A/N: After having a couple of people mention it in reviews, I realized I made a mistake. For those of you picturing Tami as a brunette, you'd be right. I don't know where I came up with blonde, but that was a typo. I see her with mousy brown hair and glasses. And she smiles a lot. Anyhow...just wanted to clear that up. Thanks for noticing the details guys!

Sarah (Ch 88) - No problem. Yeah, time speeds up at lot after this chapter so I want to make sure it's not rushed and that I got in all the details I wanted. lol...I figured I had to have the 'interrogation' scene with Matt and Trevor. From my experience with my best friend who has an older brother, they do not appreciate seeing a guy get touchy with their sister. And you were right about Tami's hair colour, my mistake. Definitely the worst one in awhile, but even if it sucked for both of them, not needing to shower and immediately wanting Tony's comfort was still progress. haha...if Abby wasn't married, she's probably just live in her lab. I'm all about stuffed animals, I have my own collection, so I wanted her baby to get some unique stuff. haha...glad you liked McGee's line. Aww...glad you liked the end. I added a lot more to that scene so I wanted to make sure it came out okay. Thanks goes to a reviewer who mentioned the website where I got the instructions for challah bread off of. I hoped the explanation would make sense for Ziva. I'm still not sure how much I can add in this story about her faith, but maybe in a Snapshot I can go into more detail. Thanks for reviewing Sarah! :)

Guest who loved the chapter (Ch 88) - I'm so happy you liked it so much, along with the rest of the story. It's funny, because at the beginning everyone hated Matt and was suspicious of Tami, but now there's actually readers who admit to shipping them, I love it! I never thought they'd become so popular or that they'd have such a part in the story. So much for background characters, lol. So I'm glad you're enjoying M&T, I find they add something to the story that I didn't expect. Thanks so much! :)

Early Tuesday morning Celeste rolled over and woke Gibbs up with a kiss. He responded to her before opening his eyes, surprised when her hands wandered, making it clear that she wanted to initiate more than just making out. Not one to argue with any kind of physical activity involving him and his wife, Gibbs began getting Celeste out of the little clothing she was wearing. She did the same for him and it wasn't long before they were lost in each other.

After they finished, Celeste lay on her husband's chest, fingers swirling lightly through his chest hair. Gibbs turned his head and kissed her nose. "Not complaining, but why? I don't often get morning sex."

Celeste pressed her lips to his. "Happy One Month Jethro."

His eyebrows rose. "Already?" he asked incredulously.

She chuckled. "I'll try not to take it personally that you didn't know."

Gibbs rubbed his hand up and down her arm. "It's not that Les. Sometimes this feels like forever, then the next day I'm sure it's only been a couple weeks."

"I'm assuming that's a good thing?"

He answered with a long kiss. "We fit, it's a very good thing."

Finally Celeste moved away and Gibbs immediately missed her naked warmth lying against him. She rolled over and cuddled with her pillow. "Go to work."

A glance at the clock showed a time that meant he'd be late if he didn't shower now. "Tease," he grumbled.

"I did more than tease," Celeste shot back, already closing her eyes. She peeked one open to watch him get up. "As for morning sex, wait until you retire and it doesn't have to be so early."

He looked back to comment but Celeste was steadfastly pretending to be asleep. "I'll keep that in mind," Gibbs muttered, trying to think of something else. She sure made it difficult to go to work these days. With Celeste waiting for him why would he ever want to leave?

NCIS

Gibbs was in far too good a mood that day but none of them wanted to know why, some things would just be too much information. It was enough to know that he was clearly enjoying married life and leave it at that. Just before Ziva had to leave for her therapy appointment, Tony set a steaming cup of tea on her desk. "Okay?" Despite things getting better, they hadn't been intimate that week. The lingering effects of her last nightmare haunted both of them and Tony was afraid of it happening again, he wasn't used to them anymore.

She looked up from putting a cold case into the system. "Thank you." Her eyebrows drew together. "What is wrong?"

He swallowed. "Did you...want me to come?"

Ziva's hand covered his and she smiled. "It is very sweet of you to offer, but no. I think I will be fine."

He seemed relieved but wouldn't admit it, because if she'd said yes he would've come no matter how uncomfortable the experience was. "Lunch after?"

