A/N: Thank you guys so much for all the encouragement and wonderful comments last chapter. I was feeling a little uncertain about some things and my confidence was a bit shaken, but you guys totally fixed all that, so thanks :) The positive feedback I got really meant a lot :) ~Aliyah

The next morning Ziva leaned over to kiss Tony awake before she left their bed to nurse their baby. He moaned and she giggled, pressing her lips to his throat. His eyes popped open and he blinked a few times. "Hi."

"I dreamed of sunshine last night," she whispered, brushing her fingers over the shadow of scruff covering his jaw, "of laughing and playing with you and our daughter. Do you remember when you wished that for me?"

Tony thought back several months to the two weeks when they shared his apartment. He kissed her palm. "The night you told me what you saw in your nightmares."

She smiled. "They may not be gone for good yet, but I am sure someday when I fall asleep, there will only be happy memories behind my eyes." With that she got up and left him to lay there, pondering her words and wondering if he could be so lucky as to be the cause of her good dreams.

Ziva left for the gym as soon as Chaya fell asleep after her morning feeding. She carried the carseat into the childcare room and a young woman met her. "Good morning, I'm Jamie."

"Ziva DiNozzo," she responded, "and Chaya."

The girl's face lit up. "Well hello sweetheart. Aren't you little!"

Ziva bit her lip. "She is six weeks old." She scrutinized the girl. "You look very young."

Jamie smiled reassuringly. "I'm nineteen. I've been babysitting for seven years. I have three younger siblings and lots of little cousins. I have a lot of experience with babies." Ziva still wasn't sure and Jamie figured it out. "First time, huh?" she commented.

Ziva nodded. "Yes. I do not like leaving her."

"It won't be for that long," Jamie said. "Does she have a bottle? Is there anything I need to know?"

"No bottle. Chaya should sleep until I am finished, but please get me if she wakes."

"Of course," Jamie agreed. "I'll just get you to sign her in and I'll give you a wristband. If there's any problems, your number will flash on the TV screens."

Finally Ziva set the carseat down. "Thank you."

She got changed and started stretching. Ziva interrupted her jog three times to check on Chaya, who hadn't stirred at all. "She's fine Mrs. DiNozzo," Jamie tried to assure her, but Ziva had to see for herself.

Letting the girl know she'd be in the pool, Ziva pushed away all distractions and dove into the water. She swam steadily, going longer than before and felt a good kind of fatigue when she got out. Returning for Chaya, Ziva found Jamie kneeling down and talking to her softly. She stood when she saw Ziva. "Not a peep, she must be tired."

Ziva chuckled. "When she is not eating, she is sleeping. Apparently growing is a lot of work."

"I guess. Bring her back any time. Have a good day ladies!" Jamie waved at Chaya and turned back to the children on the other side of the room as Ziva left.

After another feeding and a nap, Ziva started doing dishes, almost expecting it when there was a knock on the door in the early afternoon. "Hello Grace," she smiled, "please come in."

Grace looked around. "I don't supposed your little angel is awake?"

Ziva shook her head. "Not right now, but she will be soon, then you are welcome to her."

Putting on the kettle, Ziva got out two mugs and glanced at her baby. A visit with a friend was just what she needed.

NCIS

Matt and Tami were enjoying one of their usual coffee breaks, outside on a bench this time, when he decided to try again. "Tam?" She turned to look at him and Matt felt like he could get lost in her clear blue eyes so easily. He swallowed. "If I were to ask you that question now, would I get a different answer than last time?"

Tami's gaze softened and a smile touched her lips. "I made you wait a month, sure you still want to ask?"

He took her hand. "I know I'll keep asking until you say yes."

She bit her lip. "Okay, do it."

Matt focused completely on her. "Tami, you're my best friend, but you already know I want us to be more. So will you be my girlfriend?"

Tami took a breath. "I hope you know what you're getting yourself into," she said softly, then smiled. "Yes, I will."

