Ziva's first face to face therapy appointment with Devon was at two pm and for that reason, after Chaya's twelve-thirty feeding, the baby was put in her car seat to nap. By quarter after one pm, Tony and Ziva were showered, dressed, and ready to go, but when they got downstairs, Ziva dropped onto the couch.

"I wonder if I will ever feel awake again." A little make-up, a shower and real clothes had helped, but she dreaded another day of the constant feedings.

"I know babe, but maybe she'll settle down a bit after this growth spurt."

Not willing to raise her hopes, Ziva looked at him. "What will you do while we are with Devon?"

Tony shrugged. "I think I'll try to get a bit of a workout in. I wouldn't want to lose my manly physique."

She walked over and patted his stomach. "I do not think marriage has spoiled you too much yet."

He linked his fingers behind her back and leaned down for a kiss. "I don't know about that. As long as I keep getting free rein with your lips, I think I'm pretty spoiled."

She hugged him once and pulled away. "Let us go."

Tony was in charge of the baby seat and soon they were all strapped into his car and ready to go. They arrived just in time and he dropped wife and baby off at Devon's office. "You will be back to get us at three?" Therapy was still not her favourite place to be.

"On the dot." He kissed her nose but avoided disturbing the sleeping baby, waving at her instead. "Be good for Mommy princess, I'll see you in an hour."

Tony turned away and with a deep breath, Ziva steeled herself and entered the familiar office. "Ziva!" Devon exclaimed as if they hadn't spoken in weeks. Ziva set down the baby seat in front of the couch and took her usual place while Devon squatted down to get a better look. "And who is this little angel?"

Ziva smiled. "Chaya Caprice DiNozzo, named for life and Tony's grandmother, to continue a tradition."

"She's gorgeous," the therapist breathed, stroking the baby's cheek lightly. "And what lovely hair. Taking after Mom already I see."

Ziva shrugged. "Tony says she looks just like me, I am not sure."

Devon looked up, the tone of her patient's voice alerting her. "Something is bothering you."

The woman caressed her baby's soft hair. "As much as I would like for her to resemble Tony in some way, it is not possible. But what if..."

Dr. Andrews nodded. "What if she looks like the man who fathered her." Ziva nodded miserably and Devon returned to her seat. "Would you love her less?"

There was a long silence before Ziva shook her head. "No. But that would make it harder not to remember."

"I don't think you need to worry Ziva, I agree with Tony - when I look at Chaya, all I can see is little bits of you in her features."

Ziva's smile softened. "She is like Tali more."

Devon's eyebrows shot up. "Your sister?" It was a topic they had only touched on. Ziva kept her memories close.

"I wish she could be here. Tali...would have loved this family. She would have approved of Tony as my choice. And she would have loved my baby."

"I know it's hard Ziva, but you love your daughter and so does Tony. That alone will make the difference." She paused and checked her notes. "So, how is being a mom?"

Ziva leaned over and dropped her head into her hands. "It is exhausting. I have been on missions before that included very little sleep, but waking up with a newborn every two hours or less is something else entirely." She sighed. "And then she looks at me like I am the most important person in her world and I would not trade her trust for a month of sleeping through the night."

Devon laughed. "I think you're doing fine Ziva, you obviously love doing this already, even if it is hard." She glanced at Ziva's rings. "How is Tony handling all the newborn stuff?"

At the mention of her husband, Ziva's eyes lit up. "He is wonderful. Chaya has had her daddy wrapped around all her fingers since the first moment he held her. Tony...he is trying so hard to be helpful, to be involved. It is a joy to watch him love her." Ziva thought for a moment. "I think Tony is trying to do right with Chaya everything his father did wrong. I believe he has inside him a very specific idea of what a daddy should be like and he is doing his best to live up to it."

"That's quite insightful," Devon commented, saving it to mention during one of their couple's sessions. "How is parenthood affecting your relationship?"

Ziva lifted one shoulder and let it drop, but her eyes drifted to Chaya before she could speak. Watching the newborn stir, she knew what was coming. "Is it alright if I nurse her in here?" Ziva was uncomfortable with the idea, Grace and Tony has so far been her only audience, but her daughter needed to eat.

"Of course," Devon agreed. "I'll make some tea while you get settled."

Grateful to not be watched, Ziva reached into the diaper bag for a receiving blanket and draped it over her shoulder and front. She readied her breast through the slit in the nursing shirt and bent over to turn the car seat around and unbuckle her baby.

