A/N: Hello there lovely readers. We have finally come to the end of this multi-ship tale. I really and truly appreciate every single reader who has taken the time to follow this story. I knew when I started writing this story that not everyone would enjoy it because it doesn't focus on just one pairing. I have gotten some really lovely feedback and I genuinely appreciate every bit of it. I hope you'll be happy with how I've decided to end it. As I mentioned before I will be posting 3 alternate endings for this story, a little something for everyone. If you do have a moment to leave some feedback in the form of a comment or review here or a message on Tumblr (shesamarshmallow) it would make me extremely happy.
Bellamy brushes the hair out of his eyes with his fingertips, he knows it will be back there in seconds. He pulls on a purple dress shirt, Octavia always says that it's his color. He flips through the ties in his closet quickly and decides on one covered in dancing teddy bears; a gift from his niece Kya and nephew Avery. He looks in the mirror and adjusts the tie slightly, he's never been that great at tying them. He looks at his hair again and resigns himself to the fact that it won't stay out of his face. It's fine, his messy hair has never bothered her before.
He pads down the stairs, it's early but he doesn't have to be quiet. Lincoln, Octavia and the kids are always up early. He smiles as Kya runs toward him and scoops her up in his arms. She's five and he's pretty sure he's her favourite person, at least for the moment. Kids are fickle Octavia always tells him, he knows that all too well. He was Octavia's favourite person one second and her enemy the next, at least until she was 18. He brushes her dark brown hair out of her eyes, she must take after him. She gives him a kiss on the cheek and Bellamy smiles.
"Morning Bell," Octavia greets him as he enters the kitchen, "Coffee?"
Bellamy shakes his head. He wants to get on the road, he can stop by a drive through on his way.
"Do you want me to go with you?" she asks, "Lincoln can stay with the kids."
He shakes his head again. Octavia always offers to accompany him, but he always declines. He likes, or rather he needs to be alone with his thoughts sometimes. He sets Kya down in her mother's lap and watches as Octavia presses a kiss to her forehead. He was worried about her at first when he found out she was expecting the first time, but she's a great mother. She always says she learned from the best and Bellamy can't help but blush.
"I should be back for dinner," he shouts on his way out the door.
"Okay. Call me if you need me," Octavia yells back.
He gets in his car and tosses a doll and a pink blanket in the back seat. Kya is always leaving her things in his car, he doesn't particularly mind as long as she doesn't leave anymore lego in the car. His feet are still recovering from the last time he came outside to clean his car barefoot. He puts his car into drive and backs it out onto the road. The nearest drive through doesn't have his favourite coffee, but he's eager to get to his destination. He's late enough as it is, he just couldn't bring himself to wake up when his alarm went off this morning.
The cool wind whips through his hair when he gets out of the car. The air is crisp, it's nice really and helps wake him up more than the now cooling coffee in his cup holder. He walks up the hill, stepping carefully on the grass. It's bright out, the morning sunrise now high in the sky. He knows the way by heart now and navigates the path expertly. He stops and takes a look around when he finally reaches his destination. There are a few other people around but it's mostly quiet; he prefers it that way.
He moves his fingers over the letters, Raven Maria Reyes is engraved in the stone. It appeared at the grave site a few weeks after the accident; Clarke's doing. There's a flower etched in the corner, a heart in the other and a line across the bottom that reads, "so very loved." It's beautiful and a shame he's never had the opportunity to thank Clarke for arranging it. A tear begins to roll down his cheek the longer he looks at the stone with her name. Four years to the day he lost her, the day they lost her. She would probably laugh at him if she knew he was all dressed up to visit her. She would love the teddy bears on his tie though and she always loved purple on him. She would brush the hair out of his eyes and kiss the tears away. She's not there though, and he still wishes every day that they had stayed a little longer at Octavia's or stayed overnight; anything to not be on that stretch of road when the truck hit.
The rain is pouring down on him and he's not dressed nearly warm enough for this weather. It's appropriate that it would be raining, just like the night she died. A year has gone by both too quickly and much too slowly without her. Nothing feels okay without her next to him, it never will. He's curled up, almost in the fetal position next to her grave. He's not even sure if this is allowed but he doesn't care. He needs to be with her tonight, he can't bear to be alone.
