A/N: I think I may have gotten the episode wrong that is referenced here. If anyone knows the episode I should have used, please let me know. PS. I love this chapter because we get to see Tony doing some sharing and Ziva being the one who has to deal with the emotions. Hope you all enjoy! Thanks for the lovely reviews for last chapter, I'll reply as soon as I get some free time! ~Aliyah

Jimmy had been reluctantly elected to play her driver for Tuesday's session with Devon. But he was so nervous and unsure of what to say that Ziva was glad she'd booked a later appointment so she and Tony could go home together. The freedom to think that way hadn't yet ceased to amazing her and the thought still created a pause - their home together. Sometime soon they really should hang up the plaque from Ducky. She hadn't paid as much attention to it yesterday when their focus had been on all the baby things.

When Jimmy left her at the elevator to return to Autopsy with a smile and an awkward little wave, Ziva pressed the button for the third floor and was suddenly glad she was a few minutes early. Standing inside the car was none other than Gibbs. He smiled and moved to the side to make room for her, but Ziva invaded his space and hugged him.

"Thank you," she whispered with tears in her eyes. "I never expected such a wonderful gift."

The tenderness in his expression went straight through her heart as he brushed his hand down her cheek. "Neither did I."

She leaned up to kiss his cheek and suddenly couldn't find any more words. But Gibbs was a man who used only a few of them and used them to great advantage and with purpose. So there did not seem to be any more that needed to be said. He knew, without her saying it, how much the furniture meant, that she thought it was beautiful and would treasure it forever. And Ziva knew without hearing it again, that he loved her, had come to love both her and Abby, like the daughter he never got to watch grow up. They remained in comfortable, significant silence until the elevator stopped at her floor and she got off, leaving him with a smile.

Taking a few minutes to get her head in the right place for a session, Ziva walked into Devon's office right at five pm and the second both women were seated, the therapist's eyes snapped to her ring finger and delight filled her expression. "How was the wedding?"

Smiling, Ziva rested her hands on top of her bump. "Beautiful and surprisingly well put together when we only had a day to do it."

"Does it feel real yet?"

She shook her head. "It could still be a dream, I am not always sure."

"Enjoy that feeling," the doctor recommended, "of everything being brand new. Sometimes the glow wears away."

Her eyes shadowed. "Yes. I think perhaps it already has."

Devon cocked her head. "What do you mean?"

Ziva spread her hands. "It was never going to be easy, but this new closeness has brought out truths that Tony did not expect so soon. We are dealing with them slowly. I am just...unsure of how that will look once the baby is born. It will take away one of the things keeping him from me."

"We'll work on the intimacy stuff Ziva," Devon said softly, "and that will get more specific when you can give me examples of what is hard, what sets off you memories, what moments make you afraid. Being with Tony now...you'll learn the triggers pretty quick."

Ziva rubbed her forehead. "Some things I am trying to be okay with. I want to get used to the way he wants to touch and kiss me. But everything else will take a lot of time, I am not sure how much. I cannot even think of...that act without fear and revulsion. I still dream about their interrogation techniques and abuse. I do not want to be afraid of Tony."

Devon sighed. "It won't be easy, but we'll take it one step at a time Ziva, I promise. One day you will be able to accept every part of being married to him."

Wishing she was as confident, Ziva shrugged one shoulder and Dr. Andrews took the hint, shifting the subject slightly. "Okay, so you've been married four days. What's that like?"

Ziva smiled softly. "It is like coming home. We have been close for months but this is different, knowing we belong now. Some of the rules have changed and I am glad." She looked down at her fingers and slid her gaze over the rings Tony had given her. "I like going to bed now because he is always right there when I wake up. To be comfortable sleeping in his arms...to want that..." she trailed off. "I did not even think that was possible."

Devon was happy for her patient, that she'd finally found some happiness, but that in itself would not fix any of her issues. She stared at Ziva evenly. "What kind of affect does Tony have on your nightmares?"

The answer was slow in coming. "He is there to tell me they are not real, to hold me until I feel safe. I had one the night after our first and I may have had one Sunday night, but I did not wake up and it just went away." She looked perplexed because this had not happened before. "I think Tony may have touched and talked it out of existence."

"Well, that's something you didn't have before," Devon commented. "It's probably going to take some time for you to process the change."

Ziva nodded. "Perhaps next week I will be able to put more of my thoughts into words."

