Tony had been watching the clock count minutes for over an hour. A report lay untouched on his desk, the pen drooping uselessly between his fingers, and he was so tense that every time the elevator doors opened or a phone rang, he jumped like he'd been shot.
Tim watched in mild amusement but refrained from teasing his friend because he understood the seriousness of the situation. Gibbs, while mildly sympathetic to Tony's predicament, finally grew tired of his distraction and barked at him. "DiNozzo!" The man jolted to his feet and Gibbs pointed to the back elevator. "Lab. See what Abby's got."
Tony looked confused but obediently followed instructions. When he got to the other side of the room, Gibbs glared as him, focusing on his empty hands. Tony stared down momentarily before the light went on. "Oh right, Caf-Pow." Then he turned and looked at McGee. "Is she still on her no caffeine kick?"
Tim nodded wearily. "Uh huh. And it's making life a little more interesting than usual."
Nodding in understanding, Tony left on his quest. Within short order he appeared in the lab bearing their forensic scientist's favourite non-caffeinated beverage. She spun around and gave him her best smile when she saw the blue cup. "Tony! You remembered!"
He shrugged off her thanks. "I had to check with the McBoyfriend first."
Abby rolled her eyes. "Would it kill you to call him by his actual name?"
Tony pasted on a grin. "You don't want to take away all my fun, do you?"
She indulged in a long suck on the straw before putting the drink down on a counter. Abby placed her hands on Tony's shoulders, reading everything she needed to know in his shadowed eyes. "She's going to do fine. Ziva's been studying for months and she has a mind like a steel trap. The test will be a synch."
He sighed heavily. "If she doesn't pass..."
Abby pinned him with a stare. "Not an option." Then she gave Tony a small smile. "Although I guess you could just marry her tomorrow, if it came to that."
Tony dropped into a chair and put his head down. "If Ziva doesn't get her citizenship..." He lifted a troubled gaze to meet hers. "What if she changes her mind about everything?"
"Oh Tony." Abby rushed to throw her arms around him. "Ziva loves you, nothing is going to change that."
He combed fingers through his hair, messing up the careful styling. "I'm so afraid of losing them Abs. With the wedding more than a month away...there's so much that could still go wrong."
Abby's hands found her hips and she gave him a good stern glare before going Gibbs with a headslap. Tony jerked up, not expecting that reaction to his admission. "Snap out of it Tony!" she demanded. "Stop listening to your fears. You and Ziva are like...like Ariel and Prince Eric - totally meant to be." An IM popped up on her screen and she whirled around to look, then turned back to him. "Better hurry big brother, your future is on her way up."
Never had a man moved so fast as Tony tearing up the stairs, wanting to be the first to hear from Ziva's lips how her interview and test had gone. He'd just pushed his way through the stairway door when the ding of the elevator signaled its arrival. Ziva emerged with a huge smile on her face, waving a piece of paper as if she'd known he would be right there.
"I passed!" she announced, throwing her head back and laughing when Tony swept her into his arms and swung her around once, kissing her full on the mouth and not caring who was watching. Ziva pulled away and hid her face in his chest momentarily before she added the rest. "I take my oath on Friday."
He saw the uncertainty in her eyes and brushed his thumb over her cheek. "We'll be there Zi, I promise." Tony's face hovered close to hers for a moment, then he pulled her tightly against him, not wanting to push his luck with kissing since the first had already been without warning. "Congratulations Ziva David, you made it."
Gibbs' appearance behind them put an end to the moment and he eyed the now slightly crumpled paper she held. "Good news?"
Ziva left Tony's embrace for Gibbs', feeling the careful way he held her with the baby bump between them. "I am home Abba," she whispered and he kissed her temple.
"Well done."
The group moved into the bullpen where Abby tried to tone down her happy hug to accommodate Ziva's pregnancy. Tim held her gently, a joy in his clear green eyes that spoke of burdens lifted. "I never had any doubt," he said into her ear and her smile softened to thank him without words.
Gibbs sat down and they took the hint that work still had to be done. But Tony hovered near Ziva's desk until a stare threatened to go right through his head and Abby had to be personally ordered back downstairs, much to her disappointment. And even when Tony returned to his place on the other side of the room, his gaze was never far from his fiancee. Every time she looked up, there was Tony's smile waiting for her.
Several minutes later Ziva suddenly remembered something and left on an errand before heading upstairs. After checking with the Director's assistant, she was ushered into his office. Without a word Ziva laid a photocopy of her confirmation form in front of him.
