Celeste was waiting at the door when Gibbs got home that night. "So?"
He kissed her. "Tony got it first, Ziva knew who, McGee was too shocked to say anything, and Abby freaked out at me in more than one language."
She made a face. "I hear fighting in sign gets kind of messy."
"It's hard to miss, that's for sure," Gibbs agreed. "But it wasn't nearly as bad as when she found out we were dating. After she calmed down we actually got to talk." He pulled her close. "If we're lucky we'll get a party. Can't argue with Abby, especially a pregnant Abby."
"I can imagine that would be an exercise in futility." Celeste trailed her fingers over his face. "So they're all okay with this, with us?"
He shrugged. "Got a case after the announcement, they never really had time to say much more. But Tony and Ziva liked you before, so did Tim. Abby'll come around in time. Think of the party as a peace offering. It might be the chance you've been looking for with her."
Celeste raised an eyebrow. "My my, someone's talkative tonight."
Gibbs chuckled. "My mistake. Where's Lexie?"
"Out in the yard barking at squirrels," Celeste answered. "Want to come with me to take her for a walk?"
"I'll take her," he offered. "She makes a good walking companion."
"If you're implying that you prefer silent company Jethro, that can be arranged, but-"
He cut her off with another kiss. "Never. I like people who talk."
"Mmhmm."
She wasn't buying it, so he cupped her cheek and looked directly into her eyes. "You're the only person who can see into my heart, who can have a full conversation with a three word sentence. I appreciate you."
"Okay." Celeste gave in and hugged her husband. "I love you."
Gibbs kissed her nose. "I love you too. That's something I never get tired of hearing."
"Wait until Chaya gets old enough to say 'I love you Grampa'. I bet you'll like that even better," Celeste predicted.
He looked at her seriously. "How could anything be better than this?"
NCIS
Abby opened the door of Gibbs' silent house and crept inside. Even though she was alone, she still felt the need to be stealthy. After a couple of trips in from the car, all of the supplies she'd brought were piled on the couch and she reached for a package of balloon print streamers. The creak of a floorboard alerted her and Abby whirled around, eyes wide. Standing in the doorway was Celeste. Her hands came to her hips and the girl glared.
"You nearly scared my pigtails off. What are you doing here?"
Celeste smiled. "I was downstairs and I heard somebody clumping around. I knew it had to be family, so I came to see what was going on."
"Oh." Abby shrugged and held up the streamers. "I'm decorating for the party tonight."
"Need some help?" the woman offered.
Abby made a frustrated noise. "You can't help decorate for your own party."
"Can't I?" Celeste asked lightly. "Who made those rules?"
"I did," the Goth asserted, then bit her lip. "But I guess you can sit and watch." Celeste took what she was offered and moved a few of the bags on the couch to make room. Something in a grey bag caught her eye.
"What if I blew up balloons?"
Abby considered the request. "Well, okay." She watched Celeste open the package and sort through the rubbery pieces until she found a shiny purple one. "Congratulations, by the way."
The redhead looked up in surprise. "Thank you Abby. I must say, that's not exactly the reaction I expected."
Abby had the decency to appear slightly sheepish. "You should've heard what I said to Gibbs then, that was the real first response."
"I heard," Celeste said quietly. "So you don't hate me?"
The forensic scientist sighed. "No. He's different since you came back, even I can't deny the change." She paused. "You make him happy in a way we never could."
Celeste stood and walked over to put her hand on the girl's arm. "Oh Abby, you have made him happy. The team has made him happy. I didn't know if he would ever truly love again after he lost Shannon and Kelly. But he loves all of you. There's just something special about the love between a man and a woman. I like to think that I'm helping the healing along, healing that you started, if I recall the story properly."
She smiled faintly. "Gibbs didn't know what to do with me at first. My clothes, my music, Bert. But then he found out I could sign and all of a sudden we had a connection. That only grew the longer we worked together. The first time he brought me here to show me his boat, I was honoured. I saw the picture of the little girl tacked above his workbench. I don't think he ever meant to talk about them again, but he told me."
