A/N: I'm not trying to confuse anyone, but it might seem that way. When Tony's thinking about the birth, you're seeing details that weren't in the last chapter, but you can assume they happened while Ziva was delivering the placenta and before the nurses took the baby to clean her up and before Z&C fell asleep. Hope that helps. Enjoy!
It was late. The hospital room was dark, lit only by the dim light seeping under the closed door and the orange glow off the streetlights outside the window. Tony sat in a chair beside Ziva's bed where she slept on, apparently oblivious to anything but the rest she had finally been able to give into. But he knew that if the baby made any sound at all, Ziva's eyes would open and she would immediately do whatever was needed. He knew he should be sleeping, he'd promised to take a nap, but something else held his attention and it was so much more important than a little shut-eye.
He closed his eyes and flashed back to the moment, not even two hours ago yet, when the doctor had delivered a squalling, five and a half pound, guck covered baby girl. Mandy had tried to hand her to Ziva, but her eyes suddenly widened and she shook her head. "Tony first," she managed to say.
For all that they'd gone through together, for the love he knew Ziva carried for this child, she was still afraid to look at the baby and see something that reminded her of Somalia. Without worrying about the mess it was going to make of his shirt, Tony instinctively held out his arms to receive his daughter.
Her eyes were squeezed shut and her face all crumpled as she vigorously protested this cold new environment, so harsh and different than the almost eight and a half months she'd spent curled up and protected in her mother's womb. Her hair was wet, her skin covered in a chalky film, even a little blood, and wet from the amniotic fluid.
But even though she was completely different from what Tony had expected, all that mattered in that moment was that she was theirs - his and Ziva's. Her name had been picked for a couple weeks and he smiled now, getting to say it to her face for the first time.
"Hi Chaya. I'm your dad."
He'd told the baby this many times since the engagement, but the thrill of the words never ceased. Chaya had her mom's olive skin tone and dark curly hair, though the ringlets were currently plastered to her slightly misshapen head. She had ten tiny fingers and toes - he counted - and was pretty much perfect in every way.
These details he registered in mere seconds while Chaya screamed her displeasure and Ziva watched him, waiting. She was exhausted, thrilled and terrified all at once. But then Tony's eyes met hers and he grinned like she'd never seen before. "Zi, she looks just like you."
Relief had tears streaming down Ziva's cheeks before she even knew she was crying and then she held out her arms for her baby. Tony placed the wet, squirmy little girl on her chest and she brushed back the dark, damp hair. "Shalom ahuvati sheli," she whispered.
Turning towards her mother's voice, the baby started rooting around on Ziva's shirt. Glancing at Mandy in a way that begged for help, Ziva reached pulled open the front of her nightgown. Being exposed in front of the other people in the room didn't matter now, she just wanted to feed her daughter.
The nurse standing nearby hurried over and showed Ziva how to help Chaya latch onto her breast. The instant shock of connection hit Ziva and the place in her heart that had been reserved, afraid to love this child because of how it started, suddenly gave way and let the emotion course through her. She leaned down and kissed the baby's head, watching in awe as Chaya sucked and swallowed, making greedy hungry noises as she ate.
It wasn't long before she was satisfied, and then Tony had gotten to cut the cord and watch as they cleaned Chaya up, did a few quick tests, and wrapped her snugly in a blanket. It was over in the blink of an eye and the doctor and nurses had left the new little family alone to bond.
Looking down now at the little girl cradled in his arms, Tony could still feel the rush of love that had flooded him as he held her for the first time. He wasn't ashamed to admit that he'd cried once he and Ziva were alone, and it was ages before they could tear their eyes away from their daughter.
He'd kissed his wife, told her over and over what a good job she'd done and how proud he was of her. And he hadn't been able to resist touching her engagement ring and grinning, pointing out that he'd been right about the gender. But Ziva was too happy to even glare at him for saying 'I told you so' less than an hour after she'd given birth.
Now Tony couldn't take his eyes off Chaya. He knew she should probably stay sleeping in the little plastic bin placed only a foot away from the side of the bed, but he couldn't resist the chance to have her to himself while Ziva rested.
