Thanks to hippiechick2112, doodlechick12, mexicana, The Great Houdini, ladygris, and Foreststar of Windclan for reviewing! Luckily it's easier to fool Scott than to fool readers or I'd never build dramatic tension!
Dear Diary,
It's after midnight, so this counts for tomorrow.
I can't sleep.
I have a secret, which feels strange because usually I have things that aren't secrets, but that I don't talk about. Like things about Africa. I can't tell about it because I don't know the words. Also, the geography. I hate when people say "Africa" like Africa is one place. It's almost 100% surrounded with water, some parts 100% because those parts are islands. I never saw the ocean until I flew over it. (In an airplane.)
The ocean seems mean. Water is everything. I know that from both sides, from having too little and from taking too much. And all that water filled with salt and fish poop. If you were thirsty enough, you would drink the fish poop.
But I never saw the ocean from the ground, because Africa is so big, but I don't know where I was by Western geography. That's a word I don't know. And they don't teach you the words for the geography of your body, either. I had a friend and I think about her a lot. I think about how if it were different, if she had stayed her, I would have stayed there.
I was different there, too, from other people, but that made me feel respected. Here I feel afraid.
I wanted to tell Charles yesterday, but it didn't work. Again, it didn't work, this time because I didn't know how to say it. Even though I did know the words. Maybe Charles was the wrong person to tell.
When they came, his sister and her friends, I was scared. It was the first time I felt scared here. She pretended to be Alex, which was stupid. Scott saw right through that, of course! But Charles wouldn't. He wouldn't even stop her when she had a knife at my throat.
Once, in Africa, something very almost happened to me and I was scared then, too. I think I was 11. Now I am 14, but then I was 11 and I didn't know how to be that scared. It took over me. The first time I used my powers, it happened because I was scared. Ever since, they always responded. Sometimes I did things wrong. I stole too much water. I thought… but I was wrong, and I stole, and people died. Like the first time, only not deserving to.
When Charles's stupid sister had a knife to my throat, my power wouldn't. I tried to call it, but I was too scared. Sometimes it's hard when I am inside. I feel unnatural here, sometimes, so far away from the weather. I never slept behind so many walls and under so many rooves. But it wasn't that. It refused to come because I was scared.
Sometimes now I sit outside and feel the weather. I feel it, I think, more than other people do, more than just the sun on my skin, but I don't try to control it anymore. I don't do that because I am a coward. I am afraid that I will try again and the weather won't come.
Like I may as well try to rescue the moon from the pond at night.