A/N: Thank you all so much for the positive words over the past few days, it has encouraged me to continue with the story. I'm going to try and do a chapter every couple of days depending on when I can get the time to write and my lovely beta Alilypea can get the chance to check my terrible grammar and spelling over. As always, I don't own Mass Effect….I wish.
Joker smiled against Shepard's mouth before moving in to kiss her deeply, gently running his tongue along her bottom lip to encourage her to deepen the kiss. Slowly running his hands up her back he noticed a hot spot on her spine and traced it with his finger causing Shepard to hiss. He quickly pulled his hand back. "Sorry, does that hurt?"
"A little," Shepard pulled back to sit down. "I have C5X implants right now, which are considered outdated. They put a lot of heat strain on the skin around them, and the battery is prone to dying which is a pain to replace. Dr. Chakwas is currently waiting for my C6X implants to arrive Illium; once they get here I'll be having them changed over."
"Crazy, you're like half robot. That's pretty hot." Joker smiled at her. "So you love me eh? Where does this put us now?"
"Well, where do you want us to be?" Shepard turned to rest her head against his shoulder.
Taking one of her hands in his own he laced their fingers together, "I'd like us to be on a beach somewhere, toes in the sand relaxing...however considering we apparently have a war to win I'll settle being on the Normandy. I don't care where we are Kai, so long as we're together." He rested his head against hers, breathing in the scent of her hair.
"So," Shepard ran her hand across his stomach pulling him into a sideways hug. "Together?"
Joker nodded, "together."
"Shit," Shepard laughed.
"What's wrong?"
"I guess I owe Garrus 50 credits, he bet me that you had feelings for me."
"Well that's not really a fair bet; I told him that I did at your funeral. He had inside information, though I'm surprised that he remembered given how drunk he was."
Shepard winced, "that bad huh?" Joker nodded against her head. "I really didn't plan on it happening that way, I was planning on holding on to the ship long enough to see if you got away okay, and then pressing the emergency beacon in my suit for the Alliance to be able to track me down. I kind of bounced against the ship though, which must have been what busted my oxygen line."
"So you remember it?" Joker's fingers traced lazy patterns against her palm.
"Yep, pretty clearly. Why do you ask?"
"When I first met Miranda when she was rebuilding you, she told me that when someone died it changed them. She was concerned that you would remember dying and be a different person because of it. I told her that she was wrong, but she's pretty confident that she knows everything, and she was usually armed so I didn't want to disagree with her too much."
"Well, I have nightmares but that's about the only thing that I can say has changed. Unless you count the fact that I'm 50% cybernetic now." Shepard shrugged, "things will only affect you as much as you let them I guess. I have a job to do and I don't have time to dwell on what happened. I'm back now; I've got to make the best of the situation."
"Makes sense." Joker smiled as Shepard yawned against him. "Okay, you need to sleep I should go."
"You can stay," Shepard tightened her arm around his waist, and looked up at his face. "I have a big bed." Joker shifted, an uneasy look crossing his face. "Problem?"
"I've uh...never slept in the same bed as someone before; if they kick it could mean a broken shin or something of the like for me. Do you move a lot when you're asleep?" Joker flushed at the confession.
Shepard thought about it for a minute, "You know I'm not really sure I haven't shared my bed with anyone since I enlisted with the Alliance."
A flicker of blue light in the corner of her room drew Shepard's attention away from Joker.
"You shift positions on average 3 times a night, never moving more than 4 inches in any direction Commander."
"EDI, are you eavesdropping on us?" Shepard couldn't hide the amusement in her voice.
"No Commander, I just thought that I may be of assistance. My information indicates that you should be able to share a bed without any injury."
Shepard sat up straight and stretched her arms over her head, "thanks EDI." Turning to Joker she smiled "it's up to you."
Joker looked down, thinking about it for a minute. "What the hell, life's too short to worry about it."
Shepard beamed at him and Joker felt his heart go into overdrive, "sounds good, I'm just going to go and change into some PJs and I'll be right back." Walking over to her dresser she pulled out a tank top and some shorts. "Make yourself comfortable and I'll be right back."
Joker stood up and made quick work of his clothes leaving only his boxers on he slid into the bed, while he knew that she wouldn't be one to judge him but he wasn't sure if he was ready for her to see him mostly undressed just yet, all the scars from the surgeries that he had making him feel a little uneasy. Hearing the washroom door open and Shepard talking to someone he called out, "Kai? Who you talking too?"
Shepard held up a finger as she walked towards the bed, her Omni tool lit up and one hand to her ear. Joker looked her over as she walked towards him she was built solid that's for sure. Her muscles rippled in a way that made her look predatory, even when she wasn't doing anything aggressive, feeling a little foolish at being self-conscious about his scars, there were light pink lines traced up and down all the skin that he could see on Shepard. He drew his attention to her face and she walked around to the other side of the bed and sat down, "right, sounds good Doctor. We'll be down there around 10. You have a good night as well."