"Only if you bring it down to LEO's, Chaya needs me."

Tony's lips grazed her ear. "I need you too."

Ziva turned her head and met his mouth with hers. "I love you," she whispered, her warm breath on his skin sending tingles down his spine. Then she took her tea and left Tony standing there, wondering if he would ever get used to loving her.

Downstairs in Devon's office Ziva sat in the same place as always and waited for the first question. "Got an anniversary coming up soon I see," her doctor began. Ziva's brow furrowed and Dr. Andrews smiled gently. "Did you forget? Tomorrow is a year since you came home."

Ziva opened her mouth but no words came out, so she closed it again and swallowed. "I did not realize."

"Does it feel like a year?" Devon inquired.

She sipped her tea and thought. "It feels like a lifetime."

"In a way it is," the woman agreed. "Things have changed drastically in twelve months. Look at all the progress you've made Ziva, you're a different woman now than the one I met to do psyche evals with."

Ziva fiddled with her hair absently. She was amazed at how much it had grown in three months. "Sometimes I miss the woman who went into the camp. In so many ways I will never be her again."

"That woman was missing a lot of the wonderful things you now have," Devon observed. "A husband, a daughter, a family, a job she loved, friends, a home."

Staring out the window, Ziva found a bird to watch. "Yes, but she was beautiful, confident, strong, proud. She never backed down, never lost a fight. She was so sure of herself. And I am not."

"Oh Ziva," Devon sighed, "I wish you could see yourself through the eyes of others. To those who know and love you, you are all of those things. You haven't lost them, they've only changed. I hope a day is still coming when you will be able to believe that."

Ziva wrapped her arms around herself. "I am happy Devon, I have learned to love. This new life is everything I could not have imagined. It is sufficient."

"We want more for you than just what is adequate," Devon said softly. "But we have other things to talk about." She looked at Ziva seriously. "How are your nightmares?"

Ziva was thoughtful. "They have changed a lot since I got married, since Chaya was born. Sometimes with Tony sleeping near me there was nothing, other times the dreams struck without warning. Then for weeks after Chaya came there were none at all, but the first was about losing her. Now," she shrugged, "they are usually only connected to sex."

"Any steps forward in that area?" Devon wanted to know.

A faint smile crossed the woman's lips. "I think we are close to normal."

Devon gave her a knowing look. "You're starting to enjoy yourself.

Ziva looked down at her hands. "Yes."

"And your reactions?"

"Not as bad. Last time it was a nightmare without needing to shower, but my thrashing woke Tony and he had problems getting me out of it." Ziva pushed away memories of the dream that had sent her running from her husband's touch. She was glad she had not been awake to watch his heart break in his eyes.

"Give it time Ziva," Devon recommended. "Sounds to me like you're going in the right direction. Don't stop."

They shared questions and observations and details for awhile longer and at the end of the session Dr. Andrews set down her clipboard. "It's been almost a year since you started coming to me Ziva, and to watch you heal has been such a heartbreaking and rewarding experience for me. But I think it's time I step back a little more and let you see how far you've come. I'd like to see you once a month from now on."

Instead of getting worried like last time, Ziva sat back and nodded. "Okay." She was beginning to believe that she could do this, she could be released to live life on her own and deal with whatever came. It was a slow process, but little by little she was getting there.

Smiling, Devon stood to hug her patient briefly before she left. "Okay."

NCIS

Tony was waiting at the elevator with her backpack when Ziva returned from therapy. "Gibbs and McGee just left to check out the crime scene again. He's sure we missed something. You and I are picking up the mistress. Abby thinks she's hiding something."

For the drive Ziva watched buildings flash by and let Tony slowly play with her fingers. They were all business once they reached the house and acted professionally to one another during the trip back and while they performed the interrogation, using their little code language of looks and gestures to determine who was doing what. But when it was over Ziva kissed his cheek and put in her lunch request before going down to see Chaya. Tony touched the spot her lips had been and was suddenly struck by how quiet she'd been for the last two hours. It was time to do some digging.

