I have been severely depressed since December. It's hard to find the energy to write. But I'm trying to get back into it. So hopefully chapters will be quicker.

The Walking Dead: Symptoms
Chapter 3: Want Daddy

6 Years Ago

They'd been driving in shifts, like Eugene had suggested. Beth had been asleep since they started. She fidgeted and mumbled in her sleep but otherwise didn't wake up. Eugene, Rosita, and Abraham were sleeping in the back as well. Daryl was driving, Carl in the passenger seat and Judith in the new car seat they found for her in between them. She was sleeping soundly. And it almost felt normal.

Daryl chewed on his thumbnail as he drove one handedly. He glanced at Carl sideways. "Carl…" He started softly, pulling his finger out of his mouth and gripping the steering wheel with both hands. "Need to talk… Sumtin I got ta tell ya."

Carl let out a loud sigh and leaned his head back. "Bout dad?"

"Well no." Daryl mumbled as he swerved around an abandoned car. "But ya wanna talk bout yer dad?"

Carl sighed deeply again. "Yeah. I understand why you didn't back at the prison. But I… I want to hear it."

"Was the Governor." Daryl said bitterly. "I pulled Rick behind the bus, outta the way. But that fucken asshole… appears outta no where an' shoots him through the chest an… he laughs! Fucken laughs! An' I put an arrow through his head while he was laughin." Daryl sighed and shook his head. "Maybe if Hershel were there an' we weren't being shot at… maybe…" Daryl shook his head again and blinked his eyes. "Yer dad though… last thoughts were on you two. Promised him I'd get you out."

Carl smiled sadly and looked down at Judy. He brushed the growing bangs out of her eyes. "You did. Thank you, Daryl. For saving us. I'm glad you were with him in the end. Makes it… better. I think."

Better, maybe, for Rick. Not dying alone. But Daryl wasn't so sure that it was better for him. He wasn't sure he'd ever forget the sight of blood and Rick's pleading eyes. The man haunted his dreams, his every waking moment.

They were both quiet for a moment before Carl looked over at him. "What'd you wanna talk about?"

Daryl considered and let out a sigh. "Might be better ta later."

Carl shook his head. "Whatever it is, I can take it."

Daryl smiled over at him. "Tough little shithead, huh?"

Carl smiled back at him.

"It's about Patrick." Daryl said slowly, glancing sideways at him. "Ran into him on the way out."

Carl looked down at his hands in his lap.

"Still wanna head it?"

"No… yes…" Carl sighed and leaned his head back. "I don't know. It was my fault. He saved me… he moved so fast and I… I was too slow."

Daryl shrugged and started chewing on his thumb again. "You tell me when yer ready then. I made a promise ta him too. An' I wanna keep it."

They drove in silence for a while until Judy started fussing. Daryl pulled the truck off the road and cut the engine. Carl unbuckled the carseat and pulled Judy out as Daryl walked around the front. Judy lifted her fat fingers out towards him and it was a weird feeling. And it was a comforting feeling. And it sort of freaked Daryl out how much he loved the tiny gesture.

Abraham slipped from the back of the truck, rubbing at his eyes. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah." Daryl nodded. "My Lil' Asskicker needs some attention."

Carl smiled. "Spoiled brat." He said affectionately.

Daryl straightened a bit and leaned against the truck. "We're gonna need ta make a gas run soon though. We ain't getting to Washington with what we got."

Abraham nodded and looked around. They'd stopped in the middle of a small town, it looked like. He turned, reached into the truck bed, and slapped Rosita's back. "Rise and shine."

She let out a groan and slapped him back. "Fuck off."

He smiled. "Gas run."

She groaned again and got up. She yawned, stretched, and started gathering up the needed gear.

"We'll go see what we can find." Abraham said, helping Rosita out of the truck. "Keep an eye on Eugene for me."

Daryl nodded as he took Judy from Carl. "Apparently Imma babysitter now, huh sweetheart."

Carl smiled and turned to Abraham. "Can I go with you?" He asked softly.

