Chapter 21: Questions of Purpose
As Emi saw the enemy Panzer IV unharmed as the game ended in Rinkai's defeat, her gunner turned to her, her expression displaying remorse, shame and a hint of fear.
"I'm sorry, Emi," the gunner said, as she saw where her shot had landed.
Emi shook her head, remembering how the practice match she had with Maho's team had ended. Back then, she'd been determined to win, a sentiment that she believed Miho had not shared, but was ultimately able to accept her loss against the more experienced crew.
"Nah, it's ok," Emi said. "This isn't the first time a friend of mine has missed a difficult shot against a Nishizumi. I can't speak for the others, but I don't see any reason to complain about losing fair and square."
The gunner sighed in relief. As a first-year, she would have more chances to perform for the team in the future. She hoped that someday, she would have another chance to make a shot to save the team, and she would succeed when that time came, making up for this failure.
Emi, despite having come to the end of the final tournament she would participate in during her high school career, was satisfied with the outcome. She had gotten what she came for; a first-hand look at the skills Miho had developed over her years apart from Emi, and the unique tankery style that she had made for herself in the last two years. While a part of her felt disappointment in her inability to win with her friends, she took solace in the fact that Miho had won with hers.
"Well, Satoha, you did say that you anticipated the possibility of this happening," Emi thought. "I can't speak for the others, but I don't think it's such a bad thing in the grand scheme of things."
Some distance away, Nelly sat, with the SU-100's barrel trained on the Char B1 Bis, but unable to fire. The flag tank rule was new to her, as she had been exclusively participating in annihilation matches in Georgia, but she was familiar enough with it to know what the loss of Emi's tank meant for her team.
Nelly couldn't help but feel frustrated on some level. She took her tankery matches seriously, especially when she had reasons worth fighting for. She supported her school's mission and felt as though she had let them down on some level.
Still, in spite of her need to succeed, it had been fun getting this far. Back home in Georgia, she had done well in the tournament, but had always wondered if she was a large fish in a small pond. Coming to Japan meant that she had to face enemies that were more put-together than those back home, but also had more of a challenge.
Oarai had grown a great deal since their return to tankery. Perhaps the same could happen to Rinkai. Perhaps the same could happen to Nelly herself. Her high school tankery career had just begun,
On the side of the field, Satoha watched with Myeonghwa and the other defeated Rinkai commanders.
"That was some impressive effort at the end," Myeonghwa said. "Reizei-san is quite a good driver."
Satoha nodded.
"Emi also started out as a driver in a Panzer IV," Satoha said, "and even she was impressed with Reizei-san. She hates false praise more than anything, so when she gives a compliment to someone else, she means it."
"I know," Myeonghwa said. "Emi did her best, too, although I'm not sure how to say that without her believing that I am pitying her."
"Maybe you don't need to say anything in particular, Myeonghwa," Satoha said. "Just welcome her back and be there for her, as you would anyone else on this team."
As the Dragon Wagon hauled Emi's disabled tank back, and she disembarked to rejoin Satoha and the others, Myeonghwa greeted Emi with a smile and a "Welcome back."
Emi responded in kind with a smile, and Myeonghwa nodded, pleased. Perhaps there were some simple ways of communications that went beyond the language barrier and the differing cultures of various cultures. Perhaps people could, on some level, come to an inherent understanding of one another.
After the match ended, both sides came together and exchanged bows.
"Congratulations, Miho," Emi said. "There was a time when I looked down on Japanese tankers as inferior to German ones, but you've managed to show me your and your country's strength, as well as how far you've come since we parted ways."
"Thank you, Emi-chan," Miho said. "But how do you and Tsujigaito-san feel about this match?"
"I really can't complain about the outcome," Satoha said. "Emi and I did win last year, after all, and many of us won in our home countries, as well. We want to do well for our school, but don't want to set the bar too high."
"I understand your perspective, but what about us?" Miho said. "We had to win the first championship, or otherwise our first effort in two decades would have been our last. Does this make it necessary for us to keep winning in the future?"
"Not necessarily," Satoha said. "Teams have good years and bad years, and next year, it's possible that neither of us will do as well as we did this time. It may take more than what we've accomplished so far for either of our teams to become well-established, but we shouldn't see an off year as a failure any more than St. Gloriana should this year."
