Chapter 17:
Bellamy and Octavia stayed outside long after dark. Clarke guessed they'd gotten used to being outside and genuinely liked it since the ark. Clarke loved it outdoors after all those years of being cooped inside the ship, but she also loved being indoors especially when Lexa's eyes looked so beautiful in the torch light hanging outside the bedroom window as she stared down at Bellamy and Octavia sitting by the water.
"You are happy?" Lexa asked her turning to face Clarke as Clarke walked into the room from the kitchen where she'd had a snack.
She thought about it for a second before nodding.
"Yes, I am happy." Clarke removed her jacket and tossed it on the floor. She took in the girl before her who was wearing long black pants and a white shirt that had been Clarke's previously. Clarke strode over to her and grasped her hips. Lexa's expression was of shock and then happiness. Clarke pulled the shirt over her head and leaned in to capture her lips. It was as if she needed this and only this. This connection in this moment was all her heart and body desired. Lexa's arms went around Clarke's neck and pulled her closer while Clarke's hands went to Lexa's pants to yank them off her, but when she had difficulty, she didn't hesitate. She pushed her hand down Lexa's pants and found her already wet. Lexa slammed her back against the wall next to the window and Clarke started moving against her while kissing her neck. She listened to Lexa's breath begin to quicken while she pressed her fingers against her and rocked her hips. Lexa tried to take Clarke's shirt off, but Clarke wouldn't move back far enough or stop moving because Lexa's sounds were driving her on. She waited until Lexa's breathing stopped for a moment before beginning again and when Lexa's tension in her arms released, Clarke slowed to bring her down and then stopped, but kissed her and toyed with her tongue for a few minutes. "Are you happy?" She asked her when they finally broke apart.
"Sha." Yes. Lexa told her and kissed Clarke while walking her backwards toward the bed and promptly shoving her on it. "I knew no happiness until Klark kom Skaikru came to me from above." She took Clarke's lips with her own and Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa's body.
They broke apart to remove the remainder of their clothing and Lexa found her place back on top of Clarke moving her fingers inside her while she was thrusting her hips into her faster and faster until Clarke screamed and put her hand over her mouth because Bellamy and Octavia could probably hear her. As Lexa slowed, Clarke could only stare into her eyes and wonder how she'd ended up here. She loved this girl. She'd been changed by her and had changed her and they'd both become better people because of it. In the beginning, she'd worried as did others that Lexa brought out the worst in her, but that wasn't it. They both just needed time to learn to trust and understand each other and now that they did, she saw them together forever.
"Your people already think we're bonded."
"Yes." Lexa stared down at her a little confused.
"What happens if we ever decide to do it for real then? They think it's already happened." Clarke gulped wondering if Lexa was catching on.
"Is that something you're considering?" She asked.
"It's what I want someday." Clarke admitted finally.
Lexa smiled.
"Someday?"
"I love you, Lexa."
"And I you." Lexa replied. She slid down Clarke's body slightly and rested her arms across Clarke's stomach and the placed her head there so she could look at the girl. "There are stories about Commanders who bond with another."
"What are these stories?" Clarke asked her.
"That they are doomed." Lexa leaned forward slightly to kiss Clarke's skin. "That is why the others reacted as they did at first. Most Commanders do not bond."
"The Ice Queen?"
"The Ice Queen bonded out of spite and because she believes herself above the potential dangers these stories mention."
"And you? What do you believe?"
"That we are stronger together than apart. That is why I told them we were bonded already."
"So, you would…" Clarke didn't know how to ask the question.
"Hod op!" Lexa jumped off of Clarke and stood naked in the room staring down at her.
"Sorry, I didn't… I don't know how or what-" Clarke sat up on the bed wondering where she'd gone wrong.
Lexa walked toward the closet and opened the door. She pulled out a piece of paper and walked back to the bed. She sat next to Clarke who just looked over at her concerned.
"On your ark, how did one ask another?" Lexa questioned.
