Lessons of Love
Chapter 2 Understanding
Standard Disclaimer: I don't own Monk.
Notes: Sorry for the delay in posting, let me remind you where we left off: Adrian's down in the kitchen, having spent the night fretting over what he did to make Natalie mad. After all, all he did was get jealous over the vast number of guys she's dated and mutter something about her 'worrisome past'! LoL, now why would that anger Natalie? Hmm…..
Thanks so much for all the lovely reviews and PMs~ ya'll are the best! ;)
The bright morning sun sliced through the kitchen, highlighting the worry-lines that etched Adrian's face. He sat slumped at the table, waiting. After a seemingly endless night, fatigue weighed on his body and doubt hollowed his heart. Though it had been months since he last felt the dread of abandonment, the sting of unworthiness, his old insecurities had reawakened with a vengeance.
Anytime anything good happens, there's a catch…
Defeated by pessimism, the simple act of breathing was a monumental endeavor. There's always a catch… Faint sounds, Natalie upstairs, roused Adrian from his snarled thoughts. Slowly, reluctantly, he rose to his feet, a man anticipating the worst.
The treds of the staircase creaked; she was coming downstairs. Adrian felt light headed as Natalie drew nearer and nearer. Her footsteps were drowned out by his thunderous heartbeat. Circulating faster and faster, his blood curdled with despair.
She wordlessly entered the kitchen, her blue eyes sharply sweeping across the room. Adrian grimly stood his ground, his bleary eyes meeting her wary gaze. Her silence was devastating.
"Natalie? I'm -" Adrian managed a whisper, "Sorry about yesterday."
"Good!" A smile cracked her face and she approached, her hands coming to rest on his chest, "you should be, my soon-to-be husband."
Under her light touch, a gleam of hope stirred. His hands found her hips and he stepped nearer, desperate to ask one question. The answer would banish his insecurities and make his life right again. He took a breath, "So we're still going to Lake Tahoe?"
Cupping his face, Natalie chided, "Adrian, you need to have faith in my love for you. One little fight isn't going to send me running. Right?" Holding her gaze, he nodded in agreement, ashamed he had relapsed so easily into his insecurities. Natalie smiled and slipped her hands down his chest then around his waist, tightening their embrace. "I still want to get married-" rising to her tip-toes, she gave a playful kiss, "Do you?"
"I do," He laughed, tears burning his eyes. Their future was safe. He lifted his hand and caressed her cheek, softly repeating, "I do, Natalie."
"Remember those words, Adrian." She gently admonished, nuzzling her cheek against his palm.
"I will," he solemnly promised. Tilting her face up, he first kissed her lips then, drawing her to his chest, kissed her temple. With her hand fluid along his back, he relaxed into her embrace. Breathing in her scent, absorbing her warmth, Adrian found his thoughts wandering and, unexpectedly, his body yearning. His hands traveled her back and shoulders, deliberate and reverently. She shifted under his touch and he wondered if she felt the flames that raced through his veins. When Natalie loosened her embrace and leaned back, a mischievous expression lighting her face.
"What?" He drew his eyes from hers, traveling down to the smirk that tugged at her lips then back up again. His heart skipped a beat.
Her smirk grew into a wide grin and she teased, "You do realize there is one great thing about fighting, right?" After a pause, Adrian shrugged, drawing a blank. Raising an eyebrow, Natalie purred seductively, "Making up."
He snorted, unable to stop the rakish smile from spreading across his face. Was she serious? Oh God please, he hoped so.
But. Of course there was a 'but'. Adrian squirmed, forcing himself to speak. "But, I thought you wanted to put a hold on, you know, intimacy, until the honeymoon."
Mirth sparkling in her eyes, she tilted her head thoughtfully, "Technically, I said I wanted us to take a temporary break,while we're at Sugar Pine Lodge in Tahoe, before the wedding. We haven't left yet – what'd you say?"
