"How did we get so mean? How do we just move on? How do you feel in the morning, when it comes and everything's undone? Is it 'cause we wanna be free? Well that's not me; normally I'm so strong I just can't wake up on the floor, like a thousand times before…"

-Pink 'Mean'

Mary awoke, the sweat pouring down her face, mixing with salty tears as the trickles joined just passed the corner of her eyes. Her lashes were damp and heavy and her mouth was dry like cotton. She fumbled for the water she had been keeping at her bedside, she started keeping a bottle on her nightstand when she was pregnant with Norah- for what reason she wasn't sure. The habit had apparently rubbed off on Brandi, who kept a Dixie cup of tap water at her bedside at night time along with a pouch of Gatorade. Mary thought she had had morning sickness bad; Squish couldn't seem to knock it, even though she was far past the first trimester.

She sipped at the warm liquid, glancing at Norah who lay snoozing in her portable crib, her tiny chest moving up and down in a rhythmic fashion, enough to get Mary's heart to stop pounding. She was doing her best to ignore the reason it was thumping in her throat in the first place, she was trying so very hard to forget the why he lip quivered and her hands shook. Last night, she went to bed, hoping she would get a decent rest, with minimal interruptions from her daughter- well Norah was being a little angel. Why she was up at three A.M. was not her innocent daughter's doing, but Marshall's. Yesterday had been the rehearsal dinner. An event she wished she would have had to attend, but was expected to. Why? God knows.

It was painful and tedious, who gave a rat's ass who the hell did the toasts and gave the speeches? She certainly didn't. That was until Marshall approached her again at work, much like he had been doing a lot these days. At work she was practically obligated to say, "Yes Chief Mann." No matter how personal, no matter how unreasonable, no matter how excruciating….

She went home that night, searched drawer after drawer for a notebook or loose leaf, a sticky note, only to find some old bills she hadn't bother to shred. Paper made its way to the top of her shopping list. Things that Mary had trouble finding, or something that broke- really anything that caused her some level of annoyance at any point of her week, which she didn't possess somewhere in her home, always made it to the top of the shopping list. Mary had no trouble finding a pen, having stuffed countless Bics in her bag at the office without realizing; the front pocket was now chucked full.

Now she looked at the back of that old cellphone bill, still disapprovingly, still horrified at everything that poured out of her…

Marshall and Abigail, I couldn't say I was necessarily thrilled when I found out about your engagement, and although it pains me to say this, you make a painstakingly wonderful couple, your relationship is one everyone desires and I couldn't be happier.

SCRIBBLES

Marshall and Abigail, what a sickeningly, perfect, mushy pair you make. Eskimo kissing, brunching, game nights, you literally have everything in a relationship that makes me gag…

SCRATCH THAT

What really makes me jealous about Miss. Albuquerque F.B.I is how you've stole away with my best friend, screwed me out of the only man I have ever trusted and filled his head with the idea that I can't be bothered with. Yes, what a true and rational sedentary basis you've built your relationship on Abigail, telling your fiancé that you're so insecure about his partner, about his only friend. Thank you for your kind southern bell attitude that fucked up my entire life. It's really great. No, happiness can't even begin to describe how I feel for you two.

Marshall- my dear friend Marshall. Thanks for destroying the only stable thing I've ever had, for throwing away our memories, my life really, and forgetting everything you promised me, you are a true man, and I can't be happier on this your wedding day because you just successfully married someone nearly exponentially younger than you and I and ,ran away from everything we could have had.

As a couple you are the epitome of denial.

Congratulations on the hell you've put me through.

I wish you a long, fucked up, bumpy, horrible marriage. All the worst,

NOT THE BEST IDEA

Marshall. I'm going to tell you what you once told me. If you call, I'll come, I'll always come. If you need me, I'll be there. I promise to uphold my promises (although you've broken all of yours) for you in the next few fragile months to come in this new, young bond you will begin to share with this beautiful woman (you've really rushed to marry.)

Abigail, anyone can plainly see that Marshall loves you more than anyone. Going into a marriage to him should be the least scary thing you've ever done (even though he has yet to tell you about the incident at the pub) he is truly indebted to you. He is the last man you should ever worry about breaking your heart (even though he did a great job smashing mine to bits.)

I wish you all the best, a wonderful family, the longest life and the happiest marriage.

There was nothing else she could say.

She folded it up again, although so cliché, it would have to do. Let's hope she didn't get a hold of any of that alcohol and read through the first few drafts. She stretched her back. The Albuquerque WITSEC wing in the sunshine building would be closed for the first half of the day, for the whole office had been invited to the white veil occasion. Stan was even flying in.

Mary honestly didn't want to sleep. She wanted to get up, make a large pot of coffee and wait out the day, she was afraid to go back to her dream world, where the remnants of her and Marshall's shattered relationship lurked, the place where she could live out the scenarios of his wedding day and the long, horrible days to follow. A place of dreams she couldn't escape, where her worst fears came true, dreaming about what used to be. She remembered when everyone thought her to be fearless, the times when she had even convinced herself so and the feeling of invincibility. Those days were gone, they went away when her father did, and had no chance of ever returning when Marshall left. Now she cried in the morning, in the afternoon and in her sleep. She was a pathetic mess. The once tough shelled Mary was gone and even Brandi could see her sister wasn't the same.

The days of her strong bond with Marshall were tarnished, no longer existing and now they only seemed to be bitter acquaintances, disliking of each other's presence, but too nice to say so. Her life was unraveling and he had a front row seat. He watched her fall to pieces as she watched him obtain everything he deserved. She could place no blame on anyone anymore. She was too worn out and too tired. The quicker this wedding got over with the quicker she could see what kind of hell he would put her through, a transfer?, a demotion?, promotion? He could do with her what he pleased as Chief, anything to get her away, to make her vanish into the background. She didn't look forward to her future. Moving on was a foreign concept to her, she expected him to be there, to help her through, but he wouldn't be. Everything was up in the air now, touchy to say the least, but once he said "I do" everything would be undone.

(A few more chapters my friends…. Nearing the end, but I'm starting to think y'all will like it. Hang in there, I know the updates are sporadic, my apologies. Thanks for the reviews and the feedback, I really appreciate it! Hope the speech part came out all right and it was believable! Check out my other fiction Forty Weeks if you get a chance!)