Author's note: I finished this much earlier today, but I held onto it because there are some great things here that lead to some even more awesome stuff in the next chapter. But trigger warning for some allusions to abuse and Katniss dealing with its aftermath.

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Happy reading!

Chapter Twenty

"Thank you for dinner, Katniss." Peeta said softly.

"You're very welcome." Katniss answered. She sighed and looked at her watch. "I have to get back to the range."

Caleb yawned hugely. "Mama, I don't want to go to the range. I'm tired."

"I'm sorry, baby, but you have to come along." She smoothed her hands over his hair.

Peeta motioned toward the back of the room. "A word?"

Katniss followed him across the room. "Don't offer to stay with him."

"And why not? I want to."

"I know you do. You're too kind, Peeta."

"I'm just being a good friend. How long will you be?"

She thought. "At least an hour and a half."

"And when is he usually in bed?"

"We shoot for nine at the latest."

He nodded. "So if you go out there, you go at least a half hour past what you shoot for."

"And when do you go to bed?"

"I usually shoot for nine myself." He said with a grin.

Katniss looked between the man standing in front of her and her son looking like he'd rather not go anywhere else than right there in front of his show. And was he leaning into Callie?

"I hardly ever sleep anymore." Peeta whispered. "Not since that night you stayed with me."

"I have nightmares all the time." She whispered back.

"I'm not asking to stay the night."

"You can't with them here anyway." She shook her head. "It's so unfair that I have to drag him everywhere with me."

"It is."

"I really shouldn't leave him here. I barely know you."

He nodded. "Fair enough."

She looked toward the couch were the children still watched TV. She grabbed his face and gave him a quick kiss. "You're so sweet." She kissed him again and stepped away. "Baby, get your shoes on."

"Okay, Mama." He grumbled.

"Come on, Cal, you too." Peeta said.

They separated with much reluctance all around. Peeta wanted another kiss, but he couldn't very well ask for one in front of the kids. Katniss kissed his cheek anyway.

Katniss was in the middle of scrubbing a pan when Peeta arrived. She'd left it soaking the night before but it still needed some elbow grease. She unlocked the door and tried to turn the knob, but her hands were still slick. She tried wiping her hands on her pants, but it wasn't enough.

She called, "I'm sorry, Peeta, but my hands are too slippery to turn the knob. It's unlocked."

He opened the door slowly and peeked around it. "Hi." He stepped inside and watched her expectantly.

She smirked. "Well?"

"'Well' what?"

"Well, where's my kiss?"

He wrapped her in a warm embrace and pressed his mouth to hers. She slipped her arms around him and opened her mouth to allow him exploration. The kiss continued until they were both breathless.

"Come to bed with me." Katniss panted.

He trailed a finger down her cheek. "Are you sure?"

"I am." She took his hand and led him to her bedroom. She stopped just inside and slipped her hands under his shirt as she stepped closer. "I don't know how far I want to go, but I'd like to go farther than before. Is that okay?"

"It's perfectly fine." His voice was ragged. He was already growing hard. It was something he struggled with every time they were alone.

She looked down a moment and then back up. A smile played on her lips. "Are you sure?"

He chuckled. "You're in charge of this, Katniss. I'll stop when you tell me." His face grew serious. "You will tell me, right?"

Her own smile dropped. She nodded.

Peeta pulled his shirt off and rested his hands on Katniss's waist as he leaned in close. "May I kiss you?"

"Until I say 'No,' consider this one big 'Yes.'" She took off her own shirt and then wrapped her arms around him again.

He kissed her softly. Her hands dropped to his waistband. She unhooked the button and slowly lowered the zipper. He gasped.

She dropped her hands. "Sorry."

"No." He shook his head. "It's fine."

"You sure?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

She hooked her thumbs in his waistband and pushed them down his hips. "I don't have any sort of protection, so…"

He nodded. "We have options."

"I know you do." She reached down and slipped her hand down the front of his pants.

He pulled her hand out and kissed her palm. "I don't want that today, okay?"

"Peeta—"

He silenced her with a kiss and lifted her up by her waist. She wrapped her legs around him as he walked toward the bed. He finally broke the kiss when he sat her back on her feet. He cupped her face in his palms. He brushed his lips over hers and reached behind her to pull down the blanket.

Katniss pushed her jeans down and climbed in. She slid across the middle and waited for Peeta to join her. He removed his own pants and climbed in beside her. He gathered her into his arms.

"Just kiss me, okay?"

He nodded. "You got it." He took control of her mouth. He slipped his hand down her back and pressed his hips to hers.

She whimpered and broke away. "Wait."

He loosened his embrace.

She rolled to her back. "I don't know if I can do this after all."

"It's fine." He said gently.

She rubbed her face. "I'm sorry."

He gently touched her face, but removed his hand when she winced.

"I can't think of you. You're being so sweet, but all I see is…" She gritted her teeth and closed her eyes. "I'm so sorry."

"Katniss, you never have to apologize to me."

"But I always had to do it for him." She said softly. She rolled into his chest. "Old habits and all that."

He kissed her forehead. "Say it all you feel you need. But I promise not to hurt you."

She clutched at him for several silent minutes. He rubbed soothing circles into her back.

He jumped when her lips touched his collarbone. Had he fallen asleep? Her mouth moved up to his and she pushed him onto his back. She kissed him deeply.

He gently pushed her away. "We don't have to do anything."

"I just want to kiss you." She said softly.

