A/N: 46 reviews? Wow. I'm...yeah, I think overwhelmed is a good word. Oh my gosh, thank you so much! You guys are really fabulous at knowing when I need an ego boost because even if it's not that important in the grand scheme of things, I really stressed over the last chapter and hoping that 'first time' scene lived up to all the expectations you might've had. So now that my fears/concerns have been significantly quashed by all your kind words and encouragement, I just want to say again, thank you :) ~Aliyah PS. Sorry to take so much space, but there were several un-signed in people I just had to reply to.

Sarah (Ch 81) - Thank you so much for reviewing, it's always so nice to see someone new! :) Even if after 82 chapters 'slow' is starting to feel like a four letter word, it had to be that way because of the issue we're dealing with, so I'm really glad it came across as realistic, that was my goal for the whole story. I didn't like past love interests for Gibbs either, hence Celeste. Because whenever the 'mysterious redhead' was around, he seemed happier. Yes, there is still Three Years Family but it really is just a series wrap-up and won't be any longer than two chapters. Snapshots, however, will be comprised of about thirty-five one-shots, give or take a couple. I'm sad to see it end as well. I thought I'd be relieved but I'm missing my characters already and I've only been done a couple weeks! Thanks for your vote, I'm still considering how to handle the letters. Thank you so much for all your sweet comments, I really appreciate them :) Oh wow, really? No, I don't think I knew it was that popular. I feel totally special now! Thank you!

debbieells (Ch 82) - Thank you :) It was such a relief that so many people thought the scene was done well. I wasn't ever going for graphic or smut because I don't like to read and am incapable of writing that, but I definitely wanted to capture the emotions etc. It's also good to hear the characters are consistent, I'm sure it helped that I wrote the story straight through. You're welcome. I'm proud now of how it turned out so I know the work was worth it :) Thanks for your understanding, that's pretty much exactly what happened. My inspiration was there and then it was gone and I'm leery of trying to get it back. I really appreciate the time you took to review, thank you :)

zoey (Ch 82) - yes, Ziva and Tony will eventually have the 'no more kids' conversation but all I can say about it is that it's very near the end of the story. Thanks!

Guest (Ch 82) - Oh wow. It's always nerve wracking for me to have someone who's actually experienced trauma like what I'm writing about read the story. And in the same vein, I'm always completely humbled to be told that you find this story helpful, that you think I've captured the emotions and reactions well. I don't even know what to say except thank you for taking the time to share that with me, and I'm so sorry for what you went through. ~Aliyah

Sarah (Ch 82) - Thanks :) Again, every review I got that said that made me breathe a huge sigh of relief. I'm glad you weren't disappointed. Lol...oh, I couldn't write graphic if my life depended on it, and I wanted it to be more about their feelings anyways. I did some research on reactions for women who have sex after they've been violated, that's how I came up with what Ziva experience post-intimacy. Thanks so much! :)

Ziva woke up Friday morning to Tony's fingers combing gently through her hair. She turned her head and smiled, but the insecurity in his eyes made it disappear. "Tony?"

He stared at her, swallowing hard to get the words out. "How do you feel?"

Her hand came up to his face and Tony closed his eyes, leaning into her touch. "I am fine." He frowned at her and Ziva sighed. "I am sore." Pain flashed in Tony's gaze and she hastened to explain. "It has been a year ahava. I do not hurt in a bad way." How she felt now was nothing compared to what she had suffered through on a daily basis in Somalia." She shrugged. "It reminds me of my first time. I am just very aware of that area of my body right now."

Tony pushed the blankets away and looked her over, as if he had x-ray vision to check for hurts he couldn't see through the pyjamas she still wore. His hands soon followed his eyes, running gently down her arms and legs and torso and checking her reaction. When he finished his examination, Ziva pulled her husband down for a kiss, hoping to soothe his fears. Tony clung to her, drawing out the moment until they both broke for air.

He pushed back a curl. "Did you even enjoy last night?"

Ziva fought the urge to close her eyes so she could think without his vulnerability drowning her. "Letting you in made me more afraid than I have been in months. But you did not betray the trust I have given you. Thank you for being so gentle and careful with me."

"You're not answering my question Ziva."

She shook her head. "And I cannot without disappointing you." He started to pull away but Ziva held him in place. "It was our first time together Tony, and on top of that it was my first time in a year, when the last time was violent and cruel and extremely painful. So did I enjoy it? I am not sure. I think it will take time for me to get used to sex again, to be able to experience pleasure that way. But that is not a reflection on you."

Tony moved her arms and got out of bed. "Not exactly what I hoped to hear." He dragged a hand down his face. "I'm going for a shower."

