A/N: Review replies... And to my wonderful readers, who continue to amaze and humble me with your consistent, encouraging, sweet comments about this story that was in my heart to tell - thank you :) ~ love, Aliyah

Jillian (Ch 86) - Wow! You read all 86 chapters in one night? I'm super impressed, that's a lot to get through! haha...always happy to have another addict tho ;) Aww...I'm glad you love Chaya, I've had a lot of fun with her, especially the daddy/daughter scenes. Tony is so cute with her. I'm happy you like the family scenes, I tried to include as many of those as I could. Thanks so much for reviewing!

Sarah (Ch 86) - Thanks. Yeah, I think intense pretty much sums it up. I did want to highlight the similarities between this fight and the Israel one, but I'm certainly glad this one didn't end with her walking away. Oh, I'm glad you liked that line. Ooh...and I'll give you a little sneak peek - there will be a one-shot in the Snapshots series that goes back to that line ;) Hmm...I think partly she was accusing him of lying about the pictures, because (on the show) he told her several times that he'd gotten rid of them. The other part was saying that he 'lied' to her in a manner of speaking, for months before their engagement, saying they were only friends when he was in love with her. But the fight wasn't supposed to be rational and it doesn't necessarily make sense, Ziva was just angry and needed a reason to fight with him. I'm glad you liked their conversation at the end, I alway like it when they're honest with each other. Thanks for reviewing!

Ziva wasn't the only one who noticed a difference in Tony on Tuesday. He was quiet, sullen almost, preforming his duties carefully, consistently, and without comment. A case that came their way mid-morning was a good distraction, but even as they processed the scene Ziva and McGee exchanged questioning glances when Tony had nothing to say about an obvious 'the wife did it' scenario. When he didn't even pick up on the fugitive angle, both went from curious to concerned. But there was no time to talk while they worked and Ziva left for the night knowing there was nothing that would make him feel better, no matter what he said about being okay. Because she knew the real reason for his mood, and all the honesty in the world wasn't going to mend the hurts her healing continued to inflict on him. Ziva stood at the elevator and stared at her husband's desk, but he never looked up, not once, and her heart sank even further. For once Tony was shutting her out, and she was learning quickly that it sucked to be on this side of the line.

Instead of picking Chaya up to go home after he'd left his report on Gibbs' desk, Tony used the daycare cell number they had and asked if Aria could keep her until LEO's closed. Then he headed downstairs, knowing he had some serious stress to work out, and that he couldn't go home until the intense emotions inside of him were released. He didn't trust himself to talk to his wife or hold his baby girl. He didn't trust himself to be alone with his thoughts either, but that couldn't be helped. The gym would have to be his therapy tonight, right now it was all he had.

Gibbs was ready to go home not too long after his team, but when he left the building Tony's car was still in the parking lot. Stifling a sigh, he went back inside and started with the most likely places where he might be hiding out. After a few ideas didn't pan out, he finally found Tony in the basement gym and checked his watch. "Thought I sent you home."

The former athlete hit the bag a few more times and didn't look up. "Yeah, well I'm still here."

Sipping his coffee, the older man watched as Tony continued rhythmically punching the bag. From his red face and sweat soaked shirt, he'd probably been there since they were released an hour ago. "Built you a place to work out at home," Gibbs pointed out.

Tony huffed and shuffled his feet, firing off a couple quick jabs. "That's Ziva's," he managed between breaths.

"She's waiting for you."

Clenching his jaw, the agent put a bit more force into his next set of blows. "I'll get there."

Gibbs was starting to think seriously about headslapping the man, but then Tony's eyes came up and he glared darkly at his boss. "I just want to be mad for awhile. Let me have that."

Surprised, Gibbs scrutinized Tony. Something was definitely up. "Okay Tony," he said quietly. "You need anything, you know where to come." He was too frustrated to appreciate the sentiment and nodded curtly, returning to his workout with great concentration. Gibbs walked slowly out to his car and dragged a hand down his face. He hated not being able to fix it. This wasn't good.

