I could still remember it like yesterday, cold and raining, wind rustling through the leaves of the old oak tree outside my house. We had a project due in a couple of days, and knowing Mr. Garrison he'd bitch me out to mom and dad if I didn't do it.
Kenny had disappeared and it was that time when our group was looking for a new friend. "And lucky me" that friend was Tweek. I've never been good at math always found it confusing as hell, but luck would have it Tweek Was amazing at it. Which wasn't at all surprising, since he was always going off about conspiracies and crazy theories about aliens and junk, so course he'd be good at that stuff. Don't know why we ever voted him to be friends with us. He was annoying and a loner, he wouldn't talk to anyone; just being around him made me cringe. That is until that night. We were eating dinner, around 8 o'clock, and Tweek was there at our table, my whole family staring at him. Shelly raising an eyebrow, mom asking if he was okay, and dad was just laughing, "Stan where you get this kid he cracks me up" he said. Tweek was so thin back then, and not too tall either. Most likely because he didn't eat, I only ever saw him drink coffee.
But anyways Tweek seemed hungry tonight with how he was banging the heel of his fork and knife against mom's table top, utensils grasped firmly in his grip.
"More beef, more beef Tweek Desires more beef", Tweek said practically jumping up and down in his seat from how much he was shaking. I stare at him, and nudged his shoulder." what are you doing dude?"
"Tweek is God, and every God deserves a crown. I think he was still excited from our little Sea Monkey escapade Because He reaches down and pulls a tin foil hat from his Chinpokomon bag, the tip molded into an antenna. I leaned into him, my eyes darting back and forth around the room, and I whisper in his ear. "Tweek what are you doing my parents are going to think you're insane". He winks at me then at my parents and points to the thing on his head. "This here is my disruptor. Gah" You never know when aliens or the government may be listening in. "Rarara" My brain waves are special".
I couldn't help the little snicker that formed on my face, I almost choked on my Potatoes. Mom raises an eyebrow, and puts another piece of steak on Tweek's plate. He quickly scarfed it down like he's never seen food before.
"So Tweek is it, dad calls from across the table. What do you want to do in the future?"
"Ahhhgahrara that's hard Mr. Stan but I'd like to get with Bebe Stevens". Tweek elbows me, and winks at my dad. He tugs at his sleeve and his neck spasms causing him to slap the side of his head against his shoulder. He wraps his arm around me and says. "Come on Stan you know what I mean. Gah You should totally hook me up with that, Then we can double date you and Wendy, me and Bebe".
"Shhh", mom Stan's new friend is weird", Shelly slurps Pepsi through her braces.
We spent the rest of the night in my room Tweek helping me out with math. Us cutting out Letters of brightly colored construction paper, gluing them on thick Bristol board. I actually started talking to him, we pass the time playing COD. He was just, what's the word "different", every time he smoked me He Would jump up bouncing and screaming on my bed. "Gah Take that Stan You can't touch this", he said slam dunking my ps3 controller on the mattress.
It was getting late thunder and lightning still clashing outside the window. The rain pelted down over Sparky's dog House in the backyard, pitter pattering like beads in a shaker.
We talked all night Tweek told me how he was so scared of everything, that he didn't even try to make friends because they'd all just make fun of him. He was so awkward. He said When lunch time came around he'd locked himself in the bathroom, legs trembling against his chest as he perched himself on the bathroom stall. And when that didn't work he would sneak out and eat his Peanut butter and jelly sandwich by the bus stop bench, or anywhere where there weren't people around. I could relate to his loneliness. At this point I had friends, but it seems we were already growing apart.
I'm sure the question you're all asking is what about Craig, Clyde and those guys? Well it turned out they didn't really want to hang with him. We all have those people you know. People who we think our friends, but they're just class friends,work friends or god forbid internet friends. Outside School Craig didn't really want to hang out With with Tweek.
The wind was still howling, and the ps3 said 2:45 am. We had school in a couple hours, but Tweek didn't even seem tired.
He pulled out his lime green sleeping bag Covered in coffee bean designs and wiggles deep into the fabric. He brought it right up to his mouth, only the top half of his head was visible. I couldn't tell if it was shaking or if the fan on my desk was blowing his hair around. I Reached up to turn off the lights, and I could see Tweek's Pupils dilate like pinpricks. His forearms shutter under the pale yellow of his pajamas when he grabs the fringe of his sleeping bag.
"Goodnight dude", I say.
"Nnarg- night Stan", he said as his teeth grind together.
I closed my eyes and draw my knees to my chest resting my cheek on the cold hard wall. I made sure not to do it too loud. My chest rises and falls as I let out small whimpers. As i snuggle my pillow close to me I feel something grab hold of my shoulder. Once I turned my head I saw him. Tweek tapping my back.