"I remember," Celeste said softly. "When we met the first time I asked about the framed picture on the endtable." They glanced over at it - Gibbs, with his arm around Abby, at what looked like a staff party.
Abby giggled. "He's such a stick in the mud, he hates parties."
"But he lets you talk him into them," Celeste pointed out.
"Yeah." She shrugged. "You're alright Celeste. I'm glad you guys stayed friends. I want Gibbs to be happy again, he deserves it. I'm just...not ready to be best friends with you yet."
"That's okay," Celeste reassured her. "Believe me, I understand that this whole process of acceptance is going to take time. But as long as you're willing to let me in just a little, eventually we'll get there. That's all I'm asking."
Abby sighed. "Okay." She turned her back and went to find a chair to stand on. "We need lots of balloons."
"Yes ma'am." Celeste smiled to herself and went back to the couch. Perhaps today was a breakthrough, but even if it was just progress, she was happy with that too. Becoming a family might take awhile, but she looked forward to the day when she made it into the circle.
NCIS
The party was thrown in typical Abby fashion and was loud and busy and fun. It was a potluck, so everyone brought food to be shared and Celeste made punch while the Goth was letting the others in and getting them settled. Gibbs had stopped at her house on the way home and brought Lexie over. The poor animal cowered in the face of so many unknown people, but after Celeste explained the situation to Abby, she spread it around the group and one by one each person came over to meet her dog and let her get familiar with them.
Sammy helped a lot. Lexie took an instant liking to the bouncing ball of fur and followed him everywhere once they were introduced. During the meal, eaten on paper plates with people landing wherever there was a spot free, Sammy and Lexie lay together in the kitchen, wrestling playfully. Lexie was gentle as if she knew this little bundle of energy was really just a fun-loving baby, and Sammy bonded with the older dog, enjoying the kind of socializing he'd only ever had occasionally with Matt's dog Chaz.
As soon as he'd delivered the dog to his wife, Gibbs claimed Chaya and spent the next couple hours carrying her around, relinquishing the baby only when she had to be nursed. The three and a half month old repaid his possessiveness by poking his nose and trying to put her fingers in his mouth, laughing when he pretended to nibble them. Tony was very put out at having to share the little girl, so Ziva made his lap her chair, if only to bring out that teasing, suggestive smile she loved. Of course, then he protested whenever she got up, so she soothed him with a kiss, to the delight of their friends.
After the plates and glasses had been cleaned up and the leftovers were divided, portioned and ready to be sent home, Ziva pulled Celeste aside while the group was busy setting up for the board game Abby had insisted on. She tucked some hair behind her ear and leveled her gaze at the other woman. "Gibbs already has one grandchild, soon he will have two."
Celeste was confused. "I know Ziva. I'm not trying to get in the way of the family you all have created. I hope someday to be part of it."
Ziva crossed her arms and directed her gaze at her daughter, safely ensconced in her father's arms for the first time all night. "You are already family, because you have married the man I call my father. So I guess my question is - do you want to be seen as their grandma?"
Surprise lit Celeste's face and she regarded the young mother carefully. "If I did, how would you feel about that?" She shook her head slowly. "I don't want to take anyone's place Ziva."
Ziva shook her head. "There is no one else to fill that spot. If you said yes, I would ask what you want us to teach Chaya to call you." She shrugged. "Gibbs will already be Grampa because that is what Tony talks about him as."
Celeste's smile was slow and genuine. "They can call me Nan," she decided. "It's what I called my grandmother."
Ziva nodded. "Very well."
Just like that she left and went back to sit with her husband and child. Tony made the comment that she'd forfeited her place when she moved and that Chaya got his lap now, but if she asked nicely he'd let her share later. That earned him a glare and a not so gentle kick under the table. Tony yelped, as was expected, but the laughter from the group and the smile on his wife's face made it worth the discomfort.
