Thursday morning after Chaya's five am feeding and a quick run, Ziva hid Tony's cell phone, tucked his watch under the mattress and turned off his alarm. She slid back beneath the sheets and relaxed against him, lulled to sleep by his steady heartbeat. Two hours later Chaya woke them, smacking her lips and sucking on her fingers, fast becoming more disgruntled as her hunger made itself apparent.
Ziva got up to get her, smiling when Tony yelled from their bedroom. "Dang it! Zi, I missed my alarm! Oh man, Gibbs is going to kill me. Where's my cell? Wait, why didn't he call?" He turned around and glared at her. "Why are you smiling?"
Coming towards them put Tony in Chaya's field of vision and she squealed delightedly at the sight of her daddy. His agitation evaporated and Ziva transferred the baby into his arms. "It makes me happy to see you too sweetie. I wish I could stay home with you and Mommy all day."
"You can," Ziva said simply, leaning up to kiss his cheek. "Happy Father's Day ahuvi."
Tony rotated his wrist to check his watch but found nothing and looked to his wife. "Father's Day, already?"
She nodded, smiling. "I called Gibbs, you have today off. What do you want to do?"
"Kiss you," he replied, sliding his hand behind her head and bringing his lips to hers. "Thank you," he whispered against her skin.
Ziva went to her side of the bed and reached into the drawer of her night table. "I got you something. It is not as nice as this," she touched her bracelet, "but it is still a present."
Tony sat down and traded her the baby for the small package. Chaya started rooting and Ziva helped her latch on, looking at him expectantly. He pulled the wrapping away and found a beautiful mahogany frame with the words 'Daddy and Me' across the top. A picture of him holding Chaya and kissing her head stared back at him in black and white. Underneath was a smaller copy of the snapshot Ziva took when he and Chaya fell asleep on the couch.
"I wanted you to have something in your wallet, for when you miss her," Ziva explained.
Tony swallowed and walked around the bed to reverently set the frame by his lamp. He reached into his suit jacket from the day before for his wallet and opened it. Tucked behind one section was an old worn photo. "I carry this one of us."
Ziva stared at the picture - her and Tony cuddled together on the couch, a memory from a team night the summer Gibbs left when Abby got out her camera and demanded they pose. She was already sitting close, it wasn't much effort to lean back against him and smile. "You have kept this for five years?"
He traced her face in the picture. "We looked happy in this. It was something to hold onto when things weren't always so happy." Tony sighed. "I looked at it every day when you were gone Zi, I tried so hard to remember what that moment felt like, because I wasn't sure I'd ever smile again."
Ziva switched Chaya to the other side and her fingers drifted down his cheek. "Then I will remember what a gift it is to see you happy now." He kissed her again, sliding his lips over hers and soaking in the joy of being here together. When he pulled away, Tony tucked the picture of himself and Chaya back in with the old one of them and closed his wallet.
"Got everything I need now." He stood and started looking for clean clothes. "She's two months old Ziva, let's go to the zoo."
Ziva chuckled and looked down at her daughter. "I think we are going to have fun with Daddy today tatelah. Are you ready?" The baby's contented gaze stared back at her. As far as Chaya was concerned, they only ever had happy days.
NCIS
Abby waited until Gibbs left for coffee before she snuck upstairs and set two items in his top desk drawer. Winking at her husband, she hurried back to the elevator before she got caught. When Gibbs returned, he opened the drawer to store his gun and badge and lifted out two small parcels. Although Leroy Jethro Gibbs wouldn't admit to curiosity, he sat down to open them right away.
The first was from Ziva, entrusted to Abby at Girl's Night. Gibbs took off the paper and found a framed picture capturing his first meeting with Chaya. The baby looked so small in his hands and in the background a blurry Ziva smiled, blinking back tears. Without a thought, he set the frame by his computer and looked to the next gift.
There were two things in the box from Abby - an ultrasound scan clearly showing her unborn baby sucking his thumb, and a picture McGee had snapped at the wedding, Abby wrapped in Gibbs' arms for a gentle hug. Gibbs stared at both and finally set the baby-to-be picture beside him and Chaya and tucked the one of he and Abby into the inside pocket of his jacket. Family should always be kept close to the heart.
NCIS
Celeste put the book down for the tenth time in the last several hours and stared out the window. This time Tim was almost too good at what he did, describing the way Tibbs, Amy, MacGregor and Tommy dealt with the news that there were no survivors when the Darien sank off the coast of Africa in a storm. Thinking of the team she knew, Celeste found the pain too real and needed a break, just as she had after Tommy shot and killed Micah in self-defense and when Lisa shut them all out, her ability to trust shattered in the wake of a lifetime of betrayals.
