A/N: Well, guess what? I'm writing 18 chapters ahead of you guys right now (just starting Ch 65) and I'm impatient so we're going back to every other day postings for awhile. Can't promise it will last until the end of the story but I'll do what I can. Hope you enjoy the chapter, glad everyone still seems to like the story so much :) Stick around, lots more to come! Thanks! ~Aliyah
The every hour and a half feedings continued until early Wednesday morning, when Ziva woke at six am to realize she'd slept soundly for two whole hours. Her elation disappeared when Chaya didn't eat as long as usual and got fussy. Ziva tried the usual methods to calm her, but the baby was having none of it and after several minutes Ziva's frustration level rose. She shoved Tony's shoulder and handed him the crying baby as soon as his eyes were open.
"I need a break," she said shortly, stalking out of the room.
Tony blinked a few times, feeling a little bewildered. He sat up and laid Chaya in his lap, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. With a yawn he reached for the mommy blanket hanging from the headboard and tossed it over his shoulder, slouching down as he rested his daughter on his chest, running his fingers gently up and down her spine.
"Hey princess, what's all this fuss about, hmm?" He felt her diaper but it was still dry. "Shh, shh, shh," Tony whispered right in her ear and slowly Chaya responded to the combination of Mommy's comforting scent, her daddy's voice and the sound of his heartbeat.
He stayed still for awhile after Chaya fell asleep, enjoying the feeling of pride and accomplishment that came from being the one to quiet their upset baby. Finally though Tony got up to put her in the bassinet, threw on clothes, grabbed the baby monitor and went to find his wife.
After a quick search of the house he found her sitting sideways on one of the lounge chairs outside. Moving slowly, Tony sat down beside her and started observing. She was staring at the grass, her expression pensive. "I do not deserve to be her mother," Ziva said in monotone.
He faced her, his tone urgent as he tried to protest. "Zi-"
"No Tony," she insisted, meeting his gaze finally. "I got angry with an infant. Crying is her only way to communicate, she does not know any better." Ziva shook her head. "I should not have lost my patience."
Tony grabbed her arm and made her look at him, as if that could also make her listen. "You're not perfect Ziva," he said firmly. "You're human and in the last year you've gone through more than anyone should ever have to face." He cupped her chin. "Cut yourself some slack honey, caring for a newborn is going to be stressful. It'll happen again but that's why I'm here, we get to take turns."
Ziva put her arms around him and buried her face in his shirt. Tony turned them and leaned back, holding Ziva between his legs. The moisture he felt, silent tears soaking through, made his heart ache but there was nothing he could do to make her feel better. She was taking being a mom seriously, was bent on getting it right and she didn't know how to handle when she couldn't handle it.
Tony let his arms, his presence, his love comfort his wife until he sensed that she was drifting off. With a gentle nudge he got her to sit up and kissed her softly before leading her back upstairs and tucking her into the guestroom bed. She was dead to the world in seconds and Tony wished he could crawl in beside her, but someone needed to listen for Chaya. In their room Tony pulled a notepad from the bedside table drawer, jotting down the thoughts in his head.
What you see as weakness, I call strength.
What you think is failure, I see as love so deep you don't want to get it wrong.
Where you see scars, I celebrate victory.
When nightmares consume you, I am only glad they are not still reality.
When you worry about patience and it not being fair, I can only think how lucky I am to be where you are.
When you can't, I can. Remember my vows, we are strength for each other.
Love makes us and this family and parenthood possible. Don't give up.
Always, T
He folded the paper and slid it under Ziva's pillow but didn't put the pad of paper away, instead starting something new. Dear Chaya, you're almost two weeks old and life without you already seems unimaginable. Today you were crying and Mommy was sad because she didn't know how to make you happy again, so I got a turn. You made Daddy feel pretty special when you let me put you to sleep. Every time I rub your back and you calm down, I remember what it was like when you were still inside Mommy and we used to do the same thing. Tony sighed. We sure do love you little girl.
Two hours after he'd talked her into napping, Tony woke Ziva gently and brought Chaya to her. He sat on the bed and kept her company while she nursed. When she looked up and still had the reflection of defeat in her eyes, Tony took her hand and kissed the back. "Let's get out of the house for awhile, go grocery shopping or something."
Ziva's brow furrowed. "She will be asleep."
He shrugged. "No problem. I'll just wear her in that baby carrier we got. Gotta break it out sometime."
A smile touched her lips. "Can I shower before we go out?"
"Absolutely," Tony grinned, reaching for his daughter. "Time for a diaper change missy." Ziva watched them go, without words once again to express her gratitude for how much Tony loved her and Chaya.
Once they got to the store it took a little doing to get both Tony and Chaya into the baby carrier and personally Ziva thought he looked a little funny. But he was so proud to be showing off his little girl and he answered all the curious questions from teenage girls and little old ladies who caught a glimpse of their baby. The sight kept a smile on Ziva's face the whole time.
