A/N: This chapter is going to get emotional. You have been warned. Enjoy and have a great weekend! :)
Tony called Ziva from work around ten am Thursday morning, hoping he wouldn't wake her up. She'd still been sleeping when he left at seven. Concerned when he had to try twice before she answered, the first words out of his mouth were, "Hey, are you okay?"
Ziva smiled. "I was outside."
A wrinkle creased his forehead. "You're not going for walks when I'm not around, are you?"
She poured a glass of water and shook her head even though he couldn't see her. "I was looking at the backyard. I think we need to plant some flowers."
Tony sighed inaudibly. "Okay, we'll talk about that. Just don't start any projects without me, okay?"
Ziva rolled her eyes. "Did you only call to check up on me Tony? We are fine." She felt a kick and settled on the couch. "The baby says hello."
He grinned. "Thanks. And I wanted to give you a head's up. A friend of mine is going to be stopping by any minute now. Don't worry, she's safe. You won't need your gun."
It was upstairs anyways and she couldn't move that fast right now. Ziva raised an eyebrow. "She?"
Tony shrugged. "Sorry Zi, I can't tell you any more, it would ruin the surprise."
The doorbell rang and Ziva looked up. "Is it a good surprise?" she asked, standing slowly.
"I hope you think so. Love you Zi, gotta go."
"I love you," she replied, though he was already gone. She peeked out the window and opened the door. On their front porch was a shorter, older woman with white hair and a gentle smile. Ziva had to agree, she did not look dangerous.
"Hello," she said cautiously.
The woman extended her hand. "Hello Ziva. My name is Grace McPherson. We've never met but your husband bought my piano. May I come in?" Ziva stood back and allowed her to enter. Grace looked around, her bright eyes taking it all in. "You have a lovely home."
"Thank you," Ziva replied, still not sure what she was doing here.
Grace's face lit up when her eyes fell on the piano and she looked at Ziva for permission. "May I?"
It was like watching someone find an old friend and Ziva smiled. "Yes."
Grace slipped out of her shoes and walked over to the instrument, running her fingers reverently over the shiny top and smooth keys. She turned back to her hostess. "Do you like it?"
Ziva moved closer and nodded. "I love it. I never expected such a wonderful gift. But I have not had time to enjoy it yet." She gestured to her midsection and twisted her rings around. "I am not sure how much of our story Tony has told you, but things have been a little batty lately."
If Ziva's word choice confused her, Grace didn't say so. Instead she sat on the couch with an expectant expression. "I only met your husband once and hadn't heard from him again until this week. I was surprised to hear he has a wife now." She glanced at Ziva's belly. "And expecting a baby I see. But if you don't mind, I would love to hear whatever you want to tell me."
Completely at ease with the woman even though they just met, Ziva smiled. "Would you like some tea? It is a very long story."
Grace looked pleased. "I would love some."
NCIS
Hours later and after a light lunch, Ziva had told Grace the PG and national security safe version of how she and Tony ended up together. It was complicated and she left out a great deal, but the important parts were still there. Grace leaned back when Ziva finished and folded her hands together.
"Your husband told me he wanted my piano for someone very special. I see now that I made the right choice to sell it to him." she glanced back at her prized, former possession and then to Ziva. "Would you play me something? It has been too long since I heard the music."
Happy to oblige and glad to have a reason to finally indulge in the instrument, Ziva moved gracefully to the piano bench and sat down. Her fingers fell into position on the keys, her eyes slid shut and from memory she began to draw a song from them.
Grace watched with a mixture of pride and fascination as Ziva threw herself into the music, letting it pour out of her soul as it had not done in years. So powerful was the release and connection, that it reminded Ziva of her dancing and she let her fingers waltz across the keys. Notes flowed forth and filled the room, leaving a reverent hush when she finally stilled and the last lingering echoes faded away.
Her face flushed and eyes aglow, Ziva looked at Grace with a joy filled expression. The older woman clapped in delight. "That was wonderful my dear. You have a great deal of talent. To play like that you must have studied for years."
Ziva inclined her head. "Playing has always been one of my escapes, but I have not done that in...a long time." She eyed her guest questioningly. "Would you...like to play a duet?"
Grace rubbed her hands together and regret showed on her face. "It isn't easy to play anymore. My arthritis..." she sighed.
"We could do something short and simple, maybe a children's song or a hymn," Ziva suggested.
She considered this and finally nodded. "I can try."
They sat side by side and Ziva picked out the beginning notes of 'Joyful, Joyful'. Grace set her long but slowly twisting fingers on the keys and began to fill in the melody. They only played a couple verses, but it was enough to bring tears to Grace's eyes.
"I've missed this," she confided when they finished. "Music has been a part of my life as long as I can remember and the arthritis has taken that away, as well as many other things."
Ziva frowned. "Can the doctors do nothing for it?"
Grace shrugged. "There isn't a cure, but I will be starting some new medication soon. Maybe it will do something the others haven't."
It was sad to see an older person still so vibrant who could not do the things she loved. Ziva remembered her tour of the backyard earlier and gazed out the sliding glass doors behind their diningroom table. An idea occurred to her. "Grace, do you know anything about flowers?"