"I never should have let you go," he says. "I should have told you I loved you more than Finn ever could have. We could have had so many more years together."
He feels an ache in his chest as he waits for an answer he knows will never come. He's always regretted not telling Raven to pick him all those years before. It hurt to miss her so badly when she picked Finn; his sorrow right now is infinite.
"I love you so much."
He knows she loved him too. He would do anything just to hear her say it one more time.
He takes out his cellphone and roughly pounds the numbers to dial his voicemail. He presses 2 to play any saved voicemails, there's only 1 there.
"Heeeyyyyy Bell," comes Raven's voice through the phone, "we're at the store. Do you need anything? Call me back love."
Click.
He plays it again. And again. And again.
He'll never get tired of hearing her voice.
He texted her instead to say he didn't need anything and just wanted them to come home. He wishes he had called her. It would have been one more time he could have talked to her before she died. He should have called her just to say he loved her, even if he didn't need anything. Should have is his least favourite phrase.
He sits down next to her headstone, the grass in this spot is patchy and yellow, nothing like the pristine green of the rest of the cemetery. He's sat there many an afternoon, blocking the sun from reaching the blades. He's had his afternoon coffee right here more times than he can count. Raven always loved the smell of coffee, especially on Bellamy's lips. He stretches out his legs in front of him and leans back, his arms extended behind him holding him up.
"Some days I wish I could miss you less. I wish my heart didn't ache every time I hear a song you loved or watch a show you always teased me for liking. Some days though I feel too happy, like I don't miss you enough and I want to miss you more. I go on my laptop and look at the photos backed up from your phone. I used to think you took too many selfies, now I wish there were more. Every smile hurts, but I love to see you smile."
Bellamy pulls his knees up to his chest. The tears are flowing now and he didn't think to bring any tissues, even though he needs them every time he visits Raven. He wipes his face with the sleeve of his purple dress shirt. He can taste the salt on his lips as the tears continue to fall, he's used to this.
He exhales deeply and wipes his eyes again when he hears footsteps headed his way. It's rare for anyone else to be around when he is here in the middle of the day but maybe someone else needs to see their lost loved one as much as he does right now. He stands up and thinks briefly about leaving to give whoever it is a private moment. When he sees blonde hair shining in the bright afternoon sun he knows exactly who it is.
"Clarke," he says smiling when she reaches his spot.
"Bellamy," she replies. The hint of sadness in her voice is obvious. "Hey."
He wants to tell her about his day or ask her about hers. It doesn't feel like the first time they've spoken in four years. It almost isn't. He knows she's called him and hung up numerous times. She probably didn't consider Caller ID every time she wanted to talk to him. She just wanted to hear his voice again and when he would pick up and say hello, it was almost enough.
"How have you been?" he asks like it isn't a loaded question.
She doesn't answer immediately, there is so much she could say right now it's hard to condense four years into a simple answer.
"I'm good Bell, how about you?" she says, turning the tables.
"I'm good too," he answers, it's not entirely untrue.
He doesn't add except for the fact that I still miss you so much sometimes it hurts. This doesn't feel like the time for that.
They stand silently for a few moments and Bellamy just watches as Clarke stares down at the headstone. She looks at it the same way he does, with love in her eyes. He's never run into her here before but he can tell she's a regular visitor. The pink and purple flowers that are always laying by the stone are Clarke's doing, he's always known it.
"She's beautiful," Bellamy speaks up after a few minutes.
He's been eyeing the child on her hip ever since she first walked up to him. She can't be anymore than 2 years old, with brown hair, dark eyes and a bright smile.
Clarke smiles at him and his heart skips a beat. He's missed that more than he thought.
"She looks like Lexa," he says next.
If it weren't for Octavia he wouldn't even know who Lexa is. She met Clarke for dinner once a couple years ago and she brought Lexa with her. It was as awkward as you could expect dinner with your former long term boyfriend's sister and your new girlfriend to be.
