Chapter 3:

Lexa stood and walked over to the bed where she sat. Clarke tried to move uneasily away from her, but the bed was small and there was nowhere to go. Lexa half-smiled. Clarke shifted herself so she was sitting up and she watched as Lexa pulled out a knife. She tried not to flinch, but there was worry in her eyes.

"You think I'm going to hurt you?" Lexa sounded concerned that Clarke would believe that.

"I don't know." Clarke responded.

Lexa reached over and leaned in. The knife went around Clarke's back and she felt the ropes binding her hands give way. She was free.

"Yes, you do." Lexa replied and leaned back to look at the other girl.

"Not anymore." Clarke rubbed her wrists as if that would help with the pain.

"Our healer can help with your injuries. I'll send for her and have her meet us." Lexa stood.

"I'm fine." Clarke was definitely stubborn.

"Your ankle needs attention, Clarke. Can you walk?"

"Why? I'm not going anywhere."

"You're not staying here, Clarke. Come on." Lexa tried to help her up, but Clarke put out her hand.
"I can stand on my own."

"Okay." Lexa replied.

She opened the door and Clarke walked through it and past her. Lexa motioned for her to follow. Clarke limped less since she rested her foot, but the ankle was still in pain. She watched as Lexa walked in front of her until they were out of the house. The guard remained in the house. It was then that Clarke knew if she wanted to leave, Lexa would let her. She considered asking, but knew she wasn't in any condition to leave. Her ankle and head both still hurt, she was starving and had no supplies. The street was almost empty. Warriors lined most of the buildings keeping guard and there were lanterns lighting paths down what Clarke would call alleys off the main capital street.

Lexa slowed her pace and began walking beside Clarke instead. She occasionally looked over trying to gauge Clarke's reaction and Clarke did the same, but neither of them said anything. They walked down an alley and Clarke could just make out the sound of the river. Of course the city was near a river. They'd need a water source.

"Where are we going, Lexa?" Clarke finally asked when they passed yet another guard. They were getting more and more frequent the further along they walked.

"We're here." Lexa motioned toward a house. Clarke looked at the others surrounding it and it was in the best condition of the others near it. "Come on. You can sleep here." As they approached the front French door, two guards opened them and Lexa took a step in. Clarke followed and Lexa's hand went to the small of her back to help her inside. Clarke decided not to say anything.

"Where are we, Lexa?" Clarke asked when they entered the giant foyer with a staircase immediately ahead.

"We're at the Commander's house."

Clarke looked at her.

"This is your house?"

"We don't always live in tents, Clarke. When war calls for it, it's necessary, but when it doesn't we have homes like this one. Are you hungry?" Lexa asked and turned to look at her. Clarke looked into those deep blue eyes that seemed lighter without the dark makeup Lexa usually has illuminating them.

Clarke didn't want to admit she was starving and had probably lost 5-10 pounds since leaving her camp about a week earlier, but she really didn't have a choice.

"Yes." She admitted reluctantly.

"Come." She followed Lexa into a large kitchen where there was produce sitting on the counter and bread next to it. "Take whatever you want. I'll have the healer here soon." She walked out of the kitchen and Clarke wasn't sure if she was coming back or if she should just start eating. She didn't care to wait and she dove right into the fruit and started tearing at the bread. She was sure she'd never been this hungry. By the time she'd finished nearly an entire loaf of the dense bread, a woman was standing in the doorway of the kitchen next to Lexa.

"Clarke, this is Atami, our healer. She will see to your ankle and any other injuries." Lexa watched as Clarke stared first at Atami and then back at Lexa suspiciously. "You can trust her." Lexa confirmed. Clarke's expression remained the same. Lexa took a step toward her. "The decision was made with my head, not my heart."

It was an echo of her statement at the mountain after she'd betrayed the Sky People in favor of getting the grounders out of the mountain instead. Clarke understood her meaning in this moment even if she still wasn't sure of what it meant the last time Lexa had uttered it. "Atami doesn't speak your language, but she will see you to your room."

"Fine."

Clarke took a piece of fruit for later and walked toward the two women. They parted for her and then Lexa walked both of them to a room on the first floor of the house and ushered them inside. The healer said nothing, but opened a pack she had brought with her and spread out her supplies, which looked like herbs and other items taken from the woods and molded into medicines. There were also wraps and other items mixed in.

"This is your room. You're free to stay here as long as you want." Lexa told her while Clarke sat on the edge of the bed. The healer muttered something to her. "She wants you to lie down." Lexa translated.

Clarke complied and rubbed her wrists again. The healer began her work while Lexa watched from the doorway and spoke only when she translated. Clarke kept her eyes on the healer's hands as she worked and had to admire her skill. She put some kind of rub on her bruised wrists that helped with the pain and irritation. She put a wrap dipped in something on her ankle and the swelling started going down almost immediately relieving much of the pain. It rivaled any of the medication her mother or other ark doctors would be able to provide. When she was done, she gave Clarke a leaf and nodded her head. Clarke held it between her fingers while the healer spoke with Lexa in their shared tongue and then packed her belongings to depart. When they were alone again, Lexa finally walked into the room and sat in a chair next to the bed.

"She wants you to chew on that."

Clarke looked at her and then at the leaf.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes, it's to help with your head. It hurts, doesn't it?"

"Your man hit me over the head with something and dragged me here, so yeah. It hurts." Clarke confirmed and then shoved the leaf into her mouth unceremoniously and started chewing. It tasted like a leaf and something that had been burned to a crisp. She spat it out into a cup after only a few seconds.