Gibbs met his wife's gaze across the room, quirking an eyebrow to ask if everything was alright. Celeste dipped her head once and watched the team settle in around the table. I think I've just been accepted. She glanced at Abby, whose prominent bump proclaimed her thirty-five week pregnant state. She'd been quite civil since their earlier conversation, but Celeste knew that could change at any moment given the less than predictable moods Abby had been experiencing lately. But she wasn't going anywhere and she would wait and work for as long as it took. She smiled at Ziva and returned to sit in the chair at Gibbs' side. One down, one to go. Daughters were always the hardest sells.
NCIS
After their shower Friday night, Tony and Ziva lay on the bed kissing and touching for awhile before they even bothered to get up and put on pyjamas. When Tony turned around, Ziva was smiling at him shyly. Instead of her usual tank top and shorts attire, tonight she'd slipped into a short, silk, lavender nightie. She didn't have to say a word, somehow he just knew she'd made the decision that tonight she was going to be with him in every way.
He approached her slowly, sliding his arms around her waist and trying to convey with just a look how proud he was, how nervous for this first time, how he'd longed for this moment but sometimes hadn't been sure it would ever come. Her hands glided up his bare chest and Tony leaned down to take possession of her lips. She pressed into him, eager for his touch and very aware of his obvious desire for her, but she didn't let that stop her.
Gently he pulled away and guided them both to lay down next to each other on the bed. With a small smile claiming his lips, Tony stroked his finger softly over her face. Down her nose, across her cheek bones, around her lips and down her neck, building anticipation until he finally kissed her. Ziva kept her eyes closed, letting Tony's touch engage her senses. When his lips tugged playfully at hers, she smiled, trying so hard to relax. It didn't take long for Tony to pull her into his arms and then she got lost in the sensation of his kisses.
The first flashback hit when he ran his hand gently down her leg. It didn't matter this was something they'd done many times, there was intent to it this time and instantly she was back on the floor of her cell in Somalia. It had been a month and she was weakening. Their torture had not made her break the silence that protected the people at NCIS, but the bare rations and injuries were taking their toll. Even so, it took three of them to wrestle her to the floor and two to hold her still so the third could get her pants off. Realizing what was about to happen, Ziva fought even harder, kicking and flailing with all the strength she had left, but she didn't stand a chance. Saleem paced in the background, laughing, while one of his men forced her legs apart and became the first in an endless line of leering, cruel faces who would violate her, both body and soul, over the next eight weeks.
Trapped in the memory, Ziva tensed, her whole body going rigid. Tony immediately stopped what he was doing, hardly daring to breathe as he removed his hand from her leg and placed both his palms against her cheeks. He'd seen this before and he knew what to do. "Ziva? Ziva! Sweetheart, it's me, it's Tony. Come on babe," he begged, "open your eyes." Her eyelids fluttered and he brushed his thumbs over her eyebrows. "That's it Zi, come on. Open your eyes, look at me." That was the key to getting her out of a flashback, she needed to know where she was.
The terror and panic washing her beautiful brown eyes hurt Tony more than anything else. But he knew it wasn't him she was afraid of. "Ziva." Her gaze flickered to the right, then left, before finally settling on his face. Wanting to cry, Tony forced a resolved expression instead. "Hey, stay with me Zi. Whatever you see, it's not real. You're here with me, you're safe. I'm here honey, I won't let anyone hurt you again. It's okay Zi, it's okay." Her eyelids slid shut again and Tony was afraid he was losing her, but Ziva was only trying to keep the tears at bay. "Ziva!" His voice was growing desperate, but this time she responded, her hand coming up to cover his.
"It is over Tony," she whispered, shuddering at the fading images. Feeling awful for letting him down again, Ziva fought the urge to curl into a ball and hide from the world. Her past was everywhere they ever tried to be together and it made her wonder if she would ever truly be free of it.
"What can I do?"
Always, no matter what her memories interrupted, especially in these last couple weeks when they were getting so close, those were the first words out of her husband's mouth and Ziva wanted to cry because she so often didn't feel like she deserved to have him love her so deeply. Focusing on him, Ziva tried to smile but failed. "Kiss me," her voice was soft. "Touch me the way you do, so I will know it is not them."