"S-Stan you okay, why are you crying?"
Tweek seemed worried from how his jaw clenched and his eyebrows wiggled from side to side. His hazel colored eyes shuddered and gleam from a strip of artificial light that streak through my window, across my football that lay on the floor. "I'm not crying, crying for girls". I firmly denied. Now go back to bed"! I turned back around.
This time instead of tapping my back Tweek grabs my shoulders and shakes me back and forth.
"What's wrong with you", I shout.
"Nnarg- I've seen you cry before, now I'm not letting go until you tell me what's wrong".
What business was it of his what was wrong with me? Nobody ever seem to care before, even Kyle brushed me away. I let out a breath.
"I don't want to live anymore". I close my eyes, and turn my head back to the wall.
It hurt, I could feel his bony hands dig into my shoulders. He was so "heavy" despite his legs clamping around my stomach, pinning me down to my bed.
"Get off of me"!
It's strange I was about to call my parents or maybe even Shelly, but for some reason sparky who was at the foot of my bed wasn't barking or even growling. He gets aggressive if there's even a hint of me being in any danger. But Sparky tilts his head up and brings it back down. He must sense that Tweek Isn't going to do anything. That or he likes him.
"Dude what the hell".
I struggle to get him off me, my fingers digging into his cheeks, but he keeps biting down on my arms and shoulders. "Stop that you weirdo". He manages to get one final punch on me before I slip my foot under his stomach and fling him on his back.
"Your so stupid Stan! Life's great Think of all the things you've been missing out on"
I found it odd that he would say something like that. You'd think he would be the one who wanted to off himself.
"You think I haven't thought about it Stan - Killing myself. Well I have, that's not a solution man. Fuck I always wanted to talk to you even before your group wanted to hang out with me, but I was so shy. Man I know how to deal with negative thoughts, Anxiety sucks. I could teach you some coping skills. Like breathing or finding your center. Like this".
He gets up off his back crossing his legs, swaying his thighs left then right, nestling himself into my comforter. Tweek's eyes close shut, he gets into a lotus position, pinching his thumb and Index fingers together. Deep breaths he takes deep breaths, in and out, in and out. He seems calm for once aside from how his eyebrows shuffle, and his toes curl in his weird black and white checkered socks. I turn on my side again to not answer him. Out of the blue he grabs me.
"Jesus you need a hug".
Tightness coils around my chest, I feel erratic breath damp and warm roll over the back of my neck. His bony chest quivers against my spine. Tweek Slips His leg through mine, again I feel His heaviness as our legs tangled together in the mess of my sheets. I didn't know how to react nobody's hug me like this before, it was like an invasion of privacy, but it felt kind of nice. For the first time in a while someone cared about me, I don't know why it was him, I never treated him very well; actually I've never let anyone close to treat well.
As I was going to push him away I felt him tremble even more against me. And suddenly I could hear him say. "Gah I'm so scared Stan", his voice uneasy and frightened.
My stomach gets tight and yet again the heaviness of his arms and legs gives me a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. Let go, I let the weirdness swirling in my stomach go, my expression softening.
I didn't turn around to face him, but I told him everything would be alright by letting him spill all his troubles into the back of my neck.
"What's wrong"?
"Don't make fun me kay? But I'm scared I don't wanna die".
Die I would welcome death and its sweet embrace, but That's when it all made sense to me. It was the reason I was seeing less and less of Tweek at school. "Not another death conversation". What was I going to say? There's wasn't any point in lying. So I did the only thing I knew how.
"Hey shut up stupid I'll be dead way before you".
"Fuck ow don't hit me." Needless to say Tweek was infuriated with me being so negative. Monday morning after school I told him why. I felt like no one understood me. Me and my friends were already growing apart at this point. Kyle to focused on school to pay me much attention, Cartman; well who knows with him he was always off doing his own thing to pay anyone much mind, and Kenny when he came back into the picture would be too busy chasing pussy around to give a crap about me. It's sad to think but what Tweek had told me was true, even the closets of friends grow apart, it didn't matter if you knew each other your whole lives.
It was 4:00 and were at my soccer game. Tweek had encouraged me to join, get my head outta clouds. It was working for a while. I could hear him shout from the sidelines. Tweek running his hand through the grass, throwing the green blades above his head screaming. "Gah that's my friend, did you see that he scored", he elbowed some annoyed looking guy in the shoulder. All was well that is until I got the news.
I was in the locker room changing out of my uniform. Tweek waiting outside with my parents. Then it happens, my phone vibrates. When I looked at the screen all I wanted to do was die that much more. "
It's over Stan, It's not you it's me"!
Wendy. "She dumped me", what was this like the 4th time? What did I do wrong? Who breaks up over the phone.