He stood and walked with her to the window where the moonlight shone in. Ever so gently, Tony used one finger to trace Chaya's eyebrows, her tiny nose and soft cheeks. When he brushed his finger over her hand, she grasped onto his finger without waking up and that was it, he was a goner.
Tony had heard about dads being suckers for their little girls, but he hadn't really known what it meant until Chaya wouldn't let go, then it all became clear. He was a dad, he was her dad. This baby depended on him and Ziva for everything. He would be the one she looked up to, the one who would be her hero, the one she could come to with any hurt knowing he would make it better. The responsibility overwhelmed him for a moment and Tony clutched her closer to his chest. Was anything more precious than the bundle of pure innocence he held?
Leaning down, he pressed a kiss to the top of her head, breathing in her sweet baby scent. He liked it even better than Ziva's bodywash and was immediately addicted. "Hello princess," he murmured. "I know we've already met, but I forgot one thing. I forgot to tell you how much I love you." Tony sighed and glanced back at Ziva.
"I thought I knew what love was sweetheart, I really did. Then I watched your mom spend hours enduring terrible pain just to get you here. I saw the look on her face when she held you. I know my heart almost burst when it was my turn. I feel like I've rediscovered love for the first time again."
Ziva stirred and Tony moved back to her side. She opened her eyes and stared into his, exhaustion still cloaking her features. "Chaya?" she asked.
He smiled. "Right here babe. We were just having some daddy/daughter bonding time."
It hadn't been meant as a profound truth, but Ziva still teared up anyways. "Tony, how can you act like this is so normal. She is-"
Tony kissed her, stopping whatever thought she was trying to finish. "She is my daughter Ziva. This is normal. You're my wife, I'm your husband, this is our child. We're a family now." He chuckled. "This is as normal as it gets."
Unable to make him understand because she did not even understand what was going on in her head and her heart, Ziva lifted a hand to caress the baby's head. An IV line was taped to the back, because Mandy had wanted to give her some extra fluids after the birth. "She is so small."
He kissed her forehead. "She's perfect Ziva. And you are so amazing." Not ready to relinquish his daughter yet, Tony sat beside Ziva and she shuffled over to make room, wincing at the discomfort the movement brought. He noticed and was almost afraid to ask.
"Are you in a lot of pain?"
Feeling awkward because they were talking about an area of her body Tony hadn't even seen yet, Ziva shrugged one shoulder. "I am very sore and tender. I did not tear because she was small, but there is still bruising and other...damage done."
Changing the subject because he didn't particularly want to think about the trauma her body had sustained, Tony traced Chaya's facial features. "She probably looks like a copy of you as a baby. Too bad I'll never see those pictures."
"They do not exist anymore as far as I am aware," Ziva divulged like it was no big deal. She took a closer look at the baby. "She is like me, I guess, but Chaya reminds me more of Tali's baby pictures. I hope she will have that playfulness and peace I always saw in my sister's eyes. Tali was...my light. She was the only one with any innocence left." Ziva sighed. "I miss her."
"I know," he whispered, handing the baby over, hoping to comfort her. "I'm sorry Ziva."
Chaya's fussing interrupted their conversation and Ziva parted the fabric of her nightgown so the baby could nurse. Tony watched the process in awe, seeing it more as a beautiful thing his wife and baby got to share rather than focusing on Ziva's breasts. Chaya's little mouth and chin moved rapidly as she sucked and swallowed, making funny little noises that brought laughter from her parents.
"Does it hurt?" he asked finally, curious.
Ziva scrunched up her face as she tried to think how to describe what she felt. "No," she said slowly. "When she first latches on it is a bit uncomfortable and everything is tender right now. It is a strange feeling."
"Strange how?" Tony questioned.
She bit her lip. "I do not actually have any milk for her yet, it is called col-something." Ziva shrugged. "I cannot remember the word. Right now it is like...a little suction and pressure, I guess." She wasn't terribly happy with the description. "I feel very close to her, like now," Ziva stared at the baby, "when she it looking into my eyes like she knows I am her mother, that I will take care of her." She closed her eyes to keep in the tears. "Tony, I am so glad to not be doing this alone."