Matt hugged her for the first time and Tami's arms slowly snaked around his back. She relaxed more the longer he held her and Matt rubbed her back gently, grateful to have finally gotten to this moment.

He walked back into the bullpen with a self-satisfied smile on his face and Tony picked up on it immediately. "Spill AP, that look has got to mean something." Matt pressed his lips together and Tony moved in front of his desk. He crossed his arms and chuckled. "You got our little lab rat to go out with you."

Matt had no intention of saying a word, but Tony was getting plenty of information from his non-verbal cues. "Huh, not bad Collins. She's only here two months and you've already staked a claim." He glanced at Tim and then his own ring. "You sure learned faster than the rest of us."

McGee leaned around the partition. "Could you not get her pregnant any time soon? The last thing we need in this building is another hormonal female."

Matt choked on a cough and Tim's cell rang as if on cue. "Hi Abbs, what's-" he paused. "A banana split? Where am I supposed to-never mind, I'll see what I can do." He listened again. "With sprinkles, right. Yup, love you too babe." He hung up and looked at Tony before grabbing his things. "Tell Gibbs...something. Improvise, you're good at that. Apparently the baby feels like ice cream. I'll be back."

They waited until McGee left before bursting out laughing. Matt raised an eyebrow at Tony. "Was Ziva like that?"

Tony chuckled. "She had a few interesting cravings, but none while we were at work. Abby...Abby's in a class by herself with this pregnancy. Frankly, I'm surprised McGoo has survived this long." He stared evenly at the younger man. "If I were you, I'd be taking notes."

Matt flexed his fingers. "I'm in no rush, especially when I had to wait a month just for her to agree to date me." He shook his head. "Tami is worth taking things slow."

"Good man," Tony nodded, remembering how careful he'd been with Ziva until she was ready, how careful he still had to be ofttimes. The sooner one learned what they were willing to work for, the more fulfilling it would be.

NCIS

That night was the second time Tony came to bed after his wife had fallen asleep. Chasing a suspect had kept them out late and it was nearing the middle of the night before Tony was able to make it home. He left his jeans and shirt outside their bedroom door after peeking into his daughter's room to make sure she was okay, and got into bed in only his undershirt and boxers.

Ziva stiffened when the bed dipped under his weight, but instead of reacting, she simply froze. Tony moved closer to share her pillow and slowly ran his hand up and down her back, over and over until he felt the tension drain away. Then he tucked her hair back, kissed behind her ear and closed his eyes. They didn't have to say anything that time.

NCIS

Ziva and Chaya attended their first mom and baby swim at eleven-thirty on Tuesday morning. She'd switched therapy to the afternoon to coincide with Chaya's nap. The baby looked so cute dressed in her new suit and Ziva had decided to wear her full body swimsuit and not care about what the other ladies thought. She'd let them assume it had something to do with her culture or religion.

She stepped into the water carrying Chaya, joining several other moms with babies of various ages, Chaya was among the youngest. They smiled warmly and Ziva found a place in waist deep water before getting Chaya wet. She started with dipping the baby's toes in and Chaya's eyes widened as she gurgled.

"Do you like that tatelah?" she asked, putting the baby in a little more. Chaya flailed her arms and splashed herself in the face, looking quite startled. Ziva chuckled and wiped the drops of water away, gradually getting Chaya's whole body in the water except her head. She held the little girl in front of her and dripped water from her fingers while Chaya reached for it.

The class went well. Chaya was as happy as she was getting a bath. Ziva felt relaxed when they got out but was a little apprehensive about getting ready - showering with a slippery baby made her nervous. In the end she settled for rinsing off but washed Chaya thoroughly, not wanting the chlorine to irritate her skin.

Chaya was very tired by the time they made it home and Ziva took advantage of her sleeping time to grab a shower before they headed to NCIS. Tony met them at the elevator and kissed his wife. "How was swimming?"

"She loved it," Ziva shared. "Poor thing was all tired out by the time it was over. She will probably sleep right through the session."

Tony stood behind her in front of the door, his hand on the small of her back. "Let's do this."