"Okay." He welcomed her lips back on his. She trailed them across his jaw and down his neck. He moaned and restrained himself from pressing his hips into hers again. She ground hers down into him anyway. And he moaned even louder.

"What do you want?" She asked.

He kneaded her back. "I want to please you."

"Okay." She moved away and bit her lip. "Whenever you're ready."

He hovered over her and kissed her softly. "Are you sure?"

"I don't know." Her face was conflicted.

He kissed her softly. "Then not today." He kissed her again and rolled away.

"Aren't you uncomfortable?"

"Aren't you?"

"Extremely."

"Then I'll leave you alone to deal with it as you need and I'll get to work on the mural." He got up and gathered his clothes.

"Is that going to help you?"

"Yes, actually." He smiled and pulled on his jeans.

She watched him dress and then rolled over and pressed her face in the pillow. She groaned in frustration and then turned her head toward the door. "Hey, Peeta?"

He peeked around the frame. "Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." He disappeared again.

She pressed her face into the pillow once more and thought several curse words. Then she rolled out of bed and dressed. She'd deal with the other parts once Peeta was gone. She went back to the pan.

After she was done with that, she folded some laundry. When she went to Caleb's room to put his things away, she stopped short. Peeta stood on top of the step ladder and reached up into the farthest corner to paint the detail of a cloud. His shirt stretched up and his skin showed. The same skin she was just caressing. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and kiss the bare flesh.

Heat rushed to her lower stomach and then down between her thighs. She bit her lip and suppressed a moan.

He looked over his shoulder. "You okay?"

She nodded and hurried from the room. She closed herself in the bathroom and dropped her pants. There was no way she was holding this in any longer. She slipped her hand between her thighs and found the throbbing nub that resided there. It had been easy enough to keep the wanting at bay, but with someone as kind and considerate as Peeta it only made it more intense.

She clenched her teeth and kept herself quiet. She knew how to be quiet. She'd had to be quiet doing this her entire marriage. It was her one risk she purposefully took. And he never found out.

She met her release with a soft sigh. She looked up into the mirror and took several calming breaths. Maybe next time it could be him. Maybe.

Peeta called through the door that he was ready to clean up and head out.

Katniss quickly put herself to rights and opened the door.

He said, "I have all the little details to start working on now." He stepped around her to get to the sink to rinse out his brushes. "There are a ton. So it's going to take a while."

She wrapped her arm around his waist and kissed his cheek. She buried her face in his neck.

"What's that for?"

"Just because." She rubbed his back and kissed his cheek again. She stepped away. "Do you want lunch?"

"I need to get back to the bakery."

"Don't you eat lunch?"

He picked up her braid and ran his thumb over the end of it. "Nothing big."

"I have bread and lunch meat." She grabbed his hand and led him to the kitchen.

When Peeta arrived the next day, Katniss waved him into Caleb's room to get to work while she filled out paperwork.

"Are you okay?" He asked softly.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just have a lot of work to do."

He nodded and wandered off to paint. He sat down and started work on a corner. He was in a groove. He reached up with his brush to get a little higher when he felt the air shift. He looked over his shoulder to see Katniss standing there.

She combed her fingers through his hair as she dropped down onto his lap. "I just kind of had second thoughts about yesterday. I'm sorry."

"It's fine." He sat his brush behind him and stretched until the paint was out of the way. "I think I have paint on my hands.

"I don't care." She pressed her mouth to his and kissed him deeply. "I want to kiss you for a while."

"I like the sound of that."

She stood and took his hands. She led him into the living room. "It feels weird doing it in there."

"I understand." He chuckled and reclined on the couch. She stretched out on top of him and kissed him softly over and over. She eventually stopped and rested her head on his chest.

"So do you want to talk about yesterday?" He asked softly.

"What about it?" She patted his chest.

"Is there something I need to do next time?"

She took several soothing breaths and then looked up at him. "It's not you. You have to know it's not."

He rubbed circles into her back. "But is there something I can do to help make it better?"

"Not. Just be patient. And be a good friend." She put her head on his chest again.

"Cal asked if she could go to this slumber party this weekend."

"Caleb has been asking about staying with Gale and Prim."

"Is that so?"

She looked up at him again. "So do you want to have our own slumber party this weekend?"

"I can bring the cheese buns."

"And I can make some spaghetti."

He pulled her in for a kiss. It was lazy and slow. Katniss loved when his kisses were like this. She felt the calm that radiated off him projected in the way he brushed his lips against hers. She slipped her hands under his shirt and pushed it up. She kissed her way down his neck. She continued to caress his stomach and sides as she brought her mouth back to his.

She ended the kiss and rested her head against his. "When is Callie's slumber party?"

"Saturday. I'm supposed to drop her off around three. Pick her up by about ten Sunday."

"Then let's shoot for about five Saturday evening."

"Okay."

"I have some coaching sessions Saturday. And I need to get some time in at the range. You could come watch me." She smiled.

He grinned. "I want to watch you in your underwear."

She giggled. "You want to watch me do target practice in my underwear?"

"Yeah."

She sat up. "Not gonna happen."

"Fair enough." He pulled his shirt down and sat up. "But I think we can agree to around five Saturday. I'll make the cheese buns here. You can help me."

"I can't wait." She kissed him once more and then stood. "You're a good friend, you know?"

He smiled and nodded. "So are you."

"You're not going to get all defensive and complain about being friendzoned?"

He shook his head. "The friendzone is a pretty sweet place to be right now."

She smiled. "Thanks."

"I'll get back to the mural." He patted her leg and walked out of the room.

"Mind if I watch?"

"Not at all."