NCIS

Celeste was out in the backyard laying on the hammock he'd put up for her last week, with Lexie standing nearby having her ears rubbed. It was quiet outside, the full moon lighting up the sky while the stars twinkled in their dark blanket. She sat up when she heard the sliding door and Gibbs walked over slowly to sit next to her, lavishing a little attention on her dog before putting an arm around her shoulders and sighing into the silence.

She rubbed her hand slowly over his thigh. "You usually call me if you're going to be late." It wasn't an accusation, Celeste understood that he'd rarely be home at the normal dinner hour, but he tried to at least give her a ballpark time of when to expect him back.

Gibbs dragged a hand down his face. "Almost left on time, but Tony's car was still there. My gut was telling me something, had to go find him."

Celeste was familiar with the reliability of Gibbs' gut. "And?"

He leaned back. "He's not okay tonight Les."

"Did he tell you why?"

Gibbs shook his head. "Wasn't in a talking mood. Practically threw me out of the gym."

Her eyebrows rose. "And you let him?"

"Right thing to do, this time."

She nodded slowly, then looked up at him. "Do you have any idea what's wrong?"

Gibbs grunted. "Have an idea."

Celeste waited, and then poked him in the ribs gently. "Care to share?"

He met her eyes and she saw the heavy sadness there. "I think they tried having sex and it didn't turn out the way Tony hoped."

His wife closed her eyes. "Just when I thought they might have finally climbed all the mountains, then another, even more impossible one, looms on the horizon."

"They'll get over it," Gibbs replied eventually. "But it won't be easy. Sometimes it isn't easy for couples with no issues, Tony and Ziva have their fair share."

She sighed. "There's so much stacked against them."

"If anyone's beating the odds Les, it's them. You know that."

Celeste kissed his cheek and cuddled closer to his side. "I'll take your confidence tonight Jethro. Right now I just want to hug them both. I love your kids, your family, I'm privileged to be here, even on the outside. But I wish loving them could help when it hurts. I don't know how to help."

She wasn't often this uncertain and he wasn't used to being the encouraging one. Gibbs made a note to find out what her day was like, positive that something had happened which put her in this kind of mood. "What'd you tell me? They know where to come if they need help. If they don't, we have to let them tough it out on their own."

Celeste chuckled. "Those don't sound exactly like my words."

He huffed. "I paraphrased." Switching topics, Gibbs tipped his wife's chin up and met her eyes. "Tell me what I'm seeing Les, I'm not good with twenty questions."

Knowing he wouldn't let it go, Celeste proceeded to share the events of earlier that afternoon with her husband, all the while worrying about Tony and Ziva in a back corner of her mind, and hoping they'd somehow be okay.

NCIS

Tony just made it back to LEO's as Miss Rachel was getting ready to lock up. Aria already had Chaya's things waiting in the lobby and held the baby in her arms. He shot her a tight smile. "Thanks for staying, sorry I'm late."

"I was wondering if I'd have to page you," the girl commented, looking down at Chaya. "I think she's waiting for you." She handed over his daughter and walked out with her supervisor. "See you guys tomorrow."

Looking down into Chaya's beautiful eyes, Tony found himself having to blink back tears. "Hi sweet girl, did you miss me? It's past your bedtime, how come you're still awake?" She smiled at him and Tony sank to the floor, leaning against the wall where the reception desk was. "I'm sorry I couldn't come get you earlier princess. Daddy...Daddy had to try to feel better first, I didn't want anything I was feeling to rub off on you." He sighed. "Why is this so hard C? I love Mommy and Mommy loves me. She said yes, we promised forever, and we got you. But now everything is falling apart. I'm trying so hard to be strong sweetie, but I don't know if I can do it any more. I wish both of us could just stop hurting."