Abraham looked at Daryl. So did Carl. Daryl rolled his eyes and nodded. "Be careful and listen to what Captain Meathead says."

Abraham let out a laugh and clapped the kid on the back and the three of them walked off together.

Daryl moved to the back of the truck, Judith in tow. Beth was up, running her hands through her hair as she pulled it up into a ponytail. "I can do that." She said, looking at Judy.

Daryl set the carseat down and unbuckled it. He pulled out Judith and held her for a moment. "You sure?"

Beth nodded. "We all have jobs. Mine was helping with Judith. I still want it."

Daryl nodded slowly and handed the baby over. "Jobs, huh?"

Beth nodded as she cradled Judith. She slipped from the truck. "Grab the bag."

Daryl reached across the cold metal and pulled the diaper bag across towards him. He grabbed a blanket and set it on the ground. Beth sat down, balancing Judy in her lap, and began rummaging through the bag. Daryl pulled out his crossbow and sat down beside her. "Beth…"

"I'm fine." She said quickly, interrupting him. "I did what I was supposed to do. I'm tough."

He brushed the bangs out of his eyes and nodded. "Yeah, ya are."

"I stayed alive long enough for you to find me." She looked up at him and flashed him a small smile. "That's your job now."

Daryl rolled his eyes. "Takin' care a'buncha kids."

"Do you… not want to?" She asked slowly.

Daryl sighed and stretched his arm out to waggle his fingers in Judy's face. She squealed and reached out to grab at them. "S'not it. Just wish he was here." Daryl sucked in a deep breath, held it for a moment, and breathed out. "Just hate being alone."

"You're not alone." She said softly.

He rolled his eyes. "It's not the same." He snapped louder than he meant.

"Well… I'm sorry." She snapped back, just as loud. "We're all that's left."

"Shoulda been me." Daryl muttered.

She blinked at him. "What?"

"It's all my fault." Daryl said, staring at Judy. "Should have been me down there. Or I should have been with him." He shook his head and jumped up. "Shouldn'ta given up. I let him go. I gave up."

Beth looked up at him, confused. "Who?"

"The Governor." Daryl spat out and shook his head. "Michonne was right. She kept looking an' I stopped. The trail went cold and I just stopped." His voice cracked a bit and he turned away from her. "But maybe if I didn't… if I kept looking with her or went out on my own…" He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. "I gave up and he came and knocked down or door. It's all gone and it's my fault!"

Judy was fine for the moment on the blanket, having found her toes. Beth jumped up and threw her arms around Daryl from behind. She hugged him tight and buried her head against his chest. Daryl dipped his head and covered his face with his hands as the tears came. His body shook with the force of them and Beth only held on tighter.

Finally, Daryl look a deep breath, wiped at his eyes, and pulled Beth's arms off. He turned around and let out a sigh. "Jobs..." He mumbled out.

She nodded. "We all have jobs to do. Can't cry anymore." She added in a whisper.

"Yeah." He said, looking away. "No crying."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

They got Eugene safely to Washington, finally. What they found there was incredible. People. Lots and lots of people. Scientists still working on ways to solve and cure this. Government officials still working on ways to restore the world. Doctors, teachers, normal people. It was everything they ever wanted, everything they ever hoped to find. And Rick hadn't lived to see it. Rick. Daryl had sighed, hugging Judy and Carl to his chest. And Beth. He rolled his eyes and pulled her against him too.

"Names?"

The moment they all arrived, they were ushered into a white office building. Daryl held Judy tightly as he grabbed Carl's hand and Carl grabbed Beth's. Daryl frowned as he looked down at the woman behind the desk. "What?"

She leaned back slightly and smiled warmly. "Relax. It's okay. Really." She said softly. "We're trying to keep some semblance of society. You need to be registered."

"Registered." Daryl repeated.

She nodded. "Anything you did before doesn't matter now. What matters now, is what you do here on out."

Daryl nodded slowly. "Name's Daryl… Grimes." He said the name without thinking. "These my kids, Carl and Judith Grimes. This is…"

"I'm his little sister, Bethany Grimes." Beth had added quickly.

