Sooooo Digi-FanCatt and I were talking about what would happen if Fairy Tail and Lamia Scale teamed up and met Crime Sorciere, and Meredy just TACKLED Grey and Lyon and started shrieking about her uncles. And everyone except the extremely amused CS would be very confused. And this was the hilarious result.
I'm sorry this is so, so late. As you can see, it's very long, and adapting it from PM conversation to publishable text was surprisingly difficult, besides having Easter and school. And I was working on my new story, The Logical Thing To Do. Check it out!
If Lamia Scale was expecting anything when Meredy saw Lyon and Grey, it would not have been this.
"UNCLE LYON I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN FOREVER YOU TOO UNCLE GREY!" "Arg! Meredy! Get off!" "Stop ripping my shoulder apart!"
Meredy had jumped like a madwoman on top of the two and tackled them to the ground, grinning crazily. Grey had already managed to strip in the struggle.
"Grey, where did your pants go and why are you besmirching Meredy-chan's virtue." came the expected question from Erza, who obviously had fifty-six swords swirling around her head. This, plus the dangerously annoyed aura coming from the man in question caused everyone to back at least twenty feet away.
"Kid! Leave the powerful ice mages alone!" was Cobra's response to the scene, as he grabbed Meredy's arm. She, in response, simply tightened her grip on Grey's.
"WHY AREN'T YOU KILLING LYON TOO, ERZA!? Meredy, quit hanging on my arm!" It wasn't like Lyon was ever fully dressed, either. Erza didn't care, making Grey quite indignant indeed. Which didn't seem to affect how much she cared anyway. And Meredy had not let go of his arm.
"I'm just trying to say hi, Cobra! Why are you interrupting my reu-u-ni-on" Her self-righteous voice didn't seem to be working very well on Cobra, and so she switched to wailing dramatically, catching Angel's immediate attention.
"Cobra, if you keep making Meredy cry, I'm going to kill you. And I'm sure Juvia will help." According to Midnight, Angel was in dismembering-people-with-hight-heels mode. What that mode was and how Midnight knew it existed, no one really wanted to know. That didn't stop him from beginning the story, causing Jellal's exasperated expression (which had disappeared upon seeing Erza) to make a comeback.
"Juvia will help Angel-san kill Cobra, but first she must save Grey-sama from Meredy-san's strangling!" As usual, Juvia's first priority was Grey. Her concern was not unmet, as Meredy's arm had somehow traveled from Grey's arm to his neck in the struggle with Cobra, and now she was hanging on both ice mages.
Natsu chose this chaotic moment to realize that there were several powerful mages available for battle, and as usual, disregard the current situation.
"JELLAL! FIGHT ME!"
And, as usual, it fell to Lucy to rein him in, before he got seriously injured from stabbing, poisoning, or a misaimed high heel.
"Natsu, you idiot, get back here! Do you want Erza to dismember you too?!"
Meanwhile, Lyon's very curious and highly suspicious guild was attempting to question him, Sherry in particular. Though to Lyon, she looked much more amused then suspicious.
"Lyon, you have A LOT of explaining to do." she told him, sternly but still highly amused. Lyon felt a distinct feeling of betrayal.
"Well... Uh... My master, Ul, had a daughter, who decided that Gray and I were her brothers, and the daughter, Ultear, adopted Meredy. Does that- Arg! Get off my head!" Meredy had completed the shift and now had her arms around Lyon's neck and Grey's, causing their heads to very painfully smash together. So much for loving embraces.
"Are you good at being a pony? Can you make ice ponies? Do you have any candy?" Meredy didn't seem to care, to busy interrogating Lyon about his pony-making capacity, as Grey was totally useless in that regard. He couldn't even make good pony statues. It was truly unacceptable.
"Meredy. OFF LYON." Jellal had decided to try and exert authority, already knowing from several years of prior experience that Meredy didn't listen to him.
"But Jelllaaallll...Angel, Jellal's interrupting my reunion!" And there was the proof. Honestly, Angel was just like Ultear. Someone made Meredy unhappy in any way, she was all over them like ugly on a Vulcan.
