Contrary to the popular opinion of some people like Nami, Zoro isn't stupid. He might not be the mastermind into other people's thoughts like Robin seemed to be, and he couldn't sneak into your head and steal secrets like Nami could... but he wasn't an idiot. He strokes his hand down Sanji's back, the soft cotton of the cook's sleeveless sleep shirt brushing against his palm. The blonde sighs in his sleep against Zoro's bare chest.
The cook never said just what had happened in his nightmare to make Zoro's dream self leave, but he's betting that Sanji's tangent last night into how no one ever loves him back isn't unrelated. Sanji is in love with him. His best friend is in love with him.
He can guess what Sanji's nightmare was about, he bet the cook dreamt about doing something about it, telling him perhaps. And from what he knows about Sanji's dream... Zoro's dream counterpart didn't react well. He saw what that did to Sanji, it ripped him apart. Zoro irrationally wants to go and kill his dream counterpart for that.
But fuck, what's he going to do? Sanji is his best friend. He's never had a friend like Sanji before and he doesn't want to lose that, evidently Sanji doesn't either.
Zoro scrubs at his forehead with his free hand, the one not currently wound around his best friend. He's been awake for an hour going over this again and again in his head and he's still no closer to a solution. He has several thoughts about this.
Firstly, he's attracted to the cook. Really, who wouldn't be? The blonde is handsome and has a dangerous fucking smirk that lights up Zoro's competitive instincts with ease. He's got that kind of slim and strong body that's always been Zoro's particular weakness, Ace's compact frame was one of the better things about him but even he has nothing on Sanji's lithe power. Zoro bites his lip just thinking about it. Sanji has featured in a lot of his fantasies lately, whether he wanted him to or not.
Secondly, Zoro doesn't date. He just doesn't. Love hurts people, looking at Sanji is proof enough of that.
Third, Sanji wants love more than anything else. Well, perhaps not more than the Baratie, but that was it. Zoro can tell that Sanji is one of those people who pours everything he has into a relationship with someone, which is why he gets totally destroyed each time it falls apart. But fuck, he deserves love. If anyone in the world deserves someone to love them then Sanji does.
Fourth, Zoro would do almost anything to make Sanji happy and would sooner die than hurt him.
Fact five, he is 95% sure that Sanji is in love with him.
None of these give him an idea about what to do. Facts one and two suggest that perhaps Zoro should just sleep with Sanji and get it over with. But, number four, that'd hurt Sanji and he won't do that. He'd never hurt him and that would hurt him. Besides, Sanji wouldn't agree to that, he doesn't do no strings attached sex, he doesn't even get the concept. So that wouldn't work.
He has another train of thought. Sanji is in love with him, Sanji wants to be loved and Zoro would do anything for him. So... he could date Sanji. He's smart enough to admit that if he could fall in love with anyone it would be Sanji, he trusts him absolutely and they have a connection that he's never had with anyone. Besides, he ticks damn near every box for Zoro's personal attractiveness rating, the only ones he doesn't tick is because Zoro has some contradictory kinks. Like... he prefers guys who look like Sanji, or even better Sanji himself, but equally he kind of got off on how much bigger and stronger Daz was than him. Obviously no one person could tick both of those boxes.
So great, he'll date the blonde then. But he can't. He doesn't do relationships and he has no idea how to make one work. Besides Sanji was torn up over never meaning as much to his partner as they did to him. Getting into a relationship with Sanji just because he's got the hots for him and because Sanji wants someone isn't a good idea. In fact it's pretty much the very definition of letting Sanji get into the kind of relationship that will hurt him, only worse because it'd be him hurting Sanji. So he won't do that either.
So what then? Pretend that he doesn't know how Sanji feels? Pretend that he isn't tempted? Thats a shitty solution that solves no one's problem, but it doesn't hurt anyone, right? Or is him not reciprocating Sanji's feelings hurting him too? Shit. This is exactly why Zoro doesn't do feelings.
He rolls onto his side and tucks the sleeping Sanji under his chin and holds him close. Was this what relationships were like? It is five in the morning and Sanji is the only thing that was real right now. Sanji shuffles in Zoro's arms in his sleep, getting comfortable with Zoro's new position. Sanji's sleepy arm winds around Zoro's waist and despite all his insistence that Zoro doesn't do love his heart does this... thing... in his chest and he doesn't know why. Sanji is warm against his bare skin and despite not having solved his problem at all he can feel himself drifting off into sleep.