His eyes narrowed and he leaned down, pressing a desperate kiss on her mouth. When they finally separated, he whispered hoarsely, "I say, let's go upstairs."
Right now, he needed her, every part of her. Leading her up to their bedroom, pressing her into the mattress, Adrian finally understood.
With Natalie, there would never be a catch.
~~~~~LoL~~~~~
"Hmm, that sounds good," Adrian murmured noncommittally, unable to fully concentrate on Natalie's words.
Sitting in the passenger seat, barely a mile from their house, Adrian struggled to keep his weighty eyelids from closing. After last night's insomnia, and this morning's activities, Morpheus eagerly clawed at him. Since they had to stop in Berkeley on the way to Lake Tahoe, Adrian hoped to remain awake at least until Julie was in the car. Until then, he did his best to follow Natalie's disjointed, meandering conversation.
He strained his ears as Natalie talked, her rambling thoughts were like bird-shot, scattering in different directions and along unrelated tangents. Simple wedding plans morphed into an impassioned apology for her recent emotional outbursts, a tirade about blaming her pregnancy for said outbursts turned into a soliloquy about the benefits of being pregnant, including her substantially heightened senses, including her increased desire for sex (which would add to her frustrations this coming week, she hoped he understood), and on and on and on. Unable to keep up with her shifting ideas, Adrian simply nodded, willing himself to memorize her admissions and declarations for future reference.
As Natalie piloted the car over the Bay Bridge, she snuck a glance at Adrian. "You know, I was thinking about our 'little misunderstanding' and I think you were right. I'm sorry I overreacted. I should have called Stephen back and told him about our getting married. But-" She shuddered her shoulders, "But I really, really, really don't want to talk to him. - Could you call him and tell him?"
"Yes!" He answered immediately, jolting awake. "I mean, if you really want me to." Adrian smirked, failing to keep the joy from his voice. Oh he would so enjoy telling Stephen to leave Natalie alone.
Honestly, Adrian never liked Albright. Always imposing on his and Natalie's dinners, invoking Mitch's name in every conversation, wanting Natalie to drop everything whenever he called; Albright set Adrian's nerves on edge. No, the Navy doctor was never good enough for Natalie. No one was good enough for Natalie- except Mitch Teeger. And himself, Adrian Monk. Reaching over and squeezing Natalie's knee, a lump formed in his throat. He was worthy of Natalie's love.
Keeping her attention on the road, Natalie gave a quick smile, "That's a weight off my mind. Thank you, sweetie."
"My pleasure,' he answered. Falling silent, Adrian suddenly began to wonder about other, unknown boyfriends. He definitely wanted to notify them as well. Yes, he admitted he wanted the world to know that Natalie was taken, and, miracles of miracles, she had chosen him.
But he didn't want to ask Natalie for names and phone numbers. He couldn't. That was a request that even he realized would be incredibly awkward. Thinking for a minute, Adrian was struck with an ingenious idea. He silently congratulated himself; Natalie would surely love his idea. He waited until they were safely off the bridge and traveling north on I-80 before clearing his throat.
"Hey Nat? I was thinking that we need to put a wedding announcement in the paper. Maybe even take out a full-page, color announcement?" She let out a thoughtful 'hmm', and he continued, "That way everyone, even all your, you know, old boyfriends, will know you're taken."
She shot him a sharp look, "All my old boyfriends?" Natalie's voice turned icy, "You're saying I have so many?"
"Well, ahh, not that many. I just meant-" He stopped, not knowing how to not sound judgmental about her vast dating history.
"You think I, that I'm -" Natalie trembled with rage. Taking a few deep breaths, she growled, "Adrian, why do you think we had that fight yesterday?"
"Because, ahh, because, you know, I,-" Adrian stammered, his stomach lurched. His answer - 'Because he was jealous of all her past lovers?' –had to be wrong. He held his tongue as Natalie shot a second sharp look his way.