Tony rubbed her back, propping his chin on her shoulder. "It's okay Ziva, shhh. Don't worry about it. I'm here honey, we're going to do this together."
Ziva turned her head and sought his lips, kissing him gently and slowly. They savoured the moment, then turned their attention back to the baby, cooing at her and generally acting like her adoring fans. Once Chaya had burped, propped up on Ziva's shoulder while Tony listened for the air to escape, and content again in her little bed, Tony met his wife's eyes.
"The team is dying to see you and meet our daughter. I told them they could come as soon as you were ready."
Feeling her greasy, stringy hair and looked down at the stained nightgown, she made a face. "I would like to shower and change into clean pyjamas before I see anyone else."
Tony bit the inside of his lip. "Do you want me to get a nurse?"
Ziva smiled softly, seeing right through him, and shook her head. "I would like if you helped me."
He pulled back the covers and took her weight as she slowly moved to stand up. "As you wish."
She smiled, but that changed as she walked at a snail's pace with Tony by her side to the bathroom. While Ziva used the toilet, he got the shower ready and tried not to look to see what she was doing. She came up behind him with a worried expression. "Tony, my body will not look very pretty right now, I still appear five months pregnant and the stretch marks will be dark for awhile. There will be...blood." She looked away. "There is still the lining of my uterus that must come out."
He put his hands on her arms. "Ziva, I've been helping you shower for the last week and a half. I've watched your body change with this baby and I've seen your scars. I love you. Nothing about your body is going to disgust or repulse me, I promise."
Trying to believe him but certain he spoke too soon, Ziva lifted her arms and let him help her take off the nightgown, which was summarily disposed of. Then he stripped down to his boxers while she finished undressing like this was any other morning and they stepped into the shower together.
Tony had brought her bag in and the shower things she'd packed were already on the shelf. He pulled the elastic off the end of her braid and unraveled her hair, trying not to snag his fingers on the tats. Using liberal amounts of shampoo and conditioner, Tony washed Ziva's long, wavy hair and handed her a cloth loaded with body wash.
They took turns using it. Tony did her back and legs, Ziva took care of her front and private areas, using extra care not to make the soreness worse. It felt strange not to have to do everything around her bump - she was back to the barely there belly she'd had at twenty weeks, though it was still hard to the touch and the skin was stretched out.
Ziva ran her fingers across her stomach and shook her head. "It is easy to forget there is not still a baby inside me." She sighed. "I already miss feeling her movements." She leaned back into Tony and he put his hand over hers on her abdomen, just holding her as he forced his body not to react to her closeness.
"It's going to be so much better now that she's here Zi and we can do this parenting stuff together. I'm glad we get to share now."
Ziva nodded. "You will be mud in her hands."
He chuckled. "Putty Zi, not mud. But yeah, that's pretty much a given."
They stayed in the shower a little while longer, Tony ignoring Ziva's embarrassment when the water tinged red with the blood still flowing from her. He got out first and gave her some paper towel, along with the underwear and pad she had to swallow her pride to ask for.
Once that was taken care of, he draped a towel around her shoulders and when she was dry, handed Ziva the nursing bra and breast pads with a skeptical look on his face. She laughed and explained that they might leak, enjoying the expression on his face.
Tony admired the chocolate and pink nursing pyjamas she'd purchased to use now. A pair of socks was last and she sat on the toilet to put them on, not trusting her balance. That she could even pull her leg up to reach her foot was something she hadn't done in a couple months and it felt like an accomplishment even if movement came at a rather high price.
When she was dressed, Tony used the damp towel to squeeze water from her hair. Ignoring the hand Ziva held out for her brush, he drew the soft bristles through her wet curls and stood back to watch as she used the blowdryer provided to take the worst of the water out.
Ziva scrutinized her appearance in the mirror when she was finished. "This will do."
Tony pushed away from the wall and gently hugged her from behind, ruffling her hair. "That is fabulous. No woman should look as good as you only," he consulted his watch, "three and a half hours after giving birth."
