Erebus on the Cusp of Dawn

by Hic Iacet Mori

Words spoken in truth burned like the sun in the skies—it is hard to quench the heat they ignite in your numbed heart, impossible to stare their light directly with your searching eyes—but without the sun there is darkness and you cease to see the world around you. The light of these words reaches the blackest of hearts, their heat touches even the coldest of souls—with them the sun rises, with the sun rises a new hope.

"Run that by me again?" she asked. "Because it kinda sounded like you spoke to me in English with a Bri'ish accent."

Sasuke raised a hand over his eyes, taking off his reading glasses. This was his problem when he did crossword puzzles—when addressed in the midst of an engrossing puzzle, he spout words like a dictionary with its tongue set loose. Itachi had thought it was funny—his brother had asked once if he knew of the changes in the time slot of their favorite sentai show, and Sasuke responded with a deep frown and, "I am in cognizant of this lamentable modification,"stunning them both into stillness.

He was eleven.

After a hiccuping fit of laughter, his brother proceeded to ask him questions such as, "What's your favorite color?" and "What would you ask a finalist for Miss Japan?" until Sasuke threw his crossword puzzle book at Itachi in embarrassment before crying out, horrified, "Forgive me, I implore you!"

Itachi hiccuped.

"Oi!"

An easy cure was to think of high-impact ordinary words, he learned later. Words like—

His uncooperative dark eyes landed on the soft swell of her breasts.

Tits.

Sasuke promptly choked on air and coughed, hard, his face a flaming red as he thumped a fist on his chest. Fucking. Damned. Eyes! And thoughts!

"Geez, teme," she mumbled as she unhelpfully pounded a fist on his back. He coughed and glared and she threw her hands up in mock surrender. "What? I'm just someone trying to help you, bakayarou. 'Sides, whoever blushed while coughing? You've been thinking perverted thoughts, haven't you?" she asked with a grin.

He sniffed and turned away, ignoring her as he willed the damning color to vanish from his cheeks. Sasuke could sense her rolling her eyes and he stifled a smile despite himself. "C'mon, bastard. What's that you said earlier? Tell meeeeeee."

He gave a long-suffering sigh, smirking when she glared at the sound like he expected her to. He capped his pen and used it as a placeholder between his latest crossword puzzle book. "I said, that's very simple of you."

"Hey!" she cried out. "How's that simple? I think it's kinda deep and you're just jealous I thought of it first!"

Sasuke stared. "Dobe," he said slowly. "You think we're pieces of a puzzle in "A Ginormous Puzzle." Did you understand what you implied?"

"That we all have our own purpose. Or something," she replied. She grinned. "And you said ginormous! That sounds so funny, teme!" She immediately frowned. "And I could hear you using air-quotes, jackass."

He rolled his eyes, focusing on her first words instead. "Exactly. And that's what I meant. Pieces of a puzzle in "A Ginormous Puzzle?" That's saying our sole purpose in life is to fit into the space we existed in before we were separated. That we would only fit in a specific way, that there is a preexisting space where we could only fit in and nowhere else. That we only existed for one thing, and that is to fit in "A Ginormous Puzzle."

"But what if we really just existed for one thing?" she asked. "What if we were born only for one reason, and then we die after we did it?"

"Then how about infants who die mere seconds after living?" Sasuke asked back. "Are their only purpose to add carbon dioxide in the air? To be a cause of grief? Are they destined to exist in their mother's womb and nothing else? How about murderers? Do they only exist to kill? And what about those who never find their purpose in life?"

She huffed, a thoughtful frown on her face. "Well, that's why we have old people, don't we?"

"So do they live until then? Does it mean man can live forever so long as he doesn't know his purpose?" Sasuke leaned back on his chair, eyeing her figure by the window. "I never took you for a firm believer in destiny, dobe," he said, almost disappointed. She seemed so wild and free...

And yet he found he couldn't blame her, not entirely, because whenever he looked at her, Sasuke believed.

She shrugged. "Well, teme, not firm. Some things are just destined, I think. But maybe you're right, we're not just puzzle pieces. But sometimes, it's easier to blame destiny for the shit going on in your life. Frees you from the responsibility of owning up to your crap." Her eyes took a deeper shade, a faraway glaze in them. "And sometimes, you just fight and fail, and you believe that destiny wants you where you are and not even you can change it, and you accept because having your purpose given to you is easier than searching for your own and not knowing if you have one at all."