Tony trailed his wife around as she shopped off her list and his phone rang while Ziva was picking out oranges. "Dinozzo," he answered out of habit.
"Are you aware that tomorrow is Mother's Day?" Tim demanded.
Tony's mouth fell open and he coughed to cover when Ziva looked at him. "Uh, I wouldn't worry Probie, weird cravings are normal." He thought a moment. "I think Ziva's strangest one was mini M&Ms in jello."
"Ziva's right there, isn't she?"
He grinned. "Yup." Covering the phone, he spoke to his wife. "We're comparing cravings stories." She rolled her eyes. "Chaya and I will go look at magazines for awhile." She nodded and Tony moved away, putting the phone back to his ear. "Okay."
"Let me guess, you need me to tell you some crazy Abby stories so you're not lying to your wife."
"Bingo!" Tony sang.
McGee sighed. "Well, last night she made cookies and had to dip them in yogurt before they were fit to eat. On the weekend Abby felt like MacDonald's so we went and she dipped her fries in the McFlurry we were sharing. Monday it was pizza dipped in ketchup." He chuckled. "Everything has to be dipped lately."
"It'll probably get more bizarre," Tony warned. "Whew, thanks for the call. I would never have forgiven myself if I forgot Ziva's first Mother's Day."
"You're welcome." Tim lowered his voice. "I'm making Abby a cake."
"But the baby's-" Tony began.
"Not here yet, I know," McGee finished. "But according to my wife we were parents the second he or she was conceived and therefore Abby deserves a proper Mother's Day."
Tony snorted. "Good luck with that. You can tell me about it on Friday."
"It'll be good to have you back," Tim said sincerely. "Are you going to be glad for a break or not ready to be finished your time off?"
Tony sighed heavily and kissed Chaya's head. "Gonna be one of the hardest things I'll ever do, leaving them behind Friday morning."
"At least the weekend comes right after," McGee pointed out.
"Yeah." Tony looked down at his daughter. "I'll never take those two days of liberty for granted again. Later Tim."
"Bye Tony."
Ziva put her hand on his back and Tony had to remind himself not to jump or he'd wake the baby. "So you will miss us?"
He slung his arm around her waist and leaned over to kiss her. "Every second," Tony whispered, "never doubt that."
She smiled and gestured to the cart. "I think we are finished."
Tony winced. "Sorry, I meant to help."
Ziva touched his cheek. "You are helping. You have Chaya and I did not need to worry about her."
He grinned. "Alright then."
On the way home Tony surprised Ziva by pulling into the parking lot of a large bookstore. He parked and turned to his wife. "We've got at least an hour before she wakes up Zi, go get yourself something new to read. You deserve it." Tony handed her his credit card. "On me."
Ziva looked from the card to her sleeping daughter and finally kissed Tony's cheek. "Thank you for knowing me," she said softly, getting out of the car.
As soon as she was safely inside, Tony moved to face his baby. "Okay C, we need to figure out something really special to do for Mommy. The first one should be a day she won't forget."
NCIS
Chaya had a good long feed when she woke up mid-afternoon and then promptly drifted off right after her diaper change. It was wash, rinse and repeat the next time she woke but this time Tony and Ziva took her into the nursery to get her in pyjamas and work on their bedtime routine.
Tony unzipped Chaya's outfit and freaked. "Crap! I think I broke it!"
Alarmed, Ziva whirled around to see her husband holding up the shriveled brown stump from their baby's umbilical cord. She moved beside him and lightly touched Chaya's brand new belly button, watching to see if it seemed to bother her. But the infant showed no reaction and Ziva relaxed.
"It has been two weeks Tony, it is supposed to fall off eventually."
He bit his lip and leaned down to kiss Chaya's tummy. "You okay princess? You scared Daddy."
Ziva patted his cheek and pointed to the garbage. "Throw it out and pick a story, I will get her dressed."
Doing as asked, Tony thumbed through the children's books they'd manage to collect and pulled out a Robert Munsch one - Purple, Green and Yellow. He took a seat on the stool and waited for Ziva to sit down with their baby. "Robert Munsch is classic," he informed his wife and opened to the first page.
Throughout the story Ziva began wondering what she would do and how she would react if she found Chaya drawing on the walls or the floors or herself. She made a mental note to keep markers out of reach until she was old enough to understand. When Tony finished reading, Ziva stood to take the infant back to their room but his hand on her arm stopped her.
"She's two weeks old Zi, why don't we try putting her to bed in the nursery this time?"
Ziva held the baby tighter to her, anxious at the thought of being down the hall instead of just across the room. She shook her head, hearing the plaintive note in her voice but doing nothing to disguise it. "I am not ready yet. Please Tony, let us wait."
He drew his knuckles down her cheek. "Okay sweetheart, it was just a suggestion." Tony put one hand on their baby. "I'm not going to force you into anything. Besides, it's nice to have her in the same room." He chuckled. "Less distance to go when I get up to make sure she's still breathing."
