Tuesday morning Tony went in to work early to make up for the hour he'd be missing later and resolved to spend lunch working on his Hebrew language lessons. He felt left out whenever his wife was talking to Chaya and he wanted to be a part of it. Ziva finished feeding Chaya right before they needed to leave and for the first time drove her and the baby somewhere by herself. It was a taste of freedom after months of restrictions and she enjoyed it. But her driving style had changed drastically, for with every decision Ziva made she was conscious that her child was in the backseat and needed to be protected.

They arrived outside Devon's door seconds before Tony and he kissed her cheek and took Chaya's carseat before opening the door. Ziva slid her hand into his, knowing he was nervous. They walked into the office and sat close together on the couch. Devon noticed and could instantly see that they gravitated towards each other for support. But she could also see that Tony was not the only one feeling apprehensive about the session.

She smiled welcomingly. "Thanks for coming Tony. I know this isn't your favourite place to be, but I really think coming together will be good for both of you." There was no way to really ease into therapy so Devon just started with the usual. "Ziva, why don't you tell me about your week? Tony, if there's anything you want to add, feel free to jump in."

Ziva rolled her shoulders, realizing suddenly how uncomfortable she was sharing anything with Tony right there. It was odd because they shared so much, but all along therapy had been hers and she wasn't sure now if she was ready to let her husband in on this part. It was, however, too late to change her mind.

She sighed and began. "I took your advice Tuesday afternoon and asked for help." Ziva ran her fingers through her hair. "I had a small thaw down when Chaya would not stop crying." Tony tried not to chuckle and Ziva raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Melt down honey."

She fluttered her fingers. "Yes, one of those. So our boss's..." Ziva hesitated and looked at Tony. He made a face that indicated he wasn't sure what to call her either and Ziva continued. "Celeste came over to be my support. Later Abby brought supper and we made a girl's night out of it."

"I'm proud of you for asking Ziva," Devon affirmed. "I know it isn't easy." She waited to hear more and Ziva looked at Tony, letting him take the lead on Wednesday.

He cleared his throat. "Gibbs gave me some flexibility with my hours so I don't have to be away from Ziva and Chaya all the time. I used that to work only half a day Wednesday so I could come home and check on Ziva." Tony squeezed her hand. "I wanted to make sure she was okay after Tuesday. Then Gibbs and Celeste came over and kicked us out for a couple hours." He looked at Ziva. "That was nice."

"I am really glad to see how supportive your family is being while you guys are figuring things out. You're really lucky."

"We are," Ziva agreed, moving on. "Thursday afternoon I took Chaya to the park for a walk and met another new mom who is part Israeli and speaks Hebrew." The excitement sparked out of her face. "We are meeting this week as well."

Devon's eyebrows rose. "I don't see you for a week and your progress suddenly skyrockets. I hope I'm not holding you back," she teased. "What else?"

Tony chuckled. "Thursday was also Chaya's first night in the nursery instead of our room but," he hesitated and checked with his wife, "it caused a bit of a setback."

The doctor frowned. "How so?"

Ziva rubbed her forehead. "It was my first nightmare in three weeks," she revealed quietly, trying not to focus on the contents of the dream.

"You haven't had a nightmare since your daughter was born?" That was huge.

Ziva didn't seem as impressed. "The effects lasted the rest of the day. Tony stayed home with me Friday morning to make sure I was alright."

"And were you?" Devon wanted to know. The question was entirely avoided and Ziva's gaze became absorbed by her baby while the doctor tried to wait her out. In the end she gave up and looked at Tony but he seemed just as perplexed. She rolled her eyes. "What about Saturday?"

Ziva immediately tensed, clenching her fists in her lap. Tony put his hand over hers, slowly uncurling her fingers. He gave the doctor a perturbed glance and it was obvious he wasn't happy with the direction this was going. He sighed. "We had an...issue Saturday night, but we worked it out," Tony hastened to say, unwilling to relive the half hour his heart had been in his throat.

Devon set her clipboard down and dropped her pen. "Look guys, I understand that this is difficult, it's not easy to talk at the best of times, let alone in front of someone you might hurt with your honesty, but the only way this is going to work is if you actually talk to me."

Silence filled the room for far too long before Ziva leaned forward and propped her elbows on her knees, motioning for Tony to tell her therapist what happened. Tony sighed. "Saturday I pushed too hard wanting to be close to her and she lost it. Took Chaya and ran to Gibbs'. I was there as soon as my brain started working again but the torment we put ourselves through in those twenty minutes..." He trailed off. "I scared her and it ripped out my heart when she took our baby and left." Tony swallowed. "I had a hard time letting go of them that night."

