Fear landscapes are interesting. They give you an insight into the creeping fears that torment them, their worst secrets and more.
Some instructors bet on how many fears the initiates will have. The lowest number ever is eight, I think. She was Dauntless-born, of course.
I have twelve. A very good number. But to be quite honest, I'd rather jump into the chasm than face my fears again.
I know no one's going to beat eight fears. No one had beat twelve, Eric's fears. And I know that no one will, seeing as the Stiff is the only one left.
He's the last one here. I saw him cowering against the back wall every time someone was selected. I was kinder than most instructors would be. I decided to choose him last. He deserves privacy, facing his fears. God knows what they'll be.
Mia walks out of the room, exhausted. Everyone is probably exhausted by now. Cut your hand open with a knife, run onto a train without it stopping, jump onto a seven storeys up building, leap off said seven storeys up building, and stare down your worst fears in one day. It is pretty exhausting.
This year is the first year we're doing fear landscapes first. Max insisted on it, saying it would make an interesting change, and of course the other leaders and instructors had to agree. I highly doubt that it would make a difference. Why would knowing your fears do anything except scare you? But I'm the youngest instructor on the team, who am I to protest?
I shake my head to clear my thoughts. I have a tendency to do that.
'Just you and me, Stiff. Come on, let's get this over with.'
We both look at the last syringe on the table. I have no idea what's going through his mind, but I'd give anything to know.
And to be honest, I just want to get this over with. Yes, I love simulations, but watching someone trained for a life of peace face their worst fears for the first time is not an experience I like.
I push the needle into his neck. He barely reacts.
I can't help thinking that despite the fact he's a Stiff, he looks strong. There's fear in his eyes, but he's tall and has his fists clenched with the manner of someone who wants to do well. His hand is still bleeding from the Choosing Ceremony - he's going to have one hell of a scar there.
He walks unsteadily into the room. Not under the serum yet. Stronger than many other initiates.
Almost as if hearing my thoughts, he straightens up and I'm surprised by the raw determination there before the serum pulls both of us under.
His first fear is heights. It's the tower we jumped off after the train. Now I understand why he looked so scared.
I wonder how he'll face his fear. Jump? Try to calm down?
He tries to back away. The building doesn't let him. It grows higher. The wind picks up, as does his heart rate. Then he takes a step forward.
I hear him very faintly: 'A Stiff pancake,' and know he's remembering the real ledge, the real jump.
He shakes out his hands, screams into his teeth. His heart rate peaks…
…and he drops, flying for half a minute or more before hitting the ground with a sickening sound of impact. He stands up, shaking out his hands again.
Suddenly something hits his back. A wall. Then another wall appears. And another, and one more. Then one on top, and he's in a box.
Oh, God, not another claustrophobic initiate. There are way too many of those here. Claustrophobia is so common it's the only fear that actually has a name. Tori told me that when she was in Erudite, they learned that there used to be a word for every fear, ending with phobia, a word in a language used thousands and thousands of years ago. But that language died out a very long time ago.
This isn't an ordinary box. It's a cupboard, an under-the-stairs cupboard. He sits in it, shocked into silence. His heart rate gradually picks up as his sharp intake of breath tells me he knows exactly where this cupboard is. He bites his lip. Blood springs up instantly, but he doesn't react at all. His shoulders shake slightly and I know he's trying not to cry.
Suddenly, his heart rate peaks again. He suddenly snaps. Slamming his hands against the wall, trying to force his way out. He hits the box hard, but it doesn't budge.
I hate watching him panic. It feels strange, seeing him so vulnerable. And besides, if he does this for each fear we're going to be here a very long time. My hand aches to press the button that forces the simulation to move on. But I don't. The simulation will move when it's ready. Instead, I call, 'Think it through, Stiff!'
He goes silent. Perhaps my using of the word 'Stiff' ruffled him, or maybe he's just figured that this is a simulation. I don't blame him for being terrified, but he needs to learn how to think in the midst of fear.
He bends down and the box moves with him until he can't straighten up. At first I think he's trying to face his fear, but then he picks up a crowbar from nowhere and, with a huge effort, forces the sides of the box apart.
Then a different room appears, with a woman. She is dressed in white, not from any faction, and looks about Tori's age. The Stiff is still taking deep breaths from the box. He moves uncertainly towards her. A table materialises with a gun and a bullet. By the look he gives it, he didn't make it himself.
'Who are you?' he asks uneasily. So he doesn't know her. She says nothing, staring at him with the brightest green eyes I've ever seen.
He catches on before I do, and picks up the gun. His heart rate spikes as he figures what he has to do.
Then I realise. He has to shoot the woman.
I watch him fumble with the bullet for a few seconds, before sliding it into the chamber. Then he presses the gun to the woman's head and her eyes fill with tears.
'I'm sorry,' he murmurs, and shoots.
The simulation takes a few moments to move on. In that time, his heart rate builds until it's as high as the roof in his first fear.
This is strange. Some initiates know their fears, but I wouldn't expect him to have much of an awareness of his own fears. He seems certain of what's coming next. But this is only the fourth fear. Why would he be so scared?
I see gray shoes pacing at the edge of the room. Abnegation?
Then someone steps into the centre of this strange, empty room. I recognise him as a monstrous version of Marcus Eaton, the government council representative.
Why is the Stiff scared of a council representative?
Then another Marcus comes, and another, until the whole circle is filled with them. Their mouths gaping, their heads at angles. This is enough to be scared of, but I know, somehow, that there's more to this fear than just these strange Marcuses.
The Stiff clenches his fists. Marcus slides his belt out, and I watch it turn into a barbed metal rope. The other Marcuses follow suit. All of them draw back their ropes. I watch him scream, cowering back. He falls to his knees and draws them up to his head as the belts hit him again and again and again. He screams again as the belts scrape him, blood springing up…
I hear echoing voices. Yelling, screaming, shouting, but not from him. The voices, coming from Marcus, overlap each other in a screaming frenzy. 'This is for your own good…I will not have self-indulgent behaviour in my house…I did not raise my son to be a liar…'
His son?
Then it clicks.
This is the Stiff's father.
I know, without really knowing, that this is not just a fear. It's a memory.
Suddenly the voices start to fade away. He straightens up. One by one the Marcuses fade away, until they disappear completely.
I brace myself for the next fear…
…but there isn't one. The simulation has ended.
What? Is there a glitch in the system? I tap the screen, but it only comes up with the message you get at the end: No more fears. Please terminate program.
I walk towards him. He tenses up, probably expecting another fear. I offer him my hand, then pull him up. He doesn't meet my eyes, and I know he's thinking of his father.
'That's all there is? God, Stiff,' I say. 'We should come up with another name for you. Something tougher than Stiff. Like Blade or Killer or something.' I'm careful to keep my voice casual.
He smiles wanly. I try not to look at him with too much pity.
'I wouldn't want to tell people my name either,' I say. At first, I didn't understand why he didn't want to give his name. But now I know. Who would want to be associated with Marcus Eaton after all that he's been through?
I smile, trying to cheer him up. 'Come on, let's get some food.'
A/N: Oops, long chapter. It was supposed to be shorter, but it just kind of…happened. Fair warning: chapters may or may not get longer. Long enough that this length won't be completely abnormal. Also, the title refers to the fact that before he proved himself by having only four fears, Tobias was underestimated, just thought of to be a Stiff who won't survive initiation.
So I did manage to get in a double update! Woop! I'm halfway through typing the next chapter. My system is to write them in my notebook and then type them, because when the muse strikes I don't usually have access to a computer.
Anyway, what about reviewing? Tell me what you think? Pleeaase?