"Ba-a," Chaya said, hiccuping, and Tony kissed her head.

"Do you have all the answers princess? Maybe we should do this more often."

Chaya squealed in obvious delight and stuffed a few fingers in her mouth, rolling her head from side to side as she tried to fight off sleep. Tony buckled the little girl into her carseat and drove home, still having no idea what he was going to say to his wife.

Ziva was waiting in the darkened livingroom and made a move as if to come to them, but held back. "Do you want to put her to bed?"

Tony shook his head. "I've had my cuddle time, it's your turn."

She released the baby from her confines and gathered her into her arms. "You are very peaceful when you are sleeping tatelah, let us hope your night is only full of sweet dreams, yes?" Ziva pressed her lips to Chaya's fist and climbed the stairs slowly. "Ima missed you tsiporkatan. It seems there are not enough hours in the day for us all to be together, hmm?"

Upstairs in the nursery she laid the baby in her crib and tucked a blanket around her waist. Although the baby had no need of comfort, Ziva did, so she leaned over the rail and sang softly to her daughter. "Laila tov, say goodnight/Laila tov, sleep tight/dream of peace/dream of love/Laila tov." She didn't finish the whole lullaby, but it was enough to help her feel a tiny bit of peace as she feathered her fingers over Chaya's soft, soft hair. "Laila tov my love," Ziva whispered.

Going back downstairs to her husband was the hard part, when she didn't know what to expect. Tony was slouched on the couch, staring at the blank TV screen. Ziva joined him and sat close, but not touching. Moments later he reached out, offering his hand for hers. Gladly she let him take her hand, and waited, finding it very hard to say nothing. Ziva did not know if she should apologize again, or ask if he was okay when he was clearly the opposite. Finally Tony looked at her.

"You know I love you, right Zi?" She nodded, already blinking back tears. He swallowed. "Good. Because that's the most important thing to remember, even when...especially when this isn't easy."

"I will not forget, if you will remember that my heart belongs to you, and no one is more important to me than you, unless it is Chaya."

Tony kissed her palm and stood up and Ziva followed his lead. They went upstairs to get ready for bed, and once in bed she curled up, trying not to expect anything from him. This may be, she mused, the point where he runs out of love and assurance to give. When he is empty, and there is no more. But then Tony rolled over and rested his arm over her waist, burying his nose in her hair. "Buona notte mia bella," he whispered and Ziva closed her eyes in relief. If they were touching, they were going to be okay and she knew it would be morning before Tony let her go again. Maybe by then, she'd have something to offer him, even if it was just her promise that they would figure this out, together, because they were so much better together than apart.

NCIS

Wednesday after lunch it was quiet in the bullpen and Ziva approached Tony's desk, perching on the edge. He couldn't be so close without touching her and it was almost funny how his hand moved to rest on her leg while he finished writing the last line of his report. Then he dropped the pen and looked up. "Something I can do for you Agent Dah-veed?" Tony's eyes flickered to the clock. "Don't you have an appointment to get to?" Since they'd been working on a case yesterday morning, so her therapy session had been pushed back a day.

Her fingers skated over his hand and touched his ring lightly. "Come with me? We are both on call anyways."

Tony leaned back. "You don't like talking to Devon with me there." He'd picked up on that part fairly quick.

"No," Ziva admitted, "but I need to learn sometime. I want to be able to share with you."

He took her hands. "You share honey, everything you can, I know that."

She sighed. "Just come, please? I think it will be good for us."

There was no one around to save him or give him a reason not to go, so reluctantly Tony stood and followed Ziva to the elevator. A few minutes later they entered Devon's office together and she looked up in surprise. "I was beginning to think couple's counseling was a figment of my imagination, since no one has shown up for it since I split it from Ziva's sessions. Somehow," she said in what could've been considered a sarcastic tone, "you two always manage to be 'busy' in the middle of the week." Then Dr. Andrews sat up straighter and gestured to the couch. "Never mind, you're here now. Please sit." She had now talked to both parts of the couple separately and together, making sure confidential information didn't slip out was tricky, she'd have to tread carefully.