Curiosity infused the older woman's eyes and she nodded. Ziva had a feeling it was going to be a wonderful afternoon.
NCIS
When Tony got home around seven pm, one of the first things Ziva did was thank him for sending Grace over. "I enjoyed spending time with her."
He grinned. "I thought you might. She'll probably come back often. I think she's lonely now that she'd not teaching anymore."
"I would like that," Ziva decided. "Grace stayed for most of the afternoon. She is going to help me choose flowers to plant in the yard."
"Sounds good," Tony agreed. "Why don't you ladies come up with a plan and pick a Saturday? I'll be in charge of the digging."
Ziva rolled her eyes. "I think I can manage a hand shovel Tony."
He looked her up and down. "Not if I tell Mandy."
The threat was serious and Ziva gave up for now. Suddenly five weeks felt like forever with all the restrictions she faced. Instead of arguing though, she pulled out two servings of lasagna leftover from Tuesday and warmed them in the microwave. They sat at the table and spent the meal catching up on each other's day.
After their late dinner, Tony suggested a movie in their room and decided to put on pjs first so they could go right to sleep when it was over. Ziva followed suit and they spent a relaxing couple hours cuddled together on their bed. As the credits rolled, Tony looked down at Ziva in his arms, his eyes raking over the dark lines on the skin he could see. He licked his lips and hesitated, then finally turned towards her.
"Ziva," he asked, running his fingers lightly over her forearm, "will you let me see your scars..." he paused, then forced the rest out. "All of them?"
Ziva's eyes widened and she tensed automatically. Her heart started racing, her breathing accelerated and she shut her eyes tight as she fought the reaction. Beside her Tony curled closer, aware of at least some of the turmoil she was facing. Deep inside Ziva knew what else he was asking - it had been six years since he saw her naked while they were undercover. He wanted to see her, to look at her body, probably to touch and she was afraid, so afraid of the unknowns.
Already he was holding her tighter, murmuring quiet, soothing words in her ear, using his voice and his hands to help calm her. They stayed for a long time in that silence while her thoughts flew around in circles and she battled her instincts for safety against her love for Tony and the trust he deserved. Finally she drew a shuddering breath and moved away from him to stand beside the bed.
Her fingers fumbled with the snaps on her shirt, unsteady because she was literally shaking. Tony saw and in a moment was in front of her, putting his hands over hers. "Only if you're ready Zi," he whispered, looking into her eyes. "Only if you want to share this with me. I don't want to pressure you honey, I don't want you to be scared."
Bolstered by his strength and love, Ziva shook her head. "I will never want to share what they did Tony, but you have waited so long to be let into my life." She drew a breath. "If I do not do this now, I will not be able to."
He nodded in understanding, ready to take this step with her. Or at least, he hoped he was. With Tony's help Ziva unfastened all the snaps and let him slide the shirt from her shoulders. Reaching for the tie on her pants, she undid it and allowed them to fall to the floor as well.
Standing there practically naked before him, Ziva kept her eyes shut, unsure of what she would see if she looked. But Tony stepped closer and cupped her face in his hands, breathing against her lips as he stared at her closed eyelids. "Look at me sweetheart. Open your eyes Ziva, please." Reluctantly she did, but instead of the revulsion she feared, there was only love in her husband's eyes. He smiled and leaned in to kiss her lips softly, briefly. "Thank you."
Tony grasped her hands and moved back a little to take her in, trying to control his reaction to Ziva in just her bra and black lace underwear. As much as he liked and approved of her choice in lingerie, that was not his focus tonight. Someday hopefully, but not now.
Swallowing hard, his eyes skimmed over her from head to foot, feeling his gut clench at how many scars there were. This was everything he hadn't been allowed to see before it and it was harder than he expected just to look at them. Not because the scars detracted from her beauty, but because they screamed of her suffering and Tony suddenly wasn't so sure how long he could listen.
For Ziva's sake though, he tempered his reaction even as he slowly spun her around to see the rest, then led her back to the bed. They sat facing each other for a moment before Tony picked up her hand and kissed her palm, seeking permission with only his gaze to touch her skin.
The trust in Ziva's expression was mingled with a deep fear bordering on panic. The last time a man had put his hands where her clothes always covered... She shuddered and had to fight the urge to push him away. But this was not some terrorist here to hurt her, this was Tony. Tony who loved her, Tony who was safe, Tony who had not caused even one of her scars. Tony, who perhaps as Abby hoped, might be the one who could help heal them. So with her eyes closed, Ziva nodded once and held her breath.
The touch of Tony's fingers were like fire, but she savoured it just the same. Gentle, willing touch with nothing harsh about it, such as she hadn't felt in so long that Ziva couldn't remember a specific moment. Slowly, carefully, Tony traced every one of her scars, letting his fingers run over every inch of her skin that they covered except the private areas of her body. That would scare her whether she trusted him or not and Tony knew she would have no control over her reaction once the flashbacks hit. They had enough to deal with tonight.
He brought his hand to her face, caressing her cheek with his thumb and staring deeply into her eyes. "Why are there no marks here?"
