Saturday was peaceful, something Tony didn't take for granted. They spend a good chuck of time grocery shopping because Ziva felt like making Israeli food and they didn't have any of the ingredients. After supper Chaya was wake for a little bit and once they made it through her fussy period, the baby was content just to be held and look at her parents' faces.

Tony and Ziva took advantage of her evening nap to relax but yesterday had been emotional and they both felt like being in bed early. Anxious to touch his wife, Tony started kissing her as soon as she lay down and Ziva pulled his face close, molding her mouth to his, showing no resistance at all. It was nice, indulging in the pleasure of each other and knowing they had time before Chaya woke up to feed again. He was careful not to put too much of his weight on her and Ziva enjoyed the warmth that was building between them.

He rolled them on their sides, gripping her hip to keep her close to his body. His touch felt more possessive than normal and it reminded Ziva of other hands and tightly clenched fingers leaving deep dark marks in her flesh. Somalia returned in a heartbeat and at first she couldn't move, couldn't think, couldn't breathe.

Then Ziva gasped and Tony took it as pleasure until she whimpered. "Stop. Tony, please stop."

He was a little frustrated but moved his arms to cradle her against him, kissing her cheek and trying to tuck her head into his shoulder, hoping to reassure her. But Ziva finally had control of her body and shoved him away, jumping out of bed and quivering with emotion. Tony looked shocked and reached for her, seeing now that something was very wrong and it wasn't just a case of making out being more than she could handle.

"Zi..." Before he could even get the words out to ask, she shook her head.

"No!" Her tone was forceful and he watched in confusion as she ran down the hall to the nursery in bare feet and gathered a sleeping Chaya into her arms. Before Tony could register what was happening and try to stop it, she was downstairs and in the car. He heard the door slam, the engine start and his heart fell to his feet.

Ziva showed up at Gibbs' house ten minutes later in her pyjamas and bare feet, holding a crying baby, with a look in her eyes that made him want to strangle Tony. He opened the door wider to let her in but didn't touch her, the fear was practically shimmering off of her.

Pointing her towards the couch, Gibbs went upstairs to grab something. Ziva cried when he came back down with one of Kelly's baby blankets so she could nurse. As soon as Chaya latched on he saw sanity begin to return to her expression. She talked soothingly to the baby in Hebrew and Gibbs began to wish that was one of the languages he was familiar with. Instead he only had Russian, Spanish and a smattering of French and Arabic that didn't help him at all.

Breastfeeding helped calm both mother and baby and after awhile Gibbs finally opened his mouth. "What happened?"

Ziva started with, "We had a fight," but shook her head and amended the statement with a sigh. "What is that saying you Americans have - what does not kill you makes you stronger? I do not think that is what happened in my case."

"What did DiNozzo do?" he growled out.

Ziva's defeated eyes came up. "Nothing," she said quietly, able to think more clearly now and beginning to remember the moment as it was and not how she perceived it, "he did nothing, it is all me. It is always me. I cannot even think of being intimate with my own husband. He..." she choked on the words, her own twisted version of the truth, "he deserves better than this."

Gibbs opened his mouth to set her straight but before he could speak Tony came bursting in the door and rushed towards Ziva. Taking in the way she held the baby tighter, instinctive fear in her movements despite what she'd told him, Gibbs stepped between them. Tony looked confused but not guilty, he could see that. So instead of berating the man, Gibbs gently removed Chaya from her mother's arms and took her out of the room to burp and cuddle her.

Ziva stood with her arms crossed and stared at her husband. "What are you doing here?"

He inched closer, watching her body language carefully. "Did you really think I wouldn't come?" Her expression was hard to read and he sighed heavily. "It only took me a few minutes to realize what had happened. I know you were running scared, Gibbs' was the first place I checked. I was angry when you left but that's certainly not worth losing you over." Tony tried to hold her but Ziva still wasn't having any of it and he looked at her more closely. "What happened Z? What did you see?"

Her eyes bored holes straight through him as her voice rose. "You would not stop, you would not let go! I could feel your fingers digging into my skin and..." She scraped her fingers through her disheveled hair. "You were one of them."