Heart breaking, Tony clenched his jaw and looked down, blowing out a hard breath. Then he let all the anger go, felt it drain away like water through a sieve. He leaned in and captured Ziva's soft lips, kissing her gently. Then he slipped a hand under her back, encouraging her to turn over. Expression curious, Ziva did what he wanted, not afraid because she trusted him. He had proven over and over and over again that he loved her above anything else. He threw a leg over her, straddling her body with his knees and waiting to make sure she wasn't going to freak out. Ziva breathed out, relaxing, and Tony drew his hands across her shoulders and down her back.
When his fingers snagged on the silk of her negligee, which he knew she'd bought special just to share with him, Tony put his lips to her ear. "Will you take it off Ziva?"
Pushing herself off the bed a little, Ziva worked the material up her body. "You can help Tony," she told him a minute later.
Because of everything, much of what Tony wanted to do to her, he couldn't. Even something as simple as undressing his wife required her to do it unless he had permission. His patience tried to make up for all the times no one had asked if it was okay, and had taken what they wanted from her in so many terrible ways. Slowly he pulled the delicate garment over her head, watching her hair fall free and loving that he had access to so much more of her skin now. With a touch that was achingly tender, Tony swept his fingers over her back and felt Ziva shiver. But because of the way her body stayed relaxed, he knew it was from pleasure, not fear.
He traced each and every one of her scars, still becoming familiar with the pattern they marked on her body even after four months of marriage and seven weeks of increasingly intense closeness as they experimented with his plan to help heal her fear of intimacy. Pressing the heels of his hands into her tight muscles, Tony followed the path down her back, stopping occasionally to bestow gentle kisses on any skin he could reach. "You need to know, to believe that my hands will never hurt you Ziva."
She nodded into the sheet. "I know."
"I always want to be the last man who has touched you this way," he murmured. "But my claim on you won't leave any marks, only memories that will not scare you."
Ziva didn't respond with words, but she turned her head enough that he could kiss the corner of her mouth. It was enough. Eventually he moved and nudged her to roll back over. Tony continued the trail of kisses down her neck, across her breasts and along her stomach, taking his time, not rushing even a moment. He cherished time like this with Ziva, peaceful and trusting. At last he looked into her eyes again and smiled slightly, but Ziva answered before he could even open his mouth.
"Do not stop," she whispered, knowing what she had just given him permission to do. She wanted so badly to be able to give this to him, Tony had been more patient than any man should have to be. Ziva knew he wouldn't do anything else without asking, and this time she wanted to let him take the next step.
Tony's gaze dropped to his boxers. "Do you want me to...?"
Sitting up, Ziva touched her husband's face, let her hand fall slowly down his chest until her fingers flirted with the waistband on his underwear. A stir of desire and the now familiar tingling began in her lower abdomen and she took a shallow breath. Tony rose up on his knees and Ziva pushed the material over his hips and down as far as she could.
Taking over, Tony kicked the boxers off and pressed Ziva gently back into the bed. He knelt beside her. "Zi, I'm just going to put my hand between your legs." It was the opposite of every time she'd been used when he announced what was coming next and gave her a chance to say it if wasn't okay. Tony didn't want their first time tainted with any of the bad things, so he'd take whatever precautions were necessary.
He slid his hand between her knees and turned it, parting them a little. This was the part that was hardest for Ziva, the one thing she had mentally struggled with more than anything else except the joining. Opening herself up to him, trusting that he would be everything he'd so far proven himself to be - a man who loved and respected her, a man who would even now wait if that was what she needed.
Trying to stay calm, Ziva spread her legs apart, completely and utterly vulnerable before the man she loved. Her trust floored Tony and he had to work hard to get himself under control before he touched her. When Ziva was ready, Tony held himself over her, willing this night to be the time it finally worked for them, though logically Tony knew it could go one of three ways. It could be awful and she would withdraw, causing them to start this whole process over again weeks down the road. Or it could be great, because after all these months they deserved a break. Or it could be uncomfortable and that would leave a question about trying again.