Sanji wakes him by trying to gingerly remove himself from Zoro's arms, Zoro holds him a little tighter and rolls into him so that he's the on sleeping on Sanji's chest instead. Sanji stills and pauses, he feels the other man let out a shaky breath and run a hand through Zoro's hair, ever so lightly.
Zoro shifts, he's tired and he wants to sleep and Sanji is so warm. His attention is entirely gathered though when he feels Sanji's hardness against his side. He remembers that Sanji's just woken up and he's in no better state himself either.
"Zoro, we gotta- oh fuck." Sanji curses as his alarm goes off on the bedside table. He rushes and rolls on top of Zoro, shoving him onto his back in order to reach over and shut off the deafening sound. Zoro opens his eyes and sees Sanji kneeling above him in bed, his hair messed up and his eyes wide. He doesn't say that it's a good look on Sanji and is glad that he has an excuse to be hard.
"Gonna shower." Sanji mumbles and flees the room.
Zoro considers that and, after a moment, curls up into Sanji's bed again. Fuck showering, he'll just go to work as he is. Yeah. Then he can stay warm in bed. Excellent plan.
He's just about drifted off to sleep when Sanji returns to the room and yanks him out of the bed, duvet and all. Zoro growls and looks up at his best friend/mortal enemy. Sanji is still slightly damp with his hair sticking to his face and the warm flush of the shower pinking his skin still. Zoro wants to haul him into bed.
"I was trying to sleep." He grouses up at the blonde.
"You're making yourself late for your first day back at work. Go shower! There's clean towels and stuff, now move." Sanji orders him, hauling Zoro to his feet and shoving him out of the room.
"I don't need to shower! I showered yesterday!" Zoro protests unhappily. Sanji pauses and Zoro thinks he actually feels him shudder.
"I didn't hear that. Get in there." Sanji snaps and shoves him into Sanji's bathroom.
Zoro looks around blankly, the room is still a little steamy from Sanji's own shower. Zoro kicks the door shut and slides his boxes off, he didn't wear anything else to bed after all. After the awkward fiddling with the dials that always comes from trying to work anyone else's shower he manages to get the thing running at a decent temperature and showers himself. Zoro boggles at the range of shampoos, conditioners, body washes and other unidentifiable bottles of brightly coloured things in Sanji's shower; the last time he saw this much body stuff was when he crashed at Nami's.
He emerges from the shower smelling of Sanji like things and coconuts. At which point he realises that he only has his boxers to get changed into, he'd ditched his work clothes in Sanji's room. He dries and replaces his boxers and peeks his head out of Sanji's bathroom feeling confusingly more naked than he did when he went in. All embarrassment disappears to be replaced by amused bafflement when his eyes land on Sanji doing the angriest ironing that Zoro has ever seen.
"When was the last time you ironed this shirt?! It looked like you'd just scrunched it up! You can't show up to work like this!" Sanji exclaims, furiously pressing creases into Zoro's shirtsleeves.
"I don't own an iron." Zoro answers and watches the full body twitch that overtakes Sanji.
Zoro spots his jeans on the sofa and shimmies into them.
"And jeans! The only reason I'm not making you wear something else is because nothing I have will fit you!" Sanji declares.
"As much as I love the whole housewife impression, can I have my shirt?" Zoro teases, resting his hands on Sanji's hips and his head on Sanji's shoulder.
"Call me a housewife again and I'll beat you to death with this iron and strangle you with the power cord. Put it on and if you crease it I'll kill you." Sanji threatens, handing Zoro the shirt and stalking off.
Zoro chews his lip, wondering if he's gone too far. Sanji did seem flustered though, all signs point to Sanji still being in love with him. Hmm. He tucks his cheap white shirt into his jeans and does them up, he doesn't know what the blonde is complaining about, these are his nice jeans.
Sanji returns with a black tie and look on his face that promises Zoro that he can either wear it or be garotted by it.
"I don't wear-" He tries.
"You do now. Keep that one and I'm buying you more, as well as some goddamn shirts that don't feel like you bought them at the supermarket." Sanji snarls. Zoro does not confirm that he did in fact buy his shirt there.
