Disclaimer/Warning: Took a line or two from Monty Python.
Pearing: Ah, yes. Pear. It is much better than Apple.
Summery: "There are rules to this, you know." The genie glared at her. "Three, in fact. You may not wish for someone to fall in love, or mess with love. You may not wish for someone to revive from the dead, and you may not wish for more wishes." The woman deadpanned. She was a sarcastic, lazy, smart-ass.
"Fine. I wish for more genies." And to think it all started with a pendent. From Pendent to Genie to the Naruto world. Just another uninteresting summer day.
Notes: The random voice that tells us what to do is being an ass right now. It refuses to talk to me. I think it might be because I didn't write it in for a while.
"Talking"/ 'Thinking' / RANDOM VOICE THAT TELLS US WHAT TO DO / Normal writing / tail beast talking / Book
Volf and Yasuo were off in the forest since a bit after Satsuki and Jin had were hunting giant beasts for a while. There was one in particular that they had their sights set on. It had giant beady red eyes with a scar running through the right one. It had great gnashing teeth that it used to chomp its victim down. It was out for blood, and would kill any man that laid their eyes on it. It towered a staggering 4"5' exactly. It was the most vicious thing in the universe. Volf was following a trail that they knew was from the beast. Yasuo and Ryuu-chuu were right behind him with a big storage seal on Yasuo's back. They had killed bear sized spiders, a giant man-eating centipede, a Bashe, two Baku, a Joro-Gumo, and finally a Gashadokuro while on the hunt for the creature of nightmares and legends. Satsuki would have fun with the Joro-Gumo, and Jin would love Gashadokuro, so Volf thought to get them when they passed by on their way to find the unimaginably scariest creature you would ever think of.
"Do you think we can find it, Volf?" Yasuo was looking at the bad of Volf's head as he spoke.
"Of course we can. Finding the beast is not the hard part, it is subduing it and finally killing it that we will be somewhat screwed on." Yasuo nodded his head and Volf continued to look at the tracks they were following. The tracks in question were humanoid foot prints. The beast they were going after especially loved humanoid things. Volf made sure they were ready for it, bringing a flame thrower and something else so special, it was holy.
They continued to track the beast for a while, not slowing down for anything but to eat. Eventually, they came upon something promising. It was a group of people. There were seven of them, all heading slowly to the center of the clearing where light was streaming in through the trees. Once they hit the light, though, their bodies began to shine like diamonds. Volf knew, then, that they were vampires.
One had short brown hair and a blank face. A male. He was also holding what looked to be the only human there- a female with long brown hair and pale skin. There were others, but they were not as important. It seemed that they had thought it was a good idea to play baseball in this clearing. Which meant that it was going to thunderstorm later. Vampires only played when there was a thunderstorm. Props to anyone who knows who they are and why.
Within minutes, something white flashed into view- to fast to see what it was properly. It tore off one of the vampires necks, and then most of its body. One by one they were all torn to pieces. The human was the last to fall. Yasuo's eyes had widened in shock and fear. This was surely what they had been hunting for the past day or so. Volf motioned Yasuo and Ryuu-chuu to stay hidden. This would be a tough and amazing battle between to powerful beings. They waited. The beast that tore the vampires finally stopped in the middle of the bloody carnage. It was a pure white bunny with blood reed eyes and big front teeth. It was the beast of many nightmares. The one they had been hunting.
Volf got out his flame thrower and then jumped out into the clearing, and to the bunny. Yasuo stayed where he was, eyes wide. Volf charged to the beast and turned on the fire to the thing. He turned and twisted around to get the beast that was very fast. It dodged and tried to get closer to him to rip him apart. Fire spread all around them into a circle, creating a barrier between them and the rest of the world. They circled each other, eyeing the other for an opening. Volf knew, though, that he would need his most holy weapon to succeed with this battle.
He looked out quickly, to see all the vampires corpses burning and bloody. He needed to do this. Fire out not work. He jumped out of the circle and back to where Yasuo was hiding. He put aside his flame thrower and reached into his pocket. What came out was a small round and shiny object. Volf raised it above his head, holding it to the skies.
"Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." Volf nodded to the sky and then recited the instructions by memory. "First thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."
THIS HAS BEEN BLESSED. YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO, AND YOU MAY DO IT WITH THIS MOST HOLY OF OBJECTS.
Yasuo watched with wide eyes as Volf pulled a pin that was on the holy object and then count. Once he had hit three, he threw it at the bunny and watched. It went to the beast of terror, and then blew up. He watched in satisfaction as they bunny died. All that was let was the head, as a trophy.
This was a monumental achievement. Even the voice that tells us what to do has blessed it.