Ziva put her hand on Tony's knee. "It was not his fault Devon. A flashback caught me by surprise and I could not get out of it. I did not know what to do, so I ran."

Devon leaned back. "We've got to do something about that habit Ziva."

She nodded. "I know. I would not...I would never keep Tony away from Chaya. It was a reflex but," Ziva looked at her husband. "I am sorry."

Tony kissed her palm and continued. "I encouraged her to dance Sunday night because that morning I woke up and realized," he didn't know exactly how to phrase the situation, "my uh...close proximity plus a dream I had ended up scaring her. She pushed herself too hard so I came home early on Monday too. We got a chance to talk but...that doesn't mean it's easy."

Devon tapped her pen on the top of the clipboard. "Ziva, why don't you give me your account of Sunday morning?"

Extremely unwillingly, Ziva did as asked. When she finished describing what had happened, Devon's expression grew serious. "You don't trust his love. What else does he have to do to prove it?"

Ziva's eyes flickered first to Tony and then back to her psychiatrist. "It is not that I do not trust his love, but that I do not know how. How do you believe something you have never seen happen before? How do I learn to hope when it has been disappointed my whole life?" She stared at her husband. "I never knew love like this was possible and most days I have to convince myself that it is real, that I am not dreaming or imagining it."

Devon turned to Tony. "How does that make you feel?"

He swallowed hard, hating the patented therapist question. "It hurts to hear that you still can't let go of your insecurities even after all we've been through together. It hurts like-" Tony cut himself off, drowned in a sudden wave of memories. He coughed and checked his watch. "Oh wow, look at the time! I better...get back to the team." Tony glanced at Chaya as he got up and practically ran out the door.

The women looked after him in shock. Devon laid down her pen. "Well, I think he's beaten your record for making a quick escape."

Ziva frowned, not in the mood to joke. "He did not say goodbye."

NCIS

After the session, which she finished alone, Ziva moved down to the lab and was greeted by an affectionate puppy and his hug loving mistress. Sammy went straight for Chaya as soon as she put the carseat on the floor. Ziva knelt down to pet him and to be close in case he got too enthusiastic. But Sammy lay right beside the baby after sniffing and licking her a little. She looked up at Abby and sighed.

"Tony ran out of Devon's office without any explanation. You should have seen the look on his face. It was..." Ziva shook her head, "heartbreaking."

Abby sat down. "Tony's never been really good at sharing his feelings. Even when Kate died all he did was get real quiet, he never talked. When he was accused of murder he joked around. When Jenny died I thought he was going to drink himself into oblivion those first few days. His way of dealing with the fallout in Baltimore was to run here. After you..." she sighed. "I don't want to watch him go through that again. I've never seen him so broken."

Ziva stood to hug the other woman. "I will not put him through that kind of pain Abby, his hurts are my own. But I wish he would talk to me instead of just leaving. I am worried."

"Give him until tonight Ziva," she suggested. "And then don't take no for an answer. He's let you into his heart but in six years as partners you've hurt each other a lot. Maybe there's stuff he hasn't forgotten."

Abby's words were soft but the blow hit home. Kneeling beside her daughter again, Ziva closed her eyes and began to remember.

NCIS

It was late when Tony finally dragged himself home, dreading the confrontation he was sure would follow. But Ziva didn't say a word as she handed him a mug and sat on the couch, tucking her legs underneath herself. He tried to smile. "I was hoping for something a bit stronger than tea."

She shook her head. "Do not start that again Tony, do not try to cover up the things that cause you pain."

Tony joined her, sitting within arms' reach. "Heck of a lot easier than dealing with them."

"Not really," she commented sadly.

They drank their tea in silence and Ziva didn't speak until his empty mug moved to the coffee table. Then she shifted closer. "Will you tell me what made you leave today?"

Tony's hand fell to her leg, his grip on her knee tense, the look in his eyes of one who wanted to avoid the subject at all costs. "Can't."

Ziva moved towards him, framing his face with her hands as she rose up to kiss him. "You can," she said simply. "I am here. Talk to me Tony."

"You don't understand," he choked out.

"What do I not understand?"

He pushed her away. "That so much still hurts!" Tony exploded. "I've tried to forget but then something like Sunday happens and I'm right back to that summer Gibbs was gone and you didn't trust me to help you when you were in trouble. I go back to the Rivkin fiasco when you started hiding things and how bad it hurt on that rooftop when you wouldn't believe the truth, when you really thought I'd killed him just to spite you. I think about Damon, about the games we played when I tried to pretend it didn't matter." He dropped his head into his hands. "I don't know how to make it stop Ziva."