Tony felt sick but he swallowed the bile and moved towards her again. Ziva's eyes flashed dangerously when he reached for the waist of her pyjama bottoms but he stilled her with a look, brushing his thumb over the skin on her hip. "No bruise." He settled his hands on her cheeks and skimmed his lips across hers in a kiss she didn't return. Tony pushed her hair back. "I wanted you to want it the way I did Ziva. It was selfish and I'm sorry. I hate when I scare you."

Her eyes fell. "I panicked. You were holding me too tight and I felt trapped. Then I could not turn it off." Ziva tentatively laid her hand on his chest. "I should not have run away, but it is a very long habit to break."

Tony's thumbs caressed her cheeks. "If you do it again, I'll come after you. I can't let you go sweetheart."

She shook her head. "I would not want you to."

Gibbs returned with Chaya to see the couple locked in an embrace and sharing a desperate kiss meant to apologize and say so many different things. "I see you two have made up," he said dryly.

They pulled apart and Ziva reached for her baby, holding the infant against her chest. Tony caught her eyes and the anguish she saw there distressed her. "Tony?" He held out his arms and Ziva gladly relinquished Chaya, sensing his need. He tucked Chaya's head into his neck, resisting the urge to clutch her tighter.

"You took my little girl and left Ziva," he whispered, keeping his eyes closed. "Do you know how much that hurt?"

Regret washed over Ziva's expression and she touched his cheek. "I would never keep you from your daughter Tony, even if-"

He stopped her with a finger on her lips and traced her rings. "No ifs Zi, no you and me anymore, remember? It's always going to be us honey. We're a family, there's no such thing as it not working out." Ziva wrapped her arms around him and held on tight. The relief Tony felt at being able to cling to both of them was intense. "Can we go home now?" he choked out into Ziva's hair.

She nodded and went to thank Gibbs. He tipped her chin up. "I'm glad you feel safe here Ziver, but," Gibbs pointed to Tony, "you're safe with him. That man would do anything for you, he's proved it." He kissed her forehead. "Next time talk first, run second. If you still need me to knock some sense into him, I'll always be here."

Ziva bravely accepted his pronouncement and after a nod of thanks to Gibbs from Tony, the three left to go back to their house. It was past Chaya's bedtime but for tonight that didn't matter. Tony and Ziva sat close together on the couch, Chaya in Ziva's lap and a movie playing that they didn't pay attention to.

Tony kept one arm around his wife, the other hand resting near their baby, her fingers grasping his. Every once in awhile he pressed his lips to Ziva's temple and thought about the consequences of rushing her, of pushing too hard and bringing up memories she needed to keep buried. He would be so much more careful in the future. As much as he wanted intimacy with Ziva, this kind of cost was too high. He could not handle losing them again.

NCIS

Tony woke up the next morning to find Ziva on the other side of the bed instead of in her customary place beside him. Her back was facing him and if Tony wasn't mistaken, there was something wrong in her body language. "Zi?" he called sleepily, watching her carefully. His wife tensed but didn't move. "Hey." He slid closer but before he could touch her Ziva sat up and held her hands out.

"No."

Surprised because he hadn't seen that reaction in a long time, Tony stayed where he was. "What's wrong sweetheart?" She wouldn't look at him, whatever spot on the floor that she was staring at held her full attention. "Did you have a nightmare?" he tried again, knowing it was unlikely because he would've noticed.

Ziva told him one time that he kept the bad dreams away as long as he held her while they slept. "That's because they have to go through me to get to you, and all this," Tony had gestured to his body, "is much too intimidating." She's laughed at him then, a smile teasing her lips, but she wasn't laughing or smiling now.

Her voice was quiet when she spoke. "You were dreaming last night," Ziva said finally. "I think you were dreaming about me. And I..." she swallowed hard. "I felt you pressed up against me and it scared me. I moved and you reached for me and it was Somalia all over again, everything bad that ever happened in the darkness..."

She broke off, covering her face with her hands as the pictures that had been playing in his mind came back to Tony suddenly with startling clarity. Yeah, he'd been dreaming about Ziva and everything they still couldn't do. But he hadn't meant to scare her, especially unconsciously. It was happening too often lately, this who week had been one big emotional mess so far and he'd hoped so hard that they were past all that. He was the one who was supposed to make her stop being afraid, not bring up bad memories.