Downstairs in the Mommy and Me room, Ziva used her foot to keep the rocking chair in motion while she fed her daughter, drawing her fingers softly over the baby's cheek. She hummed a Hebrew lullaby and really focused on the way it felt when Chaya sucked, the tenderness that filled her when a small hand came to rest on her breast. Ziva patted Chaya's back and thought about how much more of her arms the infant filled now. It was hard to believe she had once been so little that she could lay comfortably along their forearms with her head in their hands.

A tap on the door tore Ziva's attention from her daughter and she smiled when Tony came in carrying a takeout bag. "Sandwiches," he elaborated, pulling out two foil wrapped squares. "I wanted something you could eat one handed."

Ziva reached for hers, glad to see cucumbers and other vegetables, she'd been craving something healthy. "Thank you."

Tony dragged a stool over and sat beside his wife and child. He let her finish one half, while he inhaled all of his sandwich, before taking a swig of chocolate milk and leaning back against the changing table. "What's going on Zi?"

Her eyebrows rose in a protestation of innocence. "What?"

He sighed and pointed to her expression. "That. There's shadows in your eyes again. And you've barely said five words to me since your appointment. What did Devon say this time?"

Ziva shrugged and turned her attention back to Chaya, doing her utmost to remain relaxed while her daughter nursed. "She merely reminded me what tomorrow is."

Tony frowned. "And?"

She looked up then and stared straight into his soul while her lips whispered the words. "September sixth."

"September-ohhh..." he let out a breath and his head sank into his hands. "How did I forget about that?"

Ziva's smile was melancholy. "Because you were not trying to remember. Neither was I."

Tony rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and caught her gaze. "It's been a year. That's hard to believe."

"Time soars," she agreed, thinking that maybe a year was too short a span of time to encompass all that had happened since her return.

He chuckled and kissed her hand. "Flies Zi, time flies."

"Yes, well, whatever, but it has both crawled along and gone so fast that I am still trying to catch my breath."

"Are you okay?" Tony asked, unsure of the answer.

She lifted on shoulder and let it drop. "The date has made me think of how much has changed. I am not sure I will ever forget or stop comparing now to then."

Tony made a face. "What do you mean?"

"I wish sometimes to be more of the woman I was when I walked into that camp. I miss her confidence and her abilities. But I do not miss being cold and empty and having none of the things my heart longed for, as I do now."

"You've still got all the things that matter Ziva," Tony told her, combing his fingers gently through her hair. "You've still got the crazy ninja skills, a sharp mind and those adorable idiom issues." He grinned when she made a face. "You've got the gorgeous hair, a hot body that every man you walk by wants, and eyes that see all the way through me. But you also have this," Tony kissed her ring, "and our beautiful little girl, a home and a family." He shook his head. "I don't think you're missing anything that really matters."

Ziva ruffled his carefully styled hair. "Perhaps you are right."

"I'm always right, thank you for noticing," he quipped and she kissed his forehead.

"I love you."

Tony brushed his lips over her wrist. "Then I'm the luckiest guy in the world."

NCIS

Later that afternoon Tim found his friend sitting outside the building with a cup of coffee he was staring into but not drinking. "Learning how to read coffee grounds?" he asked, joining the senior field agent.

"One year ago today we were on a military plane on our way to Africa to purposely get captured by a terrorist cell so I could avenge my partner's death," Tony related in monotone.

McGee cleared his throat. "There's a flashback."

Tony glanced sideways at his teammate. "Why did you come? You knew the risks, knew what could happen if we did one thing wrong. And surely somewhere in the back of your mind you probably were wondering if you could keep your promise to Abby to return. Maybe you didn't know as much as Gibbs, but I think you knew I wasn't trying too hard to come back."

Tim shrugged. "If we'd gotten ourselves killed in the dessert, what I would've missed out on hurts like heck. But you needed someone to watch your six and I was determined to do my best to cover your back. For Ziva's memory, if nothing else."

"We were there a day," Tony mused. "Punched, kicked, pistol-whipped, deprived of water, interrogated - how much of that did you bring home with you?"

McGee sighed. "Enough to have no clue how Ziva survived three months there. I had nightmares for three days so bad I was scared to close my eyes. Then Abby called because Ziva's dreams freaked her out." He rubbed his face. "I think about it sometimes, but I don't dream with Abby by my side." Tim cut his eyes to Tony. "Do you dream about it?"

