Chapter 5: Shadow of the Day

"Thank you for coming in McNally. I'll let you know if we have any other questions." Jo said, holding open the interrogation room door.

Andy muttered a polite goodbye she didn't really mean and stepped past her. Sam was waiting a little way down the hall and Andy wasted no time walking to his side. Sam reached for her, as if he wanted to check she was still in one piece, but dropped his arms just short of touching her. The hesitation hurt. Andy gave him a weak smile. "Can we go?"

He nodded and gestured for her to lead the way.

They made the trip back to Sam's house in relative silence. Andy leaned her head against the back of the seat and watched the city go by. She was exhausted. Every limb felt like it was filled with lead and there was a steady pounding between her temples. All she wanted to do was lean her head against Sam's shoulder and give in to sleep, but instead she forced her eyes to remain open. There were some impulses that could only end badly. Her desire to cuddle with Sam when she didn't even know if he was seeing anyone ranked somewhere just below her desire to punch Jo Rosati in the nose on the scale of dangerous impulses. They needed to have that talk. Just... not tonight. Tonight she needed to sleep.

Sam unlocked his front door and held it open for Andy. She looked awful. Well, she was still beautiful. But there were dark circles under her eyes, and she was moving like she was barely managing to stay upright. He wanted nothing more than to pull her against his chest and hold her forever. But that couldn't happen. At least not until they had their talk. There were things he needed to tell her. Things that would probably mean he would never get to hold her again. But he loved her too much to keep the truth from her. Even if it meant he was almost certain to lose her.

Tonight, though, he was keeping his mouth shut. She was here, she was letting him take care of her, and for now that was enough.

He closed the door and locked it before shedding his coat and boots. He took Andy's coat from her and hung it in the closet. "Have you eaten today?" He asked her.

Andy shook her head. "Not since breakfast."

Sam did a quick mental inventory of the contents of his fridge and grimaced. He'd been slack on the grocery shopping lately. It a so much easier to grab dinner at the Penny than go through the pain in the ass of shopping and cooking for one; it was something he used to do every day, but somehow after he broke up with Andy, solo dinners in his kitchen had become a reminder of everything he'd stupidly thrown away. "Cold pizza sound good?"

Andy smiled. "Sure." She went to rise, but Sam waved her off.

"I'll bring it out here." He said, turning towards the kitchen. He waited only until he was out of earshot to pull out his cell phone. He dialed the familiar number while pulling down a pair of plates. Frank picked up just as Sam was pulling the brightly coloured Pizza Pizza box out of his fridge.

"Hello?"

"Hi Frank." Sam kept his voice low.

"Sam?"

"Yeah," Sam put a piece of pepperoni pizza on each plate with one hand, the other holding the phone. "You heard about McNally's-"

"Building fire." Frank finished for him. "I know you don't like it, Sam, but we have to rule her out as a suspect before the media gets wind that one of our officers lives in that building, and I requested Rosati, she knows the division but she's got some distance."

Sam pulled two bottles of beer from the fridge. When Frank finished his brief justification Sam jumped in with the real reason for his call. "I get it, had to be done quickly and quietly, but Andy's supposed to go in for a shift tomorrow, do you think that's a good idea?"

Frank was silent for several seconds.

Sam waited, shoving the remains of the pizza back into the fridge and then leaning back against the counter.

"We could use her, but if this goes to court..." He paused again.

"It'll look bad on fifteen." Sam said darkly. For what felt like the tenth time that day, Sam fought the urge to put his fist through a wall, or someone's face. It was maddening. As much as he knew Andy shouldn't be at work while under active investigation, he felt traitorous even calling Frank about it. But, he assured himself, this was infinitely better than Andy showing up to shift only to be called into Frank's office and sent home pending approval for her to resume duty.

"I'll arrange a week with pay, losing your house in a fire should be good for at least that. The minute she's cleared and feels up to it, we want her back." Frank said at last.

"Thank you, Frank." Sam said, feeling actual gratitude. The fewer people in the service who knew what was going on right now, the better.

"Goodnight."

Sam hung up the phone and returned it to his pocket before picking up the plates and beer and returning to the living room where he'd left Andy. He knew she wasn't going to take the news of a week off work while they investigated the fire very well, she was even more of a workaholic than he was, but Andy was nothing if not strong and she would cope with it.

The sight that met Sam's eyes when he entered the living room stopped him in his tracks. Andy was curled up on one end of his couch, and throw pillow cradled against her chest, fast asleep. She looked so young and vulnerable His heart clenched at the sight and he smiled a little as he backed out of the room and returned to the kitchen. He set the pizza and beer on the counter to deal with later.