"About next week," the doctor began, "I was serious about those Skype sessions." Ziva started to protested but she wouldn't hear her. "It's great that people have been able to bring you in so far, but don't even try to tell me you're not exhausted right now. It's written all over your face." She lifted one eyebrow. "Dr. Meyers put you on partial bedrest for a reason."

Her expression clouded and Devon knew it was taking hard work for Ziva not to say anything. "I promise you'll be glad for the extra rest. And once you feel up to it, I'll be happy to see you again in person." She glanced at Ziva's belly. "You and your little one."

Mention of the baby crumbled Ziva's defenses and the tension dissipated so that they were able to get some more work done. At the end of her session, Devon's assistant Jorah knocked on the door. "Dr. Andrews? Sorry to interrupt but there's a man here to pick up Ms. Dav...uh, Mrs. DiNozzo."

Devon shot a curious glance at Ziva and smiled. "Thank you Jorah, send him in."

Tony entered the room a bit hesitantly, glancing around with what could be seen as nervousness or apprehension. But the moment his eyes fell on his wife, his grin bloomed and Devon had no trouble seeing how Ziva would have fallen for him. He held out his hand to her.

"Hi, I'm Anthony DiNozzo, Ziva's husband." She could tell he hadn't used those words much yet, the man still sounded like it was Christmas morning. He took a seat beside Ziva and leaned over to kiss her cheek quickly, looking into her eyes. When nothing he saw there worried him, he wove his fingers with hers.

"Since I'm sure you talk about me a lot, I figured we should meet," he smirked and Ziva rolled her eyes. This kind of remark was all they saw of the old Tony DiNozzo these days. Sometimes she missed the class clown part of him. Tony had grown up so much that she felt like she was still trying to absorb the change, even if she loved all the different parts that made him up.

Devon observed them without a word for several moments, noting the interaction between them and how much was said that didn't require either of them to open their mouths. Eye contact, looks, facial expressions and touch said it all for them. To be honest, she was kind of enjoying the show. Ziva was herself with him. Finally though she broke the spell when she spoke.

"I'm glad to meet you Tony," she wanted to laugh when it seemed the couple had only just remembered they weren't alone in the room, "and it's good that you came. Not right now but sometime after the baby is born, I'd like to do some joint sessions with both of you. A version of couple's counseling, if you will."

Tony swallowed hard at the though of seeing a shrink again, but he nodded anyways. "Sure, of course, whatever we need to do." He wasn't sure he wanted to talk with anyone else about their relationship, but it seemed to be helping Ziva, so maybe talking could help him sort through his thoughts as well.

Dr. Andrews watched Tony and was intrigued. He was clearly reticent about the idea, but willing to do anything for his wife. Right there he moved up a few notches on her respect scale. "Great," she said, making a note on her clipboard. "Well, that's it for today Ziva. I'll see you online next week."

Ziva wrinkled her nose but did not complain. "Goodbye Devon."

Tony and Ziva walked out of the building hand in hand and got in his car. He glanced over. "Did you want to go out tonight or stay in?"

She blinked quickly, trying to keep her eyes open. "I would probably fall asleep at a restaurant," Ziva admitted apologetically. "But I can make supper after I lay down for a bit."

He shook his head. "Allow me babe."

"You should not have to work all day and then make dinner as well!" Ziva insisted.

"Hey, thanks to your tutoring I've become a pretty capable cook over the last several months. At least let me try."

Ziva gave in gracefully. "Very well." She looked at him for a minute before voicing a question. "Tony, why did you get so tense when Devon suggested we come together?" She had felt it in his touch but didn't understand.

His fingers gripped hers a little tighter and he shrugged, trying to act nonchalant. It didn't work. "Being in therapy isn't part of my best memories."

Her eyes widened as she took in the information. "I did not know you had...seen someone before. When?"

Tony's tone was brittle even though he forced a smile for her. "Let's talk about this after dinner, okay?"

Ziva stroked her thumb slowly over his, trying to offer the comfort he always was for her. She was deeply familiar with needing time to work up the courage to share secrets. "Alright," she replied quietly and didn't push at all.

Relief showed in his eyes. As soon as they got home, Ziva made her way to the couch and Tony covered her with a light blanket, wishing now that there was a bedroom on the first floor - a bed would be much more comfortable than the couch, but it was too much effort to be coming up and down stairs all the time.