He watches as Sanji does up his newly acquired tie and thinks that this is all... incredibly domestic. He could easily trick himself into thinking that he and Sanji were together, that they even lived together. It's... okay. Which is beyond bizarre because he doesn't do relationships or domesticity, he's never wanted to live with anyone else in any other arrangement than being roommates. So... why now?
Sanji then leaves Zoro alone to put his own shoes on and fusses with his own outfit. Sanji ends up looking like the classily dressed motherfucker that he always does, not like a man who has duck patterned pyjamas and drools in his sleep, which he does. He watches Sanji lacing up his own shoes and doesn't know what he's supposed to feel.
"Come on, come on." Sanji urges and ushers him out of the house. Zoro knows how it must look to Sanji's neighbours but fails to give a single fuck. He can make it work on time if he goes now, but there'll be no time for breakfast with Sanji. When he explains that to the cook the blonde looks crestfallen and sad but accepts it nonetheless.
Zoro arrives at the school and has to sign a few things and deal with some very flustered looks from his headteacher. He ignores them and gets to work. He's covering for the high school section of the huge school today, he prefers working with the little kids but he doesn't get to pick really. Today the English teacher is sick, though Zoro suspects she's hung over knowing her, so he'll teach that today.
The first lesson is with the oldest year in the school, they get on with all of their exam revising and coursework, happy to not have a teacher messing up their time for once. Zoro lets them and answers questions when he's asked. The second lesson is with slightly younger kids and he spends most of the lesson administering a test that the teacher left for them, after that he lets them horse around for about ten minutes and then sends them off early. There's a reason he's the favourite teacher at the school.
The lesson before lunch is with twelve and thirteen year olds, they're covering Shakespeare for the first time and apparently have been doing so for months. They must be bored out of their tiny minds. Zoro doesn't know enough about Romeo and Juliet to teach a class on it and he doesn't know what they do and don't know. So he'll do something different.
"Right so, theme of the play. Gimme." He orders, sitting on his borrowed desk with the book in hand. The kids look at him blankly for a moment, as if expecting a trick.
"Love." One shouts out.
"Tragedy." Another calls.
"Awesome, right. So, people who think the book is about love and how great it is, hands up." He says. About half the class put their hands up.
"People who think it's about tragedy and Romeo and Juliet are idiots, show of hands?" He questions. A third of the class raises their hands, mostly boys and some rather goth looking girls. He likes cynical kids.
"People who have no idea?" He asks and some stragglers put their hands up.
"Cool. Cynics this side of the room; move your desks. Romantics that side and those who have no idea in the middle. Go, go." Zoro orders authoritatively and stares them down as they stare back at him. After a few seconds there's a lot of scraping and fuss as the kids reorganise themselves into their new arrangements. He loves teaching kids, you stare long enough at them and they'll do damn near anything you say. Adults are much too dumb for that, kids are smart.
"Okay, you lot are going to try to convince me, the other side and those indecisive guys in the middle to your point of view. If someone changes your opinion, move." Zoro explains.
"You. Why's the play more about tragedy? Why are these lot wrong?" He demands, pointing his hand at a girl with long flat black hair who's colour obviously came out of a cheap supermarket box dye. Ah, thirteen year olds.
"Cause. Juliet's retarded, she offed herself just because some pretty boy died. Didn't even stick around long enough to calm down. I mean, if he was already dead what was the point in offing herself too? She wasn't in love, she was a moron." the goth kid answers flatly.
"She was NOT! She was in love!" A girl from the 'love' side of the room declares insistently.
"She was our age!" one of the other class members shouts back.
Zoro grins and sits back as the students debate amongst themselves. They know the play inside and out and he's sure that this debate is doing more to challenge their knowledge and make them think than just reading it out would. He wades in regularly to keep it on track or to pause a student to make them cite their claims but all in all the students run the thing. By the end of the class there's no one left in the undecided middle of the room, opinions having been decided and defectors switched from both sides. A few kids stand out as particularly good debaters and he carefully writes their names down and leaves a note for their teacher commending them on their hard work and knowledge.
"They didn't marry for love in those days, it was about power and Juliet was upsetting that. Her father was trying to ensure that she had a good future with someone he approved of." One kid argues.
