AN: Thank you to those who have sent me supportive reviews, I'm sorry that I have dropped off the map a bit, after receiving some rather negative reviews I couldn't decide if this was something I was going to continue. To those who feel the need to nitpick every tiny detail of my story, we're talking about a world where we can bring someone back from the dead but we can't cure a brittle bone disorder? So I'm sorry to all those "Doctors" reading my fic and yelling at their screens that a bone marrow transplant wouldn't work with Joker's illness. But as far as I can see it's just as likely as being helped by a Salarian doctor on a gigantic ship in the middle of space in the first place. Work with me here guys. As always I don't own Mass Effect or anything within its awesome fandom. And a big shout out to Alilypea for being an awesome beta. So now we have that out of the way here is Chapter 5, and I hope to have another up as soon as I can get back into the flow of this story…

Horizon had been a mess, husks, Collectors, and a very pissed off Kaiden Alenko calling her a traitor for being with Cerberus. Mix that in with the disappointment of a sexy dream with a man that didn't want her, an emotionally charged conversation that she hadn't been ready for and Shepard was ready to say that this day had straight up sucked the life out of her. Walking through the airlock and making a sharp right she hoped that she would be able to avoid Joker and any questions that he may have from this morning. She was just going to go up to her room, shower and get drunk off that bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy she had bought for Dr. Chakwas. She had been debriefed by the Illusive man on the shuttle after Horizon, and now that they were sure that the Reapers were behind the Collector attacks the shear enormity of her mission weighed heavily on her.

"Commander," Joker caught her before she was even two steps down the hall, "can we talk?"

Shepard didn't turn around to address him. "Not now Joker, I have just had a royally shitty day and I don't think I can handle feeling anything else."

"Can I help?" he sounded nervous. She turned around to see him hunched against the doorway. He looked small, defeated and like he very much needed to talk to someone.

Shepard sighed. "Fine, but I'm planning on drinking and I'm not sure I have enough to share, so this is going to be a BYOB kinda deal. Give me a half hour to shower and come up to my cabin."

Joker's mouth opened in surprise. "Your cabin?"

Shepard nodded. "Where else were we going to hang out, the cockpit? I don't mind coming down to visit you there but in case you haven't noticed you're the only one in there with a chair, and after today I need to sit down."

"Oh, okay…sounds like fun." Joker tried a grin. "I'll be up in a half hour."

With a nod Shepard turned toward the elevator and was out of sight. Limping back to his chair he swore under his breath. "Shit, her cabin? Shit."

"Is there a problem Joker?" EDI's blue orb flashed at him.

"Yes, no…Shepard just invited me up to her cabin." He sighed, slumping forward. "I have no idea what to do."

"I do not understand, I thought that you had a romantic interest in the Commander. Does this not give you a chance at physical intimacy?"

"SHHHH!" Joker waved his hands at the AI. "Do you want everyone on board to know? Yes, I have feelings for the Commander, but it's not that simple. We've been friends for years; you don't just jump into a physical relationship after years of being friends with someone. Besides with my Vroliks…"Joker looked down at his thin legs and could picture the lattice work of scars from failed surgery that crossed over his skin. "I don't think I could even be physical right now, I'd break."

"Commander Shepard is very strong Joker," EDI pulsed back at him "according to my research she is the person you would be the most likely to have a successful physical relationship with."

"Tell her that, she doesn't even look at me that way."

"Preparing the memo now."

"What? No! That's a figure of speech! Don't send her a memo! Abort, abort!" Joker started frantically poking buttons at the bottom of EDIs console.

"That was a joke Joker," the blue orb mocked him. "A half hour has almost passed, you will be late for your meeting if you don't leave now."

Joker stood, adjusting his hat. "Right, you may want to let the Commander know that I may be a few minutes late anyway. I need to stop by the mess hall."

"Joker, may I suggest you take the Commander flowers, studies on human females suggest they help to relieve stress."

"Where am I going to find flowers on the Normandy?" Joker looked at EDI. "And why are you researching human relationships?"

"I thought I may be of some assistance to you, and Kasumi often has roses in her cabin perhaps you could ask her?"

"Right, uh thanks EDI."