Ziva stayed where she was, stunned by the revelations, taking precious moments to collect her thoughts. "When I called Gibbs back from Mexico, it was not because I did not trust you or the team to save me. You were my best friend, I did not want to put you in danger when I did not know what was going on." She slid her fingers into his hair.

"I am sorry about Michael, for how I acted. He was part of my father's plan to bind my loyalty back to Mossad. I heard nothing from you for months, I did not know if you ever wanted to see me again, so I finally gave in to Michael, hoping he would make me forget. And then I did not want to accept that I had been betrayed again by people who were supposed to care." She sighed. "When he died I was angry and hurt. My trust was broken, my heart bruised black, I did not know what to think or feel or believe. It seemed like everyone had turned their backs on me and I was alone."

"I had your back," Tony reminded her quietly.

Her hand fell to his cheek. "You always have. And yet I felt like no one could be trusted. It was to hard too try and find the truth within the lies and I was so tired of that." Ziva stared into his eyes. "I expected to be lied to by then, so I could not believe your words were truth. But I wish I had been able to see what you were trying to do. I wish the explanation could now heal what still hurts, but I know it is not that easy."

"Damon?" He forced the word out.

"He was only ever my friend. He was a soldier, which I could relate to. He was a good man despite what he did. Trouble seemed to find him, but he tried to do what was right. I admired him but there was never any more." She looked away. "But I supposed in a way I was trying to make you jealous, to see how you really felt."

"Well, it worked. I was jealous of him, of Michael," Tony admitted. "They both managed to have the only thing, the only person I wanted - you." He saw her next question before it was spoken. "Jeanne was just an assignment, I never planned to get in so deep, to care so much. But Gibbs came back and I got left behind, like I didn't matter. She made me feel important, she wanted me around, so I stopped holding myself back." Tony looked at her with sadness deep in his eyes. "We were great together that summer Zi, and then just like that, nothing. You stopped having me over, you stopped hanging out with me after work and you never told me why."

Ziva traced his wedding ring. "Mossad was watching me Tony, they had pictures of you at my house, of the time we spent together. My loyalty was suspect. If I had not broken things off - they assumed we were sleeping together - I ran the risk of being recalled to Israel and by then..." she lifted one shoulder and let it drop, "I did not want to go back."

"I could've had my own team, you know, after Gibbs came back." Tony had never told anyone else what almost happened.

Ziva's brow furrowed. "You could've stayed as our team leader?"

He shook his head. "Jenny offered me Rota."

The news shook her. "You would've left us," she whispered.

Tony shoved his fingers through his hair. "I didn't think anyone cared one way or the other."

Ziva swallowed and closed her eyes. "I would take back the way we acted then, if I could. I do not know why...I was so glad to have Gibbs back, to see things return to normal. I did not think about how his return affected you." She held his gaze. "You were a good team leader Tony, you kept everything together after Gibbs...abandoned us. I am sorry for not telling you that sooner."

Tony slumped forward and pulled her into his arms. "All the things I never knew," he said hoarsely, his words muffled in her hair, "I wish you'd told me."

She hugged him back. "It was not my way to explain or share my feelings and I never allowed myself to see how much you truly cared, how much we needed each other." Ziva shook her head. "We wasted so much time."

He moved back and looked at her. "No regrets Zi, no more secrets. From now on we share when it hurts, we talk and set things straight or figure it out before it gets this far." Tony held up his pinky. "Promise?"

She hooked her little finger around his and smiled, pushing away the secret she was still keeping it, shoving in a locked box at the bottom of her heart. He could not know. "I promise." Then she kissed him fervently and leaned her forehead on his collarbone. "Do not run away again."

Tony kissed her hair. "I won't if you won't."

Her smile was a glimmer. "I will not." She hugged him, wanting the contact as she thought about what they could've lost. "I love you."

Tony grinned. "Babe, those are my three favourite words."

NCIS

At two o'clock on Wednesday afternoon, Celeste showed up and Ziva opened the door with raised eyebrow. "Did Abby send you?"

Celeste paused for a moment. "Should she have?"

Ziva shrugged and moved aside to let her enter. "Yesterday Tony and I had a therapy appointment." She really didn't care who knew now. Keeping secrets took too much energy and the one she still harboured was nearly crippling in its weight. "It was not easy. I would not put it past her to send a distraction."

Celeste smiled. "I'm happy to be a distraction if you need one Ziva, but I actually came to offer my services. After last week I got to thinking, maybe you could use some help around the house occasionally. It would give you a chance to get some extra rest now that Tony isn't around all the time."