The couple sat close on the couch as usual, Ziva's hand on Tony's knee and his arm around her. Devon smiled. "It looks like you two are in a good mood." She glanced down at her notes. "So, highlight of the week?"

Ziva's eyes lit up. "We got our baby pictures back. And Chaya smiled."

Tony grinned. "That was pretty cool. Now we've got pictures all over the house to show off our little bundle of joy."

"Pictures speak a thousand words," Devon commented. "Okay, that was the easy part. What was the toughest thing you guys faced?"

Ziva glanced at Tony, reaching for his hand. He cleared his throat. "Going straight for the jugular, huh?"

"It's like ripping off a bandaid, better to get it over with quick."

He sighed. "Wednesday night was-"

"One year since I entered the camp," Ziva finished, not wanting to make him do all the dirty work. "I told him when he got home from work."

Devon's eyes filled with sympathy. "Lots of memories?"

Ziva's brow furrowed. "I did not have any nightmares, I just wanted to be held, to hold Chaya. Everything we have now is in some way because of Africa." She shrugged. "It confuses my feelings."

"I'd be concerned if it didn't Ziva," Devon told her. "But I'm glad you were able to share with Tony, to let him close. That's something."

"I think Friday was worse," Tony admitted. "I got stuck on the six week thing and I felt like Ziva didn't care that it was a big deal to me too."

Devon looked at her patient questioningly. "How was your appointment Ziva?"

She shrugged. "Cleared but not...ready."

Tony caught her eyes. "But we talked about it. I didn't want us to go to bed frustrated or upset."

"That's a good habit to start early in your marriage. Is that something we need to go over further?"

Both husband and wife declined to answer and Devon took it as a no. They made it through the session without incident and at the end Dr. Andrews looked at the couple. "I'm sure you'll be relieved to hear that I'm cutting your joint sessions back to twice a month, but only one of those is set. The other I'll leave open if you need it, or Tony, if you want to come see me by yourself. So Ziva, I'll see you for your normal appointment next week."

With their time wrapped up, Tony and Ziva were happy to go. Ziva was secretly glad to have her sessions to herself again. It gave her more freedom to share her thoughts and as the days ticked by, that was something she was finding she needed more and more.

NCIS

Tony woke Ziva up with a kiss Wednesday morning and she broke away to look at the clock. As soon as she saw that they had half an hour before Chaya woke up, she pulled him down until he was half laying on her and attacked his lips, her hands holding his face.

He had a hard time remembering to think at first, and then invaded her mouth, ending the kiss only when air became necessary. With a groan he sucked her bottom lip gently and then kissed her long and slow, turning the passion down a few notches. Because as much fun as making out with his wife was, he knew it couldn't go any farther. To lighten the moment, Tony skated his fingers down her ribs and Ziva squirmed, laughing into his mouth.

"Tony!" she gasped before he smothered her with another kiss. He tickled her again and Ziva pushed him away. "Stop! Did you not learn your lesson last time?"

Tony grabbed her hands, drawing his lips over her knuckles. "Thought it might be safer if I was in control."

Ziva's eyes flashed and she flipped him over in one smooth motion and sat straddling his stomach. She leaned over, the tips of her hair brushing his jaw. "Do you feel in control now?"

The look he gave her was almost smouldering in its intensity. But then he turned away. "Zi..." was all he managed in a pleading tone and she sighed, moving off him and falling on her side.

"I know, I know, red light behaviour." Sometimes she was as frustrated as him that they could not just come together and release the tension. But the thought of anything more than kissing and touching still chilled her blood and she sighed.

Tony rolled to face her and propped his head up, running a finger down her arm. "Not exactly unwanted but..."

"Too much," she finished, disappointment in her eyes as well.

It was hard for Tony to see that. Ziva had no problem teasing him, flirting with him, and playing games but when it came to more than kissing or mostly innocent touches, her walls went back up and he was left frustrated in more ways than one. He tucked a curl behind her ear and leaned over to whisper, "Someday."