Is that how you feel? A fixed puzzle piece trapped by destiny? That you can only do what you are called to?

Sasuke stood up and, before she could react, flicked a finger on her forehead.

"What'd you do that for?"

"For being an idiot," he replied. "Believing in destiny is fine but it's not meant to control your life. The one who still controls it is you. Everything that happened in your life are consequences of your choices, and that includes being an idiot," Sasuke ended with a smirk.

He blinked when a smile slowly dawned in her features. It was the sunrise and Sasuke took a deep breath—her smile was stealing it away.

"Know what? You're annoying." She leaned forward and flicked her own finger on his forehead. He stumbled back, still stunned that he had made her smile reach her eyes.

"Never change, teme."

Her eyes glowed with the first rays of daylight.

Sasuke saw her raise her head, an eyebrow shot up in surprise.

"Er... what?"

"Movie," he repeated, this time with greater conviction. "We are going to watch a movie."

"... Okay," she said slowly, "I don't know where that came from. You don't strike me as the type to watch movies. And what's this? Bonding night or something?"

He misheard that as bondage before he ran her words in his head again. Sasuke turned away, refusing to show the maddening blush in his cheeks or the scowl on his mouth. It was bad enough that he started this conversation first—it became worse when he stuttered out his movie invitation, so unused was he to asking a person on something as mundane as that.

She was right—he wasn't the type to watch movies. He preferred books over movies, but earlier in school, he overheard some guys egging their friend on to bring the girl he liked to the latest horror movie in town, saying something about how he would end up the knight to the damsel in distress. They then proceeded to testify that the movie worked wonders on them—end of story, the friend was bringing the girl he liked to this movie tonight.

Sasuke wanted that. He just wanted to be... a hero for a change. Even if it's over something as shallow as a horror movie. And maybe, she would do what one of those guys boasted—climb on his lap and hide her face on his chest. And maybe he could assure her, see the dawning of the light in her eyes once more...

Sasuke looked down at his twitching fingers. It was too silent and it wasn't—really nice.

"Forget it," he said, his voice unintentionally colder. "I have to sleep ear—"

"Shh, I'm thinking of a movie," she cut in, "Haven't watched a movie in like, forever, see, and I've no idea what are good. Got anything in mind?"

Sasuke was really grateful for the darkness as it hid his relieved smile. "Know Saw 6?" At her blank stare, he went on, "Surely you've heard of the Saw series?"

"... Nope. Never heard," she admitted. "Is it s'posed to be good? I mean, it's on its sixth, ne? So people're watching it? What's it about, anyway?"

He wasn't so sure himself, in all honesty. He had the foresight to look it up online, though. "About a character who traps his victims in torturous situations instead of killing them outright," he replied casually. "He's called the Jigsaw Killer."

"What, he throws puzzle pieces at his victims and gouges their eyes with it when they can't find its fit?" she said, chortling. Sasuke didn't deign to grace this idiocy with an answer. He saw her pout in response to his silent dismissal and blow her hair out of her face with a muttered "Jerk." He returned it with a snort.

"Come on," he finally said, taking his thumb drive from his desk and pocketing it. He had easily found a copy of the latest installment in the pirate network. "We can watch it downstairs."

"'Kaaaaay."

A few minutes later and he had hooked his thumb drive to the USB port of his TV, a state-of-the-art HD flat screen he hardly remember to use. He glanced behind him—his fellow audience was seated comfortably on his cream-colored couch, and he patted himself in satisfaction at his choice of furniture when he caught her bouncing lightly in enjoyment, her hands wrapped around a bucket of popcorn. Grabbing the remote control, he loaded the movie and sat a little ways beside her, prepared to enjoy the movie and the expected consequence of watching it with her.

Light flickered in the dark living room from the screen, skimming across their faces and threading shadows in its wake. Low murmurs and high screams floated from the speakers and Sasuke chanced a glance at the blonde who had been quiet since the movie began half an hour ago.

Her eyes were closed.