When Satsuki and Jin got back to the base, Satsuki started to write. Seeing Jiraiya had inspired her on a deep emotional level. Jin went to the kitchen and devour what ever the hell she finds. She better leave some Roast. That shit was awesome. Satsuki sat in front of a typewriter, because that is what authors do. No matter where they are. Period.
It was a dark and stormy night. A girl with half pink and half orange hair sat alone on the mountain. Her starlight orbs glittered stupidly in the moonless night. She wore just a bra and a short skirt. Her body was very developed in all the right places: her chest, feet, hips, lips, and belly button. Her name was Twilight Raven Cherry Bella Blair Buffy Ebony Ivy Ruby De'ark, and she was eleven. She was waiting on her brother on top of the Hokage monument. She was waiting on seven actually. She watched the night and whispered to herself.
"Random nonsense in French that sounds poetic," she spoke as her long flowing hair whipped in her face. Another minute and her brothers were there behind her. It was Naruto, Sasuke, Itachi, Sasori, Kisame, Kiba, and Hidan. She had something important to tell them.
"Orochimaru is after my beautiful body again. He is jealous." They all looked shocked and concerned. Kisame stepped forward.
"I know you are all powerful, and the most beautiful girl in the world, but I must ask you something. I want you to marry me, even though you are supposed to be my half-sister." Twilight Raven Cherry Bella Blair Buffy Ebony Ivy Ruby De'ark started to cry.
"I would love to, but I am already promised to everyone else in the world." The others looked sad and resigned. "Orochimaru is almost here, and no matter how powerful I am, no matter that I can beat everyone in this world, I will not be able to fight him. He is too much for me." They all stepped forward.
"Maybe if we all fought him at the same time then we could defeat him," Naruto spoke up. Twilight Raven Cherry Bella Blair Buffy Ebony Ivy Ruby De'ark shook her head.
"You all are not powerful enough to stop him." Right after that, Orochimaru came and suddenly grabbed the girl. The other cried for a while, knowing they could do nothing. The worlds princess was gone. She had such a tragic life. Her parents getting killed in front of her at age two. Her being used to seal five Bijuu within at three and hated in her own village. She had been on her own since then. The villages even beat her, as they did not understand what it meant. She had also been used to seal an ancient god within at age six.
They knew they needed her. They would gather all of the world to help get her back.
Satsuki nodded her head. That should make someone's eyes bleed. Now, who to slip it to with out them noticing. She also had to pick who to use it on carefully...
Volf and a very traumatized Yasuo came back to the base soon after their ferocious battle with the ultimate beast of terror. Volf was in very high spirits after taking on the beast of legends, and winning. Volf passed a very happy Satsuki who had just come out of her room and went to the kitchen. Yasuo blankly followed, shivering nonstop. Once Yasuo saw Jin, he ran to her and tackled her. His arms held onto her very tightly. He would not recover for a long time yet.
Volf set the flame thrower somewhere before he turned to the cabinets. He went to what was left of their food...it seemed that Mei had put lasers around what she was going to use. Just as he saw this, Mei came in with Taiki and Naomi. Volf got some stuff to make a sandwich, before noticing that they were out of bread.
"Did you get any more bread?" Mei nodded her head as she set Naomi on the counter and Taiki next to her. She pulled out seventeen loaves of bread and put them into one of the cabinets. "Thanks." Volf went for one and made his sandwich. Mei started to make her potato soup with bread and cheese, while Jin just stuffed her face with what looked like cake. Yasuo seemed to be happy just attached onto her stomach.
Not too long after, Satsuki came in. She stopped. She looked at what Naomi was wearing. It was a giraffe. A fucking giraffe. Satsuki twitched and then hissed. 'At least I can think that she used the skin of a giraffe as a battle tactic to scare anyone away, instead of Mei being a fucking asshole.' Giraffes are not that bad. 'I show you what they can do, and you still doubt me?' ...well...no. Not really. 'That's what I thought.' Satsuki went and got some roast and cooked potatoes. Mei happily cooked the meal she was doing, happy that Satsuki was still doing that.
Satsuki was going to have to kill Mei later tonight. She pouted as she had wanted to huggle Naomi and Taiki when she had come home...well she could always huggle Taiki, but not Naomi as it stood. Satsuki went and huggled Taiki, and then looked at Naomi. When she saw that adorable face looking up at her with big eyes, she could not resist. She twitched and then huggled Naomi as well.
"Nice to see you two again." Satsuki smiled at them, getting over the giraffe thing.
.
.
.
Yeah, no. Mei was still going to fucking get it.
Taiki smiled up at her and began to tell her all that had happened while she was gone. It was interesting to say the least. When they were all sitting at the table with whatever they had decided to eat, Volf decided to finally talk.
"You won't believe what we did on the hunting trip..."