A/N: Has been a long time, but here I'm again. Just a small thing I made as I wanted to do something with Uther in it. I don't especially think that Uther was a purely evil man, his mind was manipulated by fear and pain and he just tried to protect his people from the same pain. He has done terrible things, but he never meant it badly. This chapter isn't that great, but I just wanted to write it rather badly. This chapter is set before all of Merlin even happened. Next chapter will be up in the next few days. Please leave an review.

xxx

Uther woke up from a dark dream, a nightmare... one he had had for the past six years. He would see her die in front of his eyes, over and over again. He could still feel how her hands turned ice cold, how her beautiful blue eyes lost their brightness, how her body went completely limp.

In instinct he reached out to touch the other side of the bed, feeling the cold and empty space next to himself and tears jumped to his eyes. Every morning he begged for it all to just be a dream, but every morning his heart was broken again.

He sat up slowly and watched the sun rise from out of his window. It wasn't long before his current manservant came nervously into his room. He hadn't been able to keep a manservant for more than a couple of months, not after... he quickly shook the thought of his dying wife out of his head.

The manservant - he had already forgotten the young man's name - dressed him and brought him breakfast, all in complete silence before the young man left.

A deep sigh left the king's lips as he thought of the day ahead, everyday without her was another day he lived with a broken heart.

Luckily there was one bright light in his life, he thought with a smile as a soft knock was heard from the door and his six year old son walked inside. Arthur wore a wide smile as he quickly made his way to Uther. 'Good morning father.'

'Good morning Arthur.' He said with love as he placed the little boy on his lap.

The little prince looked at him with bright begging eyes. 'Can I watch the knights train today, please father!'

Uther chuckled softly. 'After your lessons.' Arthur's smile fell and a soft groan left the little boy's lips.

They chatted some more before Uther had to leave for the council meeting and Arthur went to his lessons, which he did with little enthusiasm. Uther just smiled as he watched his little boy run through the hallways, still he couldn't ignore the feeling someone had pierced his heart with a knife. Why did Arthur have to look so much like her, his eyes and his kind smile.

And it also hurt to know he had to harden the prince's heart, he couldn't let Arthur be weak... he couldn't be both a kind and strong king. He would teach Arthur to rule with an iron fist, and all of this was to protect his only chil-... no, his only son.

His thought shifted for a moment to the little raven haired girl, no one could know about her. No one could know about his unfaithfulness to his wife.

The council went well, they had captured three more sorcerers and those filthy monsters would burn the next morning. A wicked grin spread over his lips, three more monsters that wouldn't be able to harm Camelot again, to destroy his family... He had to kill those monsters, he had to do it for Arthur.

What would Ygraine think of his actions? It was something he asked of himself many times, he knew she never liked violence or death, but... she would understand his actions, right? He did it for Camelot, so no one had to know the same loss he had felt. She would be proud of him, right?...

Next was a quick lunch before he would head to the knights and their training.

It was when he took a break from training that his eyes fell on a young boy, he couldn't be older than 16. The boy definitely had the potential to become a great knight, what was his name... Leon? Yes, that was the boy's name. He would definitely be a great addition to his knights, the boy's movements were fluid and fast, plus he was of noble blood.

Then his smile fell, those movements reminded him of another's movements... He missed him, his old friend and... it probably was his biggest mistake.

But the man had done it to himself, he could have followed Gaius' example and have sworn off that filthy magic, but he had been too stubborn to do so. It wasn't his fault, the man had condemned himself.

Balinor... he was barely able to say that name. They may have been friends in the past, but that didn't change the fact that he felt betrayed. He couldn't have done anything other than sentence the man to death, it wasn't his fault... it wasn't his fault.

Uther barely noticed the single tear that ran over his cheek. He knew that Balinor was still alive, that he had escaped the knights' swords, though he would never admit it, he longed for the man's friendship, but it could never be that way again. Still he wondered how Balinor's life was now, was he still on the run or did he manage to settle down somewhere?

No, he shouldn't think about that man, he shouldn't think about that traitor... that traitor... A deep sigh left his lips again, maybe someday he would find someone he could truly trust.

It was late that night that the king went to bed, knowing he would only be plagued by bad dreams and an empty space next to him.

But there is one time in the day that he could forget the pain. In that short moment between being awake and asleep, that he could feel his Ygraine in his arms, her soft blond hair brushing against his chin before he passionately kissed her, his only love, his one true love.

And so he always fell asleep with a smile on his face.