He frowned. Maybe she was just too scared to watch? While he wasn't particularly scared or freaked out, Sasuke discovered quickly that if he allowed his mind to float away with the situations the Jigsaw trapped his test subjects in, his vivid imagination did it for him. So what he did instead was sit boredly and point out flaws in his mind.

A blood-curdling shriek.

If you enjoy cheese out of blood, Sasuke thought apathetically. He glanced beside him again. He was disappointed to see her eyes still closed. If she were afraid to see what's happening, why wasn't she clinging to him?

"Oi," he muttered. Another scream and he glared, annoyed. Die already, he thought, using the power of his eyes to will the man to implode in his screen. His eyes returned to the blonde. "Oi."

Drowsy blue eyes peeked open. "Wha?"

He blinked.

"If you've nothing to say, Imma rest my eyes again, yeah?" she slurred. She turned to her left and closed her eyes again, popcorn bucket still in her arms.

He blinked again.

She was sleeping?

"Dobe," Sasuke called out, irked. She wasn't supposed to be sleeping. Was it that boring to her? She moaned in response and he rubbed his temple. "Are you sleeping on me?"

The reply was clearly not thought well. "No. 'M sleeping on the couch."

He sighed. "No, idiot. Does the movie bore you?"

She replied with a sigh of her own, eyes half-lidded as they landed on the screen. "Maybe," she answered sleepily. "But it's more of I'm getting sleepy 'round you. Iunno, you're kinda comfy around and it's making me sleepy."

Those words warmed his heart, truly they did, but he wanted her awake and hiding her face on his chest and him stroking her hair to calm her fears!

They were supposed to be bonding!

He inwardly sighed. Oh well, he should've known—she was unpredictable and nowhere near the girls he associated with at school. He watched her from the corner of his eyes as she valiantly struggled to watch, her expression unchanging with each torture the characters were forced to do to save themselves. He wondered what was going on in her head.

"You're not scared," he commented.

She flicked him an uninterested glance. "Should I be?'

"Girls who have watched this were, I heard," he said slowly.

She cocked her head. "Weird," she said after a thoughtful moment. With renewed interest, she leaned forward, her eyes sharper at the latest scene. After the scream had died, she leaned back again, curling her legs underneath her. "Not really. Seen worse. Besides," she added, almost as an afterthought, "this pig idiot's a noob."

At his clearly blank expression, she continued, as if reciting, "People who torture others needlessly, by their hand or not, depend on the pain of others to reaffirm their power to themselves, see. It's... hmm."

She raised a finger to her bottom lip, tapping it rhythmically. His dark eyes followed every movement. "Really powerful people are secure with themselves, y'know? They don't need others to show it or remind it to them, they just know. Unlike this dude here," she flicked the finger to the screen, "sure, he's screwed in the head, but that's because in the end, what he wants is control, power. Somewhere he knows he's just like all those people, powerless, and so he uses excuses to justify his actions so he won't end up like them. In the end, he's just afraid. He's probably known first-hand that life's beyond his control but he doesn't want to face up to it, so he does what he's doing right now.

"Powerful people know that power is fleeting and no one really controls it," she went on, almost casual, "Like building a sandcastle, ne? You work hard all the day to build the best sandcastle but in the end, the tide rises, crashes into it. This idiot would be the kid who throws a shitstorm at the tide because it can't stop itself from crashing into the shore, so he builds another sandcastle, and another, until he realized that building from scratch is a pain so he'd just bully other kids to surrender their castles to him and make them his own." She paused for breath then continued. "Now powerful people are the kids who cheer when they see the tide, because it's a great chance to start all over again. To see if they can build a bigger sandcastle, or a tougher one. Or maybe they'd just roll with the tide and enjoy the swim, because you come to the beach for the sea and not the sand anyway, ne?"

She gave a quirky smile. "So this Jigsaw? Can't build a sandcastle worth shit."

Sasuke slowly shook his head, amazed at this perspective. "What are you?" he asked out loud. She snorted and waved a hand in mock-dismissal. He returned to the movie, watching it with fresher eyes. He hadn't thought of torture that way before—yes, he knew it was, in essence, a show of power, but not like what she had said.