He leaned down to kiss her forehead. "Sweet dreams Zi."

While she slept, he got out ingredients and slowly put together a dish that was usually her specialty, then set the timer on the oven for an hour. Needing an escape, Tony went upstairs and into the spare room, still a mess of boxes that he and Ziva hadn't gone through yet. Maybe this weekend.

Lowering himself to sit on the bed that had been hers, he propped his elbows on his knees, dropped his head into his hands and blew out a breath. Telling Ziva why he'd gone to therapy would bring back dark days. Days that were still all too close even with them married and her alive and within arms reach most of the time. His head pounded as he thought about voicing those words, bringing to life what he'd prefer to think had been a nightmare instead of reality.

NCIS

Though Ziva had fallen asleep right away because her body needed to relax, she was restless, concern for Tony and general discomfort in her body making it difficult to give into slumber. Eventually she dropped off but the pained look in Tony's eyes that she'd seen in the car was still so close to the surface when he woke her less than two hours later.

Ziva blinked slowly and examined his face, her hand coming up to touch the skin softly. He leaned into the caress, closing his eyes and sighing. Then he pulled her up and nodded towards the kitchen. Ziva already recognized the aroma of her lasagna recipe.

Tony shrugged at her look. "Italian comfort food." She had a feeling they were going to need it.

But despite the meaty, cheesy, noodly goodness, neither of them ate much. They held hands across the small table that had been hers, saving the larger dining room table for company, Tony's finger sliding over her wrist to feel her pulse every few seconds. Finally Ziva set down her fork.

"Tony, you are not eating. You have not looked at me once. I think it is time to talk."

He sighed and squeezed her hand tighter. "Will you come upstairs with me Ziva?" Her gaze was inquiring, trying to discern how he meant those words. Tony shook his head in case she was thinking the wrong thing. "I just...want to hold you, okay?"

Tony knew he couldn't talk about this while looking into her eyes. He didn't want to see pity or guilt or sadness or regret or whatever else might be there. Ziva stood and followed him without question or comment and went willingly when he tugged her onto their bed.

She hesitated when he sat with his back to the headboard and propped his feet up on the bed, creating a space for her between his knees. But they were both fully clothed and Ziva knew Tony was not a threat to her. She settled with her back against his chest, conscious of the fact that they hadn't really been this close before.

After a few slow deep breaths however, Ziva made Tony her focus, because it was obvious he needed her right now. He folded his arms around his wife, enclosing her in a comforting embrace and started playing idly with her fingers. Finally he swallowed and she felt the change in his heartbeat. Whatever was next would not be easy to say.

"The first time I saw a psychiatrist was right after I left Baltimore PD. It was a big mess and there was a fallout with my partner and a woman I was seeing..." he shrugged. "I just needed help sorting out everything in my head." Tony closed his eyes and remembered the case with a guy on a ledge.

"McGee almost found out one time, but I played it off and he didn't ask again. Anthony DiNozzo doesn't go to therapy," he scoffed at himself. "He doesn't need anyone else, he doesn't have issues, he's too good for that." Tony sighed. "And then I wasn't."

Ziva leaned her head back onto his shoulder, her hair brushing his jaw, and pulled his arms more snugly around her. "The second time?"

His whole body tensed and his heart sped up, she was afraid of what he was thinking. "When you were dead." The words came out in a hoarse whisper, like he couldn't say them any louder. Ziva froze and she felt Tony's mouth by her ear. "I lost it Ziva, without you. No one's been exaggerating about how bad things were then." He clung to her presence here, her body in his arms, Ziva alive and breathing and with him. "It was either get help or give up and Abby wouldn't let me give up."

Ziva couldn't believe what she was hearing. She shifted so she could see his eyes and searched them carefully. He didn't shut her out, but the reluctance to let her in all the way was obvious. "You thought about giving up?"

Tony swallowed. "Uh, yeah."

She lay her palm on his chest to feel the comfort of his heartbeat, unsure if she really wanted to hear the truth. "How close did you get?" she whispered.

He didn't say anything for the longest time, then he finally spoke while twirling her hair around her finger so he didn't have to see into her eyes. "After a month there was a night McGee came over and asked for my gun." Tony shrugged. "He didn't trust me not to do something stupid. He was apologetic but insistent, wouldn't take no for an answer. I was so ticked at him, but I'm also not sure I've been more proud. Tim did what he thought was best, that makes him a good friend and a good agent."

