridge of his nose as he waited in dread. He needed to know how much she'd picked up on; he expected but needed to know for sure.

"That I've hurt you badly," she whispered pained. He could hear tears in her voice and hated that it was because of him. Because he had fallen in love with her without her permission. It wasn't fair she was hurting too.

"That's not your fault," he whispered fiercely. "You never asked for this."

No one had.

"I know," she said softly, "but if I'd known how you felt Chandler, I'd never have gone looking like that. I wouldn't have done that to you."

"You don't have to promise that, Mon," he sighed, his throat catching, "this is my problem not yours."

"How can you say that?" she asked disbelieving.

"Because it's the truth," he informed her harshly. "You never asked me to fall for you, so it's not fair to expect you to try and sort this out or do anything differently. It's my fault, my own doing."

It went silent for a moment. The only sounds coming from the distant London hum rising up from the street below. He tried to get a grip on his emotions. He felt awful, sick, his body protesting at still being awake. He really wished he wasn't having the most important and intimate conversation of his life when feeling this utterly drained and exhausted.

"Did you mean to fall in love with me?" she asked bravely.

"God, no," he answered quickly. Right now he'd do anything to not to be in love with this woman.

"Then it's no one's fault," she pointed out, "I'm just so sorry you got hurt by all this."

Everyone had been hurt by this. Hurt by this stupid wedding in this stupid country.

"I'll be ok," he eventually whispered, hoping it was true. He could feel his body starting to shake slightly. He was losing the battle to stay conscious, his mind becoming more and more cloudy. Yet he needed to ask again, to be certain of something in amongst the confusion. "You really didn't sleep with him?"

"No."

Thank god.

"So…you aren't gonna be starting a relationship with him?" he asked hesitantly, possibly more afraid of this answer but he had to ask. He had to know before the exhaustion won out.

"No," she scoffed, "please, can you really see me and Joey in a relationship?"

He had in the nightmare last night, he'd seen every possible horrible outcome.

"That's what you were afraid of?" she guessed gently, "That me and Joey would get together?"

He nodded into the pillow, despite his headache, not trusting his voice right now, not having the energy to speak.

"Oh Chandler," he felt the bed move and struggled to open his heavy eyes. He was surprised to see her face so close to his. She was now lying next to him her body parallel to him. "I can see why that would hurt you," she whispered, staring openly and honestly into his eyes. "But I promise you, me and Joey didn't sleep together, will never sleep together and will never be in a relationship with one another."

He closed his eyes as he tried to control the relief that swept through him. He could feel her fingertips gently tracing the side of his face, carressing his skin.

"I went to the hotel room looking purely for sex," she stated, "if I had to choose between the two of you for a relationship…it would be you every time."

"What?" it took a lot of effort but he opened eyes again frowning. He allowed her to lightly brush away the tears that he hadn't even been aware had been falling silently.

"The only things me and Joey have in common are our like of food and…well you. He cares about you so much and would never knowingly hurt you, Chandler."

"I know," he breathed. He knew that.

"But 'us', I could see that…I could see that working."

"Really?" he was over-tired, over-emotional and very confused. His brain unable to keep up with the change in conversation. Was she trying to say she wanted to be in a relationship with him or just trying to reassure him that on some hypothetical level, at least, she would choose him over Joey? He wasn't sure and his heart was too damaged to try and hope.

"How long have you liked me?" she asked.

"A long time," he confessed still confused.

"I wished you'd clued me in," she smiled, her hands caressing his face again, her eyes filled with unshed tears, "we could have avoided all this."

"I'm sorry," he didn't know what else to say, his weary brain unable to take it all in. He still couldn't fully understand what was going on but she was here talking to him. She was here with him. She hadn't slept with Joey.

"Don't be sorry," she whispered, her hands cupping his cheek.

He swallowed, still not fully comprehending the situation when she leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. She pulled back before he'd even registered what was happening. What was happening?

"Did you get any sleep last night?" she asked, studying him closely.

"I don't think so," he admitted, frowning slightly as his headache starting pounding with full force.

"Try and get some sleep, sweetie," she got up from the bed and he watched her from drooping eyelids. "I need to head back to the reception or my parents will kill me. Go to sleep and we can talk more in a bit, when you're more awake. That ok?"

He nodded, still utterly confused but he knew that sleep sounded good. Very good.

She was standing by the side of his bed, looking down at him with an expression that he couldn't figure out. She leaned forward and kissed his forehead softly, her lips lingering as her hand gently stroked his ruffled hair.

"Sleep well, Chandler," she whispered.

He watched her grab her purse and coat and turn towards the door.

"Mon," he called and she paused and waited patiently as he tried to form words through the fog, "look after Rachel, she's hurting too."

She came back over to him and he could see her tears, "I will," she promised, squeezing his shoulder and placing another butterfly kiss against his temple. "I'll look after her, I promise, and you look after you and get some sleep, ok?"

He nodded gently closing his eyes. It felt good. He was asleep before she left the room.

TBC...

A/N- don't worry if you're as confused as Chandler right now. There's more explanations to come. Thanks again so much for all the reviews.