She rolled her eyes and moved outside the door so he could change into dry boxers and get dressed again. Then he helped her back to bed and even though sitting was not her favourite position, Ziva was glad not to be standing any longer. She looked pleadingly at Tony, so he smiled and lifted their tiny baby out of the bin and transferred her carefully to Ziva's arms.
Holding the little girl close, Ziva kissed Chaya's cheek. "Tsiporkatan, ani ohev atach."
Tony dragged his chair closer to the bed. "I didn't catch that first part, what did you call her?"
Ziva's eyes narrowed. "Exactly how much Hebrew do you know?"
He shrugged. "I know the important stuff. What does that word mean?"
It was cute that he was so eager to learn. Ziva smiled at the baby. "Little bird. That is what my mother used to call Tali. Our flighty little bird, full of dreams and hope."
"I like it." He brushed his finger over Chaya's palm, loving the reflex that had her fingers closing around his.
She lightly drew her fingers over Chaya's olive coloured skin, tracing her dark eyebrows, upturned little nose and pouty lips. "She is my redemption Tony," Ziva shared. "The one beautiful, perfect thing that came out of all my suffering in Somalia. She gave me a reason to be alive again and I will never take that gift for granted."
Tony didn't move, didn't breathe, didn't do anything to ruin the moment. Then Ziva's eyes met his and he kissed her. "Can I tell the others to come now?" He was so proud of their baby, so eager to share her, that Ziva couldn't refuse him.
She smiled and nodded and Tony sent the text. Only seconds later the sound of footsteps was heard and Abby squealed, causing the baby to wake. She winced, putting her hand over her mouth and tiptoeing closer, speaking in a much quieter voice. "Ohhh..." she breathed, "you got a mini-Ziva."
Everyone else laughed but Abby was too busy grabbing her camera and taking pictures. Sammy got handed off to whoever was close enough to grab the leash and their Goth went into full-fledged photography mode. When she was satisfied with her collection of the little family, she dropped her bag and held out her arms, looking hopeful.
"Can I hold her?"
Accepting that their baby was going to become public property for awhile, Ziva shifted her daughter into Abby's hold, biting her tongue against the cautions she wanted to speak. Abby pushed back the little hat and fingered Chaya's soft curls, gasped in awe at her tiny fingers and features, and was generally giddy with delight over the newest family addition.
"Hi there princess," she cooed. "I'm your Aunt Abby."
Tony sat watching Tim watch his wife with a baby and knew the feeling that matched the look on McGee's face. He was getting a preview of the day he became a dad and it was hard not to smile at the thought. Finally Abby realized her turn was probably up and handed the baby to her husband. She put up her hand.
"We volunteer to babysit!" Tony and Ziva chuckled and Abby leaned into Tim's shoulder. "McGee needs the practice."
"I don't know..." Tony eyed his friend. "He seems to be doing pretty good to me." He frowned. "Why do you look so comfortable holding a baby McNanny? I thought you'd be worse than the Autopsy Gremlin."
McGee chuckled. "I was twelve when Sarah was born, I got a lot of practice. It's not hard to remember how careful to be."
Ducky was next, welcoming the newest member of the Team Gibbs family with a promise to tell her all sorts of stories about her parents when she was older. Jimmy stood back, looking nervous and unsure. Tony moved to stand beside the ME. "Jimmy, get over here and meet my daughter."
Palmer inched closer and gave Sammy's leash back to Abby, then held out his arms. He got it wrong the first time and Tony corrected him. Jimmy stood frozen to the spot, holding Chaya like she was made of glass, afraid to move or breathe. After a minute, Tony rolled his eyes.
"Well, I don't think we'll be asking you to babysit anytime soon, but at least you didn't drop her."
He took the baby and walked over to Gibbs, all eyes shifting to follow his progress. "Boss," Tony cleared his throat, "I'd like you to meet your granddaughter."
Large, rough hands and strong arms reached out to receive the little girl and all the women in the room had to blink back tears as Gibbs cradled the small bundle close to his chest. He didn't say anything, just stroked her cheek and stared at her in something akin to wonder. Adult and infant regarded each other solemnly, then Chaya wrapped her hand around his finger and Gibbs had to swallow before he could speak, locking eyes with the woman in the bed.