Not willing to move without hearing something from her, Tony waited. Only seconds passed before Ziva smiled and leaned up to kiss him. "Okay," she whispered breathlessly, wanting to give herself to him. Then she put a hand on his chest and swallowed, meeting his eyes. "Remember that you promised to be gentle."
"Oh Zi," he sighed, laying his body over hers and pressing his lips to her willing mouth, "did you really think I could be anything else?"
She shook her head, tears leaking from her eyes. "No, but that does not stop me from being afraid."
Calling on the last dregs of self-control he possessed considering they were both naked and he wanted her more than he'd ever wanted anything or anyone before, so much so that his body was actually trembling, Tony brushed her hair back. "We don't have to babe. We can...we don't have to do this now."
"No," Ziva's voice was firm, her gaze locking on his. "No, I do not want to wait anymore. I do not want you to wait any more. We need this Tony, please." Her plea was entirely unnecessary, because he would do anything she asked. "I am ready."
He sucked on her bottom lip gently, and drew her in for a deep kiss before aligning their bodies again. They'd never gotten this far before and Tony honestly wasn't sure what to expect, so he moved slowly, agonizingly slowly, aware that rushing would only cause problems, praying that it would not hurt for her. Finally he held still to let her body adjust to his presence and waited for her reaction, holding his breath until he knew. Ziva's expression stayed unreadable and her eyes were closed as she worked to assess the situation. She felt...okay. It was a little uncomfortable, but as more than a year had passed since she'd willingly had sex, she was not surprised.
When she smiled and nodded, whispering that she was good and pulling him down so their lips met, Tony felt like his world opened up. They took things slow, he was gentle and loving, but there was no joy greater than knowing they could be together this way now. It might not always be easy, but it was worth the work. As far as Tony was concerned, their lovemaking was over far too soon, but Ziva let him stay and they touched and kissed until he finally moved away. Even then he didn't let her go, just enjoyed the feel of her sweaty, naked, and tired pressed up against him, thinking he'd never felt closer to her than right now in this moment. They fell asleep in the contentment that hadn't faded, truly man and wife now, in life, heart, soul and at last, body as well. Finally he could say they were one in every way.
NCIS
Tony woke to the sound of Ziva throwing up in the bathroom. He hurried towards the door, then remembered his naked state and stopped to throw on a pair of boxers. Inside he found Ziva kneeling in front of the toilet, clad in long sleeve pyjamas with pants for the first time in days, maybe weeks. That detail bothered him because she'd already explained what it meant when she went back to them, but helping Ziva was more important at that moment than why she was hiding.
She flinched when he touched her, which was a big tell, and Tony noted the reaction for later as he grabbed a scrunchie off the counter to tie her hair back, and reached into the cupboard for a washcloth. He was crouched beside her with a glass of water and the damp cloth when she finished and flushed.
Ziva took the drink and wiped her mouth, being careful not to touch him, and without making eye contact. To say that this reaction was a blow to Tony's ego when they'd made love for the first time only a couple hours ago, would've been an understatement. But they could come back to that.
"Hey." He reached over to touch her face, freezing when Ziva pressed her back into the wall, trying to get as far away as possible. Tony sat back. "Are you okay?"
Ziva brushed a shaky hand over her hair. "I...need to take a shower," she said quietly, almost to herself.
Tony's earlier confidence plummeted. "That bad, huh?"
She jerked her eyes up to his, looking so lost and scared that all he wanted to do was hold her and keep the monsters away. "It is not you, I just..." Ziva pulled her knees to her chest. "There are too many memories," she finished in a whisper.
"Ziva, please." Tony heard the begging note in his voice, but couldn't help it. He held out his arms to her and Ziva scrambled to get to her feet, breathing hard, barely contained fear in her eyes.
"No! No..." she repeated less frantically, "do not touch me yet."
He stared at her, having not heard that warning since nearly a year ago after a nightmare when she stayed at his place. Not knowing what to say and clearly unable to help or make it better, Tony walked out of the bathroom and closed the door behind him. Several moments passed and there was a click as the lock engaged and the sound of water running.