Vance looked at it for a moment, then made a note on his calendar. "Good work Agent David. It looks like January of next year will conclude your probation and you will be a full fledged agent." Ziva's brow wrinkled as she calculated the time since her reinstatement to NCIS, but the Director was ahead of her. "That takes into account the weeks you will be off for maternity leave." She nodded in understanding and Leon checked his watch. "When are you taking leave again?"
Ziva frowned quickly, then carefully blanked her expression. "My doctor would prefer if I left at the end of the week."
"That's probably a good idea," Vance agreed knowingly. "Thirty-two weeks gives you time to get everything in order before the baby comes. I remember how happy Jackie was to have some downtime prior to her delivery dates." Her eyes narrowed, surprised that he was keeping track of how far along she was. "And I hear you've got some extra planning to do anyways, right?"
Ziva twisted her engagement ring around and smiled softly. "We have only just started talking about everything."
The Director nodded once. "Good luck." She turned to leave but his next words stopped her. "And David, congratulations."
They exchanged brief smiles and Ziva returned back downstairs, reassuring Tony with a look that everything was fine. One phone call regarding a dead petty officer near Rock Creek Park, seven hours and three suspects later, the case was still open and active. Matt and McGee were out chasing a lead while Gibbs and Tony tried to figure out what they'd missed.
Having done all she could do for the moment, Ziva started getting ready to go. On her way out, she stopped at Tony's desk. "I will see you tomorrow, yes?"
Disappointment flooded his face. "Maybe I can come over afterwards, if it's not too late. I could drive you to the pool or something."
Ziva put her hand over his. "I will not change my mind if I do not see you every second that we are not at work. In fact," a teasing tone was clear in her voice, "if you were around that much, I may have to reconsider."
Tony smiled sheepishly. "Sorry Zi, this is just really new for me."
"Not only you," she pointed out, tracing a finger over the back of his hand. "Do not worry, we are just relaxing tonight. It is nice to finally have the interview over with."
"Text me if you need anything," he tried, wanting to leave the door open, but one look at her face said he wasn't getting away with it.
"You will be very busy Tony," Ziva reminded him. "Laila tov."
He squeezed her fingers. "Buona notte mia bella." Goodnight, my beautiful.
It was harder than Ziva expected to walk away from him after that.
NCIS
An hour later found Ziva sitting on a chair in an exam room at her doctor's office, waiting for Mandy to come back and tell her if there was anything about the uncomfortable physical exam she'd just endured that they needed to talk about. Dr. Meyers finally opened the door, offering Ziva a smile just a shade too bright.
"I noticed your ring earlier Ziva," she began, "and I wanted to offer my congratulations." The woman tilted her head. "Is it from Tony?"
Ziva nodded in confirmation, then folded her hands and looked directly into the doctor's eyes. "What is it that you are trying not to tell me?"
Mandy's expression sobered and she sat down next to Ziva. "I really wish I had good news today because I hate to dampen your excitement."
"But?" Ziva's hands automatically encircled her pregnant belly while she braced herself for whatever came next.
She let her hand rest on her patient's knee and Ziva's apprehension grew. "There is no easy way to tell you this Ziva, but because of the extensive trauma you suffered during your captivity, I'm afraid you will not be able to have anymore children after this baby is born."
Absorbing Mandy's pronouncement as if it was innocuous, every day information, Ziva didn't let her expression betray the hurt that was slowly making its way to her heart. She swallowed slowly. "My baby?"
Dr. Meyers sighed. "There are really no guarantees at this point Ziva. You're almost thirty-two weeks and this could go several ways. To be perfectly honest, I'm rather surprised that you've made it this far into your pregnancy and I highly doubt you will be able to carry this child to term. As of this week you will be under my careful supervision and I want you to call me immediately if you feel like something is wrong."
A barely visible dip of Ziva's head was Mandy's only indication that the woman had heard her words. She put her hand on Ziva's knee again. "I'm truly sorry about this Ziva. I'm sure this is not how you imagined things would turn out."
Ziva stood quickly, needing to get out of the room which was suddenly several sizes too small. "There has never been room for hope in my life Mandy, perhaps it is best that way." Then she turned and strode out quickly, hearing the inaudible crash as dreams that had formed without her permission slowly shattered in the wake of the doctor's news.
NCIS
Ziva's first stop after her appointment was the pool, which she'd been frequenting since her banishment from Ops. Weeks had passed since she had wanted so badly to be at the gym, but because Duke would not let her get further than the front door, Ziva settled for slipping into the warm water and battling her emotions with swift sure strokes back and forth across the open water.
In the comforting familiarity of water and the rhythm of swimming, Ziva tried to lose herself. She blocked out thoughts and feelings, noise and distractions and the questions of what impact this ultimatum would have on her future. She focused solely on her breathing, on lifting her arms and kicking her legs, on executing a perfect somersault at the end of each lap and pushing off the wall with strong legs to resume her therapy.