"Oh Zi," Tony whispered, "I'm sorry babe-"

"How can you do this?" she asked suddenly. "How can this be okay?"

Tony frowned, not understanding. "Do what?"

Ziva's eyes flashed. "They used me Tony. Not every hour of ever day but most nights and some days, just to show that they still had power over me. It didn't matter whether I was bleeding and broken, trying to sleep, weak or strong, they-" she looked away. "There were so many of them and they never stopped coming. After all that, how can you possibly still want me?"

Desperation filled her eyes and Tony could read in them the terror of rejection, because she still thought one day he would wake up and realize she wasn't good enough and leave and this, everything they'd built over the past year, would be gone. "The child one of them forced on me sleeps just down the hall in your house. I do not understand!"

"Hey, wait a minute!" Tony said firmly, finally having the chance to get a word in. "This is our house Zi, you helped me pick it out, remember? Chaya is my daughter. She has my name and no one can ever take that away. And you," he wrapped his arm around her even as she shrank from his touch, "you're my wife Ziva, my heart. Nothing is too awful to keep me from you."

She nodded. "I am your wife Tony, and yet you cannot really touch me." He dropped his arm from her shoulders, not wanting to think about how hard it was sometimes to keep his hands off of her, to show by his actions that he would respect her body no matter what. "You have a right to my body," Ziva continued flatly, her voice tinged with sadness and regret, "but I do not know when I might be ready to have sex with you."

Tony shrugged, trying to play it off like it was no big deal when sometimes it hurt how badly he wanted her. "We've got weeks yet before we have to worry about that part Zi."

Her brow furrowed. "You should not love me. You should not love Chaya. Why are you here Tony?"

Their baby cried then and Tony leveled a hard gaze at his wife. "I'll get her." He came back moments later, cradling his daughter close and whispering to her as he rocked her gently.

"Good morning Princess, did you have a good sleep? I bet you want to go see Mommy and get some breakfast, don't you?" Chaya chewed on her fist and looked up at him, perfectly content in her father's arms. She had known nothing but love since the moment they welcomed her into the world and into their lives. "Well," Tony continued, "you're going to have to wait for a minute more." He raised his eyes to Ziva. "Mommy and I are having a very serious conversation."

She looked away, the sight of him with a child that had started as a curse but become a blessing too dear, too precious to watch. But Tony's voice brought her back to face him. "Do you want her Ziva? What you said before...I know she wasn't your choice, but I thought you really loved her."

Ziva blinked back tears. "I did not mean it like that." Her arms ached to hold her baby, her breasts needed Chaya to nurse, but she didn't think Tony trusted her with their daughter at the moment. "Of course I want her Tony. Over the months I was pregnant Chaya became my gift. But you..." Ziva shook her head. "It is not your blood running through her veins. How can you be okay with that?"

Tony's gaze never wavered. "You gave me yourself Zi, when you took my ring. When Chaya was born I gave her my name, but almost from the moment I knew she existed she has had my heart. Can you not let me love her, let me love both of you? You two are my family, everything I've ever wanted. Please Ziva, don't question that."

Ziva held out her arms and Tony moved closer, pulling her against him so that he held them both. She kissed Chaya's forehead, crooning reassurances in her native tongue. Tony sighed. He really needed to learn Hebrew faster. He kissed her head, tightening his arm around her.

"Don't ask me again Ziva, please. I love you and Chaya because if I didn't, I wouldn't have a reason to live. You and our daughter are everything to me."

Tears slipped down Ziva's cheeks and she sobbed into her husband's shoulder, stopping only when Chaya sensed the mood and began to fuss. Then she took her daughter from Tony's arms and opened the front of her nightgown so the little girl could nurse.

The instant connection that formed as Chaya sucked still made Ziva's heart ache with the tenderness of it and she stroked the baby's soft cheeks, ran her finger down her nose and smiled at the little bit of damp curls that covered her head. Tony didn't leave her side the entire time, staring at both of them like they were the greatest treasures he'd ever seen. It did wonders for Ziva's sense of self when she realized that he meant it with everything he was.