"Shalom tatelah," she said as she lifted Chaya out. "Bo'i li Ima." Come to Mommy.

As soon as the baby smelled milk, she turned her head towards Ziva's breast and latched on. Ziva kissed the baby's hand and covered them both as Devon sat down and resumed the conversation. "You were about to tell me how having a baby is affecting your relationship with Tony," she reminded the woman.

Ziva rubbed Chaya's back as she ate, wanting to keep her alert. "There is much less time for us, but I am trying to be careful to give Tony my attention as well. And we have started spending one of Chaya's evening naps downstairs together." She remembered Friday and smiled.

"Gibbs came by before the weekend to stay with Chaya so Tony and I could go for a walk. Friday marked one month since our wedding." Ziva leaned back into the cushions. "It was very nice to get time out, just he and I. If we could make that a habit, I would enjoy it."

"Still can't get enough of his company, huh?" Ziva shook her head and Devon chuckled. "You guys are such newlyweds." The other woman's eyes shadowed and the light drained away. Dr. Andrews paid attention to the change. "What's that look?"

"Nothing." Ziva didn't want to think about it.

"Not nothing," Devon pushed. "Please tell me. I can only help you if you share what's going on in your head."

Ziva's expression became unreadable. "You cannot help with this," she insisted. "Talking will not fix everything."

Devon changed positions, surprised at the conviction she heard. "Maybe not, but talking can't make it worse either."

Several minutes passed before Ziva let out a breath, finally willing to test the theory. "I wish we could be newlyweds," she said quietly. "I know it is difficult for Tony because he wants much more than I can give. Even though six weeks must pass before I heal enough, I do not think I will be ready even then. But sometimes when he touches or kisses me, I cannot help but wish there were no barriers between us."

Devon's face showed her amazement, she had not expected full disclosure. She took a moment to absorb Ziva's confession. "What scares you the most about being intimate with Tony?"

Ziva readjusted the blanket and switched Chaya to the other side while her doctor busied herself making notes, taking time to think before she answered. It was not a comfortable topic and she shifted uneasily. "Tony has seen me naked," she began, clarifying at Devon's confused look, "when he had to help me shower. I can relax given enough time, so we have already crossed a hurdle without doing it on purpose. But I cannot...I do not want to see him without any clothes at all. I feel safe only if he is wearing something. To get to the point when I could let him...inside," she choked on the thought. "No. I do not know if that will ever be okay."

That she was fighting memories was clear as a shudder rippled through her. Chaya sensed her tension and came off the breast, crying at the interruption. Pushing the thoughts away, Ziva focused on her baby, speaking soothingly in Hebrew as she made herself relax and Chaya latched on again. Ziva frowned at Devon. "I cannot talk about this while I am feeding her. She should not have to suffer for my fears."

Wisely Devon remained silent, concentrating on jotting her observations as Chaya finished nursing and Ziva got put back together. She held the baby on her shoulder and patted her back lightly. Chaya burped and spit up a bit but Ziva took it in stride and wiped her mouth before settling the baby on her chest, wanting or perhaps needing the comfort of holding her.

Devon tapped her pen. "You may not yet be able to see a day when intimacy is not something you dread, but the progress you've made already..." she shook her head. "When you came back, no one could even touch you but Tony was the first. Physical contact was something you couldn't tolerate but you let him hold you. Until your engagement it was rare that he be allowed to kiss you, now I know it's more than an occasional thing. You are sharing a bed with him Ziva, a home and a life. You had the courage to accept his help showering, you admit that you enjoy his touch. Can't you see how far you've come in these seven months?"

Ziva didn't look impressed. "It never feels like enough."

"Uh huh." Devon took in her posture, the possessive way she cradled her baby and the look in her eyes that hinted at memories she didn't want to deal with. From experience the doctor knew that Ziva needed space or she would bolt. "We'll come back to that."

She glanced up at the clock, relieved to find it nearly three. "Actually, our time is running out. Was there anything else you wanted to cover before we call it a day?" The shake of Ziva's head was minute and though expected, Devon stifled a sigh. "Alright. Same time next week then. Thank you for coming."

Right on cue there was a knock on the door and Tony came in, eager to collect his girls. He sat down, rubbed Chaya's back and kissed Ziva lightly. When he met her eyes though, it was clear something was wrong and he frowned at Devon, helped Ziva up and grabbed the diaper bag and empty car seat.

