Innocents (This Time, Anyway)

by LondonBelow

Three weeks ago, the Brotherhood attacked the Mansion. Nothing has returned to normal. Scott tries to help Alex through his grief, while Ororo is too mired in anger and hurt to care about things like failing grades. Professor Xavier might have the patience to wait this out, but is patience enough to save his students and his fledgling school? (No, not really.) [Stars From Home]

8. Dear Diary - April 6, 1964

Thanks to Houdini, hippiechick2112, kristelalugo, and ellie for reviewing!

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Dear Diary,

Today is my birthday and I don't want it to be. Partly because Ruth talks about having a happy birthday and I don't feel happy. Also it's hard to have an April birthday in this family. Sean had an April birthday. I can't be happy with it knowing I am 14 now and he is supposed to be 20 in a few weeks.

Does Sean keep getting older? Or is he always 19? He's a lot younger than Alex (you would not always know) and I wonder… I wonder if one day I will be older than Sean. Can you catch up to a dead person?

When I lived with the Maasai, a few people died. They would cover the body with grass and some rocks and wait for the hyenas to eat them. We don't have Sean's body because Alex couldn't bring it back. If we did, we would put it in the ground.

Maybe they do this because they are afraid. The Maasai say, when a person is eaten by the hyenas on the first night, that person was good. Maybe they are afraid the hyenas would not eat you on your first night. But I think they would have eaten Sean.

Last night Professor Xavier read a story from an old book he has. I don't know why he did it (besides that Ruth made him) but I like that he did. I felt close to him in a way I don't usually feel to people in this country. No one just talks to you. Scott is supposed to be my best friend and he's more of a friend than anyone else, but he's so awkward. You can't have a conversation with him, you have to talk about something and it's not the same thing.

So I liked when he read me the story. I'm not going to say anything, but I hope he does that again.

But it's still my birthday and I'm awake early again, because I wake up like that. It's sudden and I'm scared. I'm asleep, then awake. Asleep, then scared. For a few seconds I don't want to open my eyes. I know she's here, waiting for me to see her before she starts talking again.

That horrible bitch.

The worst thing…

I don't want to think about that right now. It's my birthday.

The last one was Doug's and it brought Raven. She brought worse.

Sean wanted chocolate cake for his birthday.

I think I felt a lot different when I wrote to you yesterday.