"To get married?"
"Yes. How was it done?"
"Each person does it differently, I guess. There's no ceremony or anything. Well, besides the wedding ceremony. Just not with the proposal part." Clarke gulped realizing the gravity of this moment.
"For our people, it is different. There is a custom."
"Okay." Clarke wasn't sure where she was going with this.
"We've already performed the first part of the custom… many times." Lexa smiled at her.
"What-" Clarke started and then realized what Lexa was referring too. "Oh, that's the first part?"
"The physical bond, the connection is the first part." Lexa explained.
"Wait, so this whole time… that first time… that was the start of your custom?"
"Yes." She answered her. "If you decided against bonding, the rest of the custom would not have taken place."
"What's the rest?"
"This." She held out the piece of paper with an image on it. Clarke looked at what appeared to be a tall, thin flame with the base connected, but two flames intertwining and weaving. "It is a flame. It symbolizes forever."
"It's the infinity flame." Clarke told her. "It was a symbol on the ark for our survival."
"We must place this on our body to signify our commitment."
"A tattoo?"
"Yes."
"Oh. Where?" Clarke asked.
"Location is not important. That is why no one has asked to see them on us since I told them we'd bonded already. They can be placed anywhere."
"Okay. Is that all?"
"The connection."
"Connection?"
"Connection between our souls."
"How do we do that?"
"There's nothing to do, Clarke. It is either present or not." Lexa leaned in and kissed her gently. "It has been present since the moment I saw you. Demonstrated many times over by now, but most recently by the way you knew the name of our flame and it meant something to you and your people." She kissed her again. "We are connected."
"Two out of three." Clarke pressed her forehead against Lexa's. "Where should we get our tattoos?"
Lexa pulled back and stared at Clarke with wide eyes.
"That would indicate you want to have the bonding ceremony performed for real, Clarke."
"Engagement is what we call it and I know. I want us to make this move together… really together."
"I will summon the artist right now." Lexa stood and went to flee the room.
"Lexa, you're naked!" Clarke shouted at her and she stopped. "Also, it can wait. It doesn't have to be tonight. We can talk about this more. What it means. The next steps. When those will happen. I'm not going anywhere. It's late."
"No, Clarke of the Sky People. It cannot wait."
The artist gave Clarke a bottle to drink from.
"What's this?" She asked sitting in a chair in the kitchen with Bellamy and Octavia watching while Lexa held her hand.
"It is to help with the pain." Lexa told her. "Drink."
"You didn't drink it." Clarke told her before taking a long drink from the bottle.
"I am used to the pain."
Lexa's tattoo had been finished. The infinity flame now burned between her breasts to represent the space over her heart. She also had the artist place another tattoo on the inside of her wrist. It was a black sword with a light blue cloud behind it to represent the sky. This new addition to her body was to be the excuse for having the artist called to the house so late. Lexa still wanted the people to believe they'd already and had the original flame tattoo done.
"Clarke, are you sure about this? It looked like it hurt like hell when he did to it her." Octavia shared her opinion.
"I'm sure and I want that one too." She nodded to Lexa's wrist. "Same place. I want people to be able to see it." The needle pricked her skin repeatedly and she saw small patches of blood reach the surface of her skin. The artist would wipe them away when it happened. Lexa watched and smiled throughout. When the artist was finished, the skin was raw and red, Bellamy and Octavia had gone to bed and the artist packed his things, bowed to his commander and left the house. Lexa took Clarke's wrist and kissed it lightly enlisting a smile from Clarke who didn't want to admit that the kiss hurt the sensitive skin. Lexa pulled up on Clarke's shirt, which had been a tight fitting tank top to allow the artist to work, but still remain covered up. With the kitchen now empty, she took the shirt off and laid it on the table. She kissed the tattoo and moved Clarke back against the table. Clarke wrapped her arms around her neck and sat on the table, spreading her legs so Lexa would stand between them. She lifted off Lexa's shirt and ran her fingers gently over the spot of the newly carved flame. She pressed her lips against Lexa's.