"You're willing to torture a person?" he asked. He was in the mood to talk more than ever—she made him pause and think, something only his brother had managed to do before. It was diverting.

"No one should have to," she replied after a pause. "But if it's needed, I am."

His brows furrowed. He didn't expect that. "Surprising," he commented after a short internal debate, "I thought you'd say no one should."

She nodded absentmindedly. "H-mm," she hummed. "But what most forget is that, sometimes, bad things needed to happen for something good to come out. Like torture? Frankly, I hate the idea of it. No one should have to torture and be tortured." Her face slightly turned to him. "Sometimes, you have to torture, even if you don't enjoy putting someone else in that kind of pain. In that case, for every hurt you inflict on another, a part of you dies inside."

Her eyes reflected the blood in the screen, silver in her eyes of blue. "A tortured person suffers and wishes to die, he gets his wish after a lot of pain—but he gets it, unless his torturer's a real asshole. Now the torturer? He's alive but already dead inside, and what's worse is, he keeps dying even when there's no soul left of him to die. He can't wish to be dead because he is dead, and dead people can't wish and he doesn't deserve it anyway, for making someone suffer.

"The worst is having to torture someone you care for just so everybody else won't have to suffer."

Her words chilled him. The way she said them was a splash of ice on his veins. She seemed so casual with her words yet so sure at the same time. What kind of things had she seen, heard, experienced, to give her such views?

What was she trying to say?

"I killed a lot of people to get in, Otouto."

"He and I are partners at work, teme."

Did she know that he knew? Was she warning him?

Sasuke drew a deep breath. "Will you kill someone?"

"If I have to," was the easy answer. She shifted to her right, her body angled to a stunned Sasuke. "If you have a serial killer in your hands for five minutes, will you do it? Kill him?"

His head spun. It was a moral question that couldn't be answered without sacrificing something. "I don't know," he admitted.

"You won't kill him? But what if he escapes after five minutes and kills again? Then the life of those victims will be in your hands, ne?" she asked, her voice mocking.

"But if I kill him, I won't be any better than him," he growled.

"But which is the lesser evil, teme? What are you willing to sacrifice? Your principles or the lives of others?"

He glared at her, allowing his displeasure at being cornered permeate the air. She snorted. "Life's about choices like that. Choices, like you said. When everything boils down to it, it's a matter of have to, not want to. Do you have to eat? Do you have to work? Do you have to fight back? Do you have to give up?" She shrugged. "That's life, yarou. If I have to kill to spare others, I would. You'll learn that when you become a detective. It's kinda like destiny in a fucked up way, I think."

"But there are other choices," Sasuke said, strangely frustrated. "I can have him locked up. There won't be any more bloodshed on anyone's side."

"Ideally," she added helpfully.

His dark eyes narrowed. "I don't like this side of you," he hissed. His chest burned at her last word, like she had failed him—it was so jaded it didn't suit her. His hands itched to grab her shoulders, shake her to reason and force her to look at him, look into his eyes and see him, tell her that life may have not turned out perfect for her but he could help her bear it. Because they were friends, she said so, and even more than that, he couldn't stop himself from falling harder and harder despite how he felt right now.

With such blunt words he disagreed with, with her truth confessed to him directly, honestly, Sasuke liked her less but he loved her more.

"So you like my other sides?" she asked with a teasing smile.

Loved her more...

She crowed at his frozen figure. "O-ho! Silence means yes, teme!" she said, cackling.

"Idiot," he muttered irritably, disgusted with his pink cheeks. He almost jumped in shock when a finger poked at his cheek. He quickly batted it away but the damage had been done.

"Hah! You're blushing!" she exclaimed. "Uwa, the bastard likes me!"

"Shut up."

He wondered if it was possible to die of humiliation in his case and of laughter in the idiot's case. It took a long time before she managed to actually finish, but when it did, the silence was more comfortable.

So comfortable, in fact, that his eyes were getting heavy.

He heard a voice so soft he sleepily wondered if he imagined it.

"I don't like it either."

She was sitting on the floor beside the bed, her back comfortable against the mattress and its frame. He sat across her, under the open window, staring at her as she looked up at the ceiling. Her throat was a gleaming column of tan, smooth and sleek against her slightly opened jacket, tempting him to take a taste. He very much wanted to.