Remembering was hard and Tony stole little glances as his wife as he continued. "The more I withdrew, the more Abby worried. She started tracking my phone, quite possibly bugged my apartment with micro-cameras just to keep an eye on me. When it got really bad, she made me call her every hour for two whole days until I promised not to do anything without giving her a chance to talk me out of it." He chuckled. "I got Bert as a roommate for two weeks to remind me of my promise."

Ziva didn't want to interrupt his train of thought with any questions. She was afraid if he stopped sharing, the subject wouldn't open again. And though it tore at her heart to hear how her absence had affected him, she felt something else as well. While she'd been getting ready to die in that cell, Tony had wanted to die because he thought she was already daed. It was a depth of loyalty and love that she had never known before, not in the live she used to live. She rested her head on his shoulder and kept listening.

Tony forced himself to keep going, knowing she deserved the details even if he didn't particularly like how they sounded. "When Gibbs actually started bringing me coffee in the mornings and Jimmy cornered me at odd times trying to get me to talk, I knew I'd reached a point where a choice had to be made - to come back from the grief or to give into it."

He shrugged. "That's when I started planning the mission to get Saleem. That was when I decided I'd do one last thing for you and leave everything else behind." He leaned his head back against the headboard. "No one else knew it was a suicide mission. Gibbs might've guessed, but he never tried to stop me." Tony sighed. "I guess he knows what the kind of loss feels like."

Startled at his confession, Ziva sat up again and met his troubled gaze. "Why did you care so much?" she asked, completely overwhelmed by what he was willing to do for her. "Why did you put yourself at risk for me?"

Tony brought his hands to frame her face, remembering their argument on a rooftop in Israel before she disappeared out of his life. "Because," he whispered, "I didn't know how else to show you that you mattered. Partner, best friend, almost something more. You were a constant in my life, always there until you were gone." Tony rested his forehead on hers. "I think I invented a thousand ways to say 'I love you' and hope that you would read between the lines."

Tears welled in her eyes, spilling down her cheeks when she closed them. Tony nudged her face up and captured her lips. The passion in his kiss took her breath away and Ziva was reminded of the night she danced - it had felt the same then too. The raw pain and desperation, the deep need to know this was real, it all came out again tonight.

When she couldn't handle any more she broke away, holding Tony as they both grieved for damage done. There was nothing else that night, only them together. Tony and Ziva didn't even bother getting changed for bed, they just slid down under the covers and Ziva stayed wrapped in the circle of her husband's arms. That he held her all night long, her scent infusing each breath, her pulse the thing that lulled him to sleep, was probably the greatest healing of all.

NCIS

By mid-afternoon on Wednesday, Ziva had tired of reading and relaxing. So when she woke up from her second nap, she headed to the kitchen, put on her iPod and got to work. Much later, when Tony came home from work shortly after the normal supper hour, he caught Ziva washing dishes.

He gave her a forlorn look. "Did you eat without me?"

Ziva shook her head. "Can you not smell it? The food is almost ready."

Tony hurried over to take a peek in the oven and licked his lips. "Mmm, shepherd's pie, I can't wait!"

She smiled. "I thought you would approve."

He eyed the pile of dishes in the sink and those she'd already done. "Okay, so if supper is in the oven, what's all this from?"

Ziva indicated the cooling racks and trays covered with dish towels that lined the island. "I needed to keep busy."

Tony's eyes widened. "Wow Zi, when Mandy said you could do light cooking, I'm not sure three different desserts and two full meals is what she had in mind."

His wife huffed and set her hands on her hips. "I wanted you to have good food to take to work for lunch. You should not always be buying something to eat." She shrugged. "And you can share the desserts with the team."

Sensing arguing was not the appropriate strategy, Tony slid his arms around Ziva's back and grinned. "Who says I want to share?" he retorted glibly, then raised an eyebrow at her. "I think I need a proper welcome home."

Any annoyance Ziva was feeling evaporated when he looked at her like that and a slow smile crawled across her face. "I am glad you are home," she said softly, meeting his lips with hers. The kiss was slow and sweet but interrupted by the oven buzzer.

Tony sighed dramatically and reluctantly released her to go get supper out. He retrieved something from the entry alcove and when Ziva turned around to get the plates, he was standing there with a bouquet of lilies and a tender expression. "Happy one week anniversary Ziva," he murmured, pecking her on the cheek.