Octavia nearly chokes on her water as Clarke sits down at the table with a tall, very tanned brunette woman. She doesn't mean to be so obvious but it's a bit of a shock. Clarke had finally agreed to meet her to catch up almost a year after Raven's death and her breakup with Bellamy. Octavia missed her almost as much as her brother did and she just wanted to know that she's okay. If the way she looks at Lexa is any indication she's doing just fine.
"This is Lexa," Clarke introduces her girlfriend.
"Hi," Octavia says cautiously, "I'm Bellamy's sister Octavia."
Lexa offers her hand to Octavia, "it's nice to meet you, Clarke has told me so much about you."
Octavia can't help but wonder how much Clarke talks about Bellamy to Lexa. She can't imagine she could share very much about her life without including her brother. He meant so much to Clarke for so long she'd be hard pressed to leave him out of her life story.
She learns that Clarke and Lexa have been together for almost 6 months. She's a little shocked that Clarke would move on so quickly but she knows how badly Clarke probably wanted to feel okay again. Lexa seems to make her happy. She'd rather see her happy with Bellamy but she cares too much for Clarke to begrudge her any ounce of happiness after what she's been through.
Despite the initial awkwardness the conversation flows smoothly for most of the night. Octavia learns that Lexa works outdoors and that she and Clarke met when Clarke went back to work at the hospital. She can't help but laugh out loud when she finds out that Lexa is Anya's niece, she's heard a few stories about Clarke's favourite co-worker Anya.
It's unexpected when Clarke wraps her arms around Octavia when she goes to leave.
"I've missed you," she whispers in Octavia's ear.
"I've missed you too," Octavia says smiling, "keep in touch."
"I miss him too," Clarke adds, "I do. I didn't stop loving him, I just couldn't look at him and not be haunted by Raven's death. I don't know if I'll ever be able to again."
Octavia doesn't respond, just squeezes Clarke tight in return. She watches as Clarke and Lexa walk out of the restaurant hand in hand. It's cute really and Lexa seems to be good for Clarke. She never thought she'd see Clarke smile again after the day Bellamy walked out the door but she had smiled plenty tonight.
Octavia had brought him home a picture of Clarke and Lexa the night she had dinner with them. As much as he hated to see that Clarke was in a new relationship he was glad to see her happy. He missed when Clarke would smile at him the way she was smiling at Lexa in the picture. He threw it in the trash that night but retrieved it the next morning. He couldn't bring himself to part with a picture of Clarke happy, even if it wasn't with him.
Clarke laughs and Bellamy's brain is flooded with memories of that laugh. It feels so good to hear it again after all these years.
"Lexa and I split up a few years ago," she explains, "she proposed and I said yes but she didn't want kids and I did, I do."
Bellamy knows how much Clarke wanted to be a mother. She was over the moon when she found out that Raven was pregnant. It must have sucked for her to be happy again only to have to break up with Lexa because they wanted different things in life.
"I couldn't wait anymore after that, I wanted to have a child so I adopted her when she was about two months old."
Bellamy suddenly wants to see a picture of Clarke with her daughter as a baby.
"Well I'm sorry things didn't work out with Lexa, but you look happy."
"I am, very happy. Little Raven here is a ball of sunshine. Aren't you babe?" Clarke says, pressing a kiss to her young daughter's cheek.
Her daughter giggles and Bellamy's breath is caught in his throat. Of course she named her first child Raven, in loving memory.
Raven presses a kiss to Clarke's cheek and sticks out her tongue when she turns her head toward her. They've been laying in bed all morning but neither of them care. It's warm and comfortable in bed and they have important business to attend to.
"What about Aurelia?" Raven asks skimming through the big book of baby names open in front of her.
"It's pretty," Clarke agrees.
"Veto," Bellamy shouts from down the hall.
He runs into the room and flops down onto the bed next to Clarke and throws his arm over her back. Her skin is warm and he has always appreciated her penchant for lying around the house topless.
"Remember," Raven warns, "you only get one veto as the parent who is not housing the baby in their uterus."
Bellamy laughs, "worth it, I really don't want to have to tell people my daughter's name is Aurelia."
"What about Sasha?" he suggests, "it means defender of mankind."