Miho remembered that St. Gloriana's defeat in the first round had been quite a shock to them- the school was not on Black Forst's level, but generally did not lose immediately unless they had a strong opponent. St. Gloriana was in the process of redoubling their efforts for next year, and Miho realized that perhaps, some time in the future, Oarai would one day suffer a humiliating loss and be forced to improve itself.
"In any case, your performance was one befitting the defending champions, and I hope we presented a worthy challenge to you," Satoha said, extending her hand for a handshake.
Miho smiled as she shook Satoha's hand.
"You did," Miho said with a smile. "We've always been used to being outnumbered and outgunned, but this was especially difficult even for that. We might have lost if it had been the finals, and you had an additional five tanks to bring to bear against us."
"I'm glad to hear that," Satoha said. "But be warned- your next opponent will be a school that has also won the championship before, and will likely be significantly more difficult for you to defeat. Your success against Black Forest was impressive, but you may not be able to repeat it this time if they are your opponents once again."
"I agree with Satoha," Emi said, "but while I think the odds are steep, they're not insurmountable. You might be meek, Miho, but you've always stuck to your guns even when things are difficult, and you're skilled enough that you can overcome them. So I won't stand for you getting nervous or giving up now that you've come this far."
"I'll do what I can, Emi-chan," Miho said. "I learned a great deal about determination and finding my own way from you, after all."
With a smile and a wave, the two old friends went back to their respective teams as they prepared to head back to school. They would be apart for some time, but they were in contact once again, so they would hear from each other soon.
In the stands, Chihiro and Hitomi watched the closing ceremonies.
"Miho-chan and Emi-chan have really come a long way since the summer we spent together," Hitomi said.
"All of us have, Hii-chan," Chihiro said. "It's because we stuck with our passions, and gave our all toward improving ourselves."
Hitomi nodded. Despite knowing little about soccer apart from the basic rules, she noticed that Chihiro had greatly improved, becoming faster, better coordinated and more able to work together with her teammates. Perhaps Hitomi could have played alongside Chihiro if she had stuck with it, but while she was glad she was able to commit herself to her pursuits, she was also satisfied with tankery.
"Yeah, I think that's true," Hitomi said. "I might not have gotten as far as they did, but the process was worthwhile. I'm glad I stuck with tankery as long as I did, and I'll stay with it as long as I can. Maybe I'll catch up with them, or at least get good enough for them to acknowledge me."
Chihiro nodded. A part of her wished that the four of them could do tankery together, just like old times. Another part, however, realized that just as she had made friends on her soccer team, Miho, Hitomi and Emi made friends at their respective schools' tankery teams.
"Let's start heading back," Chihiro said. "We'll send our congratulations to Miho and let Emi know we enjoyed watching her match."
Maho and Shiho finished watching the match, with subdued satisfaction at the outcome.
"So Oarai managed to pull through in the end," Maho said. "In spite of Rinkai's advantages, I always believed that Miho could prevail."
Shiho nodded. Her faith in Miho's style was not absolute, and she had hoped that Black Forest would defeat Rinkai, but she realized that Miho could overcome the odds.
"That seems reasonable," Shiho said. "What would you suppose the difference between Oarai and Rinkai is, Maho?"
"I believe there are a few, Mother," Maho said. "For one, Oarai seems more used to working together. The Rinkai tankers are skilled, experienced and disciplined, but they also haven't worked with each other as long."
"A fair point," Shiho said. "The Nishizumi school's training may be above all others, but there's no substitute for experience."
Maho nodded in agreement. Her mother's training had been harsh, but it had prepared Maho to meet Shiho's expectations, and had given Miho a certain amount of background in tankery, which she then built off of while finding her own style.
"Another reason is that I don't think any of them have faced an opponent quite like Miho before," Maho said. "Their schools are often the top of the line, but none of them have quite the same advantage over others that Oarai's competitors did. They had faced opponents on even ground before, so they weren't prepared to face an opponent that was used to dealing with being outnumbered."
"But Black Forest has faced Oarai before," Shiho said. "Let's hope Erika and the others have learned something from last year when they face Oarai."
"If they face Oarai, Mother," Maho said. "They still must defeat Pravda first."
