Announcer: Ladies anddddd Gentlemen! Welcome to the public torture of everyone's favorite not-that-well-known Fanfic writer… Ninjaholic!

Bloodthirsty crowd: *Erupts in joy and cheers as they obviously get off on this. Probably.*

Fanfic Writer: Wait what the hell? How did you guys tie me to this pole? Why am I in a stadium? The only thing I remember was sleeping in my English class!

Announcer: Let's just say… Your English teacher just really hates you, Ninjaholic!

Fanfic Writer: First of all, my name's Patrick and… Yeah! She really does! But why am I here? I did nothing to you guys!

Announcer: Exactly! You've been gone for most of the year, if not all of it! With not one chapter to satisfy the fans of this series! Now we shall dismember you, starting with your actual member!

Pissed off female fan #1: Feed it to the dogs!

Pissed off male fan #1: Tear it off slowly!

Pissed off male fan #2: What the fuck is a member?

Mildly annoyed male fan#3: It's his penis, Dick-brain.

Pissed off male fan #2: Youre a dick-brain!

Fanfic Writer: Hang on, hang on! Before we start ripping off sausages like its Christmas in Germany… I'm really sorry? I kinda have a lot of stuff to do in my life and writing comes second to all that? Plus I have that other Fallout series that I really want to work on and flesh out more? Oh and I edited chapter 1 so it has more jokes and meat to it. For you guys!

Crowd and Announcer: Ohhhhhhhh. Okay then. *Leaves stadium*

Fanfic Writer: Okay then. Umm can someone help me down from here…? Guys? GUYS!

So, before I start the chapter. I want to show appreciation to you guys for sticking with me for this long (3-4 years of sex jokes! Woooo! :D). In all seriousness, I'm going to show my appreciation by responding to some of you guys' reviews from the last chapter. Also, I apologize for anyone I leave out, I'll respond to them at a later chapter, hopefully. Leave a review if you can please! Now, on with the responses!

To cally777- I am so happy that you decided to give this fic a second chance and that you're enjoying it. For that I humbly thank you. You are a gentleman and a scholar .

To and so on and so forth etc- "Jesus shit nuggets" sound absolutely amazing, you should let me try some :D. I'm glad that you found my fic funny.

To CharmedxTrance- I completely agree with you, I always find myself lost reading a great FanFic whenever I'm trying to write my own. And hey, everybody's opinion matters to me… except unicorns, those guys can go f*ck themselves xD

To Kumoko235- I'm glad that someone gets the overall formula, or at least part of it lol. I'm glad you like the fic!

"Rock… Rock… Rock…Giant Radscorpion!"

"Maggie, for the last time, we are not going to play the ghetto wasteland version of Duck, duck, goose!" I angrily called over my shoulder as Billy Creel and I rained bullets down at the giant radscorpion.

It wasn't even five minutes of leaving Megaton when Maggie started getting really, really irritating. Not just because I was constantly paranoid that she'd go into The Ring mode again and start playing hopscotch using my organs, but also because by the time she finished singing "900 bottles of nuka cola on the wall" I was about ready to shove a Fat Boy down somebody's throat and pull the trigger. But… Even with all that stuff, I still loved the kid, hey she's adorable! Give me some slack!

"Aww, leave her alone, Lone." Billy called from the front of the caravan. "She's just trying to have some fun."

"Billy, word of advice: taking a child to a soon-to-be war-zone is never fun!" I angrily shouted as I primed a grenade and threw it behind me towards the general direction of the Giant Radscorpion that we just shot down.

I wonder if it hit it I wondered before I was answered by an explosion that was soon followed by a bunch Radscorpion body parts raining down around me. Fuck. Yea.

As our rag tag war caravan slowly made our way through the Wasteland to get to The Republic of Dave, braving small groups of raiders, pairs of Yao Guai, random crazy robots, and the occasional talon company mercs that we pass by, we apparently piss them off for some reason…

"That armor is soooooo last season." I dryly commented to a group of Talon Company mercs that we were walking by.

"You did NOT just say that to my face!" A male member screamed out shrilly as he and his squad raised their weapons.

"Dammit, Lone! You forgot to tell them that their hair colors don't match their skin tones at all!" Billy yelled out as he un-holstered his assault rifle and let loose a barrage of bullets.

… See? No reason whatsoever.