And like that, according to the crippled government, they were a family. The three of them belonged to Daryl. Carl agreed to go along with it. This was his family. Beth too. Their family. What was left of their family. Abraham, Rosita, and Eugene agreed to keep their secret.

After a few months of Eugene working with the government, a vaccine was created. They could now prevent the newly bitten from turning and those that die other ways from turning as well. They finally had the upper hand. Now all the walkers had to be found and killed and all the survivors rounded up and saved.

"Daryl… we left them…" Carl said one night after Judy had fallen asleep and Beth had excused herself to do the same.

Daryl sighed deeply and leaned back. He knew instantly what Carl was talking about. He had the same thoughts. "We got overrun. Didn't have time. Barely grabbed Judy an'…"

Carl shook his head quickly. "I know you did everything you could. Wasn't blaming you. I just… they were pretty closed off in the prison. They're probably still there."

Daryl shrugged. "Maybe."

Carl took a deep breath and turned to look Daryl in the eyes. "Daryl… I want to be the one to…"

Daryl lean forward, laying his hand on the boy's shoulder. "I know how you feel. But it's a long way to go."

"I just…" Carl faltered and looked away. "I need to Daryl. I need to see him…" He said softer.

Daryl sighed deeply and nodded. "Okay. Let me see what I can do."

As it turned out, it wasn't a completely out of the question request. Abraham laughed and shook his head. "I'm heading up a new compound in North Carolina. I have some say in who gets to go. And you were the first person on my list. But if you go, you go for good."

Daryl narrowed his eyes, studying his friend's face. "Doing what we do here?"

Abraham nodded. "Scoutin' for infected and rustlin' up survivors. Rebuilding society."

"An' Judy an' Carl? Beth?" Daryl said, crossing his arms. "I ain't going anywhere without them."

Abraham nodded his head again. "All of 'em. I've seen Carl's skills and bravery. And Beth's too. I'd be happy to have them on my team."

Daryl tilted his head, his face twisting into a glare.

Abraham raised his hands quickly. "I mean on the compound. Ain't interested in sending kids out. But maybe in a couple years…"

Daryl rolled his eyes and interrupted him. "So we go with you to North Carolina?"

Abraham smiled. "Yep."

"Alright. Let me talk it over with 'em."

"You do that and I'll make sure you're assigned to their county. You an' your boy can take 'em out."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

"You two have a say in this." He said, looking at them both.

Carl smiled. "Fuck yes!"

Beth gawked at him for a moment before bending over to pick up Judith. Judith, though, didn't want Beth. She held out her hands to Daryl. "'M want daddy." She said.

Daryl stopped. He turned slowly to Beth, who held out the struggling toddler with a wide smile. "Dun do that." He said, shaking his head.

Beth shrugged and stepped closer to Daryl. "She wants you, Daryl."

Daryl glanced at Carl for help but Carl only shrugged. "You're the daddy now."

Daryl rolled his eyes. "That was only to make sure these Government assholes don't take ya away from me when they find out I'm a piece of shit who shouldn't be around kids." Beth giggled softly, Carl smiled widely, and Judith continued to wave her hands towards him. Daryl rolled his eyes and held his arms out. "Lil Asskicker." He held her against his chest and bounced her slightly. "You gonna get fucken spoiled, baby girl."

She laughed and reached up to grab at Daryl's hair. Beth grabbed Carl's hand and pulled him towards Daryl. "We're all in agreement." She said, throwing her arms around Daryl in a hug. Daryl stiffened for a moment. Then let out a sigh and reached out to pull Carl into the hug.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Daryl slowed the truck as they pulled out from the edge of the forest and the prison came into view. He breathed in a sharp breath and turned it off. "Carl… you don't have to do this."

"Yes I do." Carl said stiffly beside him. "I have to."

"Carl…"

"I'll be fine." He said, opening the door and slipped out silently. "They've been locked up for over a year now."

"If they're even still in there." Daryl said as he got out and shut the door.

Carl nodded slowly. "If they're still in there, they're dying. If I need help, I'll call you."