Tony and Ziva sat on the couch, leaving no space between them and keeping their hands firmly clasped. It would be telling either way if one had to move away or loosened their grip on the other. "So," Devon said slowly, drawing out the word, "anything I need to know about?"

Ziva glanced her husband's direction but not at him and shifted slightly. "I am still reacting after..." she hesitated and the therapist finished her sentence.

"After you and Tony are intimate."

Relief flooded the other woman's features and she nodded. "Yes."

"Is it immediately after?" Devon inquired.

Ziva shook her head. "No. It is several hours later that the nightmares wake me and I need to have a shower to get rid of the dirty feeling."

"And where is Tony when this is happening?"

She rubbed her pinky along the side of Tony's hand. "He waits for me to be okay, he holds me. Last time he warmed my towels."

Devon shot a wink at her patient's husband. "Extra points for being sweet."

"Yes," Ziva smiled faintly, "I will add that to the list."

"Okay, so Tony, how do you feel when Ziva experiences these reactions after being with you?"

Tony swallowed. He'd really been hoping to not become the center of attention. "It sucks," he answered honestly. "It hurts. Ziva, she touches a place deep inside me, but it's just as painful as it is wonderful when something not so great happens." Tony sighed. "I guess I just had too many expectations about what our sex life would look like."

Ziva wanted to curl up in a corner and disappear. This morning they'd woken with a resolve to ignore the events of the previous evening, and it had been working fine until now. Devon could see her pulling away and caught Tony's gaze, glancing at his wife pointedly. "Do you blame Ziva for your disappointment?"

His eyes widened and his whipped his head to look at Ziva. "No," he said firmly. "I don't. I know she can't help it, that I'm not the only one frustrated. But I want this to be good for both of us."

"Do you blame yourself?" Devon asked next.

Tony was quiet for several moments. "I don't know. But I want to blame someone."

"Does it bother you that you can't bring Ziva pleasure?"

He was shocked and looked at Ziva. "How much did you tell her?"

She shrugged meekly. "Everything Tony. Nothing you did not already know too." They'd never discussed it, but both knew it to be true. She wouldn't lie to him by faking something she didn't feel.

Tony scraped his hands over his face and blew out a breath. "I know other things that she enjoys - where to kiss and how to touch her. As far as sex...well, I guess we're still working on that." He was still trying to pretend it wasn't that big of a deal, hoping to convince himself as well as the shrink and his wife.

It was an awkward and uncomfortable session and Ziva was beginning to wonder if honesty was all it was cracked up to be. They rode the elevator together to get back to their floor and just before the doors opened, Ziva threw the emergency switch and they were plunged into semi-darkness. She moved in front of her husband and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him, willing him to respond. Tony couldn't help it. All the hurt from talking, from trying to beat out his emotions in the gym, from waking up to find that she was in the shower hours after being with him imploded and he grabbed her face in his hands, pushing his lips between hers and letting his fingers get tangled in her hair.

Ziva pressed closer, eagerly returning his passionate kiss, her hands resting on his neck and fisted in his shirt. They didn't stop when they needed to breathe, barely paused to grab a quick gulp of oxygen before joining their lips again. Ziva rubbed her hands over Tony's chest and back and Tony drew his fingers along the skin of her lower back under her shirt. He pulled her even closer, unable to get enough of her lips and her mouth and the way she tasted, the need he could feel in her touch that mirrored his own. And she loved being desired, being wanted, feeling cherished.

Finally Ziva broke away and put her head down on his collarbone. Tony tried to catch his breath and cradled her against him, dropping a kiss on her hair. He was attempting to shove away any ideas involving elevators and fantasies back into the recesses of his mind. They could barely have sex at home, let alone somewhere she might feel exposed. Listening to his racing heart, Ziva rested in her husband's love, eventually pressing her lips to his neck and looking up to meet his eyes.

