Thanks for reviews! This story is really helping me deal with some of my emotions. Relationships in this is based off of a relationship I want to have and a relationship I've had(romantic and friendship). The poem is an original of mine. Warning: Suicidal thoughts may offend some readers. They may be told in some unfavorable manner, these thoughts are ones I've personally held before.
Misty
It's been 3 weeks.
That's 21 days.
That's 504 hours.
30,240 minutes.
1,814,400 seconds.
I miss her.
I miss him.
I miss the old me.
The happy me, the one that always had someone to confide in. The one that didn't lay in bed wonder why she continued to walk further and further away from happiness.
There were days I started to go back but then I stopped. If I did, I would hurt them all. I would have to hold that on myself. It would torment me.
I breathed in.
I wish I wasn't a freak.
I breathed out.
I sat up, my muscles aching in protest. My feet dangled over the side. The sand felt smooth under me. I clenched some into my fist. I pulled my fist up and slowly let the sand fall back into a pile next me.
I haven't moved from this area in two days. I've sat in the trees, behind the fallen logs, under the blueberry bush. But the edge of the cliff kept calling me. I slept right by the ledge. I would stare off into the stars and pray I could float along with them.
I looked up.
My mother once told me that when you die, your spirit turns into a star. She said there's always a star that's watching over you, making sure you find the right path. She told me that you saw the more stars the more you followed the right path. I remember her laying on the bed, tubes running down her arms and face. She said she saw so many stars. She kissed the top of my head. I stayed with her that night. I wanted to leave, but I couldn't. I wanted to be strong. I did this to her. My father reminded me of that everyday. He said if I wanted to leave that, that was fine, but he made sure that I knew if I left I would be weak.
No one dared called me weak.
Before she fell asleep, she whispered a poem she used to tell me.
"In the eyes of a stranger; you're a stranger.
In the eyes of a friend; you're a friend.
In the eyes of a lover, you're a lover.
In the eyes of an enemy, you're the enemy.
In the eyes of a father; you're a daughter.
In the eyes of a mother; you're a thief.
In the eyes of an animal; you're a possibility.
In the eyes of a predator; you're the prey.
But, in my eyes, in my fading eyes,
You're the future,
You're the faith,
You're the hope,
You're the traveling song.
In my fading eyes,
The ones that has watched you grow so much,
The ones that have watched you so long,
They see promise.
They see love,
They see the truth.
In the eyes that tire of opening,
They find the most perfect thing in the world.
They find you."
When I awoke that morning, she was gone. It didn't speak for two months.
I looked down at my dangling feet. I look past them into the water. The cliff jutted out more on the top then the bottom so I had a perfect view of the water. If I leaned in slightly, I could see the base of the cliff. I watched the waves crashing into the side of the it.
Whoosh.
Hssssh.
Clush.
Shhh.
Hssh.
I inhaled deeply. I could smell the lake. It clouded my thoughts. It held a tint of mildew and fish to the scent but that was at the edges. I smelt the life in the water. It was like home. Like when you go out of town for awhile but then you go home and walk into your room and lay down on you bed. It's the comforting smell that tells you everything is going to be okay because you're home now.
But I wasn't home.
I watched the waves.
I could jump.
I could let the gravity pull me into the water. I could let it surround me.
I wanted to. I leaned in forward, I could just let go. Float in the waters until my soul bleed out of this form. I could feel the promise.
I scooted closer to the edge.
I would fly, just for a moment then plunge into the icy water. It would take away the pain. I would truly be forgotten then. I leaned over the ledge a bit more. I could feel myself losing balance.
To let go,
that's all I want.
Is to let the world rush past me then leave. I would float in my own world. I wouldn't be disturbed. I inhaled. I slid so my bottom was barely in contact with the rocky edge.
1...
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… "Misteria Allgood?"