After several nights with little sleep, Fenris slept long and deep with Hawke's warm, hairy presence against his back. Life as a slave or a fugitive were both not suited for deep, peaceful slumber. Fenris knew no better than to wake up in the early morning, at dawn. Often nightmares woke him even before the sun greeted the new day. But this night, in the narrow bed he suddenly shared with Hawke, he slept like a child. Long, without demons spinning dreams that would continue to haunt him during the day, and when he opened his eyes this time, half of the morning had already passed. This time, a beard tickled in his neck, warning him before a hot kiss was planted there.
"Mmm morning," he mumbled as he rolled back to look at Hawke through half-opened eyes.
"Good morning," Hawke replied with a bright smile. "You're a tight sleeper. I would have thought you'd be awake long before I was."
"I'm usually a light sleeper. Sleeping late is a luxury I was never permitted."
Hawke kissed him again, this time on his cheek. "Well, I'm glad to find you sleeping next to me when I woke up."
Fenris frowned. "You didn't still expect me to leave in the middle of the night, did you?"
"No. I'm just... glad. To see you. I can still scarcely believe it. I didn't really expect it anymore that we could... be together." Hawke sighed. "I... I knew it was wrong of me to want you, and to push you for that, considering your history..." He let his fingers trace the lyrium carvings in Fenris' neck. "My magic won't go away," he whispered. "And neither will your scars. So before we are letting this go any further, I need to know if you are okay with it now... No second thoughts. Because I understand if you do, but then I need to know now. If there is any doubt in your mind, this is the moment to say it. Because if you have doubts, I know we should not try to do this. Then we stop. I... don't want to push you, but it has been a long time, and if you're still not sure, it won't work. I know it's scary and unknown, that's fine. But you can't have doubts. Not anymore. So..." Hawke took a deep breath.
"Hawke..."
Ignoring Fenris, Hawke continued: "So I'm offering you a way out. If you are even the tiniest bit uncertain, you have to tell me now. Before I have allowed myself to believe that this... that this can last. Because I can't..."
"Hawke, I..."
Hawke simply went on, determined to say everything he had on his mind now that he had come up with a new reason why Fenris would want to give up on him, despite all his previous reassurances. Fenris shook his head, deciding a change of strategy was required. Slowly he let his hand creep lower over Hawke's abdomen.
"I don't want to feel the disappointment after you let me believe we can actually be together. I know we're not the perfect couple. We're more of an insane type of match. And again: no pressure, but... I've always felt that I... need you, Fenris. Oh, I probably should have waited with saying that. Now I really sound crazy. I don't even know why I'm feeling this way with you, but..."Hawke gasped as Fenris' hand found what it was looking for. "What... what are you doing?"
"What does it feel like?" Fenris rumbled in a low voice.
"Uhm... but I... wasn't done talking."
"Sometimes you talk too much." He applied more pressure, squeezing with his rough fingers, and Hawke moaned. Fenris felt the tension that had built up inside of Hawke disappear. The man relaxed against him, giving in to his touch.
"I thought I was clear yesterday. The... two times I told you I was a coward when I ran away and kept hiding from what I felt. I admit I found it... troubling that you are a mage... but the truth is that I had to keep reminding myself of that fact. I had to force myself to think about it, and tried to use it to hate you... but I can't." Fenris continued to move his hand up and down while he spoke, with long, languid movements he knew were a bit too slow for Hawke. "I don't care that you have magic. I can't care. When I think of you, when I see you, I don't think of you as a mage. For reasons I don't understand either I want you and you want me. I won't resist it any longer. I have left my doubts behind. Is that enough for you?"
"You... mmm... you'll have to repeat that later. I haven't heard a word of what you said."
A content chuckle got stuck in Fenris' throat as Hawke's hand closed around his own length. It was a lot harder to mock Hawke for his arousal when he was equally helplessly caught in desire.
When they were finished, Hawke collapsed next to him on the bed. 'Don't think that you can always shut me up like this from now on," Hawke panted.
"Of course not."
Hawke eyed Fenris suspiciously at the lack of seriousness in his voice, but eventually decided not to react on it. "So, what's it like to be free?" he asked instead.