"Stan hey err what's taking so long", I hear his voice. To my surprise when Tweek finds me shoulders slouched, elbows dug into my knees seated on the crappy changing room bench he stammers right for my wrist.
"Stop it put those down"! He found me popping anti Depressants like Mentos. SLAM the sound of rusty steel! He pins me to the locker, the bottle I held slips out of my hand. It echoes when it hits the grimy tiles, capsules pouring out and clattering like marvels.
"Am I such a horrible person that everyone I meet hates me. Why can't I be happy for once. Wendy's my everything I can't go on without her dude", I say pinching the bridge of my nose, scraping my fingers over my eyes.
When I open them mom and dad are there, mom shaking her head, dad lecturing me, Tweek Smiling weirdly. Tweek grabs me by the hand and we walk towards the car.
As we cross the street hand and hand I think that's when I first realized Tweek Was my friend. He actually put up with me, every time Wendy would break up Kyle wouldn't even care; nobody cared. But with Tweek it was different, he didn't seem to mind or be annoyed by the drama that was Stan marsh.
We were in the back seat, Dad looking at me and Tweek In the rear-view mirror , Shelly brushing her hair. We were supposed to be dropping Tweek off at his house, but out of the blue he jumps up.
"Gah Mr. Stan and um Mrs. Stan can um me and Stan go to the movies or something".
"Shhh" mom that's not fair if twerp gets spend the day with "vibrator" here I getta getta to my boyfriends".
"Shelly shush! I don't know Tweek is Stan even finished his homework, and tomorrow you have school", mom sighed.
"I've been helping Stan out every night this week, ahhhh he's not as big of a dumb Jock as everyone makes him out to be".
"Hey".
"Gah Jesus that was a compliment".
"Are you asking me out on a date?" I give him a sly smile and a upturn of my brow.
"NO NO" he waves his hands in front of his face, waggling his open palms in front of me. I think he just blushed.
"Two please", Tweek said. I felt guilty I wanted to pay, but there was no arguing,once Tweek Got something in his head there was no changing it.
The theater was dark, cool AC circulating around us. As soon as the lights dim and pictures roll across the screen Tweek screams and pull his packman T-shirt over his mouth. "JESUS CIRIST WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!"
"Your so funny Tweek, why did ya chose an alien movie when your terrified of them".
"AHHH shut up man"! He pulls the brim of my hat over my eyes and throws a handful of popcorn on me.
"You're gonna get butter on me grumpy ".
"Would you tell your loud mouth friend to shut the hell up".
I shift my weight and swing my body around giving the guy behind us the biggest fuck you.
Tweek slouchs his shoulders. I was expecting him to be pissed off Since every time I got him mad or even said anything to him he'd show me his fiery temper. Not this time. He looked so small and crumpled, and when that jackass opened his mouth I wanted to punch the jerk right in his messed up face.
"S-Stan am I weird?"
when Tweek hears a half chuckle from the dude, he staggers up from his seat, the spring in the cushion squeaking as the base of the chair hits the backrest. I pull him back down by the front of his shirt, and show my distaste for the ass who would make such a outgoing person like Tweek feel bad about himself.
"Your not weird dude were all weird, but that's what makes us different ... unique man".
This time Tweek squeezes my hand a little, but quickly pulls it back when he hears "Get a room".
"Come on lets sit closer up".
"Ahhhhhh"!
Now his fingers wrapped around mine,as he buried his little head in my bomber jacket. It was so strange. what was this feeling? My stomach twisted and churned. I thought I was going to throw up.
" scared"?
"Shit No way I'm manly as fuck". He quickly pulls himself off me.
"Right"?
"Hello, Tweek Its almost 4 In the morning What are you doing calling me".
" Jesus I just wanted to tell you thanks for seeing prometheus with me and not making a big deal bout that Whole you know... I don't think I could have gotten through that movie without you. Ahhhhh What if aliens really did that,What if they Created us man! It makes so much sense.
" Calm down Everything I'll be ok".
"WHAT IF THEY COME AFTER ME I BET THIS IS ALL A GOVERNMENT COVER UP, THEY KNOW THAT I KNOW THERE GONNA KILL ME. THIS IS SOME X-FILES SHIT RIGHT HERE".
" Relax remember what you taught me, Find your center, deep breaths".
This had become quite a regular thing, Sure it could be annoying sometimes, But what can I say Tweek had grown on me. That's why I didn't even care When he asked me to come over at such an awful hour.
The cool summer breeze made me smile as I walked the secluded streets of South Park. Tweek's house was only a few blocks down, It was familiar to me. The old tree house in Tweek's back yard called me , and I remember all the happy times we had here. Telling ghost stories, playing video games, and giggling when we got caught spying on the neighbors. Tonight when I climbed up those rickety nails on planks I was greeted to the site of my weird little friend pacing back and forth. Our mason jars We're scattered about the dusty floor, with fireflies tucked inside lighting the dark tiny Clubhouse.