Daryl walked around the truck and stopped in front of Carl. He was still hesitating. "Carl, I just don't think you should go in there alone. If your dad were here…"

"But he's not here, is he? He's in there!" Carl spat out, pointing at the prison behind them. "He's in there, rotting away, and I have to end it. I have to!" He sighed. "I have to, Daryl. Alone."

Daryl crossed his arms and leaned against the truck beside him. "The others? Patrick?"

Carl looked down at the ground and swallowed nervously. "I can do it." His voice cracked.

Daryl smiled a bit. The kid was a tough shit. But still… Daryl was hesitating.

"I don't want you to see him or any of them… I don't want you… to be sad."

Daryl frowned. "Sad?"

"I know Michonne was your friend and Carol…" Carl smiled and shook his head. "Whatever Carol was, I know she was really important to you. And dad… I know what dad meant to you."

Daryl stilled and looked away. "Ya… he was… my brother."

Carl smiled slightly and shook his head. "He was not your brother."

Daryl thought about arguing for a moment. Instead, he rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Yeah, he was not my brother. You knew?"

Carl's gaze dropped to the ground and he nodded. "Not officially. But yeah. They day before… he told me… he said he… he said there was someone he was dating and it was a secret because he didn't want me to be upset."

Daryl smiled slightly, remembering the brief encounters. "Wouldn't a called what we did dating." He mumbled. Then his eyes slowly widened. He hadn't meant to say that out loud. "Cuz it was only like a week."

Carl wrinkled his nose a bit but there was a smile on his face. "Well dad did call it dating. And I remember thinking… Maggie was with Glenn and Beth was too young and Carol was in love with you…"

Daryl tried and failed to hide the flinch.

"Sasha had a thing for Bob and I didn't want it to be Michonne because we'd gotten so close and it'd be weird. And then I went through all the Woodbury women in my head and none of them made any sense. And then at that exact moment, you interrupted us."

Daryl nodded slowly and began chewing on his thumb absentmindedly.

Carl smirked. "You said you had something to show him in the tombs when he had a minute. And for a split second, his face turned red as he watched you walk away and it just sorta clicked in my head."

"Did have something ta show him in the tombs." Daryl insisted. "That rabbit I toldja about."

Carl laughed and shrugged. "Wasn't what he thought. He said we could finish talking later after he found out what you wanted. But we kinda didn't."

"Yeah." Daryl breathed out slowly. "Got… a bit… distracted in the tombs."

Carl shrugged. "Like I said, I figured it out. And I thought then… that you weren't a bad choice."

"And now?"

Carl smiled and tilted his head a bit. "Either way… I think Judy was always meant to call you daddy. An' I think if we can't have dad, we're fucken lucky to have Daryl Dixon."

Daryl looked away for a second, blinking his eyes hard a few times. Then he pulled Carl against him and ruffled the boy's hair. "You keep that radio on at all times, ya hear me?"

"Yeah, yeah." Carl grumbled, pushing away from him.

Daryl's arm whipped out, stopping him. "Fucken say it." He said, holding Carl in place.

"Keep it on at all times." Carl repeated.

"And?" Daryl prompted.

"And if you call, answer right away."

"And?"

Carl rolled his eyes. "Check in every 15 minutes."

"Good." Daryl let go of his arm and patted him on the shoulder. "I know you can handle it, Carl. I trust ya. But… if you can't, if it gets to be too much, you call me. I mean it."

Carl nodded. "I promise."

"Alright. Get going before I change my mind."

Carl smiled as he darted around to the back of the trunk. He pulled down the tailgate and hopped onto the four wheeler. Daryl followed and set up the ramp. He signaled and Carl backed it slowly down. He glanced back at Daryl one more time before he sped off through the fallen gates.

Daryl fought back every instinct to follow him inside. He trusted Carl, he was being truthful when he said that. He knew the kid could handle himself. He'd seen it a million times before. But still, that need to be a parent was screaming inside his head. A 16 year old shouldn't be going into a prison full of decaying walkers. Rick'd probably kill him if he were here. Daryl sighed slightly as he leaned back against the truck.

