Standing outside had been driving me mad; I couldn't stand not knowing what was going on, but Tori wanted to talk to him alone; I felt that I had to respect that. However curiosity had eventually overcome be and I had wound up with my ear pressed against the door of his RV.
"I love her Tori, you do not get to." Beck's voice sounded laced with anger.
I hated the tone he was talking to her in, anger boiled inside me, how dare he tell her what she can and cannot do? But at the same time hearing the word 'love' in his voice brought back so many memories and sliced through my heart. Sure I don't want to be with him; and I am not in love with him, but I do love him. How could I expect him to react any differently? God sometimes I can be so stupid! Just because I am able to suppress my feelings and put on a nonchalant expression, but I have been pretty deluded thus far to assume he would do the same. It takes a lot for Beck to get this angry. Maybe if I had talked to him, or allowed Tori to talk to him earlier I could have avoided this. But screw it what's done is done and now I am going to put things right.
"I do love her Beck. And I'm not sorry for that, the only thing I am sorry for is hurting you. If I didn't feel like that about her there would be no way I would even consider having starting anything. But I love her so much, I really do." Tori retorted as I pushed open the door, neither of them noticing my arrival due to the tense staring match they appeared to have entered into.
Taking a deep breath I moved further towards them; I guess now is as good a time as ever to intervene.
"I love her too Beck." I state in a steady voice causing them both to turn to face me.
"J-Jade I thought you were going to let me do this alone?" Tori exclaimed.
"He deserves to hear from both of us Tor." I say to her before turning back to Beck. "I'm sorry Beck." I state meeting his eyes.
"Sorry?" he laughs "for what part Jade? Breaking my heart? Shutting me out? Or fucking my friend?" he exclaims a look of disbelief washing over his face masking the anger that had previously been there.
"Will you just hear me out!" I scream; I am trying desperately to keep my temper under control, but I am seriously awful at being judged and when I feel attacked I fight back. "I am sorry for hurting you. But this has got to stop. I'm in love with Tori Beck. I love her." I state putting extra emphasis on the word 'love.' "It isn't something that is just going to go away. When I told you that there was someone else you said it would be ok, but it isn't is it?"
"What did you expect Jade? You cut me out, as if everything we had once shared now meant nothing. And when you told me that you liked someone else you made no mention of going after them! Not to mention that the person in question was someone who was supposed to be my friend!" he cried spitting out the word 'friend' and throwing a deadly glare at Tori.
"Do you think I planned all this? Is that really what you fucking think?" I bellow completely losing my cool. "I cut you out because it was easier, so much easier than having to deal with telling you. I never wanted to hurt you, but we were never going to work. How could we possible have been friends when you are still in love with me? You would have forever been hoping that every moment we shared meant more than it did. I had to cut you out; don't you see it was the only way to push you away, to try and push your feelings for me away. But it didn't work because I forgot one key detail. You are a person, you are not me; and you deal with things in a completely different way to me. That is why I am sorry. Because even after two years I did not know you well enough to know how to deal with you." I exhale desperately locking eyes with him once again. "Cutting you out was a mistake Beck, as was not telling you about Tori and I, and asking her not to talk to you about it as well."
"It was a mistake?" he grunted "Do you know what Jade? The cruel thing is; it feels like the mistake was mine, for trusting you. Tori was my friend, and you ruined that. You two have broken every element of trust which previously existed between us."
"Beck please we can figure this out." Tori exclaimed butting in, she hates that she has hurt him; and that is what is written all over her face.
"You do not leave someone you have been with for two years and then just turn around and go off with someone close to them! That just isn't how it works!" he spits directing the comment at me before turning on his heels and adding "and you do not just go behind a friend s back and date someone they love!" he screams at Tori.
A brief silence consumes us as we all attempt to collect ourselves.
"No Beck you are wrong." I mutter into the silence, "The truth is that you do not get to choose who you love. I know that this situation between the three of us seems unworkable, but do you truly think that either Tori or I actually wanted this? I love her Beck and I wouldn't change her for the world; but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't change how it happened." I state before turning to Tori, "I can't do this anymore, please can we just go?" I plead with her and she responds with a nod.
I turn for the door Tori trailing behind me, Beck is simply staring after us.
"B-Beck, I will always consider you my friend" Tori stumbles across her words, "and when you are ready to think of me as one of yours again, I will be waiting with open arms." She sighs before exiting the RV, I glance back once to see Beck collapsed to the floor tears draining from his eyes; which causes a lump to form in my throat, but I keep moving because there is nothing else that can be said right now.