A/N: Hey guys! I'm so sorry I took so long to get back to posting! Thanks so much for the concern, PMs, and reviews that encouraged me to post again. I never meant for my break to last so long. The last couple of weeks have been crazy busy in RL, not to mention the fight I had with my characters when they tried to change some things I already had planned (I won :P). I spent a lot of time organizing story notes and condensing research and I just didn't have enough time to write.
Unfortunately I have to announce that updates will be only once a week, possibly twice, for awhile so I can hopefully store up some new chapters. Anyways, thanks so much for your patience and please enjoy this next part of Tony and Ziva's journey together. ~ Love, Aliyah
Eight o'clock Friday morning found Ziva sitting cross-legged in bed and dressing Chaya in a new onesie after her diaper change. She was talking to the baby in Hebrew and Chaya's wide eyes seemed to understand every word. That was the scene Dr. Meyers walked in on.
She smiled. "You've taken to motherhood like it's second nature Ziva," the doctor commented.
Ziva looked up. "It is hard to believe she is only a day old. I feel like she has been here so much longer."
"Give it a month," Mandy laughed, "and you won't be able to remember life before your baby." She moved closer and bent down to get a better look at the little girl. "Of course, it helps that you ended up with such an angel. She's one of the calmest newborns I've seen."
Ziva gathered her daughter into her arms and cuddled her. "She is a gift."
Mandy glanced around. "I'm surprised your husband isn't here yet. I expected him as soon as the sun was up."
Just then Tony walked into the room carrying a white paper cup. "Sorry I'm late babe, I thought you might like some tea."
Ziva held out her hands eagerly but Tony kept it out of her reach and shook his head. "Uh-uhn, there's conditions. You have to trade me the baby and I get a kiss."
She arched one eyebrow and her eyes fell to Chaya. "That is a very steep price." She sighed and gave in. "Fine."
Tony handed her the tea, captured her lips and picked up his daughter. "Good morning princess." He held her close and breathed in the scent of her. "Daddy missed you last night baby girl. Twelve hours is a long time when you were only born yesterday." He looked at Ziva, who was enjoying both her tea and the scene. "I'm never going to survive going back to work."
Mandy chuckled. "And this is where I exit. I swear, the rest of the world doesn't even exist when you tow are in the same room."
Tony finally noticed her. "Oh, hi, sorry Mandy." He looked between wife and baby. "Can I take them home today?"
Dr. Meyers nodded. "I'll be back this evening. If everything looks okay, I'll leave you with discharge papers and instructions. For now enjoy having people around to help."
She left and Tony locked eyes with Ziva. "Last night was miserable without you. I can't fall asleep by myself anymore."
Ziva sipped her hot drink and tried to look apologetic. "I cannot say the same. I was so exhausted that the nurse had to wake me to feed Chaya a couple times."
Tony shrugged, his gaze focused on his baby. "I won't hold it against you, y'know, since you just gave birth and all." He examined her closely. "How do you feel this morning?"
Despite her desire to never hear that question again, Ziva answered honestly. "Better. I am more awake today even after being up every two hours. I have a little more energy today."
"That's good." It was hard to tell by looking at her and Tony still wasn't convinced she wasn't making it sound better than it was. He laced their fingers together. "I missed you Zi."
She smiled, feeling the force of his smile in her heart. He made it impossible to perceive herself as a burden, when love was so evident in everything he did.
Eight hours and a few well needed naps for both Mom and Dad later, Mandy was back, true to her word. While Tony and Ziva signed papers, she gave instructions. "I'm letting you go home because both you and Chaya are doing well. She's lost some weight, but is otherwise healthy and you're holding up remarkably well. But," she continued, looking stern, "I want you in bed as much as possible for at least the first couple of weeks. No arguments."
Ziva, who had opened her mouth to say something, frowned at her doctor. Mandy stared back. "You have a lot of strength to gain back, this pregnancy really wore you out. Two weeks," she repeated, "then we'll talk when you bring Chaya in for her first check up." Her gaze moved to Tony and he nodded, rubbing his thumb over the back of Ziva's hand soothingly.
"I promise. I'm home for two weeks anyways, so that will help."
"You should not still have to take care of me," Ziva said in a low voice, resenting feeling like the weaker partner.
He kissed her fingers. "As soon as you're allowed back to everything you used to do, I'll let you spoil me shamelessly to make up for it."