NCIS

The good feelings didn't last and things were different the next time they woke up. Two strange days in a row was pushing things and by evening Tony knew Ziva had to get out. She was fidgety and antsy, avoiding his touch and unable to settle and do anything. Finally he put Chaya in her bassinet and caught Ziva by the shoulders. She flinched and he stifled a sigh.

"Ziva, I know why you're doing this. It's been an emotional couple of days and you've got nowhere to put the feelings." He brushed back her hair. "Why don't you go break into that dance studio again and give yourself and outlet, even if it's just half an hour." She thought about it and Tony kissed her forehead. "I don't want you to have to fight everything so hard."

She looked at him questioningly, because she'd promised. "What about the rules?"

Tony did sigh this time. "Sometimes they have to be bent, if that's what's best. But take it easy, okay? Mandy would kill me if she found out."

Ziva nodded and went upstairs to change. She grabbed the keys and left without goodbye. Tony watched her go, then started on the supper dishes. To keep himself busy, he vacuumed as well, then swept the kitchen and diningroom. When he resorted to dusting, Tony knew he had it bad. In frustration he tossed the duster across the room and lost himself in disaster movies, staring with Twister.

Ziva didn't come home until almost an hour and a half after she'd left and by then Chaya had been crying loudly for fifteen minutes. She walked in the door slowly and Tony barely had time to register the exhaustion in her face before she moved to take the baby from him.

Chaya started rooting as soon as she was in Ziva's arms and she sat down carefully, pulling up her shirt to unhook her nursing bra. The baby latched on and sucked like she was starving and Ziva looked up at Tony in confusion. "She should have slept until eight-thirty."

He shrugged. "I know. But she woke up and started screaming and nothing worked. I was about to call you."

Ziva stroked Chaya's hair. "I am sorry tatelah, Ima did not know you would be hungry again so soon."

Tony sat with them until Chaya pulled away, sleepy and content, and then he reached for his daughter and pointed Ziva towards the shower. He did Chaya's bath by himself and had in her bed before Ziva came out of the bathroom in pyjamas. Not taking no for an answer, he gave her a gentle push in the direction of their bed.

Sitting behind her, Tony dug his thumbs into the muscles and felt more than heard her groan. "I guess you missed the part about taking it easy, huh?"

Ziva tried to shrug but stopped partway through the motion. "It was hard to stop once I started."

He worked on her back for several minutes before moving to face her and putting his hands on her knees. "Did you hurt yourself?"

She avoided his eyes. "I am sore. I have not done so much in months."

Tony's gaze fell to her feet, they were a mess. "Oh Ziva."

"It takes time to get them used to dancing again." She tried to play it off but Tony knew she was hurting.

Without a word he tucked her into bed and crawled in beside her. "Did it help?" he asked.

Ziva turned towards him, touching his cheek. "I needed to do something Tony, even if it is too much." There had been so much going on in the last few days and she didn't want to process and work through it, she wanted it to go away. Pushing it out of her mind by dancing was the only solution that had presented itself and she was glad he had suggested it.

When Chaya woke them up at ten, barely two hours after she'd gone to bed, Ziva dragged herself into the nursery. "Please tatelah, not another growth burst." She cuddled the baby to her chest and Tony soon joined him. They returned Chaya to her crib half an hour later and went back to bed, dreading the next feeding. All they needed was sleep and right now it didn't seem forthcoming.

NCIS

Tony left just before Chaya's seven am feeding, after which Ziva went straight back to bed, sleeping soundly until the baby woke again at ten-thirty. With her body sore, physically and emotionally drained, Ziva did little besides lay out in the sun while her daughter slept and soak her aching feet whenever walking became more than just uncomfortable.

She was dozing on the couch with a book when Tony got home around one pm. Hearing the door, she sat up suddenly. "Tony, what's wrong?" He positioned himself beside her and leaned in for a kiss, testing her reaction. Ziva responded and for a moment the sensation of their mouths meeting and melding was all that existed. But it felt different and she pushed back. "Tony?"

"I couldn't stay away," he said hoarsely. "I wanted to make sure you were okay. You've been so distant this weekend Ziva, I'm not sure what to think."