Anyway, suffice to say, we were a pretty kick ass team. Billy always hung back at took guys down at a distance, or provided cover fire while I got up close and personal with our enemies, shooting them up close with either my shotgun or pistol, or just straight up stabbing and slicing them with my new combat knife that I got off a dead raider. Maggie and Commander Cobra, our armored pack Brahmin, would always use themselves as distractions, bullets would always harmlessly bounced off Maggie and nothing could pierce Commander Cobra's armor. Plus we had plenty of ammunition that we looted from our dead foes.

The Republic of Dave was ours for the taking.

"Hey, Billy!" I called as I ran up to him, eventually catching up and walking side by side with him. It was nighttime so it was hard to see anything. "What exactly is our game plan here? I mean I know The Republic of Dave isn't exactly known for having a strong military and stuff. But we can't just go in there guns blazing!"

Billy raised his eyebrows. "Why not? It worked for us before."

"There's civilians and children there too, Billy." I said solemnly. I could feel my eyes narrow. "We can't risk hurting them, man."

"Gotcha, bro." Billy replied, giving me a thumbs up and a grin. "Let's survey the town and wait and see see what we can come up with."

"Looks like we won't have to wait long. We're here." I said, seeing lights of nearby small settlement not that far in the distance.

"Good morning, Stupid Name!" Maggie yelled out gleefully as she jumped up and hugged me.

I smiled and ruffled her hair. "And a good morning to you, Mags. Sleep well?"

"Hmm… No not really, I kept dreaming about seeing myself stabbing you mercilessly while you were sleeping. Except I had demonic red eyes." She said, clearly confused. "What does that mean?"

I felt a chill as cold as the arctic north creep up my spine. "No idea, Mags. Hey why don't you take Commander Cobra for walk? Don't go too far okay?"

"Aw, okay." Maggie said in disappointment, climbing onto and ushering the heavily armed Brahmin. "Come on, Captain Cobra."

"That's Commander Cobra, Maggie!" I called out to her as she and Commander Cobra trotted away. "He hasn't been promoted yet!"

We all camped out on a cliff nearby The Republic. It allowed us a safe place to sleep and a good vantage point to spy on the "country" that we would soon conquer.

I walked over to Billy who was scoping out The Republic of Dave with a pair of binoculars. A look of worry was clear on his face.

"What's wrong, Billy?"

"See for yourself." he said as he handed me the binoculars as I crouched down.

At first, I didn't see what he was so worried about, I just saw a small grouping of houses and buildings. But then I looked closer. Raiders. A lot of Raiders. I dont know how I didn't notice them before. They were everywhere in the compound. Some lounging lazily, some patrolling outside of the fence that surrounded The Republic, some were on the roofs of the buildings just keeping a lookout or playing cards or something. All armed. Good thing they didn't have binoculars.

"I counted at least 20 of them, Lone…" Billy said gravely, shaking a little. "I didn't see this coming at all… Maybe we should just turn bac-"

"After coming this far, Billy?" I interrupted him, standing up and dusting my combat armor leggings. "No way. Our goal is right in front of us and we're just gonna turn back just because of some raiders?"

"B-but we're not high enough level for this!" Billy stammered.

I grinned mischievously. "We don't have to be."

I whispered my plan to him. Which caused his eyes to shoot up in surprise and fear.

"… You wouldn't." He whispered.

"But I would!" I laughed maniacally.

"I mean we have one at least, so this plan of yours has a chance of working."

"Show it to me." I said, my eyes no doubt gleaming with either joy or sadism. I couldn't even tell anymore.

Billy sighed, but went up and grabbed a huge bag that was next to his sleeping bag. He slowly pulled it out from the bag, making a big show out of it, being all slow and dramatic. I had to admit, for this kind of thing, it was worth it. There it was, sleek yet slightly rusty, it looked like it could take out an old war tank.

I pumped my fist up in the air, "Wooooo! Rocket launcher!"

"It's called a Missile launcher actual-" Billy tried to correct.

"Who cares! Better than nothing! Billy… I'm going to need you to keep an eye on things" I said urgently.

"…" he responded as a deathly silence followed.

"Do you see what I did there…?"

"…"

"Get it? Y'know, cause you have an eye patch and-"

"I get it, Lone." He said with barely contained rage. "Now go over there!"

I ran down the hill towards The Republic, giggling a little once in a while at my super special awesome plan. This was gonna be fun!