"I know talking hurts and listening hurts and all our truths hurt. But I do not want you to feel so far away."

He leaned his forehead on hers. "That's a good way to keep me close. I need you Zi, not just sexually, but every other way too. Help me hold on."

She nodded and brushed her lips over his. "I will." Flicking the switch, she smiled. "Time to go back to work."

Tony hugged her from behind. "I like this spontaneous side of you babe. You can lock us in an elevator or a storage closet or a small dark room anytime you want."

Ziva rolled her eyes. "You wish." But she was glad to hear the teasing lilt back in his voice. Home was one thing, work was another. She did not plan on encouraging his fantasies. At least, not here.

NCIS

That night Tony couldn't seem to sleep close enough to her. He kept tightening his arm around her waist like she might suddenly disappear or try to escape. Not really understanding Ziva kept up a soothing rhythm of stroking his skin, deliberately writing three letters over and over again on the back of his hand in case he had reason to doubt. Finally she couldn't take it any longer and rolled over to face him, hating the involuntary whimper that came from his throat when she moved. Ziva caressed his face gently. "Tony, wake up." He scrunched his eyes shut and tried to pull her nearer, but she resisted. "Come on ahuvi, open your eyes."

Tony finally obeyed and blinked slowly, frowning as she tried to focus his eyes, not quite sure why she was right in his face. "What's wrong?"

Ziva arched one eyebrow. "I was hoping you could tell me."

He shut his eyes again. "Not that I'm complaining, but why are you so close?"

She chuckled. "Because you would not let me get any further away."

Tony looked down, finally registering how tightly he was holding her. "Oh." Deliberately he relaxed his arm.

"What were you dreaming?"

Tony shrugged. "Wasn't really. Just kept hearing Devon's words over and over about how I can't bring you pleasure like you do for me."

Ziva tried to hide by leaning into him, but Tony kept her back and she swallowed. "It is not that you cannot do that for me. I have not been able to let you."

"Why is this so hard Ziva?" His voice came out raspy and she suspected he was fighting tears.

This time he let her snuggle close and fit her head into his neck. "I do not know Tony, I wish I understood. But I think it will get better. I know you are tired of being patient, just as I am tired of waiting for time to heal things. I am sorry. But I need you to stand with me, to continue to fight for you and me and us and what we deserve. I cannot face the battle on my own."

Tony tangled their legs together and surrounded her with his embrace. "I'll stand Ziva, we'll do this together. We'll figure it out. I love you."

She held on tight. "I love you too."

One day Ziva hoped they no longer had to fight for this life, but could instead bask in all the joys being married had to offer.

NCIS

The next evening at Ops Ziva was quiet, intense and focused. After working with and watching her awhile, Devon motioned Ziva to follow him down the hall and into a small, empty studio. "What's going on with you tonight?"

She shrugged. "I suppose I am dealing with personal things."

"Seems to be a lot of that going on these days," he commented. "Need me to come rough up your husband a bit?" Duke meant it as a way to lighten the tension, but Ziva's eyes darkened.

"He is not the problem."

Duke crossed his arms. "Just how much of Africa did you bring home?"

Ziva's hand unconsciously touched her now toned stomach and she looked away, though the other scars on her wrists that were steadily growing fainter still caught her attention. "Too much," she whispered.

"I've never met anyone stronger than you David, even when you think you're not. Don't let everything inside ruin what you've worked for."

She nodded slowly and left to get her things. Ziva was quite ready for this week to be over.

NCIS

Friday afternoon Abby sent Tami to the squadroom to deliver Sammy to Ziva as she was on her way to meet Matt for a late lunch. Everyone looked up when she strolled through and handed Sammy's leash to the dark-haired woman. "Have fun!" Tami chirped, heading for the elevator.