Ziva kissed him again, slowly and hugged him hard, trying to put his fears to rest. She looked into his eyes and caressed his face. "Do you remember what it was like when I first came back?" He nodded, pain etched into his features by the memories. "Sometimes it takes awhile for what I am feeling to fade. But I am not trying to push you away. You are..." she paused. "You are everything I need Tony. Please do not worry so much." She held up her left hand. "I said yes, remember?"

Tony tried to believe her words, to trust her touch and her kiss, but that didn't stop him from becoming rather clingy for the rest of the afternoon. When the phone rang after supper, it was Abby and he grinned. "Hey Abs, what's up?"

He could hear her smile through the phone line. "Tony, can I borrow your wife for a couple hours?"

His gaze found Ziva's. "I don't know if I can part with her Abby."

She huffed. "You are such a baby."

Tony laughed. "I'm not sure about that. But I have one."

"Let me talk to her!" the girl demanded, having no patience for his jokes this time.

He obediently handed the phone over and Ziva smiled. "Hello Abby."

"Ziva! It's been days since I've seen you. Do you want to come to a movie with me or go for a walk? Or both? I'll bring Sammy," she added, hoping the puppy would be good enough incentive to entice Ziva to say yes.

Ziva laughed. "I would love to spend time with you Abby, but if I have Chaya we cannot go-"

Tony interrupted quickly. "I can keep Chaya honey, if you guys want to go out." It would also work well for his plans.

She considered this and nodded slowly. "Alright," Ziva said to him. And into the phone, "Chaya can stay here with Tony. I'll feed her and then we can go." Thinking about yesterday, she frowned. "But we should be back in two hours. Last night she was group feeding."

Tony laughed. "Cluster, not group Zi."

Ziva rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

Abby grinned. "Awesome. So I'll see you in about half an hour?"

"Can you still bring Sammy?"

"He's a service dog in training. Lucky for us his little blue jacket lets him come everywhere. And a movie will be extra fun with a puppy to snuggle."

"I agree. Thank you Abby."

After they hung up, Tony went over to hug his wife. "Quite the social life you've got these days."

Ziva looked bewildered. "Yes. I am not sure what happened."

He leaned back to see her eyes. "Are you enjoying it?"

"I suppose. It is nice to get out, especially if the day has been difficult. I like when we can go together. But I think I am still waiting for life to be normal." She shrugged. "Maybe when I start working again."

Tony dipped his head, his lips finding hers for a gentle kiss. "Believe me, that day can't come soon enough. AP is no replacement for my partner."

Ziva lifted her face and breathed a whisper of words against his mouth. "I love you."

They were still lost in the embrace and pleasure of their kisses when Chaya awoke and loudly demanded her first evening feeding. Tony took her after for a change and story and Ziva met Abby at the door. Upstairs Tony laid the baby on her changetable and got out the now familiar supplies.

She stared at him the whole time and Tony started giving a play by play of the process. "Would you believe that a month ago I'd never changed a diaper? Never wanted to either. Now it's one of my favourite parts of the day because it's one of the only times you're awake so I can see those beautiful blue eyes princess." He leaned down to rub noses with her. "I do hope they turn brown someday, just like Mommy's. Your mommy has the most beautiful eyes. I could just about drown in them if she'd let me."

Finally he was ready. "Let's start by getting this outfit off, there's a good girl. One arm, two arms," he bent down to drop a kiss on her tummy. "Now your legs and those cute little toes." He brushed the bottom of her feet, watching her toes curl and chuckled. "Ticklish huh? I'll have to remember that for when you're older. It's gonna be so much fun to chase you around the yard and give you piggyback rides and push you on the swings, but I don't want to rush this part either."

Tony grasped her ankles between his fingers and lifted her bum to slide the clean diaper under before undoing the dirty one. "I don't know who came up with these sticky tabs baby girl, but they always seem to go everywhere except where they belong." He wiped it down her bum and wrinkled his nose. "That is a pretty impressive colour C, yuck. It's a good thing Mommy's breastfeeding or this would be much worse."

A few wipes solved the problem and he spread a light layer of diaper cream over an area that looked like a rash. Finally clean, Tony kept one hand on the baby and slid her sleeper drawer open to choose one. It was tan coloured and covered in little brown monkeys in different positions.