"You did good Ziver." It was the highest praise one could receive from the crotchety, aging man and Ziva nodded, the words for 'thank you' forming on her lips but never making it into the air.
Celeste, who had been hovering in the background, stepped forward to admire the baby. "She's beautiful."
Her words broke the spell and the group began talking again. "So Tony, you're a daddy now, how's it feel?"
The question came from McGee but Ziva spoke before Tony could answer. "Tony was Chaya's daddy since long before she took her first breath."
Tony threaded his fingers between hers and the couple shared a look. He loved that it was important to Ziva for everyone to know that. He turned his attention back to his friend. "It feels pretty amazing Tim. Being her dad, it's...beyond description."
It was several minutes before Gibbs reluctantly returned his granddaughter to her father and for awhile the team hung around talking and laughing and hearing all the details. Ziva just sat back and soaked it all in, not sure she had ever felt so much a part of this family as right now.
Watching her husband and daughter together in those early morning moments, Ziva knew she was right - the little girl would have Tony wrapped around her finger before she could talk. She felt so grateful that out of everything broken and ugly, out of the ashes of Somalia, she had been given this magnificent gift - her daughter, a family, and the love of the one man she thought she'd never need. But Tony had shown Ziva she deserved to be loved, no matter what had happened in her past, and what he said earlier held true, it was beyond description.
Finally Gibbs cleared his throat and pointed at Tony. "DiNozzo, I don't want to see you for two weeks. Any longer than that and I might give Collins your desk," he grumbled. Tony looked a little concerned but hoped his boss was joking. It was hard to argue with being given time to spend at home with his girls.
To the rest, Gibbs waved his hand. "You've all got the day off." It was already 0600 and none of them had slept yet.
Not waiting around to see if he changed his mind, the group said a quick goodbye to Tony and Ziva and left the room en mass. Gibbs and Celeste followed slower, with Gibbs casting a last look at the family before taking her hand and walking out. He drove them back to his place, ignoring Celeste's raised eyebrow look because her house was just around the corner, and let her find her own way to the guest room. For reasons he wasn't ready to examine, Gibbs wanted her close while they got some sleep. It would be nice for once to not wake up to an empty house.
Abby, being the more awake of the two, drove Tim's car back to their house. She couldn't stop thinking about Tony and Ziva's baby and wondering what her and McGee's would be like. She sighed and stuck her lip out. "Twenty more weeks seems so long to wait before we get to meet out baby."
Tim, stroking his hand over the puppy contentedly curled up in his lap, squinted and tried to focus. "The last seven weeks have gone pretty fast Abbs, I think we just have to take it one stage at a time."
"Easy for you to say," Abby grumbled. "You don't have some...thing growing inside you."
He chuckled. "A thing huh? Are we basing baby nicknames on Dr. Seuss now? Thing One and Thing Two?"
Her eyes widened. "Only one thing, thank you very much. One is more than enough."
"What are we going to call it?" McGee continued. "We can't just say 'the baby' or 'it' for five more months."
Abby shrugged. "I don't know, what fits us? Byte, pixel, ET, gamer?"
McGee made a face. "I'm not sure. It has to be something creative." He thought about it for a moment. "What about beta?"
She giggled. "Baby Beta - like baby in development?" He nodded. "Okay, I can work with that."
They made it home and wasted no time heading for their nice comfy bed. Once settled, Tim slid his hand over her bump and kissed her. "One of these days I'll be able to feel it for myself. I can't wait."
Abby snuggled against him. "You're going to be a great daddy McGee. I love you."
He pulled her close and his eyes fell shut. It had been an eventful week and there was so much to look forward to. But at least for the moment they could finally just sleep and enjoy being together.
A/N2: Okay, thanks for all the feedback on my "break" question. So because of all the opinions I got, some with lovely logic to go with them, I will be posting Ch 38 Monday, Ch 39 Wed, and Ch 40 Fri of this week. Starting Sat Apr 7 I will be on a week break and will return somewhere between Apr 13 and Apr 16, depending on how much work I get done. Thanks guys, you are all fabulous! The reactions were wonderful, just what I'd hoped for, and they made me very happy! :) See you tomorrow!