His grin brought her smile back and Ziva heaved a sigh before looking at her doctor. "Very well, I will be good."
"Thank you." Mandy checked her notes. "As far as your body goes, the soreness could be completely gone in two weeks, or it may take a little longer. With breastfeeding you're likely to lose some weight, but please don't try to. I'd actually like to see you gaining some since you were underweight before the baby." Ziva made a face but said nothing. Her body felt foreign right now, like everything had been rearranged and misplaced. She looked forward to the chance to get back to normal, but once again that seemed like a long way off.
Mandy continued. "Anytime in the next couple days your milk will come in, so expect a change in size. Your breasts may become hard and sore if you get engorged and nursing could become painful, but it will help lessen the pressure so try to feed her quite often. Otherwise, just take care of yourself as you've been doing, which includes not lifting anything heavier than your baby for six weeks. And Tony, you're in charge of making sure she eats and rests as much as possible. Ziva, the bleeding should slow and stop by the end of three weeks." She shrugged. "That's all I can think of for now but if you have any questions, please call me."
Once the doctor left, Tony looked at Ziva. "Ready to get out of here?"
Ziva smoothed the shirt of her nursing pyjamas. "Will you be embarrassed if I go home in just this?"
He frowned. "Of course not."
She shrugged. "I would like to have a bath at home and there is no point in putting on clean clothes before that."
Tony gave her a half-grin. "Whatever you want." He placed their daughter back in Ziva's arms. "I'll go get the carseat."
Ziva was out of bed with her shoes and his hoody on, trying to collect the remnants of their things that had wandered over the last two days. Tony shook his head and finished packing for her, saving her from having to move any more than necessary. She crossed her arms. "The diaper bag is probably heavier than our five pound baby, am I not allowed to do anything?"
Tony quirked an eyebrow at her. "I'm already on diaper duty. And since you didn't get a pink bag or anything, I guess I can handle toting it around for awhile." He kissed her cheek. "Don't expect to get your warrior princess status back all at once. I want you healthy honey, take it slow."
She rolled her eyes and pulled her hair back into a ponytail, then lifted Chaya into the gray and green checkered carseat, securing the straps in a matter of seconds. He came around to watch how it was done, marveling at how Ziva just seemed to know things about being a mom already. Chaya looked a little funny, such a small baby in the roomy seat with the headrest and blankets tucked around her.
Tony made a quick trip out to the car to take their bags and pulled around to the front to get his girls. He took the carseat and felt concern when Ziva didn't even refuse the wheelchair that took her right to the passenger side door. She really wasn't superwoman, not today. When they were all in he turned to look at Ziva and held out his hand. "Time to go home?"
"Yes," she said with a smile as his fingers wrapped around hers, "I am ready."
The drive turned out to be longer than usual because every time Tony wanted to push the speed limit or take a chance, he remembered he had his most precious treasures in the car with him and drove to protect them. At the house he left Ziva and Chaya in the vehicle while he ran their things inside.
Ziva was getting the baby out of her seat when he came back out. "We can bring the carseat in with us," he said, but his wife shook her head.
"I want to carry her."
He shrugged. "Okay." With an arm around her back, Tony supported them up the steps and swung open the door. He kissed Chaya's head. "Welcome home princess."
Ziva noticed the welcome home banner first and Tony explained it as Abby's handiwork. He held out his arms and Ziva let him take their baby, smiling as she trailed him slowly around the first floor while he gave Chaya a tour of her new home. The livingroom with his prized collection of movies was first.
"Just wait until you're a few weeks old sweetie and you'll appreciate Daddy's form of entertainment a lot more." Tony grinned at the stack of little girl type movies on the coffeetable. "Looks like the gang already started a collection just for you. Aren't you lucky?"
The diningroom came next. "This is where we eat when family comes over because there's lots of extra chairs, but when it's just the three of us, we'll use the little table." A quick walk down the hall showed the bathroom and laundry closet before they made it into the kitchen.
At the fridge he paused. "And your Aunt Abby and Grampa Ducky and Grampa Gibbs' friend Celeste were awfully nice and decided Mommy shouldn't have to cook right away." He met Ziva's eyes. "They stocked the standing freezer in the garage too. I think we're good until Christmas."
Amazed at what their friends were willing to do, Ziva just leaned into him and let Tony guide her upstairs. Again he had to show their daughter around, even though she was too young to appreciate his enthusiasm. He ended up in Chaya's room and gave her back after Ziva shed the sweatshirt and settled in Gibb's rocking chair.