"HOW DARE YOU!" came the expected scream of rage. Cobra and Midnight sensed the impending danger of Sema and promptly snatched Angel's arms, wincing as her overly long fingernails dug into their wrists.
"Angel. Calm. The hell. Down!"
Meredy, satisfied that she was safe for the moment, turned back to her cap- oh sorry, in the process of being tightly hugged "uncles". Her face brightened, instantly causing both Ice-Make mages to cringe. When Meredy smiled, trouble and despair awakened. This time was no different, for them, at least.
"I know! You and Grey can be Elsa! Hey Wendy, Chelia, wanna help me make Uncles Grey and Lyon be Elsas?"
"Sure!" Wendy and Chelia seemed very interested in this prospect. Grey and Lyon...not so much.
"NOOOOOOO."
Lamia Scale was not done with Lyon, yet.
"That doesn't explain why she's a CONVICT, Lyon!" Lyon was too busy being in a a virtual headlock to answer.
"Angel, I'm going to Sema you!" Jellal had unleashed the most terrifying threat, probably the only thing that actually scared the Oracion Seis, besides Meredy on a sugar high. And lord knows that scared everyone.
Acnologia would probably go hide in a corner. Every Disney song sung off key repeatedly for seventeen hours is not something to be taken lightly.
"Why are all humans such idiots?" Charle asked, with an air of indignancy. Fortunately, Happy had a very wise answer.
"'Cause they all llllllllllliiiiiiike each other!"
Truly, a deep and true thought.
"I'm not a woman, I will not play along with this- no I don't want to be Olaf either!" Why did Meredy have four copies of every outfit from Frozen? And why did she have them hidden in her cleavage? At least there weren't live animals in there.
"ANYTHING BUT SEMA!"
"See, Angel, now look what you've done!" Since Charle had been knocked out in the struggle, it was Midnight and Cobra's turn to be indignant.
Angel felt obligated to defend herself, however, being Angel, such defenses were not very well thought out. "It was your fault for making Meredy cry!" she told them protectively, while Meredy nodded innocently from the background. She then turned back to directing her young apprentices into how to make grown men pretend to be ice princesses for the sake of their amusement.
"Chelia, Wendy, stop! No! NOT THE PUPPY-DOG EYES!"
"Lyon! Why is this girl a convict!"
Lyon managed to wriggle out of Meredy's arms and legs long enough to attempt an answer. Unfortunately, Meredy was now trying to use her magic to link him and Grey with Chelia and Wendy and guilt them into being Elsa, all while lecturing the two sky mages on the correct way to place an Elsa wig on a struggling person's head.
"Well, uh...Grimoire Heart and the Magic-MEREDY I SWEAR IF YOU SENSORY LINK-Council and manipulation and-MEREDY!" And now she was on his head again.
Natsu was still trying to fight Jellal. For completely unrelated reasons, Erza was still trying to kill him. For completely related reasons, Lucy had a vice-grip on both of his arms and she had no intent on letting go. Luckily for her straining shoulders, Natsu was more scared of Erza then any vehicle.
"But Lucy! I wanna fight Je-ERZA ALERT RUNNNNNN!"
"Erza liiiikkkkeesss hi- I TAKE THAT BACK NATSU KILL ME." Happy, in his haste, had caused Erza to turn on him. Realizing he hadn't taken it back fast enough, he began saying his prayers. Lucy decided enough was enough and she wanted her rent money, and screamed, "WE HAVE A JOB TO DO!"
"But, Luce, Erza's gunna kill us all!" Natsu protested.
"I don't care! Everyone line up by guild, and calm the hell down!" Lucy was not taking nothing from nobody. Or at least she was trying to.
"Lyon, you still haven't explained. We're going back to Lamia Scale, and it's interrogation time." Sherry decided, with Yuka and Toby nodding their agreement. "Maybe we'll even get Oba to spin you. I'm sure she'll be more then happy to." Lyon did not look pleased with that prospect.
"BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE HIM! WE HAVEN'T DONE FROZEN YET!" Meredy looked like she was about to break into wailing again. And there went Angel.