When the door shut, Ziva squeezed her eyes closed against the tears that were threatening and left to go to Chaya's room. The baby was sleeping but Ziva still craved her presence. She leaned over the side of the crib and brushed her fingers across Chaya's soft curls.

"I did not mean to hurt him tatelah," she whispered. "Daddy does not know how much I want to be able to enjoy being with him, how much I want this part of our marriage to be as wonderful as everything else. But it is not that simple and it will take time." Ziva sighed. "I love him so much, I wish my healing did not hurt him so badly."

Tony leaned his head against the wall and tried to keep from crying. He'd come out of the bathroom to grab the clothes he forgot and ended up hearing Ziva's quiet words through the monitor. Why for once couldn't life be fair for them?

NCIS

Tony and Ziva were never subtle when they weren't getting along, so minutes into their day the team could tell that something was wrong. The couple hadn't spoken a word since arriving and had yet to make eye contact, though every time the other wasn't looking, their gazes drifted across the bullpen, heavy with sadness and longing. Perhaps it wouldn't've been so obvious if they were busy working a case, but today was just paperwork and the silence felt almost suffocating. The hours dragged by and Gibbs left for coffee more often than usual, while McGee chose to spend his time in the lab with Abby and Tami instead of braving the thick tension between his teammates to be at his desk.

Gibbs let them go early for the night, needing a break as much as everyone else. Ziva immediately fled to the stairs and Tony packed his things slowly before taking the elevator to go get Chaya. They had driven in separate cars and they left in separate cars for separate destinations, feeling the crack between them getting wider all the time. Tony drove around for awhile with his sleeping daughter in the backseat before making a decision. He headed for McGee and Abby's, got Chaya's seat and diaper bag out and knocked on the front door.

Tim answered the door and seemed surprised. "Tony, come in."

The older man shook his head. "No thanks. I just wondered if you and Abby can watch Chaya for a couple hours. I know it's last minute but-"

Abby heard and came up behind her husband. "It's no problem Tony, we can take her."

Tony swallowed and handed the baby to McGee and her bag to Abby. "Thanks." Then he turned around and walked away.

McGee closed the door and met Abby's concerned eyes. "Tim, what is going on?"

He rubbed his face. "I don't know Abbs, but I've never seen them like that before."

NCIS

Ziva worked herself ragged at Ops. More than once Duke cautioned her to tone things down a notch, but as soon as he wasn't looking, she went right back to her previous intensity. The guys gave her a wide berth and any harbouring ideas of sparring with her quickly changed their minds in favour of self-preservation. By the time she abandoned the punching bag and had been running flat out for half an hour, Duke laid down the law. "You're done David."

She looked at him, startled out of her zone, and slowed to a stop. "Why?"

Ziva was panting and shaking, sweat dripping off her and she wondered why he wouldn't let her stay? Duke shook his head. "Because it's been three hours and if you collapse in my gym it'll make me look bad." He raised an eyebrow. "And I'm sure your husband and daughter would like to see you at some point tonight."

Her eyes darkened. "One of them might, but she is already asleep."

Duke frowned. "Ziva..."

She grabbed her towel and mopped the moisture from her face. "Never mind. Good night."

Watching her leave, Duke couldn't shake the apprehension in his gut. Something was definitely going on. And from the looks of her, it wasn't good.

NCIS

For hours Tony wandered the streets of DC. The sun sank lower, the air cooled and still he walked, head down, hands in his pocket, heart heavy and defeated. Finally he came to a bench and dropped onto it, leaning over and holding his head in his hands. Footsteps approached but Tony didn't look up, hoping he looked miserable enough to be ignored. But instead of moving on, the person sat down.

"I thought you were never going to stop walking."

Tony closed his eyes and sat back. "You stalking me now McGoo?"

"Not really," Tim said lightly, and Tony glanced at him with a frown.

"How'd you find me?"

McGee held up his phone, showing a street map with a blinking red dot. "There's a GPS tracker in your watch."

Tony turned his wrist and fiddled with the time piece. "You bugged me."

Tim chuckled. "Not me. Remember when Ziva was gone and things got real bad? Abby was determined to keep tabs on you, said she refused to lose another family member." He shrugged. "I don't know what else she did, but you freaked her out leaving Chaya with us and disappearing. So Abby told me about the tracker and I figured sooner or later you'd slow down enough to need someone to talk to."

Tony stared at his watch. "I'll have to remember to thank her someday."

McGee got comfortable and texted his wife quickly before turning to his friend. "Care to share?"