But it soon became obvious that the tactics which had served her so well as a solider, an assassin and a spy, had little to no effect on her now that the title 'mother' encompassed almost her entire being. The loss of her ability to conceive any other children, children that would have been hers and Tony's both, became so overwhelming that Ziva could barely breathe.
After an uncountable number of laps, she dragged herself from the pool and stood under the shower's hot spray to wash away both the smell of chlorine and ache in her soul. Evening faded slowly as Ziva made her way home and slid A Walk to Remember into her DVD player, recalling what Tony had said about it being the movie to watch if she ever needed a good cry.
She curled up alone on the couch, the red fuzzy blanket cuddled around her shoulders, eyes riveted on the TV screen. At first it seemed like she had chosen the wrong movie because she felt indignant on Jamie's behalf with the teasing she endured, and frustrated at Landon for acting like Tony used to. But by the time he was flipping through the yearbook to find her picture, Ziva was intrigued and when he became Jamie's first kiss, her smile was hard to beat.
The scene by his car where the young couple cried wrapped in each other's arms sent tears streaming down Ziva's cheeks and even though it was something she swore she'd never do, the grieving woman gave into the hormones and her own sorrow and let the tears come. Ziva fell asleep on the couch as the credits rolled by and promised herself that she would not tell Tony what Mandy had said, not yet. She could not bear the thought that he might change his mind when he learned what else they had taken from her in Somalia. He was her everything and Ziva could not be without him now.
NCIS
Minutes into their session on Tuesday morning, Devon was thoroughly puzzled. Ziva had showed up for her appointment on time and settled into her usual seat. But instead of speaking or making eye contact, the Israeli stared into her tea mug and remained as silent as if she was invisible.
Having exhausted her usual means to start a conversation, Devon focused on the diamond that her patient hadn't been wearing the week before. "Is there any news you want to share with me Ziva? It looks like something has definitely changed for you."
The other woman wobbled her drink, nearly slopping it onto the rug, but she recovered and gave no other sign that she'd heard what had been said.
Dr. Andrews leaned back in her chair and studied her patient. Since the very beginning, all the way back to her mandatory psych evaluation appointments, Ziva had never wanted to talk. But rarely had she refused to say a single word and never had she been this unresponsive.
She tried again. "You had an appointment with Mandy yesterday, right? How are things with the baby?"
Ziva's mouth tightened into a thin line and Devon began wishing she possessed mind reading skills, as that was obviously the only way she'd be getting anything out of her client today. She wracked her brain for anything else that might spark a conversation and flipped through her notes to see what had been written down from their last session. But there was nothing else and from the intense staring contest Ziva was having with her fingernails, it was clear they would be making no progress this time.
When she mentioned something about rescheduling for later in the week, Ziva's ears perked up and as Devon got up to check her calendar for open times, she made the mistake of turning her back. The click of the door was the only thing that gave away the woman's escape and Devon looked up to find an empty room. If the nearly full mug of tea hadn't been left sitting on her table, the doctor would've seriously wondered if she'd dreamed the entire thing.
NCIS
Tony and Ziva met at his house for dinner Tuesday night, and Tony spent their entire cooking time rambling on and on about his childhood obsession with Magnum PI and why it was the best series of all time and listing reasons to love it simply for being awesome. It wasn't until they were sitting at the table that Tony frowned, trying to remember if Ziva had said one word since they walked in the door.
He put his hand over hers before they had even taken a bite, surprised when she drew away from his touch and relocated the hand to her lap. "Zi?" Tony asked, wondering if he'd been pushing the touch and intimacy issue past acceptable lines in the last few days. But she didn't respond and his confusion only grew.
However, not being one to give up easily, Tony continued to look for a way into wherever she was. "It was nice to have a quiet day today," he mentioned after several minutes had elapsed. "That case yesterday was brutal. Be glad you left when you did Zi, Gibbs kept us until 2300 to finish those dang reports. He was pretty tense about the whole thing, it's never good when we're wrong the first time."
Ziva nodded, the only indication she'd heard. Tony watched her eat her meal slowly and with what appeared to be very careful thought. The quietness about her disturbed him, reminding him of the days immediately following her rescue from Somalia when she barely said a word to any of them for any reason.
Standing to take their plates to the sink, Tony came back with ice cream and cleared his throat before trying again. "So did you end up having a relaxing evening by yourself last night? I'm sure you were ready for the break after all the time you've put into studying."