Tony couldn't face their bed, where he'd held her in such an intimate way earlier, so he left and walked softly down the hall to Chaya's room. He pushed the door open and tiptoed across the floor to peek into her crib. The baby slept on her side with one arm up by her face, consistently defying the experts who insisted babies should sleep on their backs. A whimper cut the silence and Tony reached down to rub Chaya's back lightly.
At his touch she relaxed completely and Tony smiled. "I love you sweetie." Sometimes that little girl was the brightest light in his life, especially when the darkness following Ziva enveloped them both without warning.
Though he longed to pick Chaya up and cuddle with her, because holding his daughter seemed to make everything better, Tony knew he couldn't disrupt her sleep because he needed the comfort. Backing out into the hall, Tony stared around and sighed. Did he return to their bedroom and hope they could talk, or go downstairs and make tea in case Ziva couldn't go back to sleep? Indecision wavered him, but Tony didn't want to be any further from his wife than necessary. Her rejection of his presence hurt, but all the more reason to wait for her to be done so they could work together to get past whatever it was that was haunting her this time.
NCIS
Ziva sat in the shower, curled up in the corner with hot water warming her body. She closed her eyes but immediately saw images from her nightmare and they flew open again, darting around the shower to check for danger that might lurk in any corner.
Her heart was pounding, her breathing erratic, and Ziva couldn't even stand up because that felt too exposed, even though no one was watching. But eventually she had to move, and then Ziva turned the water up until it was too hot, pricking her skin with stinging drops. A washcloth was loaded with body wash and she scrubbed it all over her whole body again and again. It was back, the feeling of being dirty, defiled, used. She felt phantom hands pushing, pulling, hitting, grabbing, touching every part of her and she could do nothing.
Back in her cell there had been a day when Saleem filled a syringe with something unknown and plunged it into a vein in her arm. Ziva lay there naked on the floor, unable to move or speak, her eyes the only thing left unaffected. The temporarily paralyzing agent worked quickly and it wasn't until several men came in that dread filled her heart. When they began their systematic violation of her, Ziva realized that though she had no control over her body, the drug hadn't affected her sense of touch, so she felt everything that was happening and every sensation seemed magnified.
Closing her eyes, shame washed over her once again and Ziva's hands began to shake. Curling her fingers into fists, Ziva fought to get control, to not go back to last year and everything that had been done. In quick, uncoordinated movements, she shampooed and rinsed her hair, finally shutting the water off when it began to cool.
Ziva didn't feel like she could get dried and dressed in the protection of clothes fast enough. DC was so far from Somalia but the memories were not a respecter of distances. She needed Tony, needed his arms around her, but she'd already pushed him away, what if he didn't come back? Could she let him help?
She stepped out of the bathroom and glimpsed Tony sitting on the edge of the bed, now wearing a shirt and pyjama pants. Ignoring him, Ziva climbed into her side and pulled the covers around her tightly. She faced the other way, but could feel Tony's gaze watching her. Finally he got back under the blankets too and laid still, trying to get a sense of the situation.
He saw the shudders ripple through her and paid no attention to her 'stay away from me' body language. Instead Tony slid over and fit his body against hers, brushing aside the way she stiffened. "You're trembling Zi," he whispered, "let me hold you. Let me keep you safe."
She fought his comfort for longer than usual, but finally her arms came up to grasp his and she pressed herself into him, wishing he could somehow erase everything she didn't want to remember. With a little difficulty, Ziva rolled over and slid her arms around his neck. Tony tightened his grip on her and closed his eyes.
It seemed like hours before he pulled back to look at her. When she was like this, Tony was always careful not to touch or kiss her, avoiding anything that could be seen as even remotely sexual. But this time Ziva initiated it, kissing him like her life depended on it and desperately drinking in the love and comfort he poured back into her.