Ziva smiled her thanks and returned Chaya to her bassinet. For the rest of the night and into the next morning, Chaya proved that she was willing to sleep three hours between feedings, which was probably the greatest gift she could've given her mother.
But even with the extra rest, Ziva was still tired enough not to notice when Tony called on all his meager stealth skills to slip out of bed shortly before nine am so he could leave on a very important mission. If she wondered why he wasn't there for Chaya's next feeding, he didn't hear about it, but Tony still timed his re-appearance perfectly.
As soon as Ziva put Chaya in the bassinet and was comfortably settled back in bed, Tony nudged his way into the room. "Good morning." Ziva looked up and smiled. The way she looked in the sun was dazzling and he paused a moment to appreciate the vision. She gazed at him as if her whole world rested on the solidity of his presence. He set the tray over her lap and leaned forward to kiss her. "Happy Mother's Day sweetheart."
Ziva's eyes widened as she glanced down at the square velvet box that sat beside her plate. She touched it lightly and met his eyes. "Today is...Mother's Day?" she asked.
Tony nodded. "Your first." He pushed the box towards her. "Open it."
Picking it up, Ziva held the box between her fingers and opened the lid. "Oh Tony!" she gasped, running a finger over the three stones set securely in the top of the bracelet.
He lifted it out and raised an eyebrow in question. Ziva gave him her right wrist and Tony showed her the inside of the band first. Her eyes grew shiny at the words and he snapped the ends tightly together, pleased with how it had come out. Tony turned her wrist over and pointed. "Yellow topaz for your birthstone, diamond for Chaya's and sapphire for mine." He put his hand over top. "That way you can always carry us with you."
She had no words but hastily moved the tray out of the way so she could shower her husband with kisses. Tony slid his arms around her, holding her firmly against him, his lips finding hers again and again. It felt like a great loss when she finally pulled away, tears still shimmering in her eyes.
"Thank you does not seem like enough," Ziva whispered, caressing his cheek.
Tony pressed his lips to her fingertips. "You smiled Zi," he told her. "Your happiness means everything to me. Believe me, it's enough."
How did she convey the effect his words had on her? No one in Ziva's whole life had valued her the way Tony did and it was hard to get used to, even after months of experiencing his care. And since, even if it were possible, she could not make love to him only two weeks later, Ziva was determined to find something she could do, a way to thank him without over-using those words.
She nestled her head in his neck and felt Tony's hand run up and down her back. She melted into him and he smiled against her hair. "Like mother, like daughter," he murmured. "Chaya does the same thing when I rub her back."
Ziva sat up and kissed the corner of his mouth. She pointed to the tray. "Share with me?"
Tony's grin widened and he nodded. The turkey bacon, scrambled eggs and toast were pretty good, and the joy in Ziva's face brightened his whole morning. They talked and laughed and shared long looks and brief touches throughout the meal. When they finished, Tony leaned back on his hands. "I hate to ruin all our fun, but Chaya's first doctor's appointment is at two today."
Ziva's eyebrows rose. "I forgot about that." She played with his fingers. "And today is your last day off."
Tony sighed, not wanting to be reminded. "Yeah. And you know I love my job Zi, but the last thing I want to do is go back to work tomorrow." He kissed her wrist. "Especially without my partner."
She frowned. "It is hard to believe that in six weeks I will return as well." Ziva glanced at the sleeping baby. "I hate the thought of someone else being with her all day."
He smoothed the worry lines on her forehead. "Don't think about that now honey, today is supposed to be happy." Tony bit his lip and trailed a finger up her arm. "I could help you shower, if you want." He looked hopeful and Ziva was torn.
"I am still bleeding," she said quietly, averting her eyes. "And Chaya..."
Tony shifted closer. "Two hours before she wakes up, I'll bring the monitor into the bathroom. And I'm not worried about the first part." Ziva's eyes flickered over his body and he took the hint before she opened her mouth. "I can go in with my boxers on."
Ziva shook her head. "I am afraid to be naked with you."
He was in her space already but still moved nearer and brushed back her hair. "I won't touch you Zi, not that way." Tony swallowed. "Not unless you want me to."
"I do not know."
Her answered killed a little of his hope and Tony cupped her face, meeting her eyes. "We've done this before Zi, several times now. What's different?"
She trembled under his hands and pulled away. "Before I needed your help, now I do not. We have not showered together just to be together." Ziva squeezed his hand. "I am sorry Tony, I am not ready for that yet."
Tony swallowed his disappointment and gave her a small smile, kissing the back of her hand. "No rush." He tried hard to mean that and hugged her tightly. "I'll wait Zi, as long as it takes. I'm not going to change my mind, I promise."
She nodded and sighed, slipping out of bed and moving towards the bathroom. "Thank you for my present."
Tony watched her go and fell back on the bed, wishing that waiting wasn't so hard.