"Later," he muttered at the shrink, needing to get Ziva alone. They were in the elevator mere seconds before he flipped the emergency switch and crowded Ziva's space, threading his fingers into her hair. "What's wrong?"

She leaned her head against his shoulder. "I hate it when she makes me talk. I hate the reminders of everything I am still trying to escape."

Tony held her carefully, mindful of the sleeping infant in her arms. "What was it today?" The past was so unpredictable, it was impossible to guess what might have triggered this mood.

Ziva shook her head. "Not now," she whispered, laying the baby in his arms. "It is not a conversation for now."

Hating being left out of her thoughts, Tony returned Chaya to her car seat, brushing a kiss over her forehead. He stood and pulled Ziva to him, noting the slight resistance as he tipped her chin up. "Don't shut me out Zi."

She swallowed and placed her palms on his cheeks. "I will tell you someday, but we cannot talk about it yet. Please trust me on this." Ziva swept her lips over his lightly and Tony gripped her arms, leaning his forehead against hers.

"One more kiss?" he asked hoarsely. Ziva smiled and obliged and Tony took as much as he could get. For extra reassurance, he wrapped her in a hug and kissed her hair. "I love you. No matter what therapy makes you remember, keep that truth. I love you and you can't tell me anything that will change my mind."

"Ata hakayim sheli," she said softly. You are my life. He had no idea what the words meant except something about 'you' and 'my', but Tony gathered she'd just told him something of great significance.

He pulled back and grinned. "Toda."

Ziva rolled her eyes. "We should go say hello. If Abby hears that we came and did not see her first..."

"I know," he winced. "Do not make the pregnant Goth mad."

The elevator resumed its course and soon opened at the lab. Abby turned around in response to the ding, only quelling her squeal of delight when both parents put a finger to their lips. "She is asleep," Ziva explained.

Abby settled for bouncing up and down, wearing a grin so wide it almost split her face, before launching herself at Tony. He grunted slightly as he caught her and squeaked out a desperate plea for air moments later. She stepped back and his eyes dropped to her midsection. "Is that a baby bump?"

She brushed prettily and nodded. "Not very much of one, but it's proof." Abby turned to Ziva and looked her over before carefully folding her arms around her friends. "How are you? Gosh you look good for only a week later. I have a present for you!"

Abby ran to her office and reached for a folded piece of material on top of her filing cabinet. She returned and placed it in Ziva's hands. "It's called a kangaroo wrap. There's instructions inside but basically it's a way to wear your baby and leave your hands free to do other things." She pointed to Ziva's chest. "The wrap will hold Chaya right over your heart so she can hear it beat like she did when she was in the womb."

Ziva smiled. "Thank you Abby, what a lovely idea."

The scientist's attention was already elsewhere. "Hi Chaya!" She squatted down and couldn't resist touching the baby's finger. "You look so much different than when I met you." Abby stood and smacked Tony's arm. "Shame on you for letting me miss a week of my niece's life, her first week I might add." She propped her hands on her hips. "Is the moratorium on visitors lifted now?"

Tony laughed and held up both hands. "Don't you ever take a breath?" He shook his head. "I don't even know where to start. Ask my wife your question, I'm pretty sure company will be accepted at some point in the near future."

Before Abby could demand that Ziva set a time for her and Tim to come see them, Sammy trotted over to inspect the guests. Tony knelt down to pet him and the puppy put one paw on Chaya's car seat and stood up to get a better look. "Sammy, no!" Abby hastened to say, but surprisingly Ziva lowered herself to the floor and smiled.

"It is alright Abby, baby animals and baby people often get along quiet well." She held out her fingers for Sammy to sniff. "Shalom." He looked at her expectantly and she fondled his ears. "You may say hello to my baby, her name is Chaya."

Tony and Abby exchanged looks, this was unexpected. They'd never really seen Ziva with a pet before. Sammy's pink tongue lapped at Chaya's outfit before he lay his head on her leg, looking very content. Abby giggled. "I think she has an admirer."

Tony shook his head. "So you have a secret love of dogs, huh? What else don't I know?"

Ziva's eyes twinkled. "A great many things. It may take you an entire lifetime to learn them all."