Turning off her Omni tool, and leaning over to place it on her bedside table Joker noticed a dark mark peeking out from underneath the bottom of her shorts.
"Hey, what's that?" Joker brushed his hand against it; Shepard turned her head to see what he was talking about.
"That's the bottom of my tattoo." Shepard reached for the bottom of her shorts pulling them up an inch to show the detail of the feather.
"Well...that's about the hottest thing I've ever seen. Which Doctor were you talking to?" he watched her slide her legs under the blanket, and held out an arm for her to rest against his bare chest.
"Both of them, Dr. Chakwas want us in the med bay tomorrow morning around 10 to go over the details of the surgery." Shepard ran her hand across his chest gently playing with the light hair she found there. "You're fuzzy."
Joker laughed, "Yeah, a bit. So, do we have a date for the big day?"
"Not yet, I guess we'll figure it out in the morning." Shepard yawned again. "I'm ready to pass out, good night Jeff."
Joker kissed the top of her hair, "Good night Kai." Closing his eyes he felt the familiar pull of sleep and drifted off.
Joker found himself sitting at a table in the middle of a grey room, 'hm, must be dreaming,' looking around he heard a door open behind him, and footsteps approaching. The person who entered sat in the chair across from him and Joker found himself looking into the face of Kaiden Alenko.
"Great," Joker groaned. "Just who I wanted to see today."
"Unbelievable," Kaiden's low voice sounded like a growl and filled the room. "You sit here with an attitude like that after getting Shepard killed."
"I didn't..." Joker trailed off, confused. "She's back now, she's okay..."
"What are you talking about?" Kaiden let out an angry bark of laughter. "Another one of your dreams? You can't bring someone back from the dead Joker; you watched her die, suffocate because of your stubborn ego. She went through a hostile planet's atmosphere; most shuttles wouldn't survive that never mind a woman in N7 armor."
Joker choked, "No, she's back. This is the dream, she's in my arms right now..."
"Really?" Kaiden glared at him. "Then wake up."
Joker frantically looked around the room for the door that Kaiden had just come through, not seeing it panic set in. Grabbing the flesh of his arm between two fingers he pinched hard and winced at the pain. "What the..."
"I told you that you were dreaming about Shepard being back; could you imagine who would have the technology to do that?"
"Cerberus..." Joker glanced up. "Cerberus could do it."
Kaiden laughed, "Cerberus? Would the Commander Shepard you know ever work for Cerberus?"
Joker was uncertain. "No...She wouldn't," he looked down and felt the hot sting of tears in his eyes. "I guess you're right, I killed her."
"Look at me Joker." Kaiden was leaning across the table; Joker couldn't bring himself to look up. "Joker!" his voice sounded different, higher. Glancing up he saw the room disappear.
"Joker, wake up." Great, now he really was crazy. He could hear the voice of his dead commander; he flinched when he felt something run across his face. "Joker?"
Opening his eyes he felt relief wash over him when he saw Shepard leaning over him, her hair knotted from sleep and a concerned look on her face. Even waking up first thing in the morning he had never seen something more beautiful.
"Joker?" Shepard raised an eyebrow. "Are you okay?"
He reached up and cupped her face in his hand. "I'm fine, just a bad dream. I'm glad to see you though."
"You're crying," Shepard frowned and brushed a tear off of his face. "What did you dream about?"
Joker closed his eyes against the memories, "I…lost you…and it was my fault." Opening his eyes again he saw her smile sadly at him.
"You did lose me," she nodded. "I'm back now though and I'm not planning on going anywhere, and it was never your fault."
Leaning down she placed a gentle kiss against his lips, he smiled and ran his hands through her hair, pulling her down against him he kissed her nose and the worry line that was between her eyebrows before making his way back to her lips. Shepard let out a little moan and he felt himself stiffen immediately.
"Mr. Moreau," her voice was low and practically purring as he kissed down her neck "you're going to make us late for the doctor's appointment if you keep this up."
"That's okay, it's not that important," he bit down on her collarbone lightly and Shepard gasped in response.
"It is that important," Shepard rested her hands on his chest gently pushing herself back. "You've been waiting for this for years. Besides, you haven't even taken me on a date yet, what kind of girl do you take me for?" Shepard laughed at Jokers expression. "Don't answer that."
Joker chuckled, "I wasn't going to say anything bad."
Shepard stood up and walked over to her dresser to retrieve her clothing for the day, "sure you weren't…are you going to get up?"
"Oh I'm up…" Joker winked at Shepard as she turned to look at him.