Tweek was in hysteria when I peeked my head up through the hole in the floor. He hung on to me for dear life, his mad platinum blonde hair tickling my throat as he lets out apology after apology. How could he think I could ever be angry with him. He's the one who should be angry with me for being so god damn mopey all the time.
"What's Wrong grumpy pants, everything okay".
Tweek furrows his brows giving me his best pout and pushs off my chest. Aside from that he doesn't say anything and we walk over to the squishy 80's floral coach in the corner of the tree house , by the open space in the wall; our sad attempt to build a window. Neither one of us are handy men that's for sure. We don't say anything for a while, we just sit there watching gravity falls. Tweek Love stuff like this, the endless conspiracy , and I think its cute.
I could live with silence, just watching him while we share this bowl of M&M's , Tweek leaning on my shoulder is fine with me.
He got all serious on me, I always could tell with him from how he'd lose any sign of nervousness. His expression would go all cold and steely; Tweek was pretty... dude scary when he got that air of determination about him.
"I gotta tell you something "dude". Tweek said laughing under his breath on how ridiculous the word's sounded coming out of his mouth.
"Ha ha ha don't, it doesn't suit you".
"Okay, but seriously I... uh gotta tell you something".
"WHERE YOU GOING?"
I got up and simply walk to the exit what else can I tell you. I can't even explain what I was feeling at that moment. I'm gonna lose him. Tweek had become dare I say my best friend. when I was sad and couldn't go on he was there, when Wendy broke up he was there, whenever I had the slightest confidence problem he was there. He was always there; no matter how small or insignificant my problems were. Now he was moving because of his sickness.
" Jesus Christ Stan How do you think this makes me feel. You're my best friend. Don't you think this makes me feel bad"?
Don't look at him, If he doesn't see you face this i'll be a lot easier.
He grabbed my arm,and turns me around. I know he can see my face is red. I have to leave I can't be here. He kept saying "say something, say something", but I don't say anything. I don't even fight back when he starts wailing on me. I'm on the floor crawling to the exit. Then I get up, and grab Tweek's forearm Inches away from my face.
"Tweek stop I'm sorry. I know this is going to sound weird, but... could you sit on me".
" Just say it already Stan. wait, what"?
" I don't know, when you came over to my house you were just so heavy".
"Ahh Are you calling me fat"!
"No I'm not. When you first came over that hug , And when you started beating the crap out of me when I was being so negative. You were on top of me, It was the best feeling I've ever had in my life".
" Is this a sexual thing, because gah I don't know".
To be honest I didn't know if it was sexual. I loved Wendy and I always would, she'll always be one of my best friends. But after that night with Tweek, me pinned underneath him; I felt so strange. As soon as he left that night I threw up harder than I ever had in my whole life. For most of the next day I avoided Tweek feeling pretty fucking awkward; a ten year old shouldn't be experiencing this for his best guy friend. But at that very moment all I wanted to feel was that wonderful suffocating feeling of Tweek's heaviness.
"Please. This is the last time we might ever see each other, please do this for me".
He was hesitant at first, twisting his moss green minecraft shirt in his awkward fingers. Tweek wanted to take me to the couch. No I wanted it right here on the dusty planks of wood, I needed to feel every ounce of pressure of his weight, his awesome heaviness. I told him to push down my shoulders, and he did. Tweek gets on my stomach. His bare knees press hard against my ribs just over my jacket, and when my face starts to make weird facial expressions Tweek starts to stroke his neck.
"Doesn't this hurt?"
My only response was to run my hand over his cheek.
" Don't you dare forget me". Tweek said struggling to hold back tears biting his bottom lip.
I hated it I hated it with all my heart. I hated having to brush tears away from such a brave person. But most of all I hated myself.
" Be brave, we'll always be friends. you'll be fine without me".
"Err gah but what if..."
" You'll be fine You're not gonna to die, You'll see We'll see each other again. I promise I will never forget you"
" Promise".
" Promise".
I'm a gross disgusting waste of space. I looked straight into his face and lied. It may have not happened immediately, but I forgot Tweek. It killed me. Looking at his picture , Seeing him in my dreams. It was Some pretty messed up shit. I let my petty problems, let me forget about him. The one and only friend that truly helped me. I promised him I would meet him at the airport, say goodbye. I didn't do it. I stayed home because maybe if I ignored it, it would all go away.
And now here I am In Tweek's basement, looking up at him In his Metallica t-shirt and heavy leather boots, Camo backpack Slung over one shoulder. That's why he fucked me up. I really wish I would die, how could I forget a friend as great as him.
" You ready Stan".