Tony scraped his fingers through his already disheveled hair. "Ziva and I had sex last night," he said bluntly. "First time. I hung a lot of hope on that moment Tim, I waited months for her to be ready, but it made everything worse."

Realizing he was about to learn a lot more than he ever cared to know about his friends' personal lives, Tim cleared his throat. "How so?"

Tony sighed. "She had a nightmare flashing back to one of the first times they gang raped her. Threw up, had to shower, wouldn't let me near her. Afterwards we talked and I thought things were going to be okay, but this morning I wanted to make sure, so I asked." A pained laugh escaped his throat. "Do you know what it's like to be told she didn't enjoy being with me? After everything, all the time we've waited, all the progress we've made, I was so thrilled to finally get the chance, but..." He trailed off. "That's one thing I was always confident about Tim, and now...I don't know what to do."

Tim hurt for his friend, but he couldn't see Ziva saying something like that. She would never wound Tony intentionally, not now. "That's what she said?" he pressed. "No explanation, no nothing, just 'you're not good enough'?"

Tony felt like beating his head against a wall. "She said it's different - our first time and the first time she'd done it by choice in over a year. She said she wants to know what it's like to find pleasure in sex again. But I wanted so badly for her to experience that this time. I feel like a failure and I can't...I don't know how to face her now."

"Even though she'd beating herself up about it just as badly as you? That she hates hurting you even if it's because she was honest? Ziva loves you Tony," McGee reminded him. "You should've seen the way she was looking at you today."

He lifted his eyes. "How?"

Tim eyed him pointedly. "The same way you were looking at her."

Tony leaned back and was quiet for a long time. Finally he spoke. "I think I better go home."

"Good choice," McGee clapped him on the shoulder. "Tell me where you left your car, then come back and get your daughter." He grinned. "If I go home without you, you're going to end up with an unexpected visitor later so Abby can see for herself that you're alright."

Tony swallowed. "Thanks Tim."

They shook hands. "It's like Abby always says, this is what family is for."

NCIS

After stopping in at Tim and Abby's to retrieve his daughter, and assure his little sister that he would be okay even if he wasn't yet, Tony returned home and moved Chaya from her carseat to her crib, kissing her soft head. "I love you sweetie. Sleep tight, okay?" He held her longer than necessary before laying her down and closing the door. Outside Chaya's nursery, Tony leaned against the wall and blew out a breath. Slowly his ears tuned in to the noises of the house - fans whirring, the air conditioning humming - and over them he recognized the sound of the shower running. Gathering what was left of his shredded confidence, Tony went into their room and undressed down to his boxers.

He walked into the bathroom and watched Ziva's silhouette through the curtain for a moment, then stepped inside before he could change his mind. Ziva opened her eyes from rinsing her hair and jumped, not expecting to have company. The vulnerability in her husband's eyes broke her heart and she reached for his hands, pulling him close. "Tony?"

Putting a finger over her lips, he shook his head, replacing the digit with his own lips. Ziva let go of all her questions and eagerly drank in Tony's kiss. The distance between them all day had been killing her and she'd wondered more than once if maybe she was getting a taste of what he had been feeling for months. So right now she would take whatever he was offering. Tony slowly ran his hands up and down her back, dragging her flush against him. Ziva broke away when she noticed the difference.

Gesturing to his underwear, she frowned. "Why? I have not asked that of you in weeks."

He dug his fingers into her hair. "So you don't feel pressure. So I can try to concentrate."

Ziva sighed. "If this is going to be a serious conversation, can we at least get out of the shower?"

Tony nodded. "Soon. But can I just touch you first?"

She seemed confused, then agreed. Tony took his time, using fingers and lips to explore her body, paying special attention to the softness of her breasts. Lastly he turned her around so that her back was against his chest and crossed his arms over her front. Ziva leaned into him and held his wrists, content to just be.

Finally Tony kissed her shoulder. "Okay, I'm ready."

They got out and dried off but donned robes instead of pyjamas and sat on the floor with their backs to the tub. Tony kept careful hold of her hand, not saying anything until Ziva nudged him. "I am sorry for this morning."

He swallowed hard, eyes fixed on her fingernails. "I'm the one who asked."

She sighed. "I hope I will have a different answer for you next time."

Next time...wasn't it strange that he now dreaded the very thing he'd longed for? "I don't know how to feel."

Ziva traced the veins in the back of his hand and debated before opening her mouth again. "How was it for you?"