"Is that so?" Shepard gave a wicked grin and walked towards him, she chuckled when she saw him swallow hard. Running her hand up his leg as she walked up the length of the bed she stopped when she was level with his hips. "I'll tell you what, I'll make you a deal."
"What kind of deal?" Joker looked nervous, Shepard couldn't help but think about how adorable he was.
"If you get up now, get dressed and come with me to this appointment then tonight we'll have dinner and I'll help you out with this." Shepard reached over and gave Joker's hard erection a firm squeeze Joker's head dropped back into the pillow and he let out a loud groan.
"You are going to kill me woman." Joker arched his back when Shepard didn't move her hand away, instead started gently tracing him with her fingers through the blanket. "I don't know if my heart can take this teasing."
"I'm not teasing Jeff," Shepard bent over to bite at the side of his neck, "I will help you with this later tonight." Giving him one last squeeze she pulled her hand away, Joker letting out a disappointed groan as she stood up straight. "Only if you get your ass out of bed right now, and get dressed."
"Well with bargaining skills like that I guess I'm stuck," Joker pulled back the blankets and sat up, momentarily forgetting his insecurities from last night, it wasn't until his feet his the ground he looked up to see her reaction.
"Well Jeff," Shepard wrapped her arm around his waist pulling him into a hug, "I'm starting to think that pants should be an optional part of the uniform."
"Only if a shirt is optional for you." Joker leaned down to kiss her again and she melted into his arms.
"Okay, okay enough of this, you're distracting me." Shepard took three big steps back towards her stairs. "You get dressed, we have to be downstairs in five minutes." Turning around Shepard bee-lined for her bathroom before Joker could distract her again.
Walking out of her bathroom dressed and ready for the day she smiled as she found Joker playing with her hamster.
"He likes me!" Joker stuck his finger in the cage, only to be rewarded with a hard bite. "Ow! Okay, maybe he doesn't like me."
"He is a she, and she doesn't really like anyone. She likes to bite." Shepard took Joker's hand and headed towards the elevator, hitting the button for the crew deck she gave his hand a squeeze. "Got some questions ready for the Doctor?"
"I'm not sure I know what to ask," Joker thought about it, "suggestions?"
"Well things like healing time, long term medication, will it just stop you from getting worse or will it make you better…things like that come to mind." The elevator slowed to a stop, and Joker looked at their interlocked hands with worry.
"Do you want me to let go?" Joker's voice sounded small even to him.
"Why would you?" Shepard raise an eyebrow in question.
"If you didn't want the crew to know…" Joker looked down, "I'm sure you have other options."
"Jeff," Shepard moved forwards and kissed him, "you're being an idiot."
"Am not." Joker pouted, "I just didn't want to assume."
"I'm in love with you, you big idiot. I don't care what the crew thinks or who knows. You're my man, and I'm damn proud of it." Shepard took a step out into the hallway pulling Joker behind her.
Most of the crew were still having breakfast in the mess hall and their interlocked hands earned a few whistles and various cat calls.
"Yeah yeah, enough you guys. Don't you all have work you could be doing?" Shepard pressed the holo for the med bay walking in as the door slid open.
"Finally!" walked towards them, "honestly Commander I was starting to think that I was going to have to tell him myself. Take a seat just over there and we'll figure out the course of action."
"Yes Mom," Shepard laughed hoping up onto a table and shuffling over so Joker had room to join her, she watched the two Doctors talk over a data pad that Mordin was holding with mild interest.
"Right," Dr. Chakwas walked over and looked up from the data pad. "From Mordin's research we've concluded that we have everything that we need to complete the surgery and it doesn't seem as if it will be that difficult to recover from for you Joker, you will only need a few days off."
"Wait, what about Kai?" Joker glanced at Shepard who suddenly seemed to be very interested in her shoes. "What about her healing?"
fixed her best angry mother look on Shepard, "I'm guessing that our stubborn Commander decided to leave out the details of the complications that her C5X implants will cause didn't she?"
"Complications?" Jokers flicked his eyes back of forth from the Doctor and Shepard.
"It's nothing important, I don't see why he needs to be bothered by it. I've already said I'm going to do the surgery so let's just focus on getting Joker better."
"I'm not doing anything until someone tells me what these complications are." Joker's jaw set and a stubborn expression let Shepard know she wasn't going to win at this fight, looking over to the Doctor she shrugged her surrender.
"The Commanders C5X implants make it so painkillers won't work on her." gave Joker a sad look. "When she does her part of the surgery she will feel all of it, her recovery will take quite a bit longer than yours I'm afraid even with Cerberus' upgrades she probably will be out of action for at least a week, maybe longer. Despite our warnings she insisted on being tested anyway."
Joker gave Shepard's hand a squeeze to get her attention, looking in his eyes she looked sheepish. "You knew about this?" Shepard nodded slowly and Joker turned back to the Doctor. "Forget it, the surgery is off."