"Only in so much as I dream of the hundreds of ways she could've died before we got there. Or now that I know the story, seeing scenes of what they did to her. Those first couple weeks were the worst," he confessed. "Gibbs wouldn't let me stay past the first night, so I lay at home in my bed thinking about how terrified she must be to see it again and be trapped by sleep, unable to get out. When she stayed at Abby's and I didn't see her for a week, I wasn't even sure the rescue was real. The day we came into the office and she was at her desk, I almost fell over in relief. But she didn't talk to me until the day she came to spend two weeks at my apartment." Tony shoved his fingers into his hair. "And then all I saw were her nightmares."

"A year seems like nothing when I think about how far she's come," Tim observed. "You gotta let it go Tony. Lay the memories rest. She's home, she's safe, she's yours, and we all came back in one piece."

Tony forced a smile. "Yeah, but there's still sometimes I'm afraid to let her out of my sight, or when I think this is a dream and I'll wake up and still want to wither away to nothingness because life had no meaning without her." McGee reached over and headslapped his friend. Tony stared at him in shock. "You didn't!"

"I did," Tim said firmly. "Let it go. Or that fear will colour everything and you'll never just be able to enjoy the gift your life is now." He stood. "Think about your wife and daughter DiNozzo. Somalia doesn't matter anymore."

NCIS

Something told Gibbs to swing by his house while he was taking Lexie for a walk that night. "Just a quick stop girl," he promised, guiding her up the path. Ever eager to please, Lexie trotted happily by his side. When they climbed the front steps, Ziva was sitting in one of the chairs on the front porch. Lexie approached her cautiously and Ziva held out a hand for the dog to sniff, then Lexie burrowed her nose between Ziva's knees.

"Shalom ha-chavera sheli," she murmured, drawing her fingers over Lexie's head. Hello my friend.

Gibbs sat down beside her. "Would you have come to Celeste's?"

She shrugged. "I have not been waiting long. You always know."

He sighed. "I try to be there when you need me, but I may not always be at this house."

Ziva continued to pet Lexie and the dog cuddled up to her like she'd found a new best friend. "I suppose I would have figured something out."

That wasn't very reassuring. "No baby this time?"

The woman shrugged. "She is asleep. And Tony is in the basement." She trailed fingers through her tangled hair. "Do you know what today is?"

He started to shake his head, then stopped. "I know what tomorrow is," Gibbs replied gruffly. "I was laying on a hill watching Tony and McGee through my scope when Saleem brought a ghost into the room." He blew out a breath. "Thought I was seeing things, wasn't sure I could shoot straight, but that dirtbag had my team and I wasn't going to lose any of you on my watch, not this time."

"I am not sure of who I am now, even after a year," Ziva shared. "Perhaps you were right and I did die out there after all."

Gibbs shook his head. "Not my words. I said the killer in you died out there and it's true. I've seen you work hard this year not to make any fatal shots if you could help it. You've changed Ziver, but I don't think it's for the worse."

Her expression begged to be reassured so he stood to pull her into his arms, glad that she came to him and that he could try make her believe the truth, or at least give her a new way to look at it. "We love you, all of us. We loved you before and we love you now. Maybe you miss the old Ziva, but we're just grateful for the one who came home to us."

Ziva rubbed her face on his shirt and hugged him tighter, finally whispering, "Thank you," when she kissed his cheek. Lexie didn't like the sadness and lapped gently at Ziva's tears when she knelt down to say goodbye, drawing a smile from the woman. Once he knew she was okay, Gibbs returned home and sat beside Celeste on the couch where she was reading a book. Lacing their fingers together, he picked up the phone.

"Abs, how fast can you put together a party?"

NCIS

By lunchtime on Wednesday Ziva knew something was going on. The team was being awfully cagey, and people had been sneaking around all day, talking only in whispers and falling mute as soon as she got too close. Even Tony seemed closed off, avoiding her eyes and not giving her a chance to corner him or get him alone. Frustrated, Ziva wished that Abby had not left for maternity leave, because she needed someone to vent to. Deciding a phone call would be good enough, the agent retreated to the alcove with her cell and dialed the McGee house.