"Oh my God, you have a room." Octavia had entered without them noticing. Clarke jumped off the table and quickly grabbed the shirts.
"I thought you went to bed." Clarke explained while putting her shirt back on and helping Lexa with her own.
"I was. I got hungry. You two really can't keep your hands off one another long enough to get to your room. You really must be in love." She walked to the counter and grabbed two pieces of fruit. "By the way, I want Lincoln and I to be in the first group to go. I don't really do well at asking for permission so I thought I'd just tell you both."
"Lincoln is free to join the first group." Lexa stated.
"Like I could keep you from going." Clarke observed and joked.
"Exactly." She motioned between the two of them. "Well, you two can get back to it now if you want, but you should know my brother made a comment earlier about how hot you two are together, so you might not want to be getting it on where he can see it." She smirked and walked out of the kitchen.
Clarke laughed and was then pulled quickly out of the kitchen toward the bedroom by Lexa.
She couldn't believe what she had just done. She'd marked her body permanently with symbols that would only ever remind her of Lexa. If this didn't work out between them, she would always have those reminders. She worried yet again that this was happening too fast, but in a world where war is usually the business of the day and death is always on the mind, Lexa had been right. It couldn't wait.
The next few days flew by as Clarke and Lexa began preparing the first group from the clans for the move. Carolina and York had promised vehicles to transport and had two planes that could go back and forth until phase one was complete. Fuel was short, but they had a plant that was able to produce it. It just took time and a lot of effort so there would be at least a three-month gap between the first phase of settlers and the second strictly to get enough fuel together to get them there without sacrificing the needs of the city.
Bellamy and Octavia along with Clarke went back to Camp Jaha to help prepare the Sky People for travel. They would walk to the capital first where they'd be driven to the plane and then flown to the city. Lexa remained behind to continue her work at the capital. The walk was less hurried this time so it took the full three days to get there. Once there, Clarke met with Abby and Kane to discuss the group of 20 that would go first.
"I'm not going, Clarke." Abby stated right off the bat.
"What do you mean? Of course you're going. You told me you wanted to go."
"I do. I just can't. Not until the last group leaves. I'm the only real doctor these people have here. I need to remain behind with them until everyone has been moved."
Clarke couldn't argue with her mother on that even though she wanted too.
"I will be going." Kane directed. "As a representative of our people."
"Our representative should be chosen by the people and they've chosen Clarke." Abby stated in the small room they were meeting in away from prying ears.
"Clarke doesn't just have her interests to consider anymore though." He didn't sound angry. It was more concerned. "She's with Lexa and her people now. I'm not saying she wouldn't be a good representative for the ark people, but we should have someone that is only considering our interests involved in leadership."
"Fine." Clarke agreed and put out her hand for Kane to shake.
"Clarke, what's that on your wrist?" Abby asked.
This was not exactly when she wanted to have this conversation with her mom.
"It's a tattoo."
"I realize that. What does it mean? When did you get it?"
"Can we talk about this later, mom? Octavia, Bellamy, Lincoln, me and you. That's 5 right there. Who else is going?"
"Wick and Raven will want to go." Kane responded.
"Is Raven well enough for a trip like that? We're walking for three days." Clarke checked.
"She'll need to take it slow, but she can make it." Kane stated.
"Excuse me, but Clarke… I asked you a question." Abby looked down at her wrist, which she'd covered with her other hand. "Kane, can you give us a minute?" Abby asked. Kane nodded and stood to leave the room.
"I'll be right outside."
"I understand that you're my mother, but when we're talking about planning the resettlement of our entire population, I'd appreciate you not treating me like your daughter and respecting me in my position. En daun laik daun." And that's that. Clarke asserted the moment the door was closed behind Kane.