A smile lit up Fenris' face. "It feels good. At first I felt lost, but now I think I can get used to it."
"You do know you no longer have an excuse for not cleaning your house, don't you? The corpses have to go. Finally."
Fenris chuckled. "Fine, I'll clean up."
"You also need a bigger bed. I don't know how you've managed to sleep in this tiny thing. My ass is hanging over the edge."
"I've never had trouble with this bed. Perhaps it has more to do with your ass."
"Hey, you're not allowed to mock my behind just yet, you scrawny elf. For human standards my ass is perfectly fine."
Fenris laughed. He had not dared to dream that he would ever lie next to Hawke, joking and teasing each other. At the moment his only regret was that he had not found the courage to accept his feelings earlier. He could have had this so much sooner if he had.
The happiness of their reunion was not left in peace for long. Not a week later Fenris opened the door to his - now relatively clean - house for a pale-looking Hawke. "I think I've made a big mistake," he said as soon as he stepped over the threshold.
Fenris was immediately on edge. "What have you done?"
Hawke waited with giving an answer until he had walked up the stairs and fallen down in a chair. "You know I helped Anders collect ingredients for a potion that should reverse the merging with Justice?"
Fenris nodded, his frown deepening. When the abomination was involved, this could not be good.
Hawke let out a sigh. "Well, there is no potion. He told me that today. And he wanted my help to get into the Chantry without being seen."
"Why would he want that?"
"I have no idea. But it... it can't be good, Fenris. I regretted it immediately. I should never have agreed in the first place, but Anders... well, let's say he more or less blackmailed me into helping him."
"You do not owe him anything, Hawke!" Fenris felt his blood boil. He was not even surprised. How many mages would hesitate to use someone to achieve their goal? He knew only one, and the abomination certainly was not him. But as usual Hawke, as the only good person in the city, attracted trouble. "I can't believe you let him talk you into helping him! What has he ever done for you to deserve your aid?"
"More than enough. And you shouting at me isn't helping anything. It's already done, and I told you I regret agreeing to it."
"Then what do you intend to do about it?"
Hawke deserved better than to be used by the abomination. If Hawke would not stand up to resist the abomination's foul play, Fenris would. Hawke was his now, and he would not allow somebody else to drag Hawke with him to his doom. He...
Hawke, who seemed to have reclaimed some of his old vigor, interrupted Fenris' heated thoughts. "It's probably not as bad as it seems. For all we know he has hidden more manifesto's in the Grand Cleric's office," he attempted to lighten the mood.
"You can't truly believe that."
Hawke looked away. "Maybe not. But I don't know what else I can do at the moment. It's done. I can only hope Anders still has enough control over Justice."
"He has already shown he has no control over the demon inside him," Fenris spat. "You should not expect anything else. He is an abomination."
"That's enough. I... I will think about it. In the meantime," he looked intently at Fenris, "You stay away from him, got it? If you start interfering, things will explode."
Fenris waited till nightfall before he left the house. Hawke had returned to his own estate shortly after their talk. He had not needed much time to convince himself it would all be alright and that Anders would never use him to do something terrible. Fenris had a different opinion, and that was why he decided to ignore Hawke's order and seek out the abomination. He would find out what the monster was planning, and tear his heart out if he had to. He would not let Hawke get hurt, not even by his own gullibility. Hawke could be a smart man if he wanted to, but when it came to people who appeared in need of help, he was always quick to trust. Too quick if you asked Fenris. Especially when mages were involved.
Hawke would be mad if he found out Fenris had taken action while Hawke had asked him not to, but Fenris did not care. Hawke was wrong, and this time he would not stand by and watch. He knew now they could disagree and still care about each other. He would risk Hawke's anger for his safety.
The lantern next to the entrance of the clinic was still lit, but the doors were closed. Fenris did not hesitate and pushed the door open without knocking. The hinges creaked in loud protest before the door smacked against the wall. Both the abomination and a young woman with a round belly were startled by the sound. His concentration on the healing spell failed, and the abomination took a step back, his eyes cautious and fixated on Fenris. The pregnant woman made herself small on her bed, avoiding to look at either man.
"What have you done?" Fenris' markings were already ablaze, sending a bright blue light across the room. With large steps he approached the abomination, who was backing away until he hit the far wall of the room.