He got out the baby book from Grace, complete with all the particulars that had been filled out during one of Chaya's nursing sessions as well as her tiny footprints and the clear hospital bracelet taped at the bottom of one page, and left it on Chaya's dresser. Then Tony kissed Ziva's forehead. "I'll go run your bath."
She nodded wearily, drained from doing more in an hour than she had in two days. Tony started the bath, went through Ziva's bags of nursing clothes to find clean pjs, set a glass of water on the nightstand and put the white bassinet on the other side. All was ready.
Chaya was still eating when Tony returned and he pulled up the padded footstool to sit beside them. As soon as she finished, he lifted the baby and a receiving blanket over his shoulder. "Go have your bath Ziva, I've got this."
So grateful to have his help, to not be doing this on her own, Ziva kissed his cheek and did as he suggested. Tony watched her go and rubbed Chaya's back, waiting to hear the air escape from her tummy. When it did, he laid her on the changetable and started the process of undressing and changing her diaper.
He'd had some practice after his first time with Cara's coaching, but now he was really on his own and Tony felt a little uncertain about his abilities. "You'll have to bear with me baby girl," he told the sleepy infant, "Daddy's gonna try real hard to get this right."
Being careful not to touch her umbilical cord stump, he pulled the sticky tabs off the diaper and held her little legs in one hand as he lifted her to slide the clean diaper under her and the dirty diaper out. Armed with a handful of wipes, Tony gently wiped the greenish-black muck off her bum and smeared on a thin layer of diaper cream.
Not sure how long Chaya could wear an outfit before it was considered dirty, he opened the drawer marked 'sleepers', from Ziva's nesting stage when she decided everything needed to be labeled just in case they forgot, and found a pink one with the outline of purple giraffes on it. The sleeper was zippered and after getting her arms and legs in, he inched the zipper up, afraid of it catching on her sensitive skin.
Mission accomplished, Tony felt pretty proud of himself and carried her into the bathroom to show Ziva. A thin layer of bubbles covered his wife and she smiled at them. He bent down so she could kiss Chaya. "I'm gonna put her down. Want me to come back and do your hair?"
Ziva laid her head back. "If you do not mind."
His thousand watt smile appeared. "My pleasure."
Tony went back into the bedroom and gently placed the nearly fast asleep baby in her bassinet. "Goodnight princess," he whispered, watching her shift into a position with her arms up by her head. "Daddy loves you." He stood staring at her a few minutes longer, then set the timer on his watch for two hours. He and Ziva would be lucky to get half that.
In the bathroom, Tony got out two folded towels - one for beside the tub to kneel on, and the other to dry Ziva's hair. She handed him the shampoo and turned on her side with her back to him so he could reach easier. Tony loved the process of first washing, then detangling his wife's hair. During her pregnancy Ziva had thought once or twice about getting it cut to a more reasonable length, but every time he helped wash or brush her hair, she was glad she hadn't. These were moment she would hate to miss.
Finally he rubbed the water from the thick brown waves and twisted her hair up in a clip so it would be out of the way while she dried and dressed. Tony hesitated, wondering how much freedom he'd gained with her. "Zi..."
Her expression became wary. "Tony, just because I am no longer pregnant does not mean-"
He frowned, cutting her off. "No Zi, don't. Gosh, I'm not expecting anything. Not now, not after you just gave birth and especially not with our daughter in the room." Tony was hurt that she'd even wondered about his intentions.
Her brow creased. "I am sorry for assuming."
Tony leaned over and kissed her. "Forgiven. I just wondered if I could help you with anything else." That wasn't exactly what he'd been thinking, but it was a close enough amendment.
She shook her head. "Not right now. I am still bleeding and leaking and I feel...unclean. Maybe when I am more myself."
What Ziva couldn't tell him was that the soreness she felt between her legs reminded her of Somalia, of being raped and she hated it. She did not want the darkness back, she did not want it to soil the precious light Tony and Chaya had brought to her world.
Tony nodded, wishing he understood the look in her eyes, and brought her pjs and hospital bag into the bathroom, closing the door so he could change as well. He took a chance and went to bed without a shirt on, hoping that was still okay. Ziva came in a few minutes later, checked on Chaya and climbed in beside him, still warm from her bath. She shared his pillow and ran her fingers through his chest hair, pleasantly surprised at how close she could get to him now.