"You don't know? That's great, really! And you apologized? You shouldn't apologize unless you know why." Adrian opened his mouth but Natalie cut him off, "Do me a favor and don't, as in, do not, apologize until you know how you just offended me!"
Adrian shifted in his seat, contrite, his eyes lowered. After this morning's reconciliation, he accepted that he and Natalie would have some disagreements. And, he learned it was okay to disagree. He just didn't expect it to happen so soon. And although he trusted that this wasn't a catastrophe, that they would be able to calmly discuss and solve this misunderstanding, he did know one thing; it would be unwise to apologize right now.
Turning off I-80 onto University Avenue, Natalie let out a loud sigh. Adrian raised his head and, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Natalie's white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel. Unless they talked this out, it was going to be a long day. He cleared his throat, "Hey Nat, can we talk?"
"Not now-" She huffed as they turned onto Oxford Street, "We're almost to Julie's dorm." Peering down the road, they could see Julie standing on the sidewalk, her luggage at her feet. Head down, Julie was texting on her cellphone and didn't see their approach. As she pulled to the curb, Natalie gave a weary look, "We'll talk when we get to Tahoe." Throwing the car in park, she popped the trunk and undid her seatbelt, preparing to exit the car.
Adrian captured her hand, "Natalie, that's four hours from now." He cast a glance out the back window when he heard the trunk slam shut; Julie waved and walked around the back of the car. Adrian looked at Natalie and she shrugged her response.
Julie jerked open the back door and climbed in, reaching over the seat to hug both Adrian and her mother, "Hey guys, I'm soooooo happy to see you! I can't believe we're finally going, I've waited so long for this ski trip at Sugar Pine Resort!" She laughed and added, "Oh, and the marriage thing, too!"
"Hey angel," Putting a cheerful inflection in her voice, Natalie turned and kissed her forehead.
"Hi Julie," Adrian voice was sedate, betraying his mood.
As they drove through the campus and then towards the highway, Julie prattled on and on; about school and exams, about skiing, about seeing uncle Jonathan, her grandparent and all the other guests at the resort. After receiving numerous one-word answers from both her mother and Adrian, she quieted. Leaning against the back of Natalie's seat, Julie looked from driver to passenger, "Boy, you guys are awfully quiet."
Adrian turned to meet her curious eyes and sighed, "Your mother is mad at me."
"Why, what'd you do?" Julie's brow wrinkled in puzzlement.
Adrian shook his head, "No idea."
Julie addressed her mother, "Mom, what's wrong? What'd he do?"
Flicking a glare at Adrian, she muttered, "Later."
"Now." Adrian countered.
Nat shook her head then looked in the rearview mirror, finding her daughter's eyes, "Julie, I just want to warn you, men can be so clueless sometimes."
Julie rolled her eyes, "Mom, that's soooooo not true."
Adrian interjected, "Yes it is, Julie." He studied Natalie's profile, hoping to see a crack in her anger.
Natalie reluctantly snickered, "Yep, completely clueless."
"Maybe you could give me a clue?" Wide-eyed, Adrian's voice was full of innocence.
Casting a glance towards the back seat, Natalie insisted, "Later."
Julie lightly gripped Natalie's shoulder, "No, not later. You guys talk now! I'm tired from last night's class and want to take a nap anyway. I'll just stretch out back here and listen to my I-pod. Don't mind me!" Fishing the headphones from her pocket, she put them in her ears and, pulling her feet up, settled into a fetal position across the back seat.
Adrian waited until Julie was situated before shifting in his seat to face Natalie. He simply asked, "Please?"
She drew in a breath and slowly let it out, causing her bangs to float away from her forehead. Natalie then squirmed in her seat, her unsaid thoughts playing across her face. She stole a glance at Adrian, "First off, I want to ask you not to interrupt, because this is very difficult, okay?"