"Sounds like a lot of pressure for a baby," Clarke jokes, "but it's nice."
"I like it too, 3 yes votes means it goes on the short list," Raven advises them.
"You mean the short list that already has 17 names on it?" Bellamy asks raising an eyebrow.
"Yes, that short list," Clarke defends, catching his lips in a kiss before he can say anything else.
He snorts, "I love you both so much. You can name the baby whatever you want...as long as it's not Aurelia."
The three of them laugh as Bellamy pulls the book in his direction and starts flipping through the names. If any of the ones his favourite ladies have highlighted are their top choices he might regret his last statement, he'll need another veto.
"Would you maybe want to come back to Octavia and Lincoln's for dinner?" he asks, hoping she can't hear the hesitation in his voice.
When she says "that would be nice" in response he breathes a sigh of relief.
"I just want to stay here a little bit longer," she advises him, "I haven't been up to see her in a while."
Bellamy sits back down in his well worn spot on the grass and watches as Clarke takes a seat across from him, her young daughter in her lap. They sit quietly. Everything that has been unsaid between them for 4 years can stay unsaid for a few moments longer. She reaches over and takes his hand in hers. Bellamy watches as her little girl drifts off to sleep. The afternoon sun is beating down on them but there is nowhere he would rather be right now. He can waste an afternoon away like this, with Clarke.
He smiles as he opens his eyes and a pair of blue ones are staring deep into them. She's smiling at him and it almost feels like this isn't the first he's woken up next to her in years. She rolls over closer to him and he can't help but stare at her lips. She licks them and gives him a sly wink. He leans in and presses a kiss to them, soft and sweet. A rush of emotion comes over him, he's longed to do that ever since he left their home for the last time. It feels better than he imagined kissing her again would feel.
"I missed that," he says quietly.
She hums into him in agreement, her face now buried in his chest. The room is silent, it's just the two of them. He heard Octavia shout something about taking the 3 kids to the park about an hour ago before rolling back over to sleep some more. Before he knows it Clarke's hands are in his hair, her lips just touching his again. If she never stopped doing what she's doing with her tongue right now he'd be perfectly content.
"Did you love her?" he speaks up when they break apart, not sure if he should really be asking the question.
"Lexa?" she responds, even though she already knows exactly who he's asking about.
"I thought I did," she starts, "I loved that she was someone I could be with and not think about Raven or you. I felt like I was using her to make myself feel better and she deserved better that. Better than someone who still loves her ex-boyfriend."
"Loved," Bellamy quickly corrects her.
She laughs, "loves, present tense. We don't stop loving people."
"I love you too," Bellamy says confidently, "I love you too Clarke."
He presses another quick kiss to her lips before rolling off the bed. He stands there smiling over at her sprawled out on the bed.
"You coming?" he asks, beaming at her.
"Are you going to make me coffee?" she says with a smirk.
"That can be arranged."
She follows him to the kitchen, the house still quiet. As promised he puts on a pot of coffee and starts digging around, clearly looking for something. Last night is mostly a blur, dinner led to watching a movie on the couch and a movie led to a drink or two, drinks led to staying overnight and Clarke ending up next to him in bed in the morning. There's a lot to talk about, they haven't seen in each other in four years but it almost feels like it doesn't matter. He finds what he was looking for in the bottom drawer. When he turns back to Clarke he's smiling from ear to ear.
"I was originally planning to give you this a few days after the accident," he starts and Clarke can see his eyes begin to water.
Tears begin to flow from her own eyes when she sees the shining ring he's slipping on her finger. Under normal circumstances an engagement ring after one night together would seem odd but they haven't lived under normal circumstances since they lost Raven. She eyes the ring on her finger and smiles as Bellamy reaches out a hand to wipe the tears from her eyes. His lips meet hers before she can even get out an answer. He knows what she's going to say without her having to say a word. She would have said yes back then, and she'll say it now. She didn't think she could live with him, but she definitely can't live without him. Being with him reminds her of Raven every day, but that may not be such a bad thing after all. Memories of Raven still hurt her heart but she'd rather remember her every second than ever forget how much she loves her; present tense.