Tony kissed her hard, shoving his fingers into her hair, but following her lead for what she could handle. Several kisses later, Ziva broke away and laid her head over his racing heart. Tony didn't dare let go of her, she might not let him back in. Silence reigned until he couldn't deal with the unknowns any longer.
"Sweetheart, will you tell me?"
She curled her fingers into his shirt and with broken sentences and halting words let the nightmare, the memory, spill out. After, when he couldn't make his tongue form any words that would help, and fighting nausea himself, Tony squeezed his eyes shut.
"I knew it was bad Ziva, but I never expected..." he trailed off and she laced their fingers together.
"That was within a week of the interrogations being mixed with that type of abuse," she sighed. "I could still fight and it wasn't worth the time for them to...subdue me, when none of the men had seen a women in many months." Ziva swallowed hard, hating the images she could not get rid of.
"So was it the sex that brought this up?" Tony wondered, his hopes of overcoming that particular hurdle drowned in the wake of her truth.
Ziva considered the question. "I want to be clear Tony, that being with you does not remind me of them. Those men only touched me to hurt me, or take pleasure I wasn't willing to give. You have only touched me with love, want, need and care since I came home."
"But?" He knew there was more, that it couldn't be so easy.
She rubbed her cheek on his shirt, reluctant to continue even if he needed to know. "But simply the physical act of sex takes me back to all those men who forced themselves inside my body against my will." She shrugged. "That act only ever brought pain, and that is what my mind remembers, even if my body does not hurt from you."
"Did I lose my chance?" Tony felt incredible selfish worrying about what he wanted when she was dealing with nasty flashbacks, but he needed to know.
"No Tony," Ziva said softly. "I will not bar you from touching me ever again. I want this to be okay between us. I want to feel you and think only about our pleasure, not the memories. But it is also something I cannot control, so please...do not ask me again right away."
He pulled her back into his shoulder, wrapping his hand around the back of her neck. "I wish I could make this better for you Zi," he whispered.
"You have no idea how much it helps just to be here with you."
That admission made him feel like he could do something. "What do you need babe?"
She thought seriously about that before answering in a small voice. "Will you brush my hair?"
There had always been such an intimacy that surrounded them when he played with her hair, so Tony agreed immediately and got up to get her brush from the bathroom. When he came back, Ziva sat forward so he could settle behind her. The thick, dark waves were still damp from her shower and Tony made his movements slow and unhurried as he drew the brush gently over her scalp and down her back.
Ziva sighed and relaxed even more, leaning her head back a little. When all the tangles were gone, Tony set the brush aside and combed his fingers through her hair, then separated three sections and wove the brown tresses into the braid he'd had so much practice at, though it was much shorter than before.
Out of habit, Ziva checked his work and smiled. "You are getting good. Just wait until Chaya has enough hair for you to do hers."
"If she's anything like you Zi, she'll probably never hold still long enough for me to brush her hair, let alone braid it."
"I guess we shall see," she answered. "Promise me something Tony?"
"Anything." He'd give her the stars if he knew how to reach them.
"That this will never be too hard. That my memories will never be too much and you will leave."
Tony grabbed her arms. "Never Ziva, I promise." He grinned at her rings. "You're stuck with me now Ninja."
"Forever?" she asked quietly.
"Maybe even longer." Tony tipped her chin up. "I love you honey, I never want to go back to living without you."
Their lips came together and the kiss spoke of comfort, reassurance, and love. Sleep was short that night, but their promise stood and both knew that no matter how hard they had to fight to have this life that they cherished and shared, they'd do it, because the rewards far outmatched the work that was required.
A/N: I couldn't put this at the beginning, as it would've given too much away. I'm sure some of you are tired of hearing how nervous I am about this intimacy scene. After all, I've only been building up to this moment with three stories and 81 previous chapters. I would like to mention that, given the circumstances of having no personal experience, I really tried to do my best to capture this first time for T&Z. I apologize if it didn't live up to expectation or disappointed anyone, but this was all I could do. Again, thank you so much for all your support and encouragement and the love you have shown for this story. I will forever be grateful to have had the chance to share my writing with all of you. ~Aliyah