"True, but winning against Pravda, while not necessarily guaranteed, is well within Black Forest's ability," Shiho said. "The students at our alma mater realize what defeat means to us, and are striving to win to avoid having to face this humiliation again."
"Perhaps," Maho said. "At the same time, Pravda had a taste of victory, before they learned of the circumstances under which they won. There are still those who remember that feeling from two years ago, and are willing to make the most of their last chance to win for their school."
Shiho, who had won the tournament all three years in high school, was tempted to dismiss that perspective as one of a loser. But over the course of the past two years, she had come to realize that times were changing, and she could no longer be so certain of her alma mater, even as it went up against an enemy that it had defeated many times before, and an opponent that it outgunned.
"Given the circumstances under which you've fought, Miho, I suppose you've never been very certain of your chances," Shiho thought. "I had once thought that to be unsuitable for the daughter of the nation's foremost tankery family, but it may well be befitting the leader of a group of underdogs."
After the closing ceremonies ended, the two teams met to say their goodbyes and exchange contact information, hoping that this would not be the last time they met or spoke.
"So I suppose this is goodbye for now," Mako said to Myeonghwa, as members of both teams mingled together.
"Indeed," Myeonghwa said. "But I'll be looking forward to seeing your school in the finals. Mom might not be able to see my school compete, but I'm sure the school that defeated us will do well in the finals, giving her a good match that we can watch together."
Myeongwha paused slightly, wondering if now was the time to become more familiar with Mako. It seemed slightly awkward to be addressing her so formally when they were about to enter into regular contact. Of course, Myeonghwa conceded that she had different standards of formality than Mako did; back in France, she called one of her friends' older brother by his first name, despite only meeting the older boy on a handful of occasions.
But then, almost on cue, Myeongwha imagined Emi talking to her inside her mind, saying, "What's the harm in just asking Reizei-san? The worst she could do is say no." Emi was always of the "better to beg forgiveness than ask permission" mindset, and while she did warn Myeonghwa that she often got in trouble as a result of it, Myeonghwa always admired that bit of confidence that fueled it.
"Ah, and... do you mind if I call you Mako?" Myeongwha said.
"Sure thing," Mako said. "I'm not the biggest stickler for manners, so you needn't worry about being judged too stringently for how well you adhere to Japanese culture or standards of etiquette, Myeongwha."
"I'm glad you understand, Mako," Myeonghwa said. "Let's exchange contact information."
Mako gave Myeonghwa her cell phone number, and Myeonghwa entered it into her phone's list of contacts as she opened her phone, with the entry added to the "Friends" folder below several of Myeonghwa's teammates. As Mako turned her own phone on, she saw a missed call from an unknown number. She ignored it for the moment, before Myeonghwa's contact information.
Seconds later, Mako's phone rang. Mako, upon hearing the sound, chuckled slightly, as Myeonghwa looked around to see whose phone it was.
"Looks like it's my turn to be the one whose phone interrupted the conversation," Mako said.
"Please feel free to take it," Myeonghwa said. "It might be your grandmother, calling to congratulate you."
Myeonghwa's mother tended to call her after each of her victories to congratulate her. If she was defeated, her mother would wait a little while to give her some space, but would eventually call her to console her. While Mako's grandmother was more hesitant to openly praise her, Mako believed Myeonghwa's guess was good, until she saw the caller ID.
"The thing is, I don't know who it is this time" Mako thought as she pressed the button to take the call and lifted the phone to her ear. "Hello?" Mako said.
"Hello, Reizei Mako-san?" the caller, a middle-aged man whose voice Mako did not recognize, said.
"It's me," Mako said. "May I ask who's calling?"
"My name is Dr. Takeba Yusuke,"the doctor said, "I hope I'm not getting you at a bad time."
A chill went through Mako, and she wanted to say "There's never a good time for news like this," but she realized that blaming the doctor would accomplish nothing.
"No," Mako said. "My school just won the semifinals of the tankery tournament. We're getting our tanks loaded up onto the ship, but I can spare a few minutes."
"I see," Yusuke said. "I'd like to congratulate you, but the reason for my call is less than celebratory. It's about your grandmother."