Puzzled, Ziva knelt down to receive Sammy's enthusiastic kisses and pet him gently. Then she noticed a piece of paper pinned to his collar. Unfolding the little square, Ziva read - Come to Labby. Bring puppy. No questions. She looked up and frowned, then stood facing Gibbs. "I got a note from Abby."

Gibbs and McGee exchanged glances and the boss waved her away. "Better do what it says, not safe to argue with her right now."

Knowing that Abby was farther into pregnancy than she'd gotten, Ziva agreed. She could only imagine how grumpy and miserable she would've been if Chaya hadn't come until her due date. As per orders, Ziva tugged on Sammy's leash, smiled at her curious husband and left for the lab. Abby was waiting for her and squatted down to reward the puppy with a treat, since bending over wasn't possible.

"Hi buddy, did you give Ziva my message? Good boy." Sammy yipped excitedly and made a beeline for his bed and favourite chew toy.

Abby straightened and sat back on a stool while Ziva waited. She folded her hands. "Timmy says things have been strained between you and Tony this week."

Ziva could feel a headache starting and rubbed her temples. "It has been harder than normal, yes."

"So a night to yourselves probably wouldn't hurt?" the girl continued.

Not sure what she was getting at, Ziva nodded. "Yes," she replied cautiously.

Abby beamed. "Good. McGee and I will get Chaya from daycare then. There's extra outfits in her bag?"

"Yes." Ziva shook her head, needing to say something more intelligent. "You are offering to babysit?"

"Yup," Abby answered.

"Overnight?"

"You bet," the Goth confirmed.

"You will have to change diapers," Ziva warned.

Abby shrugged. "Only three weeks left, we need practice. Does she have enough bottles?"

"I will add what I pumped today, but she falls asleep early now and eats less often than she used to. You should be fine. Are you sure?"

"Absolutely," Abby reassured her friend. "It'll be good for both of us. Take Tony out to dinner or to see a movie or something."

Since they were conserving cash as much as possible, 'or something' was more likely. "Thank you," Ziva finally thought to say. This was going to be interesting.

NCIS

Ziva came up from doing Chaya's second last feeding and found Tony and McGee packing up. Tony looked at her and smiled. "Gibbs said we could go. What time will you be home do you think?"

She shrugged. "Now."

His brow furrowed. "What about Ops?"

Ziva reached for her bag. "I called Duke. I will only be going three times a week now."

Tony was completely confused. "Why?"

Ziva walked over and stood in front of her husband, placing her hand on his chest. "Because it has been a month and a half and I am pleased with my progress. And I want to spend more time with my family. It is too precious to waste, especially while she is so young."

He tipped her chin up and leaned down to kiss her, her lips softening under his. "That sounds like a good reason to me," Tony whispered against her skin.

They walked to the elevator hand in hand and Ziva pushed the parking garage button. Tony cleared his throat. "Uh...aren't you forgetting someone?"

Ziva laughed. "Did I not tell you? Abby and McGee are taking her for the night so we can have some time together."

He sighed in frustration and reached over to tickle her, but Ziva jumped away just in time. "No you did not tell me that!" His eyes gleamed. "Wow, a whole evening to ourselves? I think we owe them big time. What are we going to do?"

Ziva leaned into him once the threat of being tickled dissipated. "I thought I would start with making you dinner."

Tony grinned. "I like it so far."

Less than an hour later they were standing at the island in the kitchen, each topping one half of Ziva's homemade pizza dough. Garlic bread was broiling in the oven and the vegetable platter his wife had insisted on having to counteract the unhealthiness of their meal was already on the coffeetable. Tony had picked the film - It Happened One Night - and everything felt just like their two weeks in Tony's apartment, except that this was their house and the rings on their fingers symbolized a bigger commitment than either had been willing or able to make last October.

