Upon arriving home I had been bombarded by questions from both Trina and my parents; I had ignored them primarily because I was not in the mood to answer them, but also as I actually did not see how it would be possible to explain without mentioning Jade. Instead I had headed straight for the shower, turned on the water and simply allowed it to wash over me, the tear streaks were stripped away from my face, and my previously tangled hair returned to a flatter state. I must have stood in the shower for at least an hour, the water running cold over my body. 'You are such a good friend' he had said. The words were repeating in my head making me feel nauseous. All this secrets and lies; they are making me ill.

Sitting on my bed wrapped in a towel I feel numb, how can something which makes me so happy also cause me this level of unease and pain. I love her, and she says she loves me; shouldn't that make things simple? Is she scared of people's reactions; like me worried about Beck? Or is she ashamed to be with me? I have so many questions pounding in my brain; I don't think I can stand this much longer. But the idea of being without her now is seemingly impossible. I feel completely stuck in the middle of two hopeless options: I can either stay quiet; allowing myself to love her, or walk away and free myself from this pain. Neither of these situations seems workable, by being with her I am denying myself the right to be who I am. Yet if I was to walk away from her I would be denying both of us the chance to love and be loved in return.

"Ughhhh!" I groan into my hands "why can nothing ever just be simple?"

"Tori!" Trina sequels rushing through my door "I can't wait any longer what did he say?"

I look up at her hoping she realises how broken I feel inside, just wanting someone to notice. But she seems far to overwhelmed with her own drama.

"He isn't over jade yet, he said he would think about it" I respond flatly. I expect her to either fly off the handle, or looked pumped with excitement, but instead she just stares at me a confused expression etched into her face.

"Right that's it I'm fed up of this Tor; you are going to tell me what is going on with you." A gasp escapes my body, she actually noticed me, even during a conversation about her. This is so unlike her.

"I-I look Trina I'm not meant to say anything, but it's killing me." I mumble trying to think of a way to tell her without giving away everything. "What do you do when everything seems impossible? When the person you love is putting you in a situation that is making life with your friends incredibly difficult? When you can't face losing what you have, but just can't lie anymore?"

"Wow, errm that sounds shit Tor" she says looking genuinely concerned. "The person you love? Love is unconditional Tori, people who love you are not meant to make you feel like this. Talk to her Tor, if she loves you then there is no way that she would want you to feel like this. I know you Tori, your friends mean everything and you don't lie. Don't lose sight of who you are."

Tears are once again streaming down my cheeks, Trina, may come across as obnoxious and self centred; and she is at times, but she is also caring and loyal and to be honest she knows me better than anyone.

"Thanks Trina" I respond through my sobs.

"Any time Tori, I'm always here for you ok?"

I nod in response and she exits my room after giving me one last glance and offering me a smile which I return. What she said made sense; I need to talk to Jade. Right now however I need to calm down, get dressed and head to Cat's.

I pull on some old jeans and a blue vest top, I can't even find the energy to try and look good so I decide to leave off my makeup. Grabbing a jumper that I'm not sure is even mine I head out the door. Maybe tonight will reassure Jade that there is nothing to worry about; that would make talking to her easier I guess.

Barely a second after I knock on the door the perky red head in bouncing in front of me.

"Tori!" she squeals pulling me into a hug. "I haven't seen you in so long, Dani's upstairs; I thought I would invite her because you two are friends, and we got on at the party so maybe we could all be friends together?" she pauses briefly presumably to wait for my response.

"That's a great idea Cat" I reply grinning at the over excited girl. It's so odd to think that under the layers of child-like innocence which she portrays, lays an exceptionally perceptive person.

"Oh goody! Come on lets go see her!" she exclaims before grabbing my hands and dragging me though her house and up to her room where Dani is sat awkwardly on the bed. It didn't occur to me that maybe I should have offered to come with her, after all she has only met Cat once before, but I know both the girls will get along; so I'm not worried.

"Hey you" she smiles on my arrival, then smirking adds "nice jumper, I was wondering where I'd left it."

"Hey yourself" I smile back before adding "ah its yours I didn't think I recognised it, I'm sure it looks much better on me though."

"You're probably right" she says in agreement, but I still want it back; on that note she lunges towards me grabbing the top and attempting to yank it over my head as I struggle against her.

"Get off Dani, this so isn't fair, whatever happened to finders keepers?" I joke attempting too bat away her hands before darting away slightly.

"It's mine Tori, and I am claiming it back!" she giggles grabbing in once more and pinning me to the wall as she pulls the jumper further up my stomach.

"What the hell is going on in here?" an all too familiar voice echoes from the doorway. God she sounds pissed off.

Jade has arrived and Dani is pulling clothes off of me. Perfect.