Limping towards the elevator Joker was glad to avoid too many questioning glances, making a quick stop at the mess hall fridge he pulled out a bottle of wine and headed towards Kasumi's door.

"Kasumi," Joker knocked gently. "You in there?"

The door slid open to reveal the small thief. "Hey Joker, don't often see you down from your chair, what can I do for you?" Kasumi took a step back to allow him to walk in.

"EDI mentioned that you might have flowers." Joker looked around at all the strange pieces of art that covered Kasumi's walls; it was so decorated you almost forgot it was a ship.

"I do indeed," Kasumi walked over to a vase on her desk that Joker had missed in his observations and she pulled out six red roses. "Have you finally decided to tell our daring Commander that you have feelings for her?" Kasumi trimmed the ends of the flowers before locating a small crystal vase on one of her bookcases, filling it with water she placed the roses in it and passed it to Joker.

"How did you-"

"Please," Kasumi patted him on the shoulder. "I'm a master thief, and you don't get as good as me without knowing things about people." She started to lead him back towards the door. "I think you're good for her Joker, now go before you're late for your date." With a gentle push he was out of Kasumi's cabin looking at a closed door.

"Women." Joker shrugged and headed towards the elevator, roses and wine in hand. Pressing the key for the first floor he waited for the slow elevator to make its journey.

Shepard was catching up on her personal messages when EDI's glow caught her attention.

"Joker is requesting entry Commander."

"Thank you EDI, could you please give us the room, and just leave emergency contact channels open?"

"Of course, logging you out Shepard." The orb was gone.

Walking towards her door Shepard gave her cabin one last look over, it was neat and tidy as usual. The empty fish tanks were kind of strange she would be the first to admit but who had time to remember to feed fish when you were busy shooting things? Opening the door she couldn't help but smile at the sight before her.

Joker quickly thrust the wine and roses at her. "Uh here, I thought these may make your day better."

Taking the offered gifts Shepard brought the roses to her nose, it had been years since she had smelt a flower and the familiar musk washed over her senses leaving her feeling a little less stressed.

"Thank you Joker, come in and make yourself at home." Shepard placed the roses on her desk next to her computer. "Let me find some glasses."

Joker limped into the Commander's quarters and looked around. Fish tanks took up most of the left wall, the right side had a small room with her computer and a small fridge as well as a door that he assumed lead into her bathroom. There was a small set of stairs that he took carefully, a large T.V. took up most of the wall in front of the bed, and a large amount of movie data disks were stacked up underneath it. Taking a seat on the corner couch he looked at Shepard as she walked over to join him.

"Nice digs," Joker took the glass that was offered to him. "Maybe I should become Commander so I can get a private bathroom."

"Oh yeah, that perk alone is worth all the being shot at." Shepard laughed before taking a sip of her wine. "So what's up? You looked like you needed to talk downstairs."

"I was more worried about you to be honest," Joker looked at her with concern in his eyes. "I heard Kaiden was a real dick today…sorry…that came out wrong."

"No," Shepard shook her head. "That came out just about right. I don't know why I thought that he would ever join our crew; he was always the Alliance golden boy. He even tried to guilt me for not getting in touch with him sooner." Finishing her wine she got up to grab the bottle for a refill. "I mean really, what kind of dick gets mad at someone for dying?"

"He's just confused," Joker looked at her feet, noticing to his surprise that she was barefoot; he had always seen her wearing boots. His eyes traveled up the length of her body, she was wearing the same pants from this morning, and the black linen looked incredibly soft and hugged her hips, and showed the feminine curve to her shape. She had changed her shirt to a loose off the shoulder long sleeve shirt, also black and her hair was in a loose ponytail. He thought that she looked beautiful when she was causal, strong but feminine. Looking up quickly when he realized that he had probably been quiet too long he struggled to remember what he was talking about. "I'm sure he'll come back to his senses and come back to the crew. It may just take some time."

"I don't want him back," she walked back to the couch and sat next to him, stretching her legs out in front of her with a wince. "If he's going to constantly question my motives I don't need him around."

"Sore?" Joker noticed.

"Yeah, running around in armor all day, with really uncomfortable shoes gets to you. Which is why I'm barefoot in case you were wondering when you were checking me out." She winked at him.