So, he wasn't the only one struggling with insecurity. Good to know even if it offered him little comfort from the struggled inside. Tony turned her hand over and drew his fingers up her arm and over each scar on her wrist. "I felt relief that we could finally be together that way. I thought it was too short. When I dreamed of making love to you, I spent hours touching and kissing you and then drew the act out as long as possible. So yeah, it was good for me. I guess that's why I wanted you to feel the same."

Ziva made him look at her, placing her hands on his cheeks. "You are the first man I have allowed to touch me that way in more than a year. And you are the only one I can imagine letting that close. I know for awhile sex may not be perfect or even good. But I promise that I will do whatever it takes for us both to enjoy the experience. I just need time to finish healing Tony, and I am sorry to have to ask for more of your patience."

He gave her a half-grin. "Well, I've spent all these months building it up, it would be a shame to waste it."

She kissed him, sliding her fingers through his hair. "Can I do anything to fix the hurt?"

Tony rested his head on hers. "Just sleep close to me tonight, okay? I don't want to forget what is good."

That night when they went to bed Ziva crawled in behind her husband and held him tightly against her. Tony fell asleep with the scent of her shampoo in his nose and the strength of her arms to remind him of all that they'd gained. Maybe tomorrow the future would look bright again.

NCIS

Later that evening Celeste joined Gibbs on the couch, where he was half-heartedly flipping through a book while he drank his tea. It was a secret the team was not meant to find out - that even the great Leroy Jethro Gibbs, coffee afficionado - enjoyed a good cup of tea on quiet evenings. She brushed her fingers through his hair. "You're preoccupied."

He glanced up at her. "Long day."

Celeste leaned into his side. "Want to tell me about it?"

Gibbs sighed and the sound caused Lexie to look up. When no one reassured her, the dog padded over and rested her muzzle on his knee. He rewarded her concern with a gentle hand on her head and her mistress kissed his cheek. "See, we both care."

He put his arm around her and Celeste rested her legs over his lap. "Something was wrong with Tony and Ziva today."

She frowned. "Wrong how?"

"Didn't talk, didn't touch, didn't so much as look each other in the eye the whole darn day!" Gibbs shook his head. Sometimes I'd give anything for DiNozzo to shut up. Need to be careful what I wish for."

"It's a pretty good gauge of his mood if he's not talking at all," she agreed. "I hope they're not fighting."

He snorted. "If they're fighting, the whole building knows it! I told you about the last one."

"In detail," Celeste grinned. "That must've been a sight."

"I don't care to have it repeated," Gibbs admitted. "But this was different. More like they were both wounded somehow."

"You can't fix all their problems Jethro. Some things Tony and Ziva will have to work out for themselves." She kissed his cheek. "Experience has shown that if they need help, they know who to ask for it."

Gibbs leaned against Celeste's shoulder and sighed. "Probably drive myself crazy if I didn't have you. Being a single parent is hard."

Celeste chuckled. "You just need a sounding board. Even Lexie could be that for you."

He cradled her against his chest. "Yeah, but I like you better. You're what I've been missing Les."

She met his lips with hers and indulged in the kiss, knowing now that they had no reason to pull back or stop. They finally parted and Celeste smiled at the look in his eyes. "Can you believe it's already been a week?"

Gibbs' hand caressed her leg to the top of her thigh and back down, taking pleasure in the way he could see her fighting to focus. "Shoulda done this three months ago."

Dragging her fingers down his chest, Celeste shook her head. "We needed that time to be friends again, to see if we could be in a relationship now." She raised an eyebrow teasingly. "Maybe a month ago though."

He tickled her and Celeste squirmed, fighting off his hands and trying to get away until she ended up pinned beneath his weight on the couch. Taking advantage of his position, Gibbs stroked her face and joined their lips briefly. "I wish I had appreciated having you to come home to the first time," he whispered gruffly.

Celeste's eyes twinkled. "Remember that this time, just as I will be glad every time you walk through the door and I see your ring." She pushed him away and got up feigning a yawn. "Well, I think it's time for bed."

He gave her an incredulous look, but she pretended not to notice and headed upstairs. Gibbs only put up with her actions for a minute before following. He caught her in the hallway near their room and spun her around, trapping Celeste in his arms. Lowering his head, he started dragging his lips across her collarbone. His wife's body sagged in his arms.

"Not...playing...fair," she said breathlessly, barely able to think clearly. The man had an advantage - being married to her previously had taught him exactly how to get her to respond.

Gibbs stared at her with dark, hungry eyes. "Who said it had to be fair?"

Celeste gave herself up to his kisses and touches, knowing her husband loved being in control. But he wasn't the only one who knew bedroom secrets and next time she'd have him begging for mercy. One had to be very careful when playing with fire. It was hard not to get burned.