Time passes endlessly. I have long since given up on trying to count the days, to stop them blurring into each other. Each day is just another day that Eric hasn't exposed my secrets, just another blur of names and faces and Dauntless bravery.

I declined the offer to go ziplining, saying I wasn't feeling well. It was, in a way, true, as I hate even thinking about heights, let alone jumping off a building with just a harness. Zeke tried to persuade me; Shauna didn't. I think that, to some degree, she understood.

I've started training for the initiation instructor position. There aren't as many candidates as there are for the leadership program, but it's just as rigorous and testing. There are fear landscapes portions, fighting techniques, ranking practises. I have no trouble in the fear landscape section, though I can't help being relieved that only Max can see my fears.

I meet a few new people, including a girl called Nicole. It takes a few days to place her, but I eventually realise that she is the girl who went out with Zeke for a month, who Shauna was so obviously jealous of. She is nice, but I know that she wouldn't make a good initiation instructor; she is too eager to please, never wanting to offend anyone, leaving mistakes hanging in the air rather than correcting them.

I know that I am doing well, and that I'm a likely candidate for the instructor position. But what if Eric meant his threat? What if he will watch every move I make, no matter what I do and say?

The leadership program hasn't finished yet. Eric walks around like he is the leader, which, I suppose, may be true. Max didn't like him, but he's a true Dauntless like they are now; reckless, arrogant, strong. There are people who are smart and brave, sensitive and quietly forceful, the real picture of Dauntless as it is meant to be, but Eric will have none of that.

And there is, of course, Jeanine. As much as I hate to admit it, she is trying to take over Dauntless. As I watch the scenes of Dauntless flash by in the control room, I see shots of Jeanine and her lackeys more often. Sometimes in plain sight, talking to Max or even someone else, and sometimes just a flash of blue amongst the black.

Strangely, I have never seen Eric talking to Jeanine. Control-room gossip is not reliable, so I am told, yet I can believe this. Strategy. Just as the piercings, despite making him look like a human pincushion, mean that no one will think he is anything but Dauntless, no one will think he is involved with the Erudite, let alone plot with them to take down Dauntless.

It's just like I've been told. The city is changing.

Evelyn knew. Evelyn knows. Things are happening, and soon they will spin out of control. All I can do is watch.

Evelyn. The glass ceiling, always there yet never seen. I told her I never wanted to see her again. And the expression on her face, grief as clear as day, gave me a vindictive feeling of spiteful pleasure. I know I wounded her, and I was glad.

She left me with Marcus. She left me with a sadist who happens to be the government leader, with the man who refused to admit his wife left him in Abnegation with their son.

It has been months since I jumped into the net, knowing I would never see Marcus again. I have not seen him for months, though it feels like years. Knowing he will never control me again gives me a rare feeling of happiness.

I won't, can't, be controlled, and I want to keep it that way.

Hours, days, weeks, months. I don't register the time passage in any way, until Shauna excitedly tells me that we have been in Dauntless for half a year. 'Do you want to do something to celebrate?' she asks.

'Um, okay,' I say uncertainly, hoping it won't be ziplining.

It isn't. We eventually decide on paintballing, something that seems safer and more fun than jumping off a hundred-story building. We gather two train-cars full of former initiates, older Dauntless members and initiates from the year before. Even Tori comes along; she hasn't taken part in much since Amar's death.

We are all given guns filled with paint. Zeke notes that they smell like fish, and we all laugh. After that, we divide into two teams. We are almost at the pier when Zeke's team leaps out. Shauna gives them a five-minute head-start, and then we follow them.

We head to a place that used to be a funfair; the Ferris wheel is still there, along with a few other old attractions. Shauna rapidly explains the rules to me. Zeke's team have the flag; they have to guard it. We have to capture the flag from them. 'It's really just splattering each other with paintballs while we try and get a flag.'

She must see my face because she adds, 'Don't worry, it's really fun. Zeke's on the other team, try to get him.'

We take the strategic route; behind the Ferris wheel, keeping close to the marshes, and ending up on the pier, able to see Zeke's team just getting ready to split off. The flag; black with the Dauntless symbol and about three feet tall; is in full view of all of us. Silently, with the use of hand signals and eye contact, we move around until they are surrounded.

On Shauna's signal, we all leap out, shooting madly. There is chaos and laughter, and I find that I'm laughing harder than I would have thought possible. Seeing Zeke, I aim at him, and my paintball hits him at the same time as Shauna's.

I aim at people I know and people I don't, watching the rainbows of paint explode around me. It's mesmerising, and I find myself captivated by the colours. That is, until I get hit in the face by a green ball.

It's surprisingly fun. I didn't know how funny getting hit with paintballs could be, but it is strangely amusing. By end of it, our clothes are stained every colour except black. Shauna is trying to scrub yellow paint of her hair, muttering about how hard it'll be to get out. Zeke sustained a hit to the face; his cheek is splattered with blue. As we walk back to the train, we see a group of Abnegation trying to hide their smiles, and some Amity children giggling openly. We wave at them, and I wonder if I could have been in those Abnegation children's positions.

'So, your first paintballing experience!' Shauna smiles. 'What did you think?'

'Colourful,' I smile, acutely aware of the fact that everyone in the train car is looking at us. 'Just imagine people in my old faction paintballing.' Is it just a reflex, or do I avoid saying 'Abnegation' on purpose? She grins wider. The mental image of Abnegation people, so quiet and reserved, running around with paintball guns is enough to make even me smile. 'Just one question: where's the flag?'

After frantic searching, we realise that the flag must have been lost in all the commotion. The game is declared to have been a tie, although Shauna and Zeke are both adamant that their teams did better. I laugh, happy to sit back and listen.

I keep the rainbow-stained clothes, though I know I won't wear them again, as a reminder of what Dauntless can truly be Something to hold onto, in case Eric really does get his way with Dauntless.

Helloooooooo :) Happy February! It's been ages since I updated… Combination of schoolwork, homework, friendship issues, writer's block, broken wrists, lost glasses and just general life. Also, has been down for a while :( I have no idea where to go with this story, but I think I know vaguely what I'm doing. (Keyword = I think) I've been getting immersed into some other fandoms and have a ton of other fics I want to work on…

Also, to boekenworm, I wasn't thinking about why Zeke took them to that room when I wrote that :P I think that it was just that Zeke noticed Shauna and Four were being a bit quiet, and wanted to take them somewhere interesting…? Also, it was because of his former girlfriend that he knew about the room, and I think Shauna's a bit jealous of her. What do you think?

Thanks so much for all the support :) Reviews are much appreciated!