Title: Strings Attached

Author: owlet

Rating: M (maybe not really, I just want to be sure)

Disclaimer: JMS wrote everything B5, Warner Brothers® gave it a place to stay (at least for a while, sigh) nothing here is mine.

...

...

...

4

"Andrea."

Somebody shook my shoulder.

"Andrea."

I blearily opened my eyes and almost jumped out of my skin.

Coplann stood over me withdrawing his hand from my shoulder when he felt me flinch.

"You were supposed to hold vigil."

I frowned at him.

"I was. The last thing I remember is light appearing in the sky and my coffee being gone."

"Still, to fall asleep in the chair..."

He was teasing me, somehow I could tell.

"Why, did I drool?"

I mentally slapped myself. When had I gotten comfortable enough about him to crack jokes in his presence?

He just chuckled and shook his head before moving past me to the bathroom. I got out of the chair (every bone protesting) and decided to disappear real quiet-like.

...

My Musketeers were waiting for me in the library.

"And?"

Laval, of course. She looked innocent but had a wicked sense of humour.

"I fell asleep."

She dissolved in laughter.

"Oh, do not worry, You have another two tries," she giggled; the eyes of the other two Minbari women also sparkled with mirth. I just shook my head.

"Well, if you don't mind, I didn't get much sleep and have duties to attend to anyway," I said archly starting my console.

All right, we will leave you to it; you know where to find us, if you need anything," Tavin said putting a hand on my shoulder. I covered it briefly with mine.

"Yes of course, my friend. Thank you."

She smiled and shooed the others out.

I started my work and got lost in it until early afternoon; then my stomach was grumbling for attention. The mess-hall was crowded as usual when I got there for a late lunch. Avoiding all the strange looks sent my way, I decided not to join one of the tables, but to take my meal outside. I had it packed and went to a secluded part of the garden; the weather was nice and I had my lunch in peace, throwing the last crumbs to the birds. After that I settled down to meditate. Some people found it easier to do this in the peace and quiet of their quarters, focussing on a flame, but I had always been drawn to nature to help me center myself.

It started to rain after a while, of course. I was usually lucky like that, but the weather was mild and the rain soft and warm; so I stayed and let it soak me to the skin. I had a great view of the temple from where I was sitting, and watched people try and dodge the raindrops, and rain-clouds chase each other. Banning all doubts from my mind I simply was; and was at peace for the first time in days.

Eventually I got up and made my way back, dripping all over the place.

...

Two days went by very quickly in between work, training, and trying to hide. I knew, I'd eventually have to stop - but not yet.

So there I was, back in the chair watching Coplann's face.

He was troubled this time, his dreams seemed unpleasant at best. What had happened to him, what had he seen that haunted him so? His hands twitched, and his breathing was laboured.

Should I wake him? Was I supposed to? Besides, waking up a warrior who was having a nightmare was usually not a clever thing to do.

I bit my lip and moved my chair closer to his sleeping-platform. Silently I counted to three and carefully reached for his hand. Coplann didn't wake up but curled his fingers around mine in an almost painful grip; his sleep quieted after that, though he didn't release my hand for the rest of the night.

So I sat and watched his face, and the deep sadness etched into it.

...

Coplann gave our linked hands a puzzled look when he woke up.

I shrugged.

"You seemed to have bad dreams," I explained and pulled my hand from his.

"Yes, I remember. Thank you," he said quietly.

I looked up to him.

"What were they about, what is it you have to relive at night?"

He smiled at me tightly and got up.

"The time will come when I will tell you, but not yet."

Curiouser and curiouser.

I was deep in thought when I left his quarters a moment later. My friends had not been able (or willing) to tell me much about him other than the facts that were publicly known; that he was loyal, honourable, and the leader of his clan. That was, by Minbari standards, nothing special. But that he volunteered for this task was quite unusual; as was his choice, a.k.a. me (and let's not forget that he had his mind made up almost completely before even arriving at the Ranger-facility). Besides, and that still threw me for a loop a little, he had totally changed his behaviour towards me. Where he had been unpleasant, cold, and rude, he was now respectful, even cordial.

I needed to talk to somebody. My mind made up, I turned my steps towards the temple.

"Sovann, do you have a minute?"

My friend looked up from her task of folding together a cloth hanger after some ritual or another.

"Yes, certainly. Where would you like to go?"

Ah, Sovann, she always knew what was up with others.

"The gardens, I think," I answered, and we left the temple to go to my favourite spot. We went there in silence for which I was quite grateful, it gave me a chance to further sort out some of those complicated inside-my-head-brain-processes.

"Sorry for dropping this on you, Sovann, but I didn't know who else to talk to. Laval would think everything terribly funny, and Tavin won't see my problem, I'm afraid."

Sovann smiled and took my hand.

"It is tradition to seek an advisor when beginning a courtship. Do not worry yourself so, I would be honoured to help you through this. You tried to save us from this and in the process landed yourself in the middle. The least I could do is listen and give advice, should I have any to offer."