Mako barely heard the rest of what the doctor had to say, as only the words "suffered a stroke" registered to her. Mako had a somewhat good grasp of medical terminology for a girl her age who had not studied medicine, but somehow, her mind failed to process all this information.
"Could you please get to the point, Doctor?" Mako said, her voice carrying an uncharacteristic urgency that surprised even Myeonghwa and brought the rest of Anglerfish Team running once they heard it. "Is my grandma alright?"
"I'm very sorry, Reizei-san," Yusuke said. "Your grandmother is dead."
"Wh-what are you talking about?" Mako said. "How could she be dead? She said she'd hold on until I became independent!" Then, almost as if she had forgotten who she was talking to, she added, "Damn it, Grandma! You always said you'd bounce back from stuff like this! How dare you lie to me!"
The rest of Anglerfish Team immediately understood what was going on, but remained silent for the moment.
"Again, Reizei-san, I would like to express my most sincere condolences for your loss," the doctor said. "There is some business relating to your grandmother's passing that needs to be addressed, but it seems now is not the best time, in several ways."
"No kidding..." Mako said bitterly as a tear slid down her face."
"In that case, I'll give you my contact information," the doctor said, and proceeded to do so. "I hope to hear from you soon."
"I'll be in touch," Mako said. "Goodbye."
Mako then hung up.
"Grandma's dead," Mako said, without preamble, as tears began streaming down her face.
A somber silence descended on Anglerfish Team, and as they moved to comfort Mako, they remembered what had happened after the first match of the last tournament. Back then, Mako had been driven by the overwhelming urge to reach her grandmother as quickly as possible. Back then, Mako that even if she could do nothing for her as she was, she could, in the worst case scenario, be there for her in her final moments.
But now, Hisako's death had come so suddenly, far earlier than Mako had hoped or even expected, and there was now nothing left for her to do for her. Her desperation was released with a quiet sense of grief and despair, and she felt unable to do anything more than stand there, weeping, in the company of her friends.
In the days and weeks ahead, Mako would likely have to deal with business related to her now deceased grandmother, but all that was finished, what was left for her? Now that she had lost the goal she had been trying so far all those years, what would she aim to accomplish now, and for whose sake would she devote her efforts? Finding those answers would not be an easy process, but Mako believed that, as she was now, even the first step was beyond her.
"It seems that, even after all those years, I, on some level, counted on my grandma to always be there for me," Mako thought. "Have I learned anything at all since my parents died?
As the Rinkai school ship pulled out to sea, Myeonghwa looked out at Oarai's ship, which was leaving as well on its own course. She let out a soft sigh, one that was audible to her friends nearby even if she did not notice them herself. Emi, who had come to fetch her once they were ready, was the only one who knew what was on her mind.
"You seem fairly glum, Myeonghwa," Nelly said. "In my opinion, we did pretty well in spite of losing, so what's got you down?"
"It's something I heard after the match, Nelly," Myeonghwa said. "Reizei Mako, my... one of the members of the Oarai team... had a death in the family during the match. To make matters worst, she lost the only family she had left."
Nelly, having heard Myeonghwa's story, nodded her head in understanding.
"I understand," Nelly said. "But what did you say she was to you?"
"I'd like to say, 'friend,' but I'm not sure if I can just yet," Myeonghwa said. "But so far I like her, and I'd like to get to know her. And now that she's grieving, I'd like to comfort her however I can."
"I think we could do that," Nelly said. "The coach considered the possibility of us losing, and we're planning on having exhibition matches with other schools later this year to continue to build our team up."
"I know," Myeonghwa said, realizing that those plans were for her benefit, as well as her yearmates and her juniors, like Nelly. Even though the third-years were graduating, they, particularly Satoha and Emi, who had come up with the plan alongside Alexandra, still hoped for the team's success and were invested in improving Rinkai's performance in tankery in years to come.
"But even with that, our classes and our homework, we're not completely booked solid," Nelly said. "I think we can spare a little time for a couple of our members to pay a visit to Oarai Academy."
Author's Notes
Next up will be an interlude focusing on Mako, less to reveal her past and more to show its significance to her, similar to Maho's Interlude in the original fic. In this case, the question is simple, and one referenced by the chapter title. What goal does she have to work for now that she has lost her last remaining family member?