There was a ratty, knitted blanket his grandmother had made him slung across the foot of the guest bed and Sam grabbed it on his way through to the living room. He moved quietly, so as not to wake her, draping the blanket over her body, making sure it covered her from chin to toe. He brushed a stray strand of hair away from her face, his fingers lingering against her soft skin. She really was the most beautiful woman in the world he thought, looking down at her familiar, beloved face. God how he'd missed her.

Sam wasn't one for regrets. He followed his gut most of the time and had long ago learned to live with the consequences. But this past year it felt like all he'd been doing was piling mistake on top of mistake until he couldn't tell which way was up. But of all the mistakes he'd made, pushing Andy away was the one that kept him up at night. He could justify it until he was blue in the face. Being with her, loving her, worrying about losing her, worrying about never being enough for her, clouded his judgement. His gut wasn't in control anymore, his heart was, and it blinded him. He couldn't make rational decisions with her at his side. All he wanted was to keep her safe, and when it had come down to a choice between following her instincts and following Jerry's orders, he'd chosen her. For a long time, he couldn't forgive himself for that. He'd thought breaking up with her would be easier. That somehow, having hurt her and lost her all in one breath he would be able to regain his equilibrium. He couldn't have been more wrong. Not being with Andy only made him worry about her more, and trust himself less. He cringed just thinking about some of the asinine things he'd done without her. The worst of which he wasn't sure he could bring himself to tell her about.

Andy stirred, but didn't wake. Sam had spent more than one night crashed on his couch in the first weeks after Jerry died, when most nights he was too drunk to care if he made it back to his room or fell asleep fully dressed on his couch. He knew how uncomfortable it could be. "Andy," he said softly, reaching out to gently squeeze her shoulder.

She murmured something unintelligible and snuggled further under the blanket Sam had spread over her.

He smiled. Andy didn't like people to know this about her, but she slept like the dead. He would never forget the night she'd managed to roll off the side of the bed. The thud of her hitting the floor and the sudden chill of all the blankets going with her had woken Sam, but Andy slept on. She hadn't even woken when he'd lifted her back into bed and stolen back half the blankets. She'd blamed the NyQuil she'd taken before bed, but Sam had just laughed, and when it happened again a week later, he returned her to bed without ever bringing it up.

Moving carefully, in case months of undercover work had destroyed her ability to sleep through almost anything but her alarm clock, Sam slid one arm under her knees and the other under her torso and lifted Andy gently into his arms. She fit perfectly against his chest, her head lolling against one shoulder, her long brown hair tickling his nose. Almost unconsciously, he buried his nose in her hair and breathed in the familiar scent.

The spare bedroom was plain, but the bed was made with clean sheets and there was a thick warm comforter. Sam laid Andy on the bed and pulled the blankets over her. "Goodnight, Andy." He said in a soft voice, pressing a chaste kiss against her forehead.

He stood in the doorway for a long time, watching her sleeping face illuminated by the light from the hallway. He wanted nothing more than to lay down beside her, but he knew she was right. They needed to talk before anything else happened. If only Jo had waited one more day, they would be done their talk by now. Of course.. once Andy knew she probably wouldn't want to stay here, let alone share his bed. Sam flicked off the hall light and made his way back to the kitchen. He needed a drink.

It took Andy a minute to get her bearings when she awoke the next morning. The room was vaguely familiar, the lumpy green knit blanket half wrapped around her shoulders was the only thing she could really place. It was Sam's. No mistaking the mediocre quality of the knitting, or the 1970s colour palette. She sat up slowly, trying, and failing, to remember how she got here. The last memory she had was of curling up on Sam's sofa, promising herself she would just close her eyes for a moment. The reason she was at Sam's at all came flooding quickly back after that, making Andy feel nauseous and anxious all at once. Her condo. Her career. The former was gone for sure, the latter... with Jo Rosati on the case, she didn't imagine it would last much longer either. With that cheerful thought, Andy swung her feet off the bed and stood. Today was her first day back at fifteen, and even if getting up and leaving Sam's townhouse seemed impossible, she wasn't about to miss her first day back.

Sam wasn't in the living room or the kitchen and she didn't hear any noise from inside his bedroom. "Sam?" She called, knocking twice on the closed door. There was no answer and after a moment's deliberation, Andy decided to wait in the kitchen. She knew where he kept the coffee, and she definitely needed an extra strong cup of that this morning.

There was a folded piece of white paper propped against the coffee maker with 'Andy' written on the outside in Sam's familiar script. Andy picked it up and unfolded it.

Hope you slept well. Frank called me in early, he gave you the week off to deal with your place. There's food in the fridge, help yourself. Call if you need anything.

- Sam.

Andy read the not three times, disbelief and anger growing with each read-through. The time off hadn't been Sam's idea. Of that she was certain. This whole thing could only be caused by one person: Jo. Andy set the note back on the counter, and reached for the phone.

AN: Please review :) :) :)