Ziva was genuinely surprised at the unexpected gesture and she held the flowers gently, running her fingers over the petals. "They are beautiful, thank you." Her brow wrinkled. "Is it customary to celebrate each week?"

He stuck his hands in his pockets and shrugged. "I'm not sure. But each day with you is a miracle, so I wanted to make sure a whole week didn't go unnoticed."

Tony set the flowers aside and gathered Ziva into his arms, breathing in her coconut shampoo and absorbing her warmth. "I love you Zi." The baby kicked and he chuckled, leaning down to caress and kiss her bump. "I love you too Chipmunk, sorry for ignoring you." He glanced up at Ziva. "Sometimes it's really hard not to get distracted by Mommy."

Ziva's eyes glistened as she watched the scene. She would never get enough of seeing Tony like this.

NCIS

After dinner and dishes and putting away all evidence of Ziva's marathon cooking session, she settled on the couch and Tony grabbed something out of his bag and took a seat beside her. "So I've been thinking," he began, and Ziva smiled teasingly.

"That can be dangerous, can it not?"

Tony wrinkled his nose. "Hey now, no picking on the husband."

She raised an eyebrow lazily. "You are mine, yes? I should be able to pick on you a little."

He made a face. "Yeah, but you're supposed to be nice to me."

Ziva gave him a patiently humouring look. "What were you thinking about?"

Tony showed her what he had. "We're running out of time to pick a name for the baby. Unless," his expression became questioning, "you already had something in mind?" It was really her baby first and if she'd chosen something, he wouldn't get in the way. But he was hoping they could do this together.

Ziva opened her mouth, then closed it again and shook her head. "I have not..." She blinked. "I think I forgot about that part."

He grinned. "Well than Ms. Dav..uh, Mrs. DiNozzo, you're in luck. I stopped and got three baby names books on the way home." Tony handed them to her one at a time. "The first is Hebrew, next is Italian and I also got a normal one for if we really get stuck." He waggled his eyebrows. "Got a notebook?"

Ziva laughed at his enthusiasm and produced one out of her purse. She had a pen poised when Tony opened the first book, ready to take notes. He started at the beginning, pulling out names that sounded interesting or had cool names. She tried not to make fun of him when he struggled with the pronunciations, and helped whenever he looked too lost.

By the time they were halfway through the C's, Ziva chuckled. "Tony, these are all girl names. I know what you think about this baby, but what if you are wrong and we have a boy?"

Tony frowned in her direction. "Ziva, she's a girl. I just...know it. I can't explain how. Our baby is going to be a girl and we need to have a nice girl's name ready for when she comes." He stared at her belly. "Which could be any day now so there's no time to waste."

Ziva rolled her eyes but said no more. He was convinced and there was no arguing with him. Still, she decided to pick a boy name just in case. Caleb had been a childhood friend of hers who died during their time in IDF. But she'd always loved the name. And if they had a boy, he should have his father's name as well.

Biting her lip, Ziva hid a sigh, wondering if it would always feel like a lie to call Tony her child's father. Then she shook her head and jotted 'Caleb Anthony DiNozzo' in the margin. It was just right. After staring at it awhile, she interrupted Tony's list with an idea.

"We should each pick one name," she suggested. "One Hebrew and one Italian so our baby will be a reflection of both parents and cultures, even if she will be American by birth."

Tony paused. "That's a good thought. And I know we haven't gotten to the Italian book yet, but...my nonna's middle name was Caprice, same with my mom. It's a family tradition. So...y'know, if you like it, maybe our little girl could be part of it too."

Ziva's expression softened. "I would like that." She glanced back at the names she'd compiled so far and one caught her eye. "Tony," she asked, "what was the meaning of 'Chaya'? C-h-a-y-a," she spelled it in case the way she said it confused him.

He flipped back through the pages and quickly found it. Tony stared at the words a moment and focused his gaze on her. "Life. Chaya means life, Zi."

Ziva made a notation beside the name and suddenly had no desire to look further. "Chaya Caprice DiNozzo," she said slowly, meeting his eyes. "What do you think?"

Tony scooted closer and slipped his arm around her shoulders, kissing her cheek. "I think it's perfect Ziva. Chaya, the reason for our new life and a new little life of our very own."

She smiled and their hands linked over her belly. Chaya. She had a name, now they just had to wait.