Before she could answer Chaya woke and Ziva got out of bed quickly to fetch the infant. She avoided his gaze during the feeding, stealing only quick glimpses at his face. But thinking about his words consumed her thoughts and Ziva wondered fleetingly if someday really was as far away as she thought, or if it was slowly growing closer, one step at a time, with every little extra bit of trust she bestowed on her husband. As with everything, she would just have to wait and see.

NCIS

It still wasn't easy to leave Chaya with Jamie while she did her workout, but Ziva knew for this outlet to work she needed to force thoughts of her daughter away and focus. And of course, after the moment she and Tony had shared that morning, Ziva needed to work out the emotions.

Where had that playful part of her come from? She didn't know but Ziva had missed that side of herself, missed the old days of flirting with the man who was now her husband and driving them both crazy. If normal was finally ready to make an appearance, Ziva wasn't going to argue. But she had to be careful to stay on the right side of all the lines she'd drawn. To do otherwise when she wasn't ready would not be fair to Tony.

Several hours later had Ziva pacing the floor as she waited for news. When Tony walked in the door, Ziva nearly cried in relief and she flew at him. He caught his wife and swallowed her in an embrace. They clung to each other and Tony ignored the tender bruise on his right side that protested the pressure. Ziva's words into his neck were muffled, but he could still make them out.

"Gibbs called. When he said you had been shot..." Her body trembled and Tony held her tighter.

"Vest took it," he managed to choke out, still feeling the panic that engulfed him when he realized he couldn't get out of the way fast enough. All he'd thought about was Ziva and Chaya and getting home to them. He could've so easily lost everything that mattered in one moment.

Time didn't matter as long as the couple stood there, wrapped in each other's arms, savouring the feeling of being together. Ziva's mind had flooded with images of Tony bleeding, Tony at the hospital, Tony laying in Autopsy, and she did not want to let go of her husband in case they became real.

From her bassinet in the kitchen, Chaya's fussing noises became noticeable and Tony squeezed Ziva quickly then finally let go, going over to get his little girl. He slipped his hands under her small body and lifted her into his arms. "Hi princess," Tony whispered, blinking back tears as he stared down into Chaya's trusting eyes. Her tiny fingers wrapped around his and Tony sank to the floor and leaned against the wall, Ziva right at his side. "I could've lost this," he whispered.

Ziva tucked herself closer to him and put her hand on their daughter as well. Her own heart broke at the what ifs but they could not focus on what might have happened, because it didn't. "But you did not," she said softly. "And you are home."

Tony nodded slowly, hearing but not yet able to let go of the fear. In her daddy's arms, Chaya fell asleep again and Tony could not be prevailed upon to put her down for the rest of the night. He held her through Ziva fixing supper and gave her a bottle when he wouldn't relinquish the baby so Ziva could feed her.

Ziva remained a silent shadow as he gave Chaya a bath, taking note of every detail, all of the mundane stuff that he had no right to take for granted, and stood back to watch him dress and cuddle her before her second night feeding. At that point Ziva took the little girl from him - the evening feeding was special quiet time for her and Chaya.

Tony didn't protest, but stayed close, watching the tender way Ziva was with their daughter, listening and wishing he knew what it was she murmured to the baby in Hebrew. He wasn't able to read her a story tonight, the emotion was still making it hard to speak. But he kissed her head and watched her lay in the crib, counting breaths and feeling like nothing had ever meant so much. When Chaya was almost asleep, both parents whispered goodnight and quietly left the room.

Once outside in the hall, Tony reached for Ziva and she went willingly into his arms. His hold on her was gentle and yet almost desperate. When he sought her lips, Ziva poured her whole heart into the kiss, wishing tonight more than any other that she was ready to give her husband the comfort of her body. But they both knew she wasn't, so Tony settled for kissing his wife breathless.