"But she'd found love, and if he'd listened to her and they'd communicated then this whole thing could have been prevented. Ah, hell." One of the tragedy students gets up and shuffles their desk over to the other side.
"She's still an idiot though!" He declares and sits down with a huff. The love part of the room cheers.
"So, Mr. Roronoa, you haven't told us what you think." the lead girl from the love camp says with a cunning smile. The entire class looks at him expectantly, shit.
"I... don't know." Zoro admits with a shrug. The entire class protests.
"Man, that's weak!" One kid shouts from the back.
"Hey! I used to be with the cynics over there. Juliet's stupid and Romeo is an idiot... but romantics have some good arguments." He admits. He senses someone at the door, probably the headmistress looking in on them. Well, she could see how well the kids were doing.
"Okay, consider this. All relationships end in pain or death. So why on earth should either Romeo or Juliet have got involved with each other?" He challenges them.
"God, that's bleak." One of the romantics murmurs wide eyed.
"True though, you either break up or you die." another says in horror.
"See!" one of the cynics exclaims triumphantly.
"Sir, you're missing the point." the girl smiles smugly.
"Enlighten me." Zoro challenges her.
"Love isn't the end product of romance or life or... or any of it. Romeo and Juliet didn't go through all of that to get love, they already had it. And though they made a bunch of bad decisions their relationship was a success. The point is to be in love, if you can't then yeah, it's a failure. But they did. If you fall in love with someone, marry them and grow old and die, that's not a failure, that's a success. If you're with someone and you love them intensely and they eventually leave you, you still succeeded because you got to be in love. Love is the point, not the... the thing you use to get somewhere." the girl explains.
The class is silent for a second until one of the students softly goes 'whoa'. Zoro agrees.
"The... the point of the play was that Romeo and Juliet had nothing else but love. They're both idiots, it makes their families hate them, their friends die and they die. ALL they had is love. And everyone reacts the way that they do because it was real and it mattered, that's not a failure. They won, they fell in love. They got something people search for their whole lives for. They loved and someone loved them back." She finishes.
Half of the cycnical side of the room ups and moves their chairs to her side, making the girl positively glow with glee. Even the remaining cynics are looking a little dubious.
The bell goes, making Zoro jump.
"Ah, crap. I'll move the desks, you lot go, you're missing lunch. Homework is... to write a response to that and... let me know what it is because... damn." Zoro says admittedly still struck by the girl's words.
"You need me to shout? Go!" He orders and the kids all leap up, grabbing bags and coats.
"Mr. Roronoa?" One kid says, pointing towards the door. Oh yeah, his sneaky visitor. Zoro turns, expecting to see the principal there but instead seeing Sanji leaning in the doorway watching him.
"Sanji." Zoro remarks in surprise.
"Didn't want to interrupt." Sanji smiles and looks at the class who are all watching him back, some more subtly than others.
"Move it shrimps." Zoro barks and the kids all scurry from the room.
"Those are some kids you've got there." Sanji says, raising a curly eyebrow.
"Yeah. I think a twelve year old girl just convinced me that love isn't as dumb as I thought it was." Zoro says, still dazed as he moves around the room to put the desk chairs back where they were.
"As president of the romantic idiot society I ought to thank her. She's got the right idea." Sanji chuckles, dropping his stuff on Zoro's desk and helping him moves chairs.
"You still believe that? Even after what you said to me last night?" Zoro questions and yeah, there's a flinch followed by Sanji relaxing. Sanji just remembered that what he'd dreamt he'd said or done wasn't real and that he doesn't know about it. Sanji grimaces instead, probably remembering how in a pit of agony he'd explained how no one ever loved him back.
"Yeah. It hurts like a bitch but I still believe in love." Sanji says softly.
"You're crazy, but you lot make some convincing arguments sometimes." Zoro admits and untangles two chair legs.
"I brought lunch by the way, seeing as you skipped breakfast which is awful and I will not allow you to ever do that again." Sanji insists with a glare that makes Zoro laugh and forget that the blonde just changed the subject awfully quickly.
Sanji starts babbling about his morning at work, about Zeff and some customers. It passes the time as they clear up the room. Zoro doesn't really listen though, his mind on Sanji's tearful words last night and the girl in class.