Ziva blinked. "That is a very nice offer."

"Are you going to take me up on it?" she wanted to know.

Ziva smoothed her ponytail. "I..." she hesitated and then finally gave in. "Yes, I think I will."

"Good. What needs to be done?"

Running through a mental list, Ziva picked one job. "Laundry?" She couldn't remember the last time they had gotten around to doing it.

"I'd be happy to," Celeste told her, "anything else?"

Ziva shook her head. "That is enough for now. I will nap for a couple hours and help with the rest."

Celeste thought she was maybe missing the point of accepting help but didn't bother commenting. Once all the dirty clothes and bedding were gathered up and Ziva allowed the other woman to carry the baskets downstairs, she reached for the monitor. Celeste took it from her.

"I'll get you if she wakes, just concentrate on your sleep."

Ziva seemed uncertain but abided by her request. Once she was upstairs Celeste began sorting laundry into piles, keeping all of Chaya's things separate. Putting the first load on, she hummed to herself as she found cleaning supplies and started with the downstairs bathroom. When she was changing loads, her cellphone rang.

"Celeste Casey." It was always possible a client was on the other end, so she was usually professional about answering.

"Hi Les."

Her eyebrows jumped up. "Jethro. You never call me during the day, what's wrong?"

He frowned. "I can't just call to say hi?"

Celeste snorted. "That's extremely out of character for you." She poured in detergent and shut the lid.

Gibbs heard the washer start. "Laundry day?"

She moved to lean against the kitchen counter, smiling at the face Chaya was making in her sleep. "I'm actually spending some time with Ziva this afternoon and right now I'm watching your granddaughter sleep. She must be having an interesting dream."

"You're at the house?" She knew he was taken aback. "Why?"

"To help of course," Celeste told her ex-husband, shaking her head slightly. "How many times do I have to tell you Jethro? These people who have become your family are important to me because they're important to you. I won't just sit on the sidelines and watch them struggle when I can do something useful."

"That's DiNozzo's line," Gibbs said gruffly, at a loss for how to respond. He'd never expected her to get this involved.

Celeste's tone gentled. "They might be my family someday too silly man, I've got to start somewhere. And I have more free time than the rest of you combined."

He swallowed hard, knowing the day was fast approaching when he would be able to tell her how he felt, but she was already showing him she was ready for whatever he had planned. "Jenna won't be happy." Her current boss was always afraid Celeste would get distracted away from her work.

Celeste shrugged. "Jenna can wait. This is important."

Gibbs was having a hard time wrapping his head around what Celeste was willing to do to be a part of his life. He hadn't felt this cared for in a long time. "Dinner tonight?"

She laughed lightly. "You just saw me Monday and we have plans Friday. Are you sure it's not too much?"

"Maybe I want too much," Gibbs said, the words out before he even realized he'd said them. He cleared his throat. "Will you come?"

"You know I will. What time?"

"1930. Bring your own sauce." He knew Celeste was picky about what she put on steak.

"How's your day?" It was time to stop being so serious.

Gibbs shrugged. "Started with a dead body. Investigation's moving a little slow."

"Good luck," she offered.

"See you tonight. And Les?"

"Hmm?"

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. Stay safe Jethro."

They hung up and Celeste took her supplies upstairs, along with the monitor, to do the other bathroom. Once that was finished, she spread out her editing project on the kitchen table, taking breaks to change loads and fold anything that came out of the dryer.

True to her word, Ziva came down two hours later and checked on Chaya. The baby's eyes were just starting to flutter. "Hello hakatan," she whispered, picking her up and settling into a chair to nurse.

Celeste did nothing until Ziva was covered with a baby blanket, then she came over and took a seat on the couch. "Did you have a good nap?"

Ziva smiled. "I think so. But no matter how many I take, it never feels like enough."

"Is she eating every three hours around the clock?"

"No," Ziva shook her head. "Chaya has two cluster feeds in the evening and she has been sleeping for four hours at a time at night." She shrugged. "That is better, but I am still looking forward to sleeping through the night again, someday."

Celeste clasped her hands around a pulled up knee. "I bet that will happen before you know it and you will miss these early days." She was thinking of a country song she'd heard on the radio.

"Everyone says they go so fast," Ziva shared, rubbing Chaya's back.

When the baby finished, Ziva put her in the bassinet and got out a mop for the floors while Celeste started loading the dishwasher. They worked quietly for a little while until finally Ziva looked up. "What is Gibbs to you?"

Celeste turned around. "You too Ziva?"