He turned to look at her. "This is nice."
She sighed into his hair. "It is good to be home." Tony brought his other hand over to grasp her arm, having a feeling she meant more than just their house.
"I love you Zi." He checked his watch. "An hour and a half until she's hungry again, try to get some rest."
Ziva kissed his temple. "You are a good father Tony, thank you."
He shook his head and pulled her closer. "She saved me too Zi. I'm a better man because I wanted to be that for both of you. So thank you for letting me share this gift."
Tony thought he felt a tear hit his cheek before Ziva rolled over and claimed her own pillow. He wished she would stay right beside him, but a lot was new right now and if she needed time to adjust, he understood. After being touched and handled so much the last couple of days, it made sense that she'd want some personal space.
He turned onto his side in spooning position but left several inches between them, setting his hand on Ziva's hip to see what would happen. Moments later her fingers slipped between his and Tony realized that Ziva in his bed and their daughter sleeping nearby was all he'd ever need to feel complete.
NCIS
Of course, by the third time one-thirty am and the third time they'd been up with a hungry baby, he wasn't feeling as content. Listening on the monitor as Ziva changed Chaya's diaper and spoke to her softly, all in Hebrew now as she was too tired to think in English, Tony realized this was what she had done alone last night so he could sleep. Instead of feeling guilty, he reset his watch alarm and resolved to get Chaya next time she cried so Ziva didn't have to move. Even if he couldn't feed their baby, at least he could share the responsibility. After all, she was his kid too.
In spite of his silent declaration, Ziva beat him to the bassinet the next time Chaya's wails broke through their sleep. He rubbed his eyes and sat up, trying to think of what he could get Ziva while she prepared to nurse. A glance at the beside table showed her water glass empty so he refilled it and brought back an elastic for her loose hair as well.
Ziva was settled back against the pile of pillows that had become her backrest, but instead of contentedly feeding, Chaya continued to cry. Confused, Ziva covered herself back up when Chaya refused her breast for the third time and unzipped her sleeper to check the tiny diaper. Her brow furrowed and she spoke, her words just loud enough to be heard over the baby's thin cries.
"I do not understand tatelah, your diaper is clean and you do not seem hungry. Why are you crying?"
Tony sat down beside them. "Maybe she was lonely and just wanted to be with us."
Ziva held the baby close but Chaya did not calm, even as her arms were stroked lightly and her fingers kissed. Minutes later Ziva turned to him with a sheen of tears in her eyes. "Tony, I do not know what to do."
His heart broke for the vulnerability in her gaze and he held out his hands. "Let me try." Swallowing, Ziva gave him the baby and Tony started walking slowly back and forth across their room as he held her to his chest. "Shh, shh, it's okay baby girl, we're here."
With her head tucked into his neck, their daughter's cries continued but they faded to whimpers when Tony began running his fingers up and down her spine. Both parent's eyebrows rose and Ziva shook her head. "I wonder if she remembers when you used to do that before she was born."
The idea made Tony feel accomplished, and very much like her dad. It was like Chaya knew it too. But she was still upset and finally Tony returned to bed. "I know she won't nurse Zi, but why don't you take off your shirt and just hold her?"
His suggestion to partially undress earned him a skeptical look, but Ziva saw that he didn't mean it in any way except to help. She nodded and carefully pulled her shirt over her head while Tony undressed his daughter. He placed Chaya on Ziva's bare skin and almost immediately the baby settled, nestling her head over Ziva's heart and quieting so only her soft breaths and occasional hiccups were heard.
Tony and Ziva looked at each other in amazement, the silence sounded pretty good right now. Tony shrugged one shoulder and stretched out on the bed next to her. "Mandy mentioned it at the hospital."
Ziva slouched a little, using both hands to hold the baby against her. "I cannot believe I forgot."
She sounded annoyed and Tony tugged lightly on the end of her ponytail. "Cut yourself some slack honey, it's been a long couple of days."
Ziva nodded and closed her eyes. She must've dozed off because Chaya rooting around on her chest woke the tired new mom and she adjusted her position so the baby could latch on. She started sucking immediately and Ziva shook her head. "Now you are hungry," she murmured, caressing Chaya's fine curls.
Tony was fast asleep on his stomach and Ziva smiled, sliding her fingers gently through his messy hair. He made a noise and turned his head into her hand, but didn't wake. "I love you," she whispered into the stillness, letting the words apply to both husband and daughter.