Finally supper was ready to cook and Tony and Ziva curled up on the couch, Tony munching on garlic bread while he waited for pizza and Ziva going with carrot sticks and cucumber slices. Once she had her fill, she rested her head on his shoulder and trailed her fingers slowly up and down his chest until he shifted. "You're making it very hard to concentrate on the movie." Not that he minded, they probably needed the outlet after the stress of this week, even if her reaction might start the dominos falling all over again.

Her expression was a barely concealed smirk as she lifted her face to kiss the underside of his jaw. "Perhaps that was the point."

Tony's eyes narrowed. "Keep it up and the pizza we worked so hard on is going to burn."

Ziva's eyes twinkled. "Be patient my love, we have no deadlines tonight."

He rolled his eyes and pressed his lips to her hair, breathing in deeply. "I hope that's a promise." She said nothing in response but the subject wasn't taboo anymore so he could look forward to the possibility of being with her unless she told him otherwise. Tony was just thrilled that she was feeling comfortable enough to be able to flirt with him that way again, it gave him hope.

When half the pizza had been devoured and the credits rolled, Tony and Ziva took things upstairs. For awhile they lay on the bed kissing and slowly caressing each other, but eventually that dissolved into resting in each other's arms, basking in the peace and not feeling the need to fill the quiet between them with words. Tonight was one of the first times they had been truly alone since their wedding.

Ziva didn't want to ruin everything, but the question burning in her heart needed an answer. Toying with her husband's ring, she dredged up the courage to find out. "Tony, can I ask you something?"

He looked down at her, running his fingers through her dark curls. "Anything Zi, for you I'm an open book."

Frowning at the phrase she only vaguely understood, Ziva hesitated. "You may not like this question."

Tony sat up a little, paying closer attention at her warning. "Okay. I'm ready."

Taking a breath, Ziva met his eyes. "Did you love Jeanne?"

Working very hard not to look away, Tony stared into his wife's eyes and wondered what on earth he was supposed to say to that. Finally he came up with something that seemed safe enough. "I think that was one of the first times I thought I knew what it meant to be in love."

"Did you know?" Ziva wasn't sure why she was even asking, she could not fault him for feelings he'd had before her. Just as he did not hold her previous relationships against her.

Tony slid his hand along her face. "I knew what love was when the bag came off your head in Somalia. I knew it when I watched you sleep on my couch the nights I wasn't supposed to know you were there. I knew what it was when you said yes. And when you suffered through labour to give birth to our daughter, I knew it was possible to love you more. But the first time I held Chaya, I realized I didn't really know love at all. All I knew was that every day with both of you would teach me a little bit more."

Ziva really liked his answer, and she was almost ready to leave the subject. "Does it still hurt you to think about her?"

Tony leaned back against the headboard. "When I think about how much the situation hurt her, I still feel badly. She had no part in what was going on but I played her knowingly and it was my fault that I got in too deep, that I let her hope we had a future. But my future was never going to be with Jeanne. She wanted me to choose." He sighed. "If I'd really loved her, I would've left to be with her. If she'd really loved me, she wouldn't have asked me to make that sacrifice."

"I am sorry," Ziva didn't like the guilt on her husband's face. "I should not have -"

But he cut her off. "Ziva, you're my wife. You have every right to ask about my past relationships, to know what I learned from them and what I was like then. You can always ask me those questions. I just don't want the answers to hurt you."

Ziva held up her left hand, looking at the two rings that tied her to him forever. "I am wearing the only answer I need," she told him. "You chose me. I cannot always understand why, but you will always be my greatest gift next to Chaya."

"You know what? I'll take it," Tony grinned. "Now Mrs. DiNozzo, may I have this dance?"

Tony grabbed the remote off the bedside table and clicked on the stereo system in the corner. Soft strains of music floated out to them and Ziva took his hand as he helped her off the bed. He swayed her gently around the room, moving to the rhythm of the song. But instead of singing along this time, Tony held her close and looked down into her beautiful dark eyes.