"Please, can we just stay a little longer?" Chelia asked sweetly. Sherry looked like she was going to give in, even with Yuka whispering, "Sherry! Stay strong!" in her ear. However, Jellal and the rest of Meredy's guild had other ideas, as evidenced by the fact that Jellal had managed to telekinetically force Meredy's limbs from around Lyon, and Cobra had dragged her over to Crime Sorciere by her cape while Hoteye held Angel.
"I think we should leave now." Midnight said, perfectly voicing Lyon and Grey's thoughts.
"NATSU, STOP THROWING POINTLESS FIRE AT MIDNIGHT AND GET OVER HERE." Lucy yelled. As usual, Natsu had forgotten Midnight's magic and was doing his best to burn the Reflector mage, who was barely holding back a smile, off the face of the earth.
"WE HAVE A JOB, PEOPLE! SOME IDIOT IS TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD AGAIN!" Cobra felt obligated to remind his guild of this. Hoteye let go of a suddenly normal-looking Angel.
"Oooohhhhh... Right..."
"But, Frozen?" Meredy asked, her face falling, downcast. "You can play frozen with your uncles after we tack down the big bad guy, okay, Meredy?" Angel told her, smiling.
"You didn't capitalize it." Meredy told her flatly.
"Does that really matter right now?" Cobra asked, raising an eyebrow. Meredy looked murderous.
"YES."
That was when said 'idiot trying to take over the world' chose to make his appearance. "I don't care about all your family reunion, or freezing nonsense. I'm afraid you all have to die." Slowly, Meredy rose from the ground, as Cobra let go of her coat and backed away. Her face shadowed and her fists clenched, she opened her mouth and screamed at the top of her lungs...
..."YOU INSULTED FROZEN AND MY UNCLES! DIE!"
And then Meredy laid waste to all five hundred of them at once while Crime Sorciere cackled and Lamia Scale and Fairy Tail looked on in shock.
"YOU WILL PERISH! HOW DARE YOU INFURIATE ME! MAGUILTY SODOM! FIFTEEN-WAY SENSORY LINK! DIIIIIEEEEEEEE!"
"..."
"And she's not even the strongest member..." murmured Chelia. "Let's all thank whatever god is up there that Crime Sorciere isn't in the Grand Magic Games."
"Indeed. We'd get crushed." agreed Lucy, while everyone else nodded.
"Fairy Tail wouldn't!" Natsu yelled, looking horrified that members of his guild would say such things. Charle sighed.
"Because none of Crime Sorciere dares make Erza upset, Natsu."
That was when Meredy not-subtly whispered to Angel"Because then Jellal would kill whoever it was, right? Right?" Angel nodded, grinning conspiratorially, along the rest of Crime Sorciere.
There was a pause. Then Happy decided it was his time to shine.
"They LIIIIKKKEEE each other!" A meteor and seventy swords and a mace surrounded him."NOOOOO I DIDN'T MEAN THAT NATSU HELP!"
"I'm not getting in their way!" Natsu yelped, barely dodging a slightly misaimed sword.
"You're idiotic enough to." Grey informed him, rather smugly. The Fire Dragonslayer turned on his rival, furious. "What was that, Ice Princess!?" Meredy's eyes widened from atop her pile of utterly defeated bad guys.
"ICE PRINCESS! IT'S FROZEN TIME!"
"Goddamit, Natsu." the entire congregation deadpanned.
"Uncles! Let's play Frozen now!"
"Oi, Elsa, I thought you were going to fight me!" Natsu told the once-again entangled ice mage. Grey responded rather calmly, considering the situation he was in. Or maybe it was just total defeat and acceptance. One of the two. "Later. My niece is demanding attention, and nobody knows how to deny her."
"I can." Cobra pointed out. It was true, which everyone hated him for.
"You can hear thoughts, and therefore can hold shipping material over her, Cobra. Speaking of which..." "Forget it, you stupid cat. Or has that demon woman been paying you again?" Happy tried not to look suspicious. Of course, looks never fooled Cobra, who resolved to pay said demon woman a visit very, very soon. And possibly bring some tea. Laced with cyanide. Or the like.
Lamia Scale had reversed back into a highly confused state. "Sooo...does anyone else have any idea what's going on?"
They were ignored.
