Trigger warning: There's some talk in here of rape/forced intercourse.
Author's note: Thank you so much for reading, reviewing, and following. Please let me know if anything ever comes off as insensitive or inaccurate. I never want to represent anything falsely. I am happy with the events here and I hope you like them as well.
Happy reading.
Chapter Fourteen
Peeta was talking to Callie when there was a knock on the door. "It's pretty late, Cal. I'll let you go. I have to get to bed soon."
"Okay. I love you, Dad. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Tomorrow." He hung up and opened the door. "Katniss, hello."
She waved. "Hi. Sorry, I should have tried calling or texting. Caleb is spending the night with Prim and Gale and I have been at home bored all evening and I remembered Callie was gone and you were probably just as bored, so I came over." She held up a DVD. "I brought a cheesy nineties movie if you want."
He smiled and waved her in. "Come in. I'm sorry. Yeah, I was bored. Just talking to Cal, actually."
He closed the door and Katniss put her things on the table beside the door. She looked up at Peeta and sighed. "I don't know why I came over."
He chuckled. "You can't resist my company? You missed me because we haven't talked in a while? You were bored because your son is gone and you craved companionship?"
She grabbed his face and pressed a kiss to his mouth. His arms wrapped around her waist. She opened her mouth and deepened the kiss as she wrapped her arms around his neck. The kiss continued for a while. Katniss pushed herself closer and Peeta responded. A moan escaped Peeta's throat.
And then she stopped the kiss just as suddenly as she started it. She pushed his arms away and walked into the living room. She stood in front of an old family picture. She recognized Peeta as a young teen.
"I've thought about taking that down so many times." He said from behind her.
She looked over her shoulder. "Why haven't you?"
He shrugged. "A reminder, I guess. That things aren't always as they seem. She looks kind. But on the way to the portrait studio that day, she was berating all of us for different things. My shirt was wrinkled. Paul had been out late with his girlfriend the night before. Parker had spilled something all over his pants and had to change and we were running late. And my dad was trying to mediate and she said he was too soft on us. As soon as we pulled into the parking lot, she suddenly stopped and put a smile on her face and it stayed there until we were home and she started up again telling us all they ways we'd messed up while we were there."
"So you keep this up to remind yourself that your mom's a major bitch when no one's around?"
He laughed. "Pretty much."
She looked at a few more of the pictures and then she turned. "I fell asleep on the couch watching TV and I had a nightmare. And Caleb wasn't around for me to remind myself that everything was okay and I didn't want to show up at Prim and Gale's and…" She sighed. "I feel calmer around you. And Callie told me that you're eyes aren't as cloudy when I'm around and I figured we both needed a little time to even each other out."
"That sound like a good idea." He motioned toward the couch. "Let's sit."
She did and waited for him to join her. Then she scooted closer and leaned into his side.
He wrapped his arm around her.
"The first time it happened I was thirteen." She said softly.
He looked down. "Hm?"
"The first time Cato forced himself on me."
Peeta tensed up. "Why are you telling me this?"
"Because no one else knows. And I want you to know."
"Why?"
Katniss looked up. "I don't know. I just do."
"Okay." He relaxed.
"He was fifteen. We'd kind of been dating. My mom was working. My dad had been dead a year or so. Prim and I stayed with Gale's family a lot, but I snuck out. He gave me wine coolers he took from home. And I was drunk one night off of a few. He touched me and I didn't know how to react. So I just let it happen. It was uncomfortable. But then it became normal."
"Did you ever… love him?" He asked awkwardly. Was that even a question he could ask?
She took several seconds to answer. "I thought I did. Because I thought he loved me. When I realized neither of us did, it was too late. I was too far in and I was scared. It took a long time for me tell Prim and Gale the truth. He tried to cut me off from everyone, but I kept them. I had more friends when I was a kid, but then I got older and they all started going away and I noticed all my friends were actually his friends."
"He isolated you."
"Yeah."
"Do you think it would have happened if your dad had been alive?"
"Probably not."
Peeta ran his hand down Katniss's arm. "You deserve romance."
"I deserve a man who won't force me into anything."
"Yes. And that cares about your feelings. A man who cares that you feel appreciated."
She asked softly, "Are you that man?"
"I'm just your friend." He said, very unconvincingly.
She sat back and looked at him. "Yes. Just friends." She placed her hand on the side of his face and kissed him deeply.
He gently pushed her away. "What do you want, Katniss?"
She shrugged. "I don't know."
"When was the last time you…?"
"It's been a while."
"For me too." He picked up the end of her braid and rubbed it between his fingers. "We can be friends who kiss, right?"
She shook her head and moved away. "I don't know if it will work." She rubbed her face.
"We can make it work. Because I like you. And we calm each other, like you said. A few kisses between friends isn't bad." He sighed. "Do you get lonely, Katniss? In bed at night when there's no one else there and you know there should be?"
"Yes."
"My marriage was only a few months, but I got used to it. Sometimes I wonder if we'd even still be married if she had lived."
Katniss looked up at the clock. "You have to get up early. I should leave and let you settle in for bed."
"Can I make a request first?"
"Okay."
"Stay? I don't expect sex or even any more kisses, but I want to see if the bed is empty because I romanticize my late wife or because I'm just lonely."
She thought a moment. "I don't have anything to sleep in."
"I may have something. But only if you want to. You don't have to. I promise I won't think any differently of you either way."
"Okay." She said again. A smile played on her lips.
"And you're free to leave at any point if you become uncomfortable or if you just want to."
She nodded.
He walked into his bedroom and returned with a shirt and a pair of pants with a drawstring. "You can take the bathroom."