The other woman shrugged. "I think we would all like to know, but Abby is more outspoken than the rest of us. He brought you to our wedding, he sees you outside of work, you come together to babysit my child and now you are helping people you don't really know." She ticked off all the reasons on her fingers and scrutinized Celeste. "Is there something we need to know?"

"Jethro would say no, but if you want a straight answer, it's yes. We are seeing each other as more than friends. He means a great deal to me Ziva, I'm just trying to get involved in his life and the team is very important to him."

No shock registered on Ziva's features. "Are you serious?"

She smiled. "We both are."

Ziva said no more and Celeste began moving chairs and stools into the livingroom so Ziva could get a majority of the floor. Laundry finished and the two women folded the rest together. When Tony got home Celeste excused herself and left to meet Gibbs.

Tony said goodbye and turned to Ziva, who was in the kitchen warming up leftovers for dinner. "How long was she here?"

Ziva checked the clock. "About five hours."

He looked concerned. "Did something happen today?"

She waited for Tony to come to her and pulled his arms around her waist. "No. Celeste just wanted to help."

"Did she?"

Ziva leaned into him, brushing her lips over the corner of his mouth. "I like her."

Tony remembered when Celeste held Chaya Monday night. "I think she's good for Gibbs, whatever they are to each other."

She pulled away before he could kiss her the way he wanted to and soon after they sat down to a quick dinner before Chaya woke up for her first of two evening feedings. Ziva got comfortable and cradled the baby close. "I think she will be doing this for awhile." So far it had been three days.

Tony touched Chaya's hair and kissed her head. "Any idea why?"

"We have not been in the right frame of mind to notice, but Chaya has been sleeping for four hour stretches at night."

He frowned, trying to think back. "I can't believe I missed that. So she's like...a hibernating bear, storing up food so she can sleep longer?"

Ziva laughed. "She is too small to be a bear."

Tony rolled his eyes. "A bunny then. A baby Chaya bunny who's being so good to her poor parents by trying to sleep more."

"Something like that," Ziva conceded. She handed him Chaya when the baby was full and put her hand on his cheek. "Do you mind if I go take a bath?"

He shook his head. "Have at it. Chaya and I have a date with the changetable and then her crib." Tony couldn't wait and stole a kiss before she stood up. "Enjoy."

Ziva smiled and left them. Tony made his way through Chaya's bedtime routine and chose a board book for the short and simple story. He was sitting on their bed working a crossword puzzle from the 'One Hundred Best Movie Trivia Puzzles' book Ziva had given him on their last stakeout when she walked out of the bathroom. Tony looked up but any greeting died on his lips when he saw her standing there in nothing but a towel.

"Zi?" he asked, for this was new.

She seemed on edge and swallowed before holding up a small jar. "Ducky told me this cream would help with the scars." Ziva shrugged. "I did not care then, it was unlikely that anyone would ever see them. But now..." she trailed off and met his eyes. "Will you help me?"

"Of course."

He stood but waited to see how she wanted to handle this. Ziva moved to sit on her side of the bed and Tony lowered himself behind her, struggling to control his reaction when she let go of the back of the towel and it fell open, revealing her back and more skin than he'd seen in weeks. Ziva brought her hands up to hold the rest over her front and Tony reached for the jar.

He let his fingers trail lightly over the lines etched into her skin, feeling Ziva start as his touch. Tony kissed one on her left shoulder blade and started there, smoothing cream over the marks and rubbing it in gently. Ziva's non-verbal reaction to his touch - slowly relaxing, even moving back into the pressure of his hands - gave Tony hope that she would someday be able to accept his hands on her body for more than just helping.

When he got to her lower back and his fingers lingered over the skin just below where her underwear usually covered, Ziva suddenly seemed to remember herself and tensed, though he wondered if it was more out of habit than actual fear. She was so used to the idea that being close to him scared her that Tony was curious if she'd stopped recently to think about how she really felt.

He moved his hands back up to her shoulders, savouring the soft, warm skin. Ziva glanced back, her damp hair falling over his fingers. "Thank you."

Tony pushed his luck by kissing her neck. "You're welcome." Ziva gathered the towel into her hands and stood. "Anytime," he grinned and she rolled her eyes. He had a hard time keeping his mind to safe topics after that but knew he needed to keep himself under control for her sake. No more pushing the boundaries, not so soon after the last time had a disastrous outcome.

Ziva emerged again in pyjamas and slid beneath the covers. For tonight Tony let her have her space without him invading it, but he was incredibly grateful when she rolled over after he lay down and got close enough to rest her hand on his back, rubbing it back and forth occasionally over the t-shirt he for once wore. After the week they'd had, Tony would take whatever he could get.