I grinned and sighed in relief.

"Well, as it seems all our worries have been for naught. He was already fairly sure it would be me before he came. So I made you go through that for nothing, I'm sorry about that."

"You couldn't have known, Andrea. We were all very surprised."

I sighed.

"Well, and the way he's treating me now; the courtesy is in a way more scary then the insults."

"If he is treating you with courtesy now, he will continue to do so. There is nothing to fear," Sovann said, sounding a little confused.

"Other than a loveless relationship? I'm going to live at the Moon Shield stronghold. All alone, surrounded by strangers, bound to a Warrior Caste Minbari who sees me as a duty, as a commodity. The thought of him touching me during the Shan-Fal, the thought of being totally vulnerable makes my skin crawl and scares me more than I can say."

"Do you find him physically repulsive?"

I thought about her question for a while and decided to tell her the truth.

"No, I think he's kind of attractive, actually. That opens a totally different can of worms."

"That's not so bad. You just don't know him very well yet and don't trust him; so you feel vulnerable. Give yourself time to get to know him, everything will be fine."

I sighed.

"Okay. Fine. But how will things progress? I don't want to send the wrong signals."

"What do you mean?"

"I have no idea what's appropriate behaviour and what isn't. Last night when he had bad dreams, I held his hand. Was that even acceptable, or was that something I shouldn't have done?"

Sovann smiled at me reassuringly.

"You did nothing wrong. It was a gesture of compassion meant to comfort, which he accepted. If he didn't trust you, you never would have been able to touch him in his sleep."

"Yes, I had wondered about that too. I half expected to be thrown across the room," I joked feebly.

Sovann just continued to smile.

"Anything else that worries you?"

"Uh, yes. I was wondering... what will, I mean, how far will things go before the Shan-Fal?"

Sovann shrugged.

"Couples usually move at their own pace. Everything that does not involve taking off clothes is fine; those come off after the Shan-Fal is complete; ideally after the Na'fak-Cha."

"Oh."

"You need not worry. You are the female, you set the pace. You initiate things."

I blinked at her.

"So he won't do anything?"

"Not without your permission. All steps of a courtship must be taken in mutual agreement, and it is usually the female who takes the initiative. But that doesn't mean he will not encourage you. You took a step forward last night when you held his hand, so holding hands is now acceptable between you."

"Oh."

Good intentions, road to hell...

"So he might take advantage of that to make you more comfortable. Comfortable enough to take the next step. And he might generally try to make your life easier, little things to show that he cares."

Ah yes, right. Would have to be more careful in the future, much, much more careful.

...

Sovann had been right. It was small things; like one of Coplann's aides bringing my lunch to the library the next day. The sudden availability of my favourite brand of tea from Earth in the mess-hall. A subtle reduction of my workload.

This reeked of high-handed meddling, but it made me smile; Coplann was being very thoughtful – in a pompous kind of way.

I decided to let it slide when we met in the evening for the third and final time of me watching his true-face. We had tea as before, and I filled the silence with tales about the various antics and exploits of Sech Turval's goks, which made his eyes crinkle. After we had finished our tea, we made our way to his bedroom (I tried very hard not to think about the implications – and even harder not to blush), and I seated myself in my customary chair.

All right, one last time, I thought, and unscrewed my flask of coffee.

No unpleasant dreams tonight, judging by the smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth. In the end I kept my hands to myself and tried not to think about what his lips would feel like.

Hours later I was yawning so hard my jaw cracked as he woke.

"Sorry, I'm just bone tired," I said as soon as I was able to close my mouth again.

"I am not offended. Would you please wait for me this time? There are things we need to discuss."

I nodded.

"All right."

So he went and to do his daily cleansing-ritual, and I went to the living room, plopping down on the couch. Of course I was asleep within moments.

...

I woke quite some time later to the sound of serene music. Something soft and black covered me as I lay on the couch curled up like a cat. Coplann was sitting nearby, reading something. He looked up as he heard me move around.

"What time is it?" I asked with a yawn.

"Early afternoon," he answered with a smile.

I jumped.

"Why didn't you wake me? I should have been at the library hours ago; I'm going to be in worlds of trouble!" I ranted, trying to extricate myself from the black fabric covering me which turned out to be a cloak.

"Calm down. I informed your superiors, and they were very understanding."

I stilled.

"About that. You really have to stop meddling in my work life. Not that I don't appreciate the lunch deliveries, but brow-beating my superiors into granting me favours is taking things a little too far."

He sighed.

"As you wish. Maybe you'd consider joining me for dinner?"

I blinked. That had come out really innocently. Sneaky. Sharing a meal alone was the next ritual, and he'd almost had me agreeing; he was sounding so relaxed about it.

"Er, no. Another time," I said, and left quickly.

Was it just my imagination, or did he look disappointed?