"I have a patient," he hissed angrily. "Get out, you mad dog."
With a snarl that bared his teeth, Fenris grabbed the human's collar and lifted him up. The lyrium increased his already formidable strength. "What have you used Hawke for!" Fenris yelled. "Tell me or I will rip your heart out of your chest, and I won't even use these," he lifted his left arm to show the blue glowing veins that circled across the skin, "to do it."
"Hawke chose to help me, whether you like it or not," the abomination gasped. Fenris had slammed him so forcefully against the wall that the air had been crushed out of his lungs. "I didn't force him to do anything. He supports my cause."
"WHAT DID YOU USE HIM FOR?"
The abomination spat on Fenris' brow. "Put me down."
"Fine, don't tell me. I'll just kill you now so that you can't cause any more trouble," Fenris growled.
"You... will not..." The light skin of the mage cracked and revealed a blue that was similar to the color of Fenris' markings. The amber of the eyes made way for the flashing color as well. Within a few seconds his entire body was covered with the magical light. "... stop justice!" the abomination roared in a voice that had suddenly become very unnatural.
Before Fenris had the chance to react, the abomination's fist had made contact with his chin with a dazzling blow. His hold on the mage's robes loosened and he fell back. Through the fog in his mind he heard the young woman scream. Apparently she had not anticipated that her underground healer could be a possessed monster.
Fenris shook his head a few times to clear his dazed mind. The emerging of the demon had given the mage a strength that was beyond that of a normal human. It was only thanks to the power of his markings that he had not lost consciousness. Still, it took time to recover, and time was scarce in this situation. While his vision sharpened again, the abomination had closed the small distance between them and stretched out a hand to grab Fenris' hair. Now he was the one to be lifted into the air.
"You should be punished for your closed-mindedness," the abomination boomed. "Mages deserve their freedom, and you will not stop it!"
"The only mage I care about is Hawke," Fenris grunted. "The rest of you can rot away in the Gallows for all I care."
He tried to kick the abomination, but his answer had angered the monster even more, and with a loud cry he was thrown away. He landed at the far end of the room, in front of the door he had entered through. The pregnant woman was still sitting on her bed, one hand pressed against her mouth to silence her frightened sobs, the other clenching her belly. Why she had not simply run away while the abomination held him by his hair Fenris did not understand. There was no point in staying here. Or was she still hoping the mage would finish his healing on her? The world was filled with fools. And right now he was one of them, because this did not seem like something he could win. Sparks jumped between the fingers of the abomination. Fenris rolled to his left as soon as he saw the lightning bolt leave his opponent's hand. It struck the floor right behind his back. Fenris could sense the heat of the charge through his armor.
He was in trouble. The spells the abomination had at his disposal would keep him at a distance, and if he could not get close, there was no way he could finish him. He would not lose his freedom, his life, to this failure of a mage.
Staggering, Fenris came to his feet, keeping low to have a greater chance of dodging a new magical attack. The abomination was watching him closely, but did not immediately attack again. Fenris considered his chances one more time, but came to the same conclusion. It was better to get away now that he still could. Unfortunately he had failed at helping Hawke. He had hoped to sabotage whatever plan the abomination had set up, but he had been foolish and had allowed the monster to surprise him with the demon's strength.
Fenris kept an eye on the abomination while he retreated through the still open door. The shift of the magical aura in the room suggested the abomination was planning to surprise him with a last spell. Ice, judging by the slightest tingle that travelled through the lyrium in his body.
At the exact moment an ice spike broke through the wooden floor, Fenris launched himself backwards. The sharp tip of the frozen spear cut his right calve, but other than that he landed unharmed.
The abomination made no attempt to follow him out of his clinic. Probably because he did not want to raise alarm and alert the templars to his presence. Fenris was able to flee the scene without further trouble, with only a few minor injuries. The more serious one to his pride not included.
When Hawke inquired about his bruised chin the following day, Fenris told him he had had a run-in with the Coterie. He did not dare to confess his failed fight with Anders. He had wanted to take the matter into his own hands, but now he was forced to do what Hawke had chosen to: wait until the abomination decided to set his plan in motion, and pray that they could escape the blast.