Joker blushed, "want a massage?"

"What?" Shepard looked at him inquisitively. "A massage? You're offering to give me a massage?"

"Sure," Joker reached down and pulled her feet into his lap, carefully setting his wine glass on the floor. "I've spent so much time in muscle rehab I'm a pro." He rubbed his hands together to warm them up before taking her right foot into his hand and running his thumb smoothly up the arch of her foot, earning him a moan.

"Oh my god Joker, that feels awesome." Resting farther back onto the arm of the couch she smiled at him. "Why did you not tell me you were the massage master?"

"You never asked." Joker shifted her feet a little closer to his knees so she wouldn't notice the affect her appreciative moans were having on his body.

"If you keep that up I may keep you in here permanently." She wiggled her toes in his hands, most of her discomfort gone.

"Is that a promise?" Joker laughed, "I think I could handle being the sexy Commander Shepard's personal masseuse."

"You think I'm sexy?" Shepard looked at her wine glass trying to look casual about the question.

"I think every guy on this ship thinks you're sexy Shepard." Joker ran his hands along the top of her feet and started to rub her ankles gently.

"I wasn't asking about the other guys, I don't really care what they think. I was asking about you." Shepard looked at him now, waiting for his answer.

"Very," he slid his hand under her pants running down her shin, challenging his boundaries. "I think you're very sexy." His face flamed red at the confession.

Shepard smiled at him. "I'm glad, you're pretty sexy yourself Mr. Moreau." Winking at him earning a laugh.

"Yeah right, the women are just landing at my feet. Can't you see the line?" Joker gestured around the room.

"Well, I'm right here." Shepard smiled at him.

"Yeah, but it's not like you look at me that way." He looked back at her legs, resuming the massage.

"Says who?"

Joker paused at this looking her in the eye, "What?"

"Who said I wasn't interested in you?" Shepard didn't let her gaze waver.

"Well, no one, I just assumed I guess that you were so busy saving the world and all that you wouldn't give a guy like me a passing look." He shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"A guy like you?" Shepard cocked her head to the side. "What do you mean?"

Joker waved towards his legs, "I'm not really macho man over here, and I figured you would want someone more…stable, strong…you know a real man's man?"

"You are a man's man Joker, and all the problems you see with yourself are only problems to you." Shepard paused, readying herself for her next confession. "I've…had feelings for you for ages, I guess years if you count the two that I was gone for."

Joker went to interrupt her but Shepard raised her hands, "No, you listen." Joker sat back against the couch, massage forgotten but his hands stayed on Shepard's skin.

"I've always seen you as a fully able person. You're brave and kind, you've never turned your back on me even when others have, even when it may be the easier thing to do. You're sexy as hell, and I love your body just the way that it is." Shepard winked at him again, earning her a blush. "I figured one day you would figure out that you were special to me and maybe see me more as your friend, more than your Commander." She sighed rubbing her face. "Shit Joker, I'm really bad at this. If you want to walk out right now and pretend we never had this conversation I'll understand."

"Were you ever going to tell me?" Joker's voice was quiet.

"I kinda thought that saving you from the old Normandy would clue you in to be honest." Shepard looked down.

"It clued me into something," Joker nodded. "That life without you is…terrible. That I don't feel complete if you aren't around me blowing something up."

"What are you saying?" Shepard pulled her legs off his lap and tucked them under her, leaning towards him.

"I guess, that I…what I mean to say is that…"Joker stumbled over his words before taking a deep breath and continuing. "I'm in love with you." He looked back at her, "I have been, for years…"

He watched as Shepard shifted closer to him, stopping inches from his face. "Say it again?"

Joker cleared his throat and shifted back at the sudden invasion of his personal space. "Um, I love you?"

Shepard smiled before leaning down and placing a gentle kiss on Jokers lips "again?"

"I love you," he murmured against her mouth "I love you, I love you, I love you." He moved in to kiss her now, reaching back to play with her ponytail. "You know," he pulled back slightly. "You haven't said it back…"

Shepard laughed and grabbed his hat, placing it on her head before pulling back to look him in the eye. "I love you too, very much."