Her eyes met his for the briefest of seconds and the sadness Tony saw there made his heart stumble over a beat. He went around the table and knelt down in front of her. "Honey, what's wrong? Come on, you can tell me. It must be pretty bad if it's got you so deep inside yourself that I can't even find you."
His hand on her knee seemed to be what got her attention, and Ziva broke her trance long enough to smile faintly down at him and ghost her fingers over his cheek. "It is nothing Tony, I am just thinking."
She returned to her own silent place right after the last word left her lips and Tony's eyes never strayed from her the rest of the time they spent together. After watching her drive away at the end of the night he closed the door with a heavy heart, hoping with all of his might that Ziva wasn't regretting saying yes.
NCIS
Wednesday morning Ziva awoke, feeling that some of the fog had finally lifted. The last day and a half seemed like she had spent it behind a curtain, living life by rote but not really experiencing anything for herself. She did not regret keeping Mandy's news to herself during her time with Devon, at that point she had not been able to bring herself to speak the truth out loud. And her silent promise to herself Monday night meant that Tony was not an option when it came to sharing her secret. But neither could she continue to act the way she had during their time together, pushing him away and keeping him out so she wouldn't have to feel the hurt.
All night as she'd watched him over dinner, Ziva could only think of the life they would never create together, if she was ever able to endure intimacy again. She thought of the child that would never be biologically theirs, one half of each of them blended together to make a whole new little person. Even though Tony had made no secret of his love for the child she carried, Ziva still wondered if he didn't harbour a secret hope for a baby that was truly theirs, not just legally or because of love. Now they would never know who their child might have been.
The loss of that possibility haunted Ziva as she readied herself for work, dreading what she would do with her thoughts the day she could no longer use her responsibilities at NCIS as a distraction from them. Completely unexpected was when she emerged from the building to find Tony pacing out front.
With concern already claiming her features, she hurried over to them. "Tony? Is something wrong?"
He stopped and stared at her, holding her eyes in such a way that she could not break the contact. "I feel like I should be the one asking you that question."
Unconsciously Ziva took a step back. "Why?"
Tony checked her left hand, his relief visible when her ring still sat where he'd put it almost a week ago. "You really freaked me out last night Zi. You wouldn't talk to me, I couldn't touch you, it was like you were a million miles away. What's going on?"
Forcing herself to stay calm, Ziva prepared to lie to him for the first time in months. "I was just thinking about...things. I am sorry that I was keeping you out, it was not my intention for you to worry."
Jamming his fingers into his hair, Tony dropped onto the bench behind him. "It hasn't even been a week yet, what am I supposed to think? I was sure that you had finally realized it was a mistake, that you didn't actually want to be stuck with me for the rest of your life, that-"
She cut him off with a hand over his mouth and pulled him to his feet. "Tony, you will drive yourself up the hall thinking like that." Ziva pressed her fingers above his heart. "Trust my words, my answer. Trust my love ana...please, even when my actions make you question everything." She lowered her eyes. "I cannot always explain what is going on in my head."
Tony lifted his arms, then hesitated, so Ziva took the first step and slid her arms around his neck. He immediately reciprocated, holding her firmly against him. She could feel his sigh of relief as he buried his face in her curls. Ziva was suddenly glad she'd left her hair down this morning.
His grip tightened and the baby moved strongly, protesting the pressure on his or her quarters with a well placed kick, but neither of them let go. When Tony finally spoke, his voice was muffled. "I can't live without you Ziva. I've tried and failed, I couldn't do it again." He pulled back just enough to lock eyes with her. "I love you so much sweetheart, please don't shut me out like that again. It scares me when I can't find you."
Ziva rested her forehead against his, feeling their breaths mingle. "We are okay Tony, I promise." She positioned her mouth barely a hair's breadth from his, still needing Tony to initiate it. He did not disappoint, capturing her lips gently between his own, making the kiss soft and reassuring as much as comforting. She broke it before he was ready to let go, but Tony counted himself beyond lucky to be allowed to do that with her at all.
A glance at her watch alerted Ziva to the fact that they were about to get in a whole lot of trouble for showing up to work late. "We need to go," she told Tony urgently.
He stepped back, catching her hand in his. "Okay, I'm ready now."
Ziva fell into step beside her fiancé. "You do not have to worry ahava, I will not be changing my mind."
Tony didn't know what she'd called him, but he liked the way it sounded on her tongue. "Thirty-one days Zi, but I wish it was tomorrow."
She waited until he got in the car. "Trust me Tony, I would not leave you standing on the altar."
The mental picture he got because of the way she'd twisted the words made him laugh. "I'll hold you to that," he warned.
"Good," Ziva said with finality, "because there is nowhere else I would rather be."