"You even talk like them now." Abby began. "I apologize for acting like your mother with Kane in the room, but he's gone now. So, you want to tell me anything about having ink permanently injected into your body or should I ask Octavia what those symbols mean?"
"They're not grounder symbols, mom." Clarke rolled up her sleeve a little so her mom could see it better. "The cloud is me and the sword is Lexa." She stated with little emotion. She needed to hold it together to talk about this. "Lexa and I are engaged."
Abby's eyes went big and she gulped audibly.
"Engaged?"
"Yes, the tattoos are part of their tradition. People in the capital already think we're bonded… married. She told them that in the beginning so they'd listen to me and respect me as a leader."
"So, you're doing this because you have to now? To continue her lie?"
Clarke smiled at her mother.
"I'm doing this because I love her. This was my idea."
"Why now? Why so soon?"
"It's the start of the process. We won't actually have the ceremony for a while… until things are settled, but if her people ask, we already had it covertly."
"Clarke, this-"
"I know it's a lot for you to take in, but I'm not a child anymore. Lexa and I want this, mom." Clarke pulled down her shirt just slightly so her mom could see the top of her tattoo. "This is the tattoo bonded people receive when they get engaged. They call it Engagiren. We both have them now over our hearts. We both got this one to make it specific to us."
Abby leaned back in her seat and folded her arms over her chest.
"You know your grandparents didn't want me to marry your father." She started then leaned back forward and unfolded her arms. "They wanted me with another doctor named Cook."
"I don't know him."
"He was sent out the airlock for misuse of medical supplies. He was dealing on the black market."
"You made the right choice then."
"And don't think I didn't mention that to my parents all the time." She sighed. "Your father and I loved each other very much. I know sometimes you may doubt that given what happened in the end, but I still love him today and I love you more than anything."
"I know that, mom."
"Lexa shouldn't take offense. I really didn't want you with Finn either." She smiled.
"What? Why?" Clarke asked.
"Space walking while we were all living on borrowed oxygen. Not exactly the most selfless guy, was he?"
Clarke thought about how Finn had sacrificed himself for Raven then and later for Clarke, but she didn't mention that to Abby. She kind of liked having that little piece of who he really way just between her and Raven; the two people who cared about him the most.
"I guess not."
Abby reached for a chain on her neck and pulled it off. She sat it on the table in front of Clarke.
"Your father gave me this. He made it out of scrap metal when he apprenticed." She lifted the ring that was hanging on the chain and held it up. "You should give this to Lexa. Either now as an engagement ring or on your wedding day. I don't know if there will be a wedding day, I guess. I don't know how they do things, but this… this is how we do them and if you got tattoos because of the grounder custom, maybe she could wear this to adopt one of our customs."
"Mom, I can't take that. Dad gave that to you."
"Yes, and I'm giving it to you."
"You'd be giving it to Lexa. Are you really okay with that?"
"I'm giving it to you. You're giving it to Lexa. It's a symbol just like that flame on your chest, Clarke. Infinity. Forever. That's what this means. If you give this to her, you'd be saying you're willing to work through all the ups and downs that come with being with someone and loving them. I don't know what marriage is for them, but that's what marriage is to us, Clarke. Your father would have wanted you to have this." She opened Clarke's clenched fist and set the ring with the coiled chain inside before closing the fist back up gently. "You were right. You are an adult now. I may not always understand Lexa, but you seem too. If this is what you want, I will do my best to support it."
"Thank you." It was all Clarke could say in this important moment without getting choked up at the memory of her father and this ring that used to reside on her mother's finger.
"Alright, let's get Kane back in here."
Kane came back in and the remaining 20 people were chosen. They held a meeting with everyone and explained that they should pack only what they'd be able to carry. They had more questions than Clarke had answers, but they seemed to understand. They all spent that night packing and began had their goodbyes the following morning. Clarke hugged her mother goodbye for now and they all started their 3-day walk to the capital, which Clarke knew by heart now.