"Fine! I'll fight Jellal instead! Or Erza!" Natsu decided, since Grey was too busy being an ice princess to do anything.
"I THOUGHT WE ESTABLISHED THAT THAT WAS A BAD IDEA, NATSU." Lucy managed to say through gritted teeth. Honestly, how could he be so smart and at the same time such an absolute moron?
"But Lucccyyyyyy-" her partner whined. Lucy wasn't giving him any ground on this one. If only for his own health. (Though getting a thorough beat-down by one of the two would probably do him good.) "NO."
"Grey, Lyon sucks at making ice gowns. You make them. Chelia, got the blonde wigs?" Grey and Lyon's eyes widened and they looked at each other, suddenly panicking. Meredy was getting really, really serious about this. Really, really serious.
"Yep! I've got one and Wendy's got the other!" And Chelia and Wendy were supposed to be on their side, dammit!
"Meredy, you aren't seriously going to go that-" and then the two spotted a glaring Angel from behind extremely happy Meredy. "OK WHATEVER YOU WANT."
"Somebody fight me!" Natsu complained. Everyone was ignoring him! Why couldn't he just punch someone? Unfortunately, he liked punching ice mages, and both ice mages were, well...
Currently Lyon: "I'm a pretty snow princess, and I'm enjoying it. Really!"
Currently Grey: "Aye sir! Nothing better than freezing things and loving family!"
...occupied.
"I wish we could record this." Cana, who had somehow arrived on the scene, said to no one in particular.
"On it, alrea-" Cobra was suddenly and mysteriously a block of ice.
"How did they find time to freeze Cobra?" Erza wondered.
"I dunno."
"NO! I WANTED TO FIGHT COBRA!" Natsu exclaimed angrily.
"Shut up!" Laxus, who was somehow also there, told him. "Laxus! You can fight me!" Natsu shouted excitedly! "Fire Dragon's Iron- AAAAHHHHHHHH!" And there was the expected Lightning Dragon's Halberd.
Lucy and Happy sighed. Grey laughed. Too bad Meredy was still examining his Elsa costume.
"Grey! You ruined it! Now I'm gonna be sa-ad!" Meredy wailed dramatically. "You're lucky Angel feels she owes you since you saved her life." she added, much more menacingly. Chelia and Wendy looked at each other, concerned for Grey's safety. Luckily, they had a save.
"It's ok, Meredy! Here, this gives us an opportunity to add lipstick!" Lyon looked thoroughly outraged. For a good reason.
"Grey. I am going to kill you." he said, with no flair whatsoever.
"I think we'll be killing ourselves fir-oh lord it's Ultear's ghost let's all shut up and do what Meredy wants." Indeed, although not everyone seemed to be able to see it, a transparentish black haired woman in a leotard and tights was sitting on a tree branch, grinning at them. While she might be dead, there was no guarantee she couldn't stiil cause serious emotional damage. Or maybe even physical. It was Ultear, after all.
"Ultear? Ultear!" Meredy shrieked, beginning to run around in circles with her face a mixture of disbelief and shock.
"I think she's forgotten us as she's running in circles looking for the ghost." Grey whispered. "Think we can escape?" Lyon whispered back. "I don't dare." Grey answered, furtively glancing around. "Good point."
"Good news!" Meredy told them, coming back excitedly. "Ghost!Ultear's here on invitation of Mavis! And she says Ur's watching too, so you two better be good Elsas!"
"ULTEAR WHYYYYYYYY" Grey moaned. Lyon also moaned, but wondered, who the heck is Mavis?
"K guys, I got the cam-" Cana also became an ice block, right there next to the rapidly thawing Cobra, who was quickly refrozen.
"Well. They froze Cana too." Erza said, observantly. "That's fast. Jeez." Lucy agreed, before jumping as Loke appeared out of nowhere.
"So what's going WAIT GREY IS THAT AN ELSA COSTUME?!" Loke looked like his birthday had come early. Grey glared at him menacingly, or as menacingly as he could in an Elsa dress, wig, and bright red lipstick.
"Loke. GO AWAY."
