In the wake of the argument I became acutely aware that I had been rooted to the spot in silence for at least five minutes; during which time Mr West had stormed out and Jade was now stood in front of me shaking with anger. Their words, like bullets had fired back and forth leaving me caught in the crossfire. It's hard to believe that there is any love in a relationship which holds such hostility. Her father had actually suggested that it was possible to 'decide' to be gay. I cannot fathom how someone as intellectually intelligent as he is can be so naive in terms of other topics. Sexuality is not a choice; it is imprinted on us like fingerprints. Under normal circumstances I would allow this anger to take hold of me; however looking at my girlfriend and seeing her so enraged; somehow managed to trick my body into some form of calm. It would be senseless for us both to lose our heads right now. And at this present moment in time her need to vent outrage far outweighed mine.
"Jade, I'm here" I sooth pulling her into an embrace, her body is rigid, her shakes are violent and I can hear her teeth grinding. I have no idea how to- or even if it is possible to coax her out of such a state. Words fail me and my body take over, my hands begin to rub circles across her back in what I can only hope is a soothing manner. For a while we just stand there; neither of us making a move to break away and talk, her anger as present as it had been to begin with and my nerves rising as I realise I have in no way been able to calm her. "Jade?" I mutter in a last attempt to draw some sort of recognition out of her.
"What?" she screams with such a level of fury it causes me to release her and retreat. "Sorry" she mutters "and before you ask, no I am not ok. And no there is nothing you can do to change that" venom is laced in her voice in a way which reminds me of how things were between us after having first met. There is no hint of love that I can notice, and her usually bright eyes have noticeably dimmed; in fact her entire body seems to have deflated slightly. A pang of pain soars through my chest at this realisation, at this moment in time I cannot even recognise the girl stood in front of me as my girlfriend. "Just go Tori." She states firmly after a few moments of studying my face; my hurt must be painfully clear but she is making no attempt to rectify it, please don't let this be happening. Why would she choose now to shut me out? After a few more minutes pass and I have yet to more a flicker of emotion crosses her face; "Tori please. I need to be alone" she attempts to growl yet is almost seems that she is pleading, the venom seems to have disappeared but by reading her body language I can tell that the anger is far from gone. Emotions are running thick and fast through my mind, I simultaneously want to kiss her and hurt her. So instead I swipe past her with my head held high and leave the house without a backwards glance.
Only once I am sure that I am out of sight from her house do I allow my emotions to overcome me. Tears fall down my face silent like raindrops, yet heavy as a monsoon. I seem to have reverted to auto pilot, my feet keep moving without any directions from my brain. And I am being addressed on the phone before I even realise I have dialled at all.
"Hello Tori! Are you there?" Dani's voice sings at me; a brief pause passes as I try to think of something, anything to say. "Tor? You are starting to worry me sweetie, what is going on? Please say something." She says in a more serious tone, and somehow this pulls me back into reality.
"D-Dani." I croak, tears thick in my voice. "I-I need you." I am such a mess that I am stumbling over each word.
"Ok Tor. I will be there, but errm where are you?" after telling her of my whereabouts I slump down on a roadside bench and waited.
Concern is ripe within me. Concern for Jade; should I have left her as she asked? Or stayed and somehow forced her to speak to me? And concern for how the first person I thought to turn to was Dani, is that wrong? Should I have instead rung Andre, or Cat? Or am I just being ridiculous? Surely the fact that I have known Dani for the longest gives me some right to turn to her? I guess that knowing of Jade's jealous tendencies I should have considered how she would react to this concept. Moreover seeing as Dani is my ex, and is dating my best friend maybe I should have considered talking to him as well. "Ughh!" I groan into my hands.
"Hello you" Dani's voice sounds dragging me from my inner monologue, a sweet smile shows on her lips but worry is clear in her eyes. Extending out her hand she grabs hold of mine and pulls me into a hug. "come on get in the car, I think we could both use a hot chocolate right now" she whispers into my ear, causing memories of the two of us back when we were together to flood through my mind: every day after school we used to go to the same little coffee house and order as I used to call them 'the best hot chocolates in the world'. I smile simply and nod in response before climbing into her car. Everything is so comfortable, being with her is so simple; we know each other so well that we don't even need to speak; both of us know that as soon as I am ready I will not hesitate to explain the reason I called her is such a level of distress. And because of this unspoken acknowledgement between the two of us she simply offers me one last smile and a nod before pulling the car away from the kerb.