"I'm sorry Zi, for the way I treated you when I was with Jeanne. I was so angry and hurt when you stopped spending time with me outside of work that I didn't want to see how much you cared and worried when I was keeping things from you."

Ziva touched his face. "I forgave you a long time ago Tony. I can understand now that for so long we were just two hurting people who hurt each other because you and I were always closer than anyone else. What matters now is that you have my heart and I have yours and we are never letting go."

Tony kissed her slowly, coaxing her lips apart to deepen it. He would never get enough of this. Neither noticed they'd stopped moving, so lost were they in one another. It seemed natural then when Tony took small steps backwards and sat down on the bed, then eased onto his back and brought her with him. Ziva smiled and relaxed into his body, glad to feel his hands on her again. There was no rush as they undressed and explored every inch of skin they could reach before coming together. There was less hesitation this time and Ziva was better at letting him know what she needed. Tony savoured every second he was allowed to be with her and held off as long as possible because he didn't want their intimacy to end.

He knew Ziva was close, that she was still fighting her need for release, so he kissed her and brushed his lips over her earlobe. "It's okay Zi, just let it happen." Tony wanted so badly for these times to not just be about him. Finally she did, and watching and feeling the bliss flood her body sent him over the edge too.

Tony was careful to fall to her side instead of collapsing on top of her, knowing she wasn't yet able to enjoy his weight holding her down. For the longest time no words were exchanged as they both caught their breaths. When he pulled Ziva close and dropped a kiss on her shoulder, Tony noticed she was crying and immediately worried that he'd hurt her somehow. "Zi?" he whispered, stroking his knuckles over her cheek.

She swallowed and met his eyes, blinking back moisture. "I was not sure I would ever be able to enjoy sex again, to know the difference in making love instead of being violated. But I remember now how good it can be." Ziva kissed his fingertips. "Thank you."

Relief so great he couldn't help but reflect it poured over Tony and he framed her face with his hands, pushing his lips onto hers. Ziva responded with equal feeling but soon lighthearted laughter broke them apart. When she spoke, her eyes were shining. "This really is going to get better, yes?"

Tony grinned and toyed with one of her curls. "You bet. I'm one hundred percent positive that we can call tonight progress." He kissed her cheek. "I love you." Tony wrapped her in his arms and closed his eyes, thankful for one more step forward.

NCIS

Hours later Tony knew the instant Ziva moved from his side and instead of wallowing in self-pity and feelings of inadequacy, he followed her into the bathroom. Ziva looked up, startled, and he leaned against the counter, staying far out of her personal space for the moment. He held her gaze. "Can I come in with you?" Her eyes widened and Tony extended his hands pleadingly. "Let me help you wash them away babe, please." She closed her eyes briefly, then nodded and he felt hope. Tony bit his lip. "Are you going to be okay if I go in naked?"

Ziva's expression softened. "I am no longer uncomfortable with your body Tony."

That sounded like permission so he took it, stepping into the shower right after his wife. Ziva squeezed an obscene amount of body wash onto the cloth but Tony understood and took it from her, slowly but more roughly than he normally would scrubbing the material over her skin, watching the lather get washed away. She let him do everything this time, even if she helped with private areas, and when no more soap was left in the cloth, Tony massaged shampoo into her scalp and combed conditioner through her hair, finally just holding her and wondering if there were tears mixed with the water on her face.

At last Ziva kissed him and got out, saying 'thank you' in a barely audible voice. After they were dressed he sat holding her in the corner chair until she was ready to go back to bed. Tony didn't blame Ziva for keeping to her own side while they fell asleep, all that mattered was that she finally trusted him with everything and somehow that had to mean something. He only hoped they'd see the evidence of that sooner vs. later, because for once Tony wanted to sleep through the night with his wife, content and satisfied and finally no longer afraid.