"I was kind of out of it the whole time we were there, but you're convinced this place is where we should be?" Raven asked their last night by the fire.
"I don't know if it's where we should be, but I think it's our best option. I think we can make a home there." Clarke replied while poking the fire with a long stick.
"Pretend I put a segue here." Raven started. "You're engaged?"
The word had gotten around in the camp and then on the walk, but Clarke guessed Raven wanted to wait until they were alone before bringing it up and everyone else was asleep or walking around checking for predators.
"Yeah, I guess I am. It's still weird to call it that."
"You know Lexa was like our mortal enemy not that long ago, right?"
Clarke laughed at her.
"Yes and we've already talked about the mountain, Raven. You really want to rehash that?"
"No, I just… It wasn't that long ago I pictured you with Finn. You know, stealing my man and all that. It's just strange to think about you ending up with someone else." Realizing things had gotten serious and not being a very serious person most of the time, Raven had to follow up her comment. "Because your such a pain in the ass. It's hard to see anyone putting up with that for too long."
Clarke smiled at her.
"Well, we find a way to put up with you so maybe Lexa can find a way to put up with me." They shared a laugh and then called it a night. They had one more day of walking ahead of them before they'd be back at the capital.
When they arrived, Lexa was there to meet them. She resisted the urge to show affection to Clarke while in her full commander mode.
"We have places for you all to stay. Indra and Octavia will walk you."
Octavia moved to stand beside Indra without words and the two of them split the group in half. Prior to leaving the capital, Indra and Octavia had worked together to direct the preparation of temporary dwellings.
"My group. Follow me." Octavia stated.
"I don't want to go with her." One of the sergeant guards from the ark stated about Indra.
"Masta ai op!" Follow me. Indra ordered, not really helping the situation.
"It's okay. You can trust her." Octavia said.
"You can trust all of them. We're in this together now. We're a part of this alliance." Clarke stated. "You came here for this. Now is not the time to have second thoughts." Clarke warned. The guard acquiesced and followed behind Indra's group. Octavia's group went the same direction and then split off when she needed to take them down a different street.
"Welcome back, Clarke of the Sky People" Lexa said to Clarke as they remained behind.
"Thanks, Commander of the Coalition." They stared at one another for a moment before they both cracked a smile. Lexa was wearing another of Clarke's old tank tops that had a tear down the middle at the top. She couldn't recall putting that tear there herself and then it dawned on her. Lexa must have done it intentionally. "Nice tattoo." Clarke pulled the tear down just a little more so she could see the base of the infinity flame.
"You should not touch me there. I am to be bonded to someone who does not like others to touch me so intimately."
"Was that a joke? You never tell jokes!" Clarke exclaimed and laughed before pulling on Lexa's shirt for her to move closer to her.
"You have changed me in many ways, Clarke." Lexa hugged her and then pulled back quickly. "What is this?" She must have felt her press against her chest. Clarke had no choice but to tell her. She pulled the chain off her neck and undid it to remove the ring.
"My father made this for my mother. He gave it to her when they got married and she gave it to me to give to you."
Lexa looked shocked.
"Your mother wishes you to give this to me?"
"Yes and I want you to have it. It's like the flame for my people. A ring signifies your connection, your commitment. Normally, you'd get this on the wedding day, but you and I don't exactly do things normally, do we?"
"I am to wear this?" Lexa asked as if never seeing jewelry before.
"You don't like it?"
"Where does it go?" She asked and Clarke pointed at her ring finger. Lexa nodded and Clarke slid it on her finger. It fit pretty well and Clarke stared at it for a moment. "This is a part of your history, Clarke. Just as the flame is a part of mine." She said apparently understanding Abby's intent even from afar. "I am happy to wear it."
Lexa put her hand on Clarke's cheek and Clarke could feel the cold of the metal against her skin. She realized that she'd be feeling that same coolness every time Lexa touched her like this forever and that started now.