But no matter how much she wanted to sometimes or how hard she tried to concentrate on other things, Celeste was drawn back again to the story that continued to document the way their world had slowly spiraled out of control. She read about Lisa's capture and the painfully detailed descriptions of what she suffered at the hands of men who had a deep grudge against the military and took it out on her.
The perspective shifted back and forth between Lisa's tiny cell and the team's less than adequate coping skills. When Tommy finally decided enough was enough and someone had to answer for his partner's senseless death, Celeste closed the book and went to bed, wondering just how close to the truth the narrative came. But she was afraid to know, because to make any of it real seemed too cruel. They didn't deserve what they'd gone through.
NCIS
During Chaya's afternoon nap, Tony and Ziva lounged on the couch watching Magnum because very little made Tony happier unless it was James Bond. At one point he dragged his attention away from the TV and reached a hand over to Ziva's ribs, dragging his fingers up and down her side quickly. She jumped at his touch and he simply moved closer, doing it again.
"Tony!" Ziva said in exasperation, locking her fingers around his wrist. "Stop!" He looked hurt and she rolled her eyes. "How many times do I have to tell you that I do not want to be tickled? If you wish for me to hurt you that can be arranged, however, I assume it is not on top of your to be done list."
Tony sighed and dropped his hands, returning to his previous position. "You're no fun."
Ziva leaned over and brushed her lips against his ear. "I will have you know that I can be very fun. But you will have to wait and see."
He groaned as she pulled away with a twinkle in her eyes, smirking in triumph. Teasing Tony was so much fun. Apparently he didn't agree because he gave her a dirty look and pouted for awhile until she got Chaya from the bassinet and dropped both baby and a bottle in his lap. Then his grin returned full force and she tucked herself into the corner of the couch, loving just to watch him be a dad.
Later, once their daughter was asleep for the night, the couple settled back onto the couch and Tony looked at Ziva with hope in his eyes. "C'mere," he whispered, tugging her into his lap. Biting back a smile, she went willingly and sat back on his thighs, watching as he drank her in.
Then Tony closed the gap between them and kissed her, his lips gentle but insistent on hers. She closed her eyes and held very still, memorizing the sensation. He pulled away but she would have none of it and claimed his mouth again. Tony deepened the caress and pulled her into his body, wanting her closer than she already was.
There was nothing but delight coursing through her veins as Ziva savoured the taste of her husband's lips and cherished the experience, glad to share these moments with the man she loved. The stirring in her abdomen caught her off guard and Ziva broke away from the kiss, closing her eyes and tilting her head down. "Tony," she begged while his warm hands still cradled her face and his breath feathered over her hair, "please do not make me want you."
Tony blew out a breath, trying to focus his thoughts when all he wanted to do was kiss her again. "We're married Zi, we're getting closer to each other every day. Isn't it okay to start bringing up those feelings now?"
Ziva looked at him with eyes torn between desire and fear. She rested her hand over his heart. "I am glad that we do not have to be so careful now as before, but I am still afraid to get too close to you."
Tony stroked her hair back. "Why sweetheart?" She'd given him so much, and yet still more she held back from him. Was is necessary for Ziva to protect her heart when he had promised her his forever?
Her expression reflected a need to run away and he wondered if the truth would hurt. "Because I cannot bear the thought of being intimate with you."
His heart squeezed with real pain and Tony made sure his wife was really listening before he spoke again. "I would never hurt you Ziva."
She raised her hand to touch his face. "No, but you are very dangerous just the same." Confusion coloured his expression and Ziva tried to explain. "When we are together, sometimes you make me forget that I am afraid."
"Is that such a bad thing?" Tony asked. That was what he wanted, for her not to be afraid to be with him.
Ziva leaned in and wrapped her arms around him. "I do not want to hurt you Tony." Her honesty always seemed to wound him, because he could not take away the pain of last summer, and he was helpless to keep it from haunting her.
"It's okay to tell me even if you don't think I want to hear it," he whispered into her hair, holding her tight against his chest.
Sorting out the right words took some time. "It is hard to remember past Somalia, to a time when sex did not bring pain. Sometimes..." her voice faltered, "sometimes I think that is all my body will ever feel."
"Oh Ziva." Tony's throat closed and he wished that his touch, his love, could make everything alright for her again. But instead they were still taking baby steps together - some forward, some back - and the backward ones always tore at old wounds that might never properly heal.
"I get to hold you in my arms every single day." He spoke each word clearly and firmly. "I have the honour of being called the one you love. I fall asleep beside you almost every night, and in the morning it's you and Chaya all over again. I wouldn't trade everything we've built even if it meant free access to your body whenever I want." He grinned when she squirmed at his bluntness. "The first time we come together will be so much sweeter because we had to work for it, and it will be a gift. I'm willing to wait," Tony told her for what seemed like the thousandth time. "I promise Zi, I will wait."