"Monkeys are kinda fun, right princess?"He continued narrating his actions as he got her dressed. Then Tony carried Chaya to the bookcase to look for something to read. "Hmm, what sounds good tonight?"

While perusing the shelf, he came across another princess story (they were getting quite a collection of those thanks to his nickname for her) and settled in the rocking chair with his daughter. He read slowly, showing her the pictures even though she was falling asleep. It had a good message and at the end Tony kissed Chaya's head.

"I'm going to make sure that the guy who wants to be with you knows what a treasure you are and how much you are worth to us. It won't be easy to get my approval Chaya, I take my job of guarding your heart very seriously."

Carefully he lowered her into the crib and tucked a receiving blanket around her waist. Chaya's legs kicked out and she squirmed but then yawned and curled up again. Tony watched her for a minute before leaving the room and taking the monitor with him. Once downstairs, he got ahold of both Gibbs and McGee.

"Ziva's out with Abby right now, we've got an hour and a half window if you guys are free."

Tim was ready to go and had been expecting the call. Gibbs didn't say no so Tony took it as a yes. When he put the phone down, Gibbs looked at Celeste and growled about Tony always interrupting the time they had together.

She shook her head. "First of all, you're the one who doesn't want them to know. Why would he think the man who builds boats in his basement might have other plans? And second," Celeste smiled at him, "do what you have to for family Jethro."

He frowned. "Quoting Franks to me?"

"Well, I know you listen to him," she pointed out, putting her book in the bag she took everywhere. "But if you're that grumpy about it, I'll come with you. I can listen for Chaya and you guys can focus on what needs to be done." Celeste pulled him to his feet and kissed him before tucking her hand around his arm. "I like to be near you even if you're busy."

Gibbs relaxed. "Thanks Les."

"I know what they mean to you. Now let's go, your time is limited."

At Tony and Ziva's house Celeste settled on the couch with the baby monitor close by. Having all three men working meant they could get a lot accomplished and tonight they finished the framing finally and started on the partial wall that would separate the playroom from the workout area.

After awhile, Tony wiped some sweat away. "The mirrors and equipment are on order, you still okay with them being delivered to your place?" he asked Gibbs.

"Already said yes," the older man replied. "Bar's almost finished. Celeste is helping me varnish it once it's sanded."

"Great," Tony grinned. "This is going to be the best surprise ever."

"If you can keep her out of the basement," Tim commented.

Tony chuckled. "I've had the house for three months and the only time Ziva went downstairs was on our house tour. I think she's kinda forgotten it exists."

"I hope so," Tim said.

It was nice to have everyone in on the secret now. Abby again gave them a few minutes warning and Gibbs and Celeste and McGee hurried out while Tony changed shirts and tried not to look like he'd just been doing manual labour. Continuing with his disaster movie streak, he threw Armageddon in the DVD player and grabbed a bottle of old-fashioned soda out of the fridge. Now he just looked like typical Tony and hoped his wife wouldn't suspect a thing.

NCIS

Abby and Ziva walked out of the theater praising the movie. "I did not expect it to be that good," Ziva admitted.

"It was so sweet how they fell in love," Abby gushed. "I think somehow she must've remembered him at the end."

"Many years have passed since I trained with a sword," Ziva mused, "I wonder if I could still fight?"

Abby giggled. "Tony doesn't call you his crazy ninja chick for nothing Ziva. Although I doubt you'll run into any sword wielding suspects in DC."

Ziva shrugged. "Maybe not. Thank you for the invite Abby, this was nice."

Abby picked up Sammy and set him on Ziva's lap when she got in the car. "I've missed our girl time. It hasn't been the same since...well, for a long time anyways." She turned on the car and her eyes widened. "Maybe we could start Girl's Night again, on Wednesdays. I mean, maybe not this week because we've already gone out, but next week. What do you think?"

Ziva smiled. "Yes Abby, I think that would be fun. And just think, this time next year we will be having playdates with our children."

Abby ran her hands over her slowly growing bump. "Yeah, won't that be something?" And that seemed to sum everything up.