But their silence was thick, heavy, wrong. It wasn't time for such thoughts.

"Have you killed before?" he asked. Their conversation from yesterday wouldn't leave his mind, proving to be too great a distraction that even his teacher had called him on it. Not to say that it was the first time he had been distracted since he met this blonde imp, but it was the first time that an outsider had caught on.

He felt the wind ruffling his hair, saw it play with hers. A tendril of yellow twisted on her neck. He despised the wind for the privilege of touching her.

"Yes."

He knew it was coming, had been prepared for it, but not the reality of it with that one word. It was always so different, the preparation. When faced with the coldness of facts, the cruelty of truth, it would always be lacking.

A murmur. "Do you plan to kill Kyuubi?"

If she was surprised, she hid it well from him. He wanted to come clean to her, somehow. Admit that he knew a lot more, that he knew a bit more of her. Admit that it was killing him in the worst possible way, sitting across her and not reaching her.

He wanted to kiss her so much.

"He made me promise not to," she replied. Her eyes remained fixed on the ceiling. Sasuke wanted to kick her for a glance away from it. "But you..." she continued, her voice almost dreamy. He wanted to be the one she dreamed about, the only cause for that voice, "you can do it."

He straightened up, shaken out of his stupor.

What?

"I'm not an avenger," he said, his tone a bit colder than he intended to. "Nii-san taught me that nothing promises so much but fails to deliver as revenge, and I agree." His eyes were resolute. "He won't be happy if I kill Kyuubi to avenge him, and I won't be able to live with myself because of it."

"It won't be vengeance, teme," she answered with a lazy hand wave. She lifted her head from the sea of black silk. "It would be justice. Besides," a shrug, "they've sent Kyuubi after you and I can't really do anything about it but stand in front of you. I keep my promises, but I'll help you."

Her smile was bland. He itched to punch it away.

"Cops," he said. "We should tell them."

She shook her head. It was a motion full of certainty. Conviction.

Her conviction scared him. He wanted her uncertain of things like these. They were nineteen, barely adults. They weren't supposed to be certain of such things.

"When you become one, come after me, yeah?" she said. "You're the only one I'd give a chance."

"No," he said through gritted teeth. How dare she ask that of him?

She snorted. "Teme. When it boils down to it, I'm a killer. I kill. I have a killing weapon. I have a killing costume. I'm also told I have a killer smile when I do my killing. So when the time's right, come after me, 'kay?" Her grin was feral in the dim room. "Not to say you'd have an easy time of it. Just work hard then catch me."

He wanted to catch her so much but not in the way she was telling him. "No—"

"Make me your goal. I'd even leave a clue when this is over. That's helpful, ne?"

Sasuke glared with all he could because if he didn't, she might notice the way his eyes shone desperate from the heat burning behind their darkness.

Don't you dare do this to me, Uzumaki Naruto.

"Then I'd finally get to rest. Maybe even get to watch the sunset one last time."

"We can watch it together, dumbass," Sasuke said, dark eyes pleading. "Don't say stupid things."

She closed her eyes against his words, against the unvoiced ones in his eyes. It hurt but she didn't make promises she couldn't keep.

And the sunset—the sunset was Itachi.

Sasuke swallowed. "But the sunrise is better," he added. He was babbling, a jet of water shooting from a crack in a dam. "It's... indescribable. You'll have to—have to see it for yourself."

She nodded. "Maybe."

"Until then," he continued, resolved, "you'll stay. Here."

Her eyes flew open and she began to laugh. "Is that a threat?"

He gave a vague nod. "Maybe."

Her laughter settled into a grin, her eyes lit up with several rays of light. Sasuke gave a small smile back, his heart practically bursting in his chest. It wasn't a promise but it wasn't silence, and Uzumaki Naruto never spoke unless she meant it.

Her gaze was still averted but it was enough, for him, to see the sun slowly rising in the blue horizon of her eyes.

See the first break of sunrise against the cloud in her eyes, for your words are true and their truth enlightens. Brighten her heart with your light, touch her soul with your heat—your words are her sun and with her sun she sees, and she sees a new hope with the sun rising in her eyes.