Katniss took the bundle and followed Peeta to the other end of the house. She changed in the bathroom while he quickly did the same in his bedroom. She tapped on the door and he opened it wearing similar attire. She smiled and ducked inside.
"Which side of the bed do you prefer?" She asked.
"The middle." He chuckled. "I tend to spread out sometimes. So this may not work after all."
She laughed and moved to the side closest to the door. "We can make it work." She pulled down the blanket and slipped under it. "Is this okay?"
He nodded. "I'll lock up and be right back."
She sat on the bed and looked around. It was a small room in comparison to the bed in it. There were paintings on all the walls except for one that was all closet doors. One was opened and she saw a messy dresser behind it. She saw many of the paintings were in an inexperienced hand and he wondered if they were his from when he was a boy or if they were Callie's.
She heard the toilet flush and then the light went out in the hallway. Peeta stepped into the bedroom and smiled. Katniss pulled the blanket down on the other side of the bed. He slipped in and stretched out on his side. He watched her a moment and then he rolled over and turned out the lamp.
"Goodnight, Katniss."
"Goodnight, Peeta." She kissed his cheek and then turned to her side away from him.
They lay in silence, neither sleeping. Katniss rolled over and saw Peeta watching her.
"You can come closer." She said.
He smiled. "You sure?"
She nodded and moved to the center of the bed.
He followed. There were still several inches between them. "Alex liked to cuddle."
"Cato liked to hold me possessively."
He examined her face. "Can I find him and beat him up for you?"
She smiled. "I appreciate the gesture, but it's unnecessary."
"Has your life been better?"
"It has. And it just keeps getting that way." She moved closer and draped an arm around his waist. "Put your arm around me."
He obeyed. "Like this?"
"Mm-hm." She closed her eyes and a smile played on her lips.
"Would you like to come with me to pick up Callie from her grandparents tomorrow?"
Her eyes opened. "Are you sure?"
He nodded. "Yeah."
"I'll let you know in the morning." She closed her eyes again. "Get some sleep. You have an early morning."
He chuckled. "Yes, ma'am." He closed his eyes.
When Peeta's alarm went off at three, he woke with Katniss draped across his chest. He reached over to turn it off and she rolled away. She watched him get out of bed and find his clothes.
"You can sleep as long as you want. I'll bring you some fresh cheese buns in a few hours." He smiled and left her alone.
But his smile dropped the moment he was closed up in the bathroom. He undressed and grumbled at his erection. It had been almost constant from the moment she walked into his room. How he had managed to sleep with such discomfort was a miracle. But he supposed he was used to it by now.
He turned on the shower. Cold water would be good. But as he stood under it, it didn't help in the least. He was still stiff and aching. He warmed the water up and went to work relieving the pressure beneath his own hand. This was the thing he'd grown tired of. He could deal with it the rest of his life, but pleasuring himself was still annoying.
He worked hard to keep quiet and not call out the name of the woman in the other room he was thinking of as he grew closer to his release. It was something he'd been doing long enough it was second nature, but the moans still occasionally escaped. And as he finally met his climax, he gasped so loudly he was sure Katniss heard.
He leaned against the wall and let the water wash over him and down the drain. As soon as he was recovered enough, he quickly finished his bathing before the hot water ran out. Peeta heard the clanking of cups in the kitchen when he turned off the shower. Oh, god, did she just hear all that fully awake? He refused to be embarrassed about it. It was a normal think to do. He was sure she did it, too.
She just hadn't ever done it with him in the same house.
He dressed and walked into the kitchen to find her making tea.
"Do you mind? I tried getting back to sleep, but failed. I thought we'd have a little breakfast together and I'd head home."
"I don't mind." He took the offered cup. "Thank you."
She turned some bacon in a pan. "Thank you for last night. I haven't slept so well in a long time."
"No nightmares?"
"None." She smiled and finished cooking while he sipped his tea. "Is that okay?"
He nodded. "Delicious. I usually drink coffee in the morning, though."
"I can make you some."
He shook his head. "Tea is fine. If you drink tea, I'll drink tea."
She put the bacon on a plate and cracked some eggs into the pan. "It depends on how tired I am when I wake up. And if I have somewhere to be."
"You're wide awake now it seems."
"I guess when I sleep through without a nightmare it helps."
Peeta nodded. "Yes, definitely." He accepted the plate Katniss handed him.
She sat down beside him with her own plate and grinned. "So when do we leave to get Callie?"
He smiled. "I'll leave at about four. It's an hour up there. We stop at this diner every time. I order the same thing and Cal makes fun of me."
She chuckled. "Sounds like fun."
"I can pick you and Caleb up."
"Okay, yeah, that sounds good." She took a bite of her bacon.
"Callie's grandparents are going to ask about you. I'm sure she's told them quite a bit. I hope you aren't uncomfortable going there. We're just friends. Finnick and Finn have made this trip with me quite a few times."
"How many times do we have to say it to ourselves? It's what we are. I won't justify our friendship or how we define it to anyone, even ourselves. All right?"
"All right." He nodded. He finished eating. "Can I get a kiss before work?"
She smiled and nodded.
He leaned in and kissed her softly. "Lock up when you leave, please."
"Will do."
"And don't worry about cleaning the dishes. I'll get them later."
"You sure?"
He sat on the couch and pulled in his shoes. "I am."
She met him at the door. "Thanks again."
"No problem." He smiled and leaned in. "One more kiss?"
She met him the rest of the way.
"Don't touch those dishes." He warned playfully.
"We'll see." She closed the door behind him and then went about cleaning up the kitchen. She changed back into her clothes and drove home to sleep for a few more hours.