"Hello Abby, it is Ziva," she began.

"Ziva!" Abby squealed. "Hi! How is work? Is my lab okay? Tami's a great assistant but she's not totally used to everything yet and I just-"

Ziva chuckled. "Your lab is fine Abby, still in one piece when I was down this morning. How are you?"

The girl sighed. "Bored already. I can't believe I have another week and a half of this. Gibbs should've let me stay at work."

"I remember feeling useless too," Ziva commiserated. "You should try to nap when you can, there is not much time for rest once the baby is born."

"Yeah, that's what I hear. At least I've got Sammy around to keep me company."

"I am sure he is entertaining," Ziva smiled, finally able to get to the point. "Abby, the reason I called is that I was wondering if you want to do something tonight. We have not had Girl's Night in awhile."

"Oh." Abby hesitated and Ziva shrugged.

"If you do not already have plans."

"What?" Abby asked. "Oh no, no plans. Yes, Girl's Night sounds great. Maybe eight-ish? We could just hang out. And Timmy can go keep Chaya and Tony company."

"I like that idea, thank you."

"Okay, great. See you tonight!"

"Goodbye Abby."

Minutes later each member of the team besides Ziva received a text message explaining the change in plans. That night Ziva stayed to nurse Chaya and then left for Ops, her mind full and a heaviness inside. Duke greeted her at the front desk and took a hard look at her eyes. "Congrats."

She frowned. "For what?"

He crossed his arms. "For making it. Not everyone can survive life after war and captivity Soldier. You do me proud."

Ziva swallowed hard. "I need to get rid of the thoughts in my head tonight."

Duke nodded curtly. "Your wish is my command. I'll keep you so busy you won't have time to think."

She smiled faintly and they got to work. An hour and a half later Ziva stood outside Abby and McGee's house, worn out but feeling much less burdened. It came to her mind that she should encourage Tony to stay and spend time in the gym on the nights she left early with Chaya. It really did help with the dark thoughts and emotions.

Ziva rang the doorbell and Abby answered with a bright smile. "Ziva, come in."

As soon as she stepped inside, her eyes fell on the banner stretched across the livingroom with their whole family standing under it. "Welcome home Ziva," Gibbs said quietly, lifting his glass of punch.

The others followed suit and echoed the sentiment. "Happy One Year Home!"

Ziva blinked back tears and felt a body slip behind hers. Tony put his hands on her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. "I'm so proud of you," he murmured.

McGee came out of the kitchen carrying a round marble cake with a few little candles and the words 'We Love Ziva' written across the top. "It's not your birthday, but I bet you could still make a wish."

She looked around at every face and shook her head. "What would I wish? There is nothing missing anymore." Holding back her hair, Ziva leaned over and blew out the flickering flames.

A cheer went up and they all clapped. "Let's eat," Tony announced.

The party ensued and everyone talked and mingled, enjoying the chance to be together outside of work. Each person made a point to stop and say a few words to Ziva, who spent most of the evening sitting in the corner and just basking in the love that filled the room. Suddenly a thought hit her and she moved to find her husband. Ziva put her hand on his shoulder. "Tony, where is Chaya?"

He smiled. "She's sleeping upstairs in Abby and McGee's room. I never took her out of the carseat after daycare."

Ziva nodded. "It is not that I do not trust you with her, I am sorry if that is how it sounded. I just needed to know."

Tony chuckled. "You're a mom Zi, there'd be a problem if you didn't wonder where your baby was."

"I think I will go check on her." Just as Ziva turned to go, Matt approached the couple.

"Can I talk to you guys for a sec?" Puzzled, Tony and Ziva agreed and followed him into the kitchen. Matt shoved his hands into his pockets. "I read McGee's book," he blurted, watching Ziva's eyes widen as her hand sought Tony's. Matt sighed. "I never got it Ziva, I never understood why you were so special, why they were willing to fight for you so hard." He swallowed. "But I understand now and I just...I think you're amazing. If the story is even close to true, if you went through all that and came back and started a new life..." Matt trailed off and shook his head. "No one else I know is that strong. So congratulations, you deserve this chance to be happy." He held out his hand.