"I am sorry, Clarke. That man didn't know who you were. He assumed you were an enemy."

Clarke looked at her.

"Am I?"

Lexa looked back at her thoughtfully.

"I don't want you to be." She stood. "Rest now. There are more leaves next to your bed. If your pain returns, chew on them for more a few seconds, Clarke. I will return in the morning to check on you."

"Am I free to go?" Clarke asked.

Lexa turned back toward her. She appeared to be contemplating how to respond. If anyone knew how stubborn Clarke could be, it was Lexa.

"You are no prisoner, Clarke of the Sky People. If you wish to leave, you may do so at any time. I will not stop you." She left quickly and closed the door behind her. Clarke wasn't sure what to make of that.

She looked over at the pile of nasty leaves on the bedside table and decided not to chew on another one despite the fact that the throbbing in her head had dissipated slightly. She needed more sleep. She ate the piece of fruit she'd taken from the kitchen and rolled over on her side, carefully laying the wrap back on her ankle so it could continue its healing effects.

The nightmares started almost immediately. The dead bodies reappeared. Maya being held by a heartbroken and confused Jasper. Raven on the table screaming for the pain to stop. Her mother doing the same. It was the sound of the bullet hitting Dante that woke her from the terror. She saw his body fall and jutted out of bed.

"Are you okay?" It was Lexa's voice. She jumped out of the chair at the same time Clarke woke. She ran to the bed and sat down next to Clarke who was sweating and breathing heavily. "Clarke?"

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay." Lexa explained. She held her hand up to Clarke's forehead as if checking for a fever.

"I'm fine. I just…" Clarke faded as she looked into Lexa's eyes through the darkness of the room and found concern there. She'd trusted this girl before. She wasn't sure how much she should trust her now.

"Nightmares?" Lexa asked.

"Do you get them too?" Clarke asked.

"What happened at the mountain, Clarke?" Lexa dodged the question.

"You had scouts remain behind, didn't you? I know you know what happened."

"True, but I'd like to hear it from you." Her hand slid to Clarke's cheek and then fell in her own lap.

"I see them." Clarke started. "I see the bodies of the people I killed." She paused. Lexa was listening intently. "They were innocent. Most of them had nothing to do with what was happening. Some of them even tried to help us and I killed them."

"You did what you had to do to-"

"Save my people?" Clarke interjected. "I know, Lexa. I don't need another lesson in leadership from you." She expressed rather harshly, but Lexa just kept staring at her.

"My nightmares are of my people being tortured by the mountain men. I see Anya in a cage even though I never went inside the mountain myself. I've heard from those we saved what it was like and I see it when I close my eyes and wish I could have done something sooner to save more of them. I see their pain, Clarke. I feel it." Lexa paused before placing her hand over Clarke's. "I have dreams of you too."

Clarke looked down at her hand covered by Lexa's. She'd thought of that moment many times since it happened. She'd thought of the kiss and how in that moment right before their lips connected, she was both terrified and excited and once they were kissing, she thought of only how it made sense. The two of them kissing made sense to her. Their lips melted together and though it was brief, it felt passionate and necessary and Clarke only broke it up because she knew she needed time. She needed to get through the war and get passed Finn. She thought about if they got through all of that, maybe there could be something between them. When Lexa had asked her to go to the capital with her after the battle, she didn't know what to say because there might not be an after the battle for her and she couldn't think of that then, but if she had been completely honest with herself, she would have said yes.

"Lexa…"

"I dream of the look on your face when I left you in front of the mountain."

"I trusted you, Lexa."

"And I you."

"Why?"

"Because of the nightmares, Clarke." She paused and then rubbed her thumb over Clarke's hand. "You've been having yours since that night. I've had mine my whole life. They had your people for a fraction of the time they've had mine. It has always been on my shoulders to find a way to get my people out of that mountain as it was the burden of the Commanders before me. The nightmares come and go. Sometimes they are worse than others, but they never go away entirely. I had the chance to end them. To end their pain and mine and I took it and I am sorry that I hurt you and that I risked your people, but I am not sorry for taking the deal to save mine." Lexa explained what she'd failed to explain that night. Clarke pondered this as she felt Lexa's calming touch on her hand. "Can you forgive me?"

"I… I can understand you." Clarke gave her without really answering her question.

Lexa shared a soft smile and pulled her hand back. Clarke missed the touch immediately, but didn't dare ask for it to return.

"Would you like me to get you something to help you sleep? The healer provides it to me regularly. It works sometimes."

"No, I have enough medicine in my body right now."

"Would you mind if I kept watch over you?"

Clarke considered this and realized she didn't want to be alone. All those nights, she thought about how nice it was to be on her own. She was away from people who wanted and needed things from her. She enjoyed that solitude she'd craved for so long, but now with Lexa here not asking anything of her other than to stay and watch her try to sleep, she realized she wanted someone with her.

"No, but don't sit in that chair. Just lie here." She motioned to the spot on the bed next to her as she placed her head back on the somewhat comfortable pillow.

Lexa hesitated at first, but once Clarke closed her eyes, she let out another small smile and lay down beside her clasping her hands over her stomach and staring at the ceiling. Clarke's nightmares returned, but she didn't wake. She just kind of shook a little. Lexa wasn't sure if she should do anything, but after several minutes of watching Clarke suffer, she reached her arm over her body and pulled her into her. She rested her head on Clarke's shoulder and tried to hold her through the nightmare to make it go away. After a few more minutes, the shaking subsided and Clarke seemed to be okay. Lexa waited even longer before finally giving into sleep herself.