Ziva shivered, remembering when black eyes, a broken nose and split lips healed. "Because the men wanted something pretty to look at," she shared in less than a whisper, hating the words. Left unsaid was why they wanted that and what they were doing while they looked.
Tony closed his eyes and brought his forehead to hers, absorbing her words and trying to figure out how to undo the damage. It wasn't in anything he could say, only in his actions and choices every moment of every day they got to spend together. So he kissed her forehead and brushed his lips over the childhood scar on her earlobe before continuing his perusal.
He trailed his fingers lightly down her neck and across her shoulders. There were old burns there, but no dark lines from whips or blades. Ziva's arms he was already familiar with, so Tony kept his attention to a few brief kisses on each side. Then came the scar he'd seen on her collarbone the night she let him watch her dance. It had haunted him for days afterwards. His fingers ran down the length of it, treading on dangerous ground as it ended right where her bra began. Ziva's hand covered his, stopping him from going any further.
"Tony..."
He kissed her fingers. "It's okay Zi." Her eyes said it wasn't but he needed her to believe him. "I won't do anything that makes you afraid babe. I'm not one of them." Slowly she released his hand, but not before he felt how fast her heart was beating. It was costing her a lot to let him do this.
Tony eyed the taut skin of Ziva's abdomen that had stretched to accommodate their growing baby. He spread his hands over her belly and bent down, pressing feather soft kisses on lighter lines crisscrossing the skin there and along her ribs. He ran his thumb under her right breast where the damage seemed deliberate.
A tear slipped down Ziva's face and she fingered the raised area. "Acid," she said finally.
He traced the spot again. "What were they trying to get rid of?"
She drew a sharp breath. "It used to be a tattoo, Tali's name and birthdate. I got it after she died." Her breath caught. "They took great pleasure in...obscuring it once they realized it was personal."
Tony sighed. Her sister's name. Was there anything they hadn't taken away? Lost for words, he returned to his exploration of the faded slashes up and down her legs, ending with the abused soles of her feet. At last she turned so her back was facing him and Tony saw the worst they had done.
Dark raised lines - the healed welts from whip lashes. Burns - from many different sources. Long lines - carved deeply by knives into the muscles. Smaller grooves - possibly bullet grazes, meant to cause pain but not to kill. He wished that he couldn't imagine her torment, but he'd seen that room and it was all too real.
Overcome with the need to hold her, Tony enveloped Ziva in his arms, pulling her back against his chest and dropping his head to her shoulder. When Ziva felt wetness on her skin she turned, unable to keep back her own tears when she saw her strong and confident husband crying over what they had done. Tenderly she wiped them away and he kissed several of hers.
Tony was grateful that tonight was not also the time when he would hear her stories of the camp and find out what had caused all her scars. Those he would learn one by one over the years, there was no rush. And maybe one day Somalia would finally fade from both of their memories. But the anger filling him as he pictured Ziva being hurt made that day seem so far away.
With her eyes fixed on his, Tony ran his hands over her body again, not wanting to lose the opportunity to touch her and wanting to appreciate what she was allowing him to do. Along the way he stopped to kiss many of the larger scars, letting his lips linger on her skin. He felt so helpless realize that was the most he could do. Nothing else, maybe nothing at all, would ever make them better.
His touch was infinitely gentle and another tear escaped her eyes. Tony brushed it away. "What Zi?"
She shook her head, lips trembling as she spoke the words. "I do not know how you can touch me as if no one else ever has."
Splaying his fingers over her pregnant belly, he smiled at her with so much love in his eyes. "I want my hands on you to be a memory that covers over all the others. I always want to be the last man who has touched you this way."
Ziva had no words left. She tugged him closer and skimmed her lips over his. But that wasn't enough and Tony captured her lips again as soon as she pulled away, molding his mouth to hers, his lips moving with hers, telling her everything that look and touches hadn't already proclaimed loud and clear. Nothing would ever change his love for her.
As the moment grew more heated, Ziva broke the kiss and held her hands out to keep him from coming closer. Sitting there in only her bra and underwear and making out with her husband was something she wasn't ready for yet. He understood and didn't move when Ziva got up to put her pjs back on.
Breathing hard, Tony lay back on his pillow and waited until she crawled into bed. When he was sure he'd calmed down enough, Tony slid over to her side and lay facing his wife. He tucked some hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead. "Thank you for trusting me to see them."
Ziva held his hand to her cheek. "You have not given me a reason to be afraid."
He wanted to promise that he never would but knew it was impossible. The closer they got, the more her memories would come up and Tony already wanted to brace himself for the next time she looked at him with fear in her eyes because of something he had done. Instead he stared into her beautiful brown gaze.
"I love you even more for having seen the scars Ziva, I promise. You're still the most beautiful woman know."
She raised her face to his, this kiss slow and grateful and reassuring without crossing any lines. Ziva nestled her head into his neck and Tony just held her for the longest time, hoping she couldn't feel the emotions that continued to course through his body. His last thought before falling asleep as he pressed a kiss to Ziva's curls was wondering if tonight would make her dream. He didn't want her to have anything else to fight.