Ziva stared at Matt, then her husband, and finally shook his hand and smiled slightly. "Thank you Matt. And I am sure that if we ever have an empty place on the team, we would all be glad to have you back." While she was thinking of Gibbs' eventual retirement, Tony was wondering about the possibility of another maternity leave for Ziva a couple years down the road.

Matt grinned. "Thanks, that means a lot." He caught sight of Tami, finally released from updating Abby about NCIS and the lab, and cleared his throat. "Excuse me."

Tony turned to Ziva and cupped her face. "Breathe honey. Only people on the team know that book is partly truth. To everyone else it is just another story. No one will know that you are Lisa."

She drew a shaky breath. "I am alright Tony, he just surprised me. I think I will go see how Chaya is now." She slipped away before he could gauge if she believed him and Tony sighed. Ziva didn't need another reason to feel ashamed.

NCIS

Upstairs Ziva found her daughter fast asleep and sat down beside the carseat, running her fingers gently over the baby's fist. "I think I might have fought harder if I had known I was pregnant," she whispered. "When Daddy and Grampa and Uncle Tim brought me home, I felt so empty. It would not have seemed so lonely if I knew about you." Ziva leaned over and kissed Chaya's forehead. "I was not aware that there was another life inside me that needed taking care of. Oh tatelah, I wish I had known then what a gift you would be."

Sitting with her baby gave Ziva comfort but she did not want to hide forever, so eventually she returned to the party in her honour and sat with Ducky. "Does this night remind you of anything Doctor?"

Ducky settled back and smiled. "Now that you mention it, I recall a time when I was a lad in Scotland and my father was invited to one of the manors for an important function. It was my first formal event and as you can imagine, I was ecstatic. Now mind you..."

Peace spread through Ziva as she listened to one of the stories people at NCIS were usually trying to escape. She paid rapt attention and encouraged every detail. Tonight the normalcy of the ME was a refuge. Sometime later things began to wrap up because as Gibbs pointed out, "Cases don't care what time you went to bed." After thanking everyone, Ziva and Tony retrieved their daughter and went home, where Ziva was in charge of getting the sleeping baby from carseat to crib without waking her up.

Once Chaya was settled, Ziva went through her nightly routine and crawled into bed behind Tony, waiting only moment before reaching out and drawing her fingers slowly down his back. He shivered and she moved closer, planting soft kisses along his spine. He glanced back. "Trying to start something?"

Her eyebrows rose. "Do you really have to ask?"

Tony rolled over and caressed her face. "I thought maybe tonight you wouldn't want to."

She kissed him to silence the thought. "It has been a year. I want the memories to see that they no longer own me."

"Well in that case," he grinned, "I believe we have some lost time to make up for Mrs. DiNozzo."

Ziva yielded easily, readily to his touch and slid her hands over all of him that she could reach, igniting desire as if her fingers were on fire. Her need to be known this way tonight of all nights, to experience being wanted and loved, to give her body for his pleasure rather than have it taken against her will, to be vulnerable with the man she loved and had given her life to along with every part of herself made Ziva anxious to be ready. To have his wife want him was such a precious gift, but Tony still took his time, still too in awe of their intimacy and cautious of potential reactions to rush anything. In the end the desires of both their hearts and bodies were satisfied, but there was sadness evident when they parted.

Ziva kissed Tony slowly and curled into his arms. "Thank you," she whispered.

He sighed, pressing his lips to her shoulder. "I wish we could stay like this forever."

"Physically impossible," she countered. "But we have all of forever to experience it over and over."

Tony laughed. "We're going to be tired tomorrow."

Ziva closed her eyes and pulled his arm around her. "It will be worth this time." He couldn't agree more.

NCIS

In the middle of the night Tony woke and was instantly alert and ready to act. But then he looked down and found Ziva still asleep at his side. He lay back down and moved a little closer, breathing in the scent of them that still clung to their bodies and the sheets from hours earlier. It was almost morning and Ziva hadn't had a nightmare, hadn't left to shower, hadn't even moved from the position in which she'd slipped into sleep. A satisfied smile crossed his face and Tony closed his eyes. If her struggles were truly over, what a blessing that would be! After so many months of waiting, they really deserved this night.