Four hours later Tony and Ziva took turns showering and met in the kitchen for breakfast, still wrapped in a fog of fatigue but grateful to grab a few quiet moments together. Tony brought his wife tea and Ziva kissed him, taking her time because they hadn't really touched except for switching the baby in what felt like ages.
He pulled back, eyes glazed. "I think I'll make you tea every morning."
Ziva chuckled. "That is only once a day. Perhaps you will have to come up with more reasons for me to kiss you."
Tony's eyebrows rose. "Oh, I can handle that, trust me." He flashed his most charming smile and sat down across from her, his fingers idly stroking her wrist as he worked on his second cup of coffee. "So, what do you think of your second day of motherhood?"
Ziva dropped her head into her hands. "I did not know a person so small could take so much work. I have not been so tired since-" She stopped abruptly and glanced out the window. "I wonder if two hours of sleep at a time will ever feel like enough even with all of them combined."
Not knowing if she'd been referring to Somalia or the days when the nightmares refused to let her rest, Tony squeezed her hand and nodded. "I feel the same way. But then she looks at me, right into my eyes when I'm changing her diaper and it's the most amazing thing, to be depended on that way."
Ziva blinked back tears. "To hold her in my arms is such a precious thing. She is lucky to have you for her father Tony."
He kissed her knuckles, noticing something missing. "Thank you for letting me share her." Tony ran a finger down her necklace and pulled it out to rest on top of her shirt. "I think there's something we need to remedy before we go any further." Moving behind her, he unclasped the chain and slid off her rings. At his expectant expression, Ziva held out her left hand and he slipped first her engagement ring, then her wedding band back into place.
There were tears in her arms as he leaned in to kiss her and sensing she was overwhelmed, Tony took his plate to the sink and put his hand on her shoulder. "I'm going to put a load of laundry on, why don't you relax or take a nap or something?"
Ziva shook her head. "I am tired of being in bed. Maybe I will read for awhile."
Upstairs Tony opened the windows in ever room except where his daughter slept and gathered the dirty laundry from their room and the bathroom. He brought it down and Ziva sorted it while he opened windows in the livingroom and kitchen to let the house air out. After clothes were separated into baskets by colour and the washing machine was running, the couple tidied the kitchen and Ziva noticed for the first time a box and covered plate by the fridge.
"Who are the cupcakes and cookies from?" she asked, swiping a bit of icing off one to taste.
Tony came up behind her and kissed her to catch a bit of the lingering sweetness. Ziva smirked but didn't say anything. "Grace made them," he offered. "She dropped by when you sent me home the first time. That's when she gave me the baby book for you."
"Very nice of her," Ziva commented and Tony rubbed the back of his neck, a sign that what he said next might not be good. She waited.
"That reminds me," he looked a little uncertain. "I did invite her to drop by and meet Chaya Sunday afternoon. Is that okay?"
Ziva didn't seem concerned. "Of course. I expect that people will want to see her when she is so little."
Tony slid his arms behind her back and held her loosely against him. "I was kinda hoping it would just be us for the first week Zi, to give us some time to get used to being a family. People can always come next week."
Ziva put her arms over his shoulders, hooking her hands together behind his head. "If you want it just to be us for now, that is not a problem." She pressed her lips to his.
Tony tried not to take advantage of her willingness, but it was extremely difficult to pull away after only a few kisses. He sighed and slid his arm around her shoulders. "Want to see what's on TV?"
Ziva appreciated more than she could say the careful way he handled their moments of closeness, the way they flirted with all the lines she'd drawn. She draped her arm across his waist. "No reality shows."
They settled on the couch and Tony chuckled. "Deal." He chose an old movie and tucked Ziva into his side. Nothing was more important than this time with her.
A/N2: Now to be totally random - I have a favour to ask. One of my favourite stories on the site was called Philosophy By Inebriation by an author named OwlandthePuppy. It's basically a long conversation from different perspectives between T&Z when she is incredibly drunk one night after being at a club. It's one of the funniest stories I've ever read and I went to find it recently but it seems to have disappeared.
It looks like the author deleted all of his/her stories and changed their penname and they no longer have PM'ing enabled. So my question is: does anyone know this author personally and could maybe find out what happened? And does anyone happen to have a copy of that story? I'd really love to read it again, I'm kicking myself for not printing it off the last time I enjoyed it. I'd be grateful for any help, but if not, thanks anyways!