For nearly an hour, Daryl heard the gunshots. Carl kept his word, radioing Daryl and checking in. Hearing the kid's voice kept him glued to the side of the truck, waiting. And then finally, Daryl heard the engine and Carl came towards him.

His skin and clothes were streaked with dirt and grime, splatters of blood etched him as well. Daryl pushed off the truck, worry on his face. Carl shook his head as he steered the small vehicle towards the back of the truck and up the ramp into the bed. The engine was silenced and Carl slid off. He turned and helped Daryl pull the makeshift ramp up. Carl jumped out of the truck and Daryl slammed the tailgate closed.

They said nothing as they climbed in the truck. Daryl didn't ask and Carl didn't tell. For a while, they drove in silence. As they neared the town, Carl broke the silence. "Daryl… you said… Patrick…" Carl faltered just saying the name and looked out the window with a sigh.

Daryl glanced over at him. "Said he would have waited as long as you needed to figure things out and he was falling in love with you."

Carl let out a sign and leaned his head back.

"You okay?" Daryl asked after a few minutes.

Carl shrugged. "Probably not."

Daryl nodded. "It'll stop hurting one day."

"Does it still hurt for you?" Carl asked softly,

Daryl let out a sigh. "Yeah."

"One day." Carl said.

"One day." Daryl agreed.

They pulled into the driveway and got out. Daryl started inside but Carl hung back. "Daryl…" He stopped and turned back. Carl stepped towards him. "Can I borrow your truck?"

"Why?"

Carl looked down. "Just… wanted to go drive around for a bit. Alone."

Daryl looked at him. Hard. Carl squirmed a bit. Finally, Daryl nodded and tossed the keys at him. "Be careful. Don't go to far. Back before curfew."

A smile spread across Carl's face. That was like six hours. Daryl smiled at him and waved, looking rather awkward with himself, and headed inside. Carl followed slowly. He hurried up the stairs to get changed, not wanting to chance his sister seeing him all bloodied. Beth stopped him at the top of the stairs. "Shhhh!" She held a finger to her lips. "I just put Judy down for a nap." She whispered. "If she hears you, she won't want to sleep."

Carl stepped closer to her. "Beth." He hissed. "I need your help."

Her eyes widened. "My help?"

Carl nodded.

"Daryl?"

Carl shook his head. "Now?"

He nodded again. "Daryl's letting me have the truck for the day."

Her eyebrow piqued. "Go." She said, moving around him. "I'll tell Daryl I have to study. I'll meet you in front of the library as soon as I can."

Carl changed quickly and it was nearly an hour later when he spotted Beth walking towards him. She climbed in beside him and leaned back. Carl started the truck and they said nothing until they pulled away from the town.

"Daryl hold me what you did today." She said sourly. "I wish you had told me. I wanted to go."

"You did?" Carl asked slowly.

"Yes!" She said loudly. "I wanted to see them."

Carl flinched and shook his head. "No you don't."

"Yes I do!" She insisted. "For closure or something. Carl, they were my family too."

"Family." He said with a slow smile.

"Yes!" She said loudly. Then she looked over at him. "What?"

"I was hoping you'd feel that way."

"Why?" She asked slowly.

Carl pulled the trunk off the road and put it in park. "I lied to Daryl." He said.

"About what?"

"I didn't kill them." He said quickly. "I left them alive… uh… whatever you'd call a living zombie."

Beth's eyes slowly widened. "You left them? Carl! If someone comes across the prison…"

"I know, I know." Carl said with a sigh. "But I just… I can't do it, Beth. I can't let anyone do it. But I have an idea."

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "You have an idea." She repeated in a mocking tone.

When they returned a few hours later, Abraham was waiting for Carl. He congratulated him and together, they convinced Daryl. Carl was on the team. Beth joined too and the two youngsters frequently worked on their own. Buildings were cleared, streets, blocks, towns. Walkers were put down and burned, survivors found and rescued. Those that refused to follow the rules and tried to fight gave up quickly. Society was putting itself back together.