"Not when there are beautiful ladies to be found!" the celestial spirit declared. Turning to a very confused Meredy, he dropped down to one knee with a magically-appearing rose in his hand. "I don't believe we've been aquainted, Miss Meredy! May I tell you how beaut- oh shit." Crime Sorciere did not take kindly to people hitting on Meredy. Especially because Meredy had no idea how to react to flirting, and therefore had begun to howl. Loudly.
"...Yikes." Lucy decided, watching as Angel demonstrated the full extent of her dismembering-with-high-heel mode. And Erza helped.
"I think everyone is now firmly in the be-scared-of-Crime-Sorciere camp." Levy, who was now also here for some reason, said, turning to her blonde friend.
"Affirmative, Levy. Affirmative."
"We could've taken him. She's our niece." Lyon said, though he doubted he and Grey could have done a better job then the independent guild, cheered on by the ghost.
"... Sorry. I guess she's almost like a second Millianna in my eyes." Jellal and Erza said thoughtfully, and at the same time. Happy valiantly resisted. And believe me, it took a LOT of willpower to avoid his usual outburst. Then again, the threat of imminent death probably helped his resolve.
"Okay... What does that mean in normal people terms?" Sherry asked. "Better question- are there even any normal people here?" Yuka added.
"Uncles! You need to sing Let It Go!"
"Apparently not."
"Oh no..." Lyon and Grey moaned, pleadingly. The Maguilty Sense mage was having none of that, as she trilled, "Now! Now! NOW!"
"The snow glows white on the mountain tonight?" the two began, tentatively. The pink-haired mage tutted.
"Tut tut tut. Wendy, grab the projector and pull up the words, won't you? And Chelia, get the music video so they know when to do the ice castle." "Right, boss!" both shouted, saluting. Mirajane chose now to arrive on the scene, bringing with her all the ships.
"Oo! Oo! I'll get Juvia and she can be Kristoff! And Grey and Lyon can fight over her!" Mirajane volunteered. Meredy began waving her hands around and squealing in delight. So did Wendy(though Chelia looked less then pleased.) "THAT'S A GREAT IDEA MIRAJANE I LOVE YOU LET'S DO IT OH JUUUVVVIIIAAA!"
"Juvia-chan will surely choose me!" Lyon declared passionately, rose petals and Sparkles appearing out of nowhere around him.
"I'm not going to fight over Juvia!" Grey told Meredy heatedly. (The Sparkles swirling around him betrayed his true feelings. Apparently the Sparkles were involved in a ship war. The winner was unclear. For now.)
"But you looooovvveee her!" Happy trilled, floating upside down and grinning. Grey managed to look menacing while still in his Elsa costume. Happy decided to stop talking right then.
"Finally, male cat gets a clue." Charle muttered, shaking her head.
"Uh, isn't it Anna that falls for Kristoff?" Lucy pointed out, curiously. Mirajane paused. And then pointed at Meredy and whispered malevolently "BE. QUIET!"
"Yes Mira." Lucy stated very, very, quickly. Juvia seemed to agree with her earlier statement, however.
"Juvia is quite sure Love Rival is correct. Grey-Sama should be Anna."
"But, he's Elsa!" Meredy said with wide eyes. Juvia weighed Frozen canon against Meredy's happiness. With glare from Angel and Mirajane, she chose the latter.
"Juvia will not say no to Meredy-chan."
"Good choice! Now, I believe we were starting the ice castle scene? You two, get to it! Juvia, you'll come in later, so just sit tight."
"She's really got this planned, doesn't she?" murmured Lucy to Juvia, who nodded vigorously. Cobra heard her, and snickered.
"Are you kidding? Meredy's been planning this since last month." As soon as that came out of his mouth, Grey and Lyon's tiredly accepting expressions changed to ones of pure and unadulterated outrage.
"You knew she," Grey managed to say through his fury,
"was going to do this," Lyon added with equal anger,
"AND YOU DIDN'T WARN US?!" they screamed together. Wendy and Chelia covered their ears. Meredy, however, was too involved in syncing the music to the projector to notice. Angel shook her head, looking apologetic.
"Darlings, we didn't want to disrupt Meredy's planning either. Not only does she have Sensory Links, but..."