They went downstairs and spent the remaining hours cuddling on the couch while a movie played. Ziva barely watched any of it because her attention was on the slow, almost thoughtful way Tony was stroking her skin, noting when he stared at her like he was memorizing everything about her. Ziva turned to him and tried to smile but Tony was so serious and she could think of nothing that would help, so instead she pulled his head down and pressed her lips gently against his.

For a moment Tony didn't move and Ziva sat back to see his eyes closed and something that looked so very like pain in his features. Understanding, Ziva kissed him again, coaxing his lips apart and finally getting a response. She expected the desperation that always came from trauma and emotional moments between them, but Tony's lips moved slowly over hers and the sadness in his touch was something so tangible Ziva could almost taste it. Then she did and realized his tears had fallen on her lips.

"Oh Tony," Ziva whispered, opening her arms and holding her husband tightly against her. "I am so sorry. I wish-" but he cut her off with a kiss as if he couldn't bear to hear the words.

They stayed on the couch for a long time, unwilling to move and lose the contact they had with each other. But finally it was bedtime and Tony and Ziva walked slowly up the stairs holding hands, since Tony wasn't able to let her go just yet. In their bedroom, Ziva sat on the bed and watched Tony undress. He pulled his shirt off and she gasped, moving into his space to ghost her fingers over the large dark bruise on his stomach. Her eyes filled with tears and Ziva couldn't speak.

Tony held her hand over the mark, wincing at her touch but wanting it. Then he put her hand to his heart. "Still here," he whispered.

Suddenly her mouth was on his, urgent and demanding, desperation clear in the way she held him. But Tony wasn't about to argue and pushed her back onto the bed, lying beside her as his lips continued to caress hers, pulling away and coming back for more. His hands slid down her sides and up her back, causing Ziva to shiver at the heat from his touch.

How many long moments they lay there kissing and touching and just being together the couple wasn't sure, but eventually they reached a point that was either stop now or go further. Tony's lips slipped down her neck and Ziva tilted her head to give him access before she'd even consciously thought about it.

It felt so good that for a few seconds Ziva let him touch her like that, then she found her words and put her hands on his upper arms. "Tony." Her voice was a breathy whisper and even to her own ears lacked conviction. Tony got to her collarbone, brushing his lips over the scar and she knew she had to stop him. Pushing him back, Ziva shook her head once. "We cannot."

His eyes were clouded with desire and Ziva ached to be able to give him what he wanted and needed from her. Even now she could not say for sure what held her back, but she knew this was not the time. Tony sighed heavily and rubbed a hand over his face and through his hair. "I know." He studied her and saw something. "But you want to be able to, don't you?"

Ziva's gaze faltered and she looked down only to see the bruise that reminded her how close she came to losing him today. "Yes." Her eyes came up and she searched his. "I wish tonight...I know you need me, I can see it." Ziva's fingers swept over his cheek. "Oh my love, I am ashamed of my fear because you deserve this and I want to have new memories. But it is not that easy."

Tony slid his body closer to hers. "Isn't it though?" He wove his fingers into her hair. "Think about it Zi - when I was kissing and touching you, were you afraid? Because I was not getting that vibe."

Ziva let him see all the way to her heart. "No, I was not. But that could change in a moment. If you put your hand under my clothes, if you touched me the wrong way...I am afraid I would hurt you before I could tell you to stop." Her hands came up to hold his face. "I refuse to fear you, and because of that I still must ask you to near."

Tony put his hand over hers. "I promised Zi, and not only when it's convenient but when it's not." He held out his arms. "Can I hold you, please? I need this."

The fear that cloaked his gaze was one she well understood and Ziva pressed her body into his, her arms firmly around his back, her weight shifted so she didn't lean on his bruise. Occasionally Tony trembled and he would tighten his grip on her, Ziva didn't think he'd ever held her so possessively before, like he couldn't get close enough. She was sure he wouldn't let go of her all night, so she got comfortable, her head resting on Tony's chest. She wanted to hear his heartbeat and be so thankful that he made it home tonight. With his wife in his arms and her breath warm and soft on his neck, Tony sighed and closed his eyes. This was what it meant to be alive.