"I've got time," he smiled, then looked up when Sammy yapped and ran towards the door. Tami appeared, followed closely by a certain temporary team member. Tony stood up and offered his hand to Matt. "Shmoozing with the assistant lab rat are you?"

Tami turned red. "We uh...we're just friends."

Tony saw something in Matt's eyes at her declaration and wondered how long that would last. To dispel the awkward tension, he swept his hand towards Ziva and Chaya. "Well, you're just in time." He helped Ziva up and put his arm around her. "I believe you've met my wife, Ziva DiNozzo. This," Tony gestured to the car seat, "is our daughter Chaya."

Tami was immediately enthralled and bent down to get a better look, earning a kiss from Sammy before he lay down beside Chaya again. Matt smiled. "She's beautiful." There was no mention of who she looked like, he still didn't know the whole story but he knew enough.

After a few minutes Ziva excused them. "We still need to visit the bullpen and get home before she wakes up." She hugged Abby. "I will call."

Abby nodded and reached for Tony again. "Thanks for coming. We really miss you around here."

They left and went up several levels to the squadroom. Gibbs and McGee were sitting at their desks doing what looked like case reports and Tony grinned. "The fun has arrived!" Gibbs glanced up, his scowl softening at the sight of Ziva. Tony set the seat on his boss's desk and sauntered over to McGee. "Surviving without me Probie?"

Tim rolled his eyes. "Twelve whole days without my daily movie trivia. I don't know how I'll ever get over it."

"Don't try to hide it McGoo, I know you miss me," Tony teased, in his element.

Gibbs meanwhile hugged Ziva gently and rubbed his thumb over Chaya's tiny fist. "First outing?"

Ziva looked up in surprise. "Yes, I guess it is. If you do not count the park." She leaned against his desk. "Chaya has been asking all weekend when she gets to see Grampa Gibbs again." Her smile was shy. "I think she missed you."

He slid his arm around her back. "Celeste volunteered to help me babysit again sometime."

"Chaya would like that. And I think we need to get to know her better as well, yes?" Fatigue began to gather in Ziva's eyes and Gibbs looked significantly at Tony, who came to stand behind his wife, his hands on Ziva's shoulders, then at his watch. Tony took the hint and coughed.

"Oh, yeah, right." He leaned forward and kissed her cheek. "It's almost four hun, we better head back."

She nodded and Tim held out a CD case as they turned to go. "It's a bunch of lullaby music, for when she starts sleeping in her own room."

Ziva took the disk and slid her arms around his neck. "Thank you Tim," she whispered as he embraced her gently. She kissed his cheek and stepped back beside Tony, tangling her fingers with his. They waved goodbye and headed out to the car. Their ride back was quiet and he knew the feeling, he was tired too. It would be nice to fall back into bed after supper and catch an hour of sleep. These days it was worth more than gold.

NCIS

Later, Tony came back upstairs after having left Ziva to feed Chaya while he warmed them up something for supper. Entering their bedroom, he found both wife and baby had fallen asleep nursing. He had to smile. Tony watched them for a minute and then walked quietly over.

As he'd seen Ziva do, the new dad slid his pinky into Chaya's mouth to break the suction and slowly moved the nipple away. Tony gently lifted her into his arms and moved her to the bassinet. She squirmed when laid down and her lips and cheeks continued the occasional sucking motion but she soon settled and he turned back to Ziva.

It was nice to have the opportunity to just look at his wife without her eyes on him wondering what he was thinking and how much more he wanted than what he was currently getting. Tony brushed his thumb over the curve of Ziva's breast before hooking the side of her nursing bra back up, longing for the day when intimate touch wasn't forbidden.

Ziva grabbed his wrist before he moved away, speaking without opening her eyes. "That felt like red light behaviour Tony," she teased and Tony climbed over her to lay on the other side.

"Was it unwanted?" he asked with a grin, wondering how far she'd let him push.

Her right eye cracked open. "It was definitely deliberate." She paused. "I have not decided yet."

Tony's face lit up. "I could do it again." Any opportunity to touch her, he'd take.

Ziva slouched down and rolled over to face him. "Perhaps when our daughter is sleeping longer than ninety minutes at a time." She sighed and shifted to get comfortable. "I do not want you to get frustrated with the limitations."

Too late. He pushed back her hair. "I can handle limits Zi, it's better than not getting to do anything at all."

She wrapped her fingers around his hand. "I love you."

Tony kissed her wrist and closed his eyes. "I love you too."