Ziva kissed him then, her lips soft and yielding when he returned the gesture. Then they sat on the couch wrapped up in each other's arms and their love, knowing that moments like these were beyond any words.
That night when they went to bed, Tony turned to his wife and slid his fingers into her hair. "Thank you Zi, for my Father's Day."
She smiled slightly. "You deserved it Tony. You are a good father. You love Chaya in a way I never could have hoped for, when I first found out I was pregnant. I do not know how you have made peace with yourself about her conception, but I want to thank you for being her father, for making her your daughter, for showing me that family does not have to be blood related. I should have learned those lessons long ago, when you and Gibbs and the team brought me into your circle, but it is a lesson I am still learning every day when I watch you love our baby."
He kissed her, just a brush of his lips over hers because no more boundaries could be pushed tonight. "You're a smart lady, I knew you'd figure it out one of these days. It's love that makes a family sweetheart. When you get a miracle like I did with a wife and daughter I can never deserve, you realize that a lot of the time, the details just aren't that important."
Ziva snuggled into his arms with a smile on her face. Chaya would never be left out of her father's love the way she had been as a child. Instead, Ziva knew Tony would spend the rest of their marriage demonstrating what a daddy was supposed to be like. Their daughter was the luckiest little girl in the whole world.
NCIS
Ziva woke early on Friday to go for a run as soon as Chaya was done eating. She managed a shower before Tony woke and he was still laying in bed when she came out, drying her hair. He moved to sit behind her, taking it between his fingers when she separated the dark locks for a braid. Ziva smiled and let him weave her hair together, into a much shorter plait than before, checking his work after. She leaned back into him and sighed.
"Doctor's appointment today?" Tony asked, rubbing his thumb over her shoulder.
"Yes. And I do not know if I can handle someone sticking her with needles."
Tony grimaced. "They're kinda mandatory, huh?"
Ziva fiddled with her nails. "Mandy seems to think so. I wish you could come."
He nuzzled her cheek. "Me too. But taking an extra long weekend won't put me in good with the bossman." Tony kissed her neck. "Going to see Lina today?" He had yet to meet the young Spanish woman who had befriended his wife, but he looked forward to that day. Ziva always came home happy after spending time with her new friend and that was not something to be taken lightly.
She nodded. "I have missed our visits the last two weeks, it will be nice to talk. And she walks fast, so we will get a good workout."
Glancing back at the clock, he sighed heavily. "Gotta go babe. I'll see if I can be home for supper tonight, okay?"
"I will make a spaghetti casserole," Ziva decided, moving so he could get dressed. "Can you pick up ice cream after work? We are almost out."
"Absolutely." Being in charge of junk food was a task he was all over.
She kissed him on her way out and Tony stopped and stared after her. He was more than ready to test the boundaries a bit, but was it worth possibly ruining what they had now? The answer was no, which didn't help because Tony didn't know how else to move them forward. Every day was a struggle to take only what she gave him, no more. And like a thirsty man in the dessert, all he wanted was water.
NCIS
Mandy walked into the examination room to see a nervous new mother with her baby. Ziva was holding Chaya against her chest, murmuring to her in Hebrew and keeping an eye on the door. She looked apprehensive when her doctor walked in and Mandy smiled warmly.
"Hello DiNozzo ladies, how are we today?"
Ziva rubbed Chaya's back. "We are fine so far, but I do not think that is going to last."
"First shots are hard," Dr. Meyers commiserated, "believe me, I've been there. But I'll do my very best to make this as quick and relatively painless as possible." She didn't look convinced but no mother was ready to see her child hurt, even if it was for a good reason. "Can you lay her down on the table please?"
Ziva did and Chaya regarded the doctor with wide inquisitive eyes, blowing spit bubbles as she waved her arms and kicked her legs. "Hello gorgeous, look how big you've gotten! I'm just going to listen to your heartbeat, okay angel?" Mandy held the stethoscope against Chaya's chest and smiled. "Nice and fast, I bet Mommy remembers that first time she heard it on the ultrasound, like the beating of hummingbird wings." The Israeli tried to appear calm but her focus was entirely on her baby and she hovered nearby, uncertain about what came next.
"How are those lungs doing, hmm?" Mandy listened to Chaya's breathing on her chest and her back and then pulled a clear tube out of her pocket and twisted off the end, sliding it into the baby's mouth. The little girl sucked at the liquid for a moment, made a face, and then kept going. "There, not so bad, is it sweetheart?"
"What is that?" Ziva asked, frowning.