After Adrian nodded, she began, a troubled look darkening her face. "I was hurt that you insinuated that I've dated so many men. Just because I may have gone and had coffee or dinner or went to a movie does not mean they were my boyfriends. Besides, a date is not a relationship. I resent the implication that I was some sort of loose woman with a 'worrisome past' – I was just lonely, Adrian. You understand that, don't you?"
He murmured a 'yes' and she continued, "I just missed Mitch so much. There was a hole in my, and Julie's, lives. And then Stephen-" She stopped, unable to finish her thought.
Several minutes passed then Adrian ventured, "Is that why you went out with Albright, because he reminded you of Mitch?"
Natalie frowned, "I guess I was so desperate to keep the connection with Mitch, and since they were friends, I went out with-" her voice dropped to a whisper, "him. He fooled me, with his white dress-uniform and his heroic Navy stories. It took me far too long to realize Stephen Albright's nothing like Mitch."
Wishing they weren't trapped in the car, wishing he could just gather her up in his arms, Adrian thought of telling her not to berate herself, that he had done the same exact thing. Monica Waters, the beautiful woman who reminded him of Trudy, was his failed attempt at replacing Trudy. That experience made he realized a lost love could not be replaced by some pale imitation.
Fortunately, the even more beautiful Natalie Teeger taught Adrian to realize an equally important lesson. A heart can be healed and, a new life can be created.
As gently as possibly, Adrian placed his hand on her thigh, "I'm sorry, Nat. I understand now."
Accepting his apology, she suddenly snarled, her mind obviously gnawing away on memories of Stephen Albright. "He was so full of himself but, jeesh, he couldn't even shine Mitch's shoes." She paused a moment then reached down and captured Adrian's hand, letting their fingers entwine.
Her face softened, "Not that I'd ever compare you with Mitch, Adrian. But I do think you and he are similar in so many ways. You're honorable and generous, brave and loving. I'm blessed to have found you. And I know Mitch would've approved of you."
Keeping a straight face, Adrian rested his head against the headrest, "So you're saying I could shine Mitch's shoes?"
"You could-" she laughed and squeezed his hand, "and you'd do a damn good job!"
Lapsing into a comfortable silence and lulled by the car's motion, Adrian's eyes closed, fatigue once again claiming his body. Miles passed before Adrian heard Natalie call his name, asking him a question. Forcing his eyes open, he noticed they had driven more than half the distance to Lake Tahoe. With his voice still thickened by sleep, he wondered, "What were you saying? I'm sorry I drifted off for a bit."
"Nothing really important." Her blushing cheeks and impish grin belied her words.
"Tell me, please?" he implored, elated to see her so tickled.
She snickered, "I just commented that I saw a road sign. We're coming up on a cute little motel." He blinked, not understanding. She continued, "We're not in Lake Tahoe yet and, I thought, since we just resolved an argument, you might want to stop and-"
"Natalie Jane Teeger!" Adrian glanced into the backseat before swiping his hand across his face, thoroughly embarrassed. "Julie's in the back seat!" Was Natalie seriously trying to kill him?
"I'm sure she's dead asleep, car rides always put her out," she replied with certainty.
"And you want to what, leave her in the back seat while we stop?" he whispered disbelievingly.
"You're right," she conceded with an exaggerated eye-roll, "I didn't really think about that. My crazy hormones are to blame." Lowering her voice to a growl, Natalie confessed, "I'm sorry but, when I see you, or think about you, I get so aroused I want to -"
"Natalie!" He wanted to scold her, he wanted to be shocked. But instead, he was secretly pleased and hoped this wasn't just a passing phase. Letting his eyes sweep over her features, feeling his own body come alive, he was vexed by one glaring problem. As they passed by Natalie's 'cute little motel,' Adrian settled into his seat, closing his eyes with a sigh.
This week before the wedding was going to be eternal.
A/N: Next stop, Lake Tahoe! ~~ FYI, I've never been there, so the details of the town, their accommodations and activities are pure fiction. ;)