"Ultear's ghost is a constant presence. It's terrifying." Cobra finished, as all of Crime Sorciere except Meredy involuntarily shuddered.
"Ah." said all four in understanding.
Unfortunately for Grey and Lyon, that was not going to save them from Meredy's plans. She had finished setting up her electronics, and clicked the play button just as Cobra finished.
"Now, start singing!" she announced.
"Aye Sir!" Grey and Lyon said, snapping to attention and beginning to sing. "Let it go, let it go, etc. et-cet-era!"
They were awful.
It was like Gajeel and Orga sitting down to do a duet, but better. That did not mean it was good. The fact that they could be compared was very, very scary. Meredy frantically waved her hands in the air, signaling for them to stop before someone went deaf. "Ah! Sing it right! Sing it right!"
"I am!" the two protested in unison.
"NO YOU'RE NOT!" shrieked everyone present. Grey and Lyon winced from the level of horror on everyone's faces. Well, except Gajeel. He seemed to think they were brilliant.
"Gray-sama and Lyon are tone deaf?" Juvia asked, sounding amazed that her Grey-sama could be bad at anything except realizing his apparent unconditional love for her.
"Both of them?" Lucy asked, also a but surprised. For some reason, she had always assumed Grey was a good singer. She wasn't sure why. Natsu certainly wasn't, and Erza got stage fright and punched people. Maybe it was a slayer thing. Though she had never heard Wendy and Chelia sing...
"Ultear too, actually. Karaoke night with her was rather... What's the word? - Interesting! That's it. I'm willing to bet Ur was as well." Jellal said reminiscently. Ultear glared at him from behind Meredy and her projector. Luckily for him, she was too busy staring threateningly at Grey and Lyon to attempt anything.
"Wow, really, Jellal? I wonder how all of them managed that." Erza wondered. Jellal shrugged. "... Science?" Then Meredy's faced brightened and she opened her mouth, and all of Crime Sorciere instinctively shivered.
"I HAVE AN EVEN BETTER IDEA THEN FROZEN! WE SHOULD ALL GET TOGETHER AND HAVE OPEN MIC NIGHT!"
"Oo! I'll sing!" Mirajane exclaimed excitedly. "I'll sing too!" Gajeel volunteered.
"Mirajane's fine. Gajeel is not allowed near the microphone." decreed Erza with great finality.
"WHAT!?" Gajeel yelled furiously. He wanted to sing! This was completely unfair!
"Master's orders." Erza told him, crossing her arms. It was obvious she was intent on enforcing Master's orders to whatever extent she was able to. Which was a long, long extent.
"We're going to have a converstion about this!" Gajeel huffed, not daring to go against Erza. Juvia raised her hand. "Juvia could recite a poem."
"Please don't let Juvia near the microphone either. Especially if she's mentioned my name." Grey pleaded to Erza. She simply smirked at him. "Sorry, it's OPEN mic night."
"YOU BANNED GAJEEL!" Grey shouted furiously. He was distinctly ignored.
"Since they have proven themselves tone deaf, Lyon and Gray aren't allowed to sing." Lucy added, giving the two forceful glares.
"C'mon Lucy, don't glare at us like that!"
"I will glare at whomever I want." the blonde told them firmly.
"She liiikkkeess them!" Happy snickered. Lucy turned her death glare on him, but Natsu angrily beat her to it. "Lucy doesn't like the stripper! Or the other stripper!"
Happy saw material in that one.
"He liiikkkkeesss her!" he giggled through his hands. "SHUT. UP. HAPPY." Lucy nearly screamed, slamming her hand on Ultear's tree with each word.
"She liiikkkkeees him!" Happy exclaimed delightedly.
Lucy, Natsu, Grey, and Lyon looked at each other.
"MAKE UP YOUR MIND YOU DAMN CAT!"
This is probably the most random thing I've published since the Ichiya chapter. Hope you enjoyed it, and if you did, leave a review! And thank you to all the people who have been following, favoriting, and reviewing this story and me! I love all of you!
Request if you like, but don't expect me to get to it soon. I always get to everything eventually, though, so don't worry, especially if you've been waiting months now for me to do your request. I'm trying, I promise!