"This is an oral vaccine, we always start with it." While she was talking, she squeezed the remainder of the tube into Chaya's mouth and waited for her to swallow, then ripped open an antiseptic wipe and quickly swabbed both of Chaya's thighs. "Okay Mom, I just need you to hold her hands by her head."
Ziva did as she was asked, kissing her baby's forehead as she leaned close to her. The first needle was over in a second and Chaya fussed, getting a little upset, but didn't do much else as Mandy pressed a small bandaid over the mark and readied the next two parts. The second needle brought forth a sharp piercing cry that broke Ziva's heart and the third just made it worse. They were over before she could blink, little bandaids covering the tiny holes, but that didn't matter.
Giving Mandy a dark look that the doctor didn't take personally, Ziva gathered her daughter into her arms and started rubbing her back, whispering reassurances and speaking comfort in a soft voice. Instead of getting better, Chaya's screams only intensified and Ziva felt a hundred times worse when she lowered the baby and saw tears leaking from her eyes. "I am sorry tatelah, I know it hurt. Did that scare you? Oh my poor tsiporkatan."
Dr. Meyers stuck her hands in her pockets. "First time with tears?" Ziva nodded miserably as the baby cried her little lungs out, refusing to be soothed. "Try nursing her for a few minutes," she suggested. "Breastfeeding is the highest form of comfort you can offer at this stage."
Without even stopping for a blanket to cover herself, Ziva quickly rearranged her clothes and brought Chaya to her breast. At first she would have none of it, but when Ziva rubbed her nipple over the baby's lip, Chaya latched on and started suckling in earnest, looking up at her mom with such trust in her eyes, even as tears rolled down her little face.
Mandy watched as the feeding slowly calmed both mother and baby. She smiled. "The good news is no more shots for two months. And she won't remember any of these early ones, I promise."
Ziva ran her hand down Chaya's arms and legs, careful not to touch where the needles had gone in. "I will make Tony come next time."
The doctor chuckled. "I guess that's only fair. I know this wasn't easy for you Ziva and the rest of the day might be a little rough. There are a handful of symptoms that Chaya might get following the vaccination. She may run a slight fever which can last for a few days, there might be redness and swelling at the injection site, she might be cranky for awhile, or she may get very sleepy." Mandy listed them on her fingers. "You're free to put cold compresses on her legs to help with the swelling and baby tylenol is fine if she gets a fever. Things should be back to normal within a few days." She touched the baby's hand. "Is that all better now honey? I'm sorry to have to be the bad guy." Dr. Meyers surveyed the infant's now peaceful features. "Look at that, she already knows Mommy can make everything better."
They left the doctor's office once Chaya fell asleep and Ziva headed straight for NCIS. The elevator dinged and Gibbs looked up, then to Tony. "Ziva, ten o'clock."
Tony's attention shifted from his report wrapping up their current case. They'd arrested an encryption analyst earlier who though he could supplement his income by selling classified information. It involved a short foot chase but once caught, all Gibbs had to do was look at the man and he admitted to everything. Apparently Agent Gibbs' reputation was well known. Having that part over with meant they might get to leave early and Tony had been looking forward to it. He was not expecting to his wife to come to him.
He was on his feet as she approached and set the baby seat by his desk. Tony saw the storm in her eyes and grasped Ziva's arms, pulling her around the corner and into the alcove. While Gibbs got Chaya, Ziva fell into him and started crying. Completely bewildered, he held her tightly and waited for an explanation. Finally Ziva stood back and sniffed.
"She cried when Mandy gave her the needles, with tears Tony! I have never felt so awful. And then I fed her and she looked at me with all this trust..."Ziva dragged her fingers through her hair, causing several strands to fall out of the braid to hang around her face. "I did not deserve that when I let someone hurt her."
Tony brushed back a few curls. "Oh honey, you didn't let anyone hurt her. The vaccinations are to protect her from things that could hurt her, even if she can't understand that yet." He rubbed her back. "I'm sorry it was so bad." He leaned in and kissed her. "Tears, huh?"
"She looked so sad. My heart broke when she screamed."
Tony held her gaze. "It probably won't be the last time Zi. You're her mother, everytime she's hurting, so will you."
Ziva glared. "Does that not apply to fathers too?" she demanded.
He traced her lips with his thumb. "Of course. But dad's are different Zi. We fight the things that hurt our girls. Mom's try to hurt for their daughters." Tony gave her a half grin. "Want me to go have a talk with Mandy? I could bring my gun."
She pressed herself against him and shook her head. "Sorry."
Tony kissed her hair. "I wouldn't've done well with her tears either Zi, trust me." Anyone that made his little girl cry better be prepared to pay.