This is obscenely late. I'm sorry. I'm trash.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Chapter 13

By the end of the first week back at school, Brooke still hadn't said anything. She promised me that she would, and soon, so I let it slide. But I kept a careful eye on her. To her credit, there were several times when she looked like she wanted to say something, but it seemed like there was always something, whether it be a distraction in the common room, or someone interrupting with a new topic of conversation or a joke, that ruined the opportunity.

I walked into the Great Hall for dinner one evening and, by force of habit, looked around for who was there already. Usually the purpose of that action was to pick a place that was far enough away from the Marauders. But they didn't seem to have arrived yet.

Lily and I sat across from each other, and Brooke sat next to me. Alice and Marlene had opted to eat later and hadn't come with us. Lily rambled on about her Arithmancy class, which I had long ago decided was not for me, and as she described the horror that was that day's lesson, I was glad I'd chosen Ancient Runes and Care of Magical Creatures instead.

Not long after we arrived, the Marauder boys hustled in. Well, three of them did. Remus was missing, and the other three looked like they were in a huge hurry to eat and leave. That in itself was strange, as they usually took their sweet time and ate as much as they could possibly manage before even thinking of leaving. But the speed at which they began to shovel food into their mouths was appalling.

"Hey, Brooke?" I asked softly, when Lily's attention had been diverted by a fourth year girl sitting beside her.

"Hmm?"

"Where's Remus?"

She looked up, brow furrowed. "What?"

I gestured with my head to where the other boys sat a little ways down. "Three of your Marauders just walked in and Remus isn't with them. What's up?"

Realization dawned in her eyes. "Oh! He mentioned earlier that he wasn't feeling well. He's probably ill again. Weak immune system, you know?"

I hummed in response, and Brooke turned away again.

Soon enough, the three Marauders stood and rushed out of the Great Hall as quickly as they came. My eyes followed them, curious and a bit suspicious. Just where could they be running off to on a Tuesday night? As far as I knew, they weren't involved in any clubs. My eyes flickered to the enchanted ceiling. A few dark clouds drifted in front of the moon, bright and full against the dark sky.

Something about that clicked in my mind, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't think of much else for the remainder of the evening.

Later, Lily and I were doing homework in the common room. I was taking a break from my Charms work, flicking through my planner at the assignments I had coming up.

Let's see, it's January… twelfth. Right?

My eyes wandered down to the block marked with a "12," intending to scan the rest of that week for major assignments that were due, but they froze on a two words in the corner of the box.

Full moon.

There it was again. That niggling in the back of my mind telling me to look closer, to make a connection.

But I couldn't grasp on to it.

With a sigh, I returned to my work and tried to ignore the feeling that I was missing something huge.

o0o0o0o

It was Defense class that brought about my realization. Professor Bishop, while reading a portion of text from a book, briefly mentioned werewolves being prominent in the magical world a few centuries ago, but had since diminished in number, though not disappearing completely.

That one word connected thought after thought. I resisted the urge to turn around and look at Remus, but he and the other boys were suspiciously silent.

During my free period, I hurried to the library, telling Lily and Brooke that I would catch up with them later. It was supposed to be an in-and-out visit, and I made a beeline towards the magical creatures section of the library, but halted when I nearly ran straight into Adam.

"Alyssa, hey!" he greeted, looking surprised to see me there. "What are you doing here?"

"I, uh, have a free period," I said in a rush. I tried to sidestep my boyfriend, but he followed my movements.

"Well, why don't you come study with me?" he offered. "We haven't really seen much of each other the past several days."

Guilt weighed me down, and I tried to act natural as I smiled. "I know, and I'm sorry. It's just been so busy, you know? And I wish I could stay, but–" I fumbled for a quick excuse and leapt on the first thing that came to mind. "–I promised Marlene that I would help her put together her Muggle Studies presentation."

Wait, Adam doesn't take that class, does he? If he does, then he'll know there isn't a presentation and I'm screwed, I panicked.

But Adam didn't show any signs of suspicion. Instead, his face sagged in disappointment. "Oh."

Disaster averted, I tried to go around him again and this time, he let me by, but then fell into step right behind me. I cursed inwardly. Perusing the shelves, I pulled out the first books I saw and put them in a pile next to my feet.

Adam picked one up and studied the title. "What does Marlene need books about gremlins and banshees for? You did say it was Muggle Studies, right?"

"Yeah, but she wants to compare Muggle legends to the real creatures," I fibbed. I added in a couple books on pixies and trolls for good measure, then added a book on werewolves to the pile as I picked up the whole stack, hoping Adam didn't notice the sweat forming on my brow. I was practically shaking with nerves.

He handed back the book he'd picked up and followed me as I took them to Madam Pince. Just before I could hand them over, he tugged gently on my arm. "When can I see you?" he asked softly.

I bit my lip. It really had been a while since we'd spent time together… "We always have Hogsmeade to look forward to in a couple weeks, right?" He looked like he was about to protest, but I hurried to add, "But I think we can go for a walk after dinner tonight. What do you say?"

Adam beamed and kissed my cheek. "Sounds perfect. See you later."

My cheek burned where he kissed me, and the rest of my face flushed when I turned and saw Madam Pince boring holes into me with her scrutinizing glare. I quickly handed over my books and put them into my bag as she finished stamping them.

I nearly ran back to Gryffindor Tower and found Marlene in our room when I arrived.

"Whoa, where's the fire?" she asked, startled by my frantic entry.

"If Adam asks you how your Muggle Studies presentation is going, tell him it's going great," I ordered.

Marlene's eyebrows nearly flew off her face, they shot up so fast. "But… I don't have a Muggle Studies presentation. I don't even take that class! Why would he ask me that? What did you tell him?"

"I panicked, okay?" I said defensively, pulling out all the books I'd taken from the library and placing the one on werewolves on my bed, shoving the rest into the bedside cabinet.

"Alyssa, is something wrong? You don't seem yourself," Marlene continued.

I really wished people would stop asking me if I was all right. Obviously I wasn't! And yet, it seemed like that was the only thing anyone wanted to ask me.

"Don't worry about me, Marlene," I answered, more calmly than before. I settled onto the bed and cracked open the book, a journal and one of Lily's pens at my side.

"Okay, well, if you need anything, just let me know," she said.

I looked up and smiled. "Thanks. I will."

She smiled back and left the room, leaving me in silence.

For the next hour I tore through the book and scribbled down notes as I saw fit. With each word my heart grew heavier and heavier. Each word confirmed what I had already begun to accept.

Remus Lupin, one of the most kind and compassionate people I had ever had the fortune of knowing, was a dangerous beast.

I closed the book and put my head in my hands, a deep ache in my chest.

He was a monster.

o0o0o0o

I kept all this information to myself.

For the next week, all I could do was try to grasp a better understanding of Remus. He laughed and talked like any other person, but with a flicker of pain in his eyes every now and then. I had always known of the scars marring various parts of his body, like the one stretching from his shoulder and part of the way up his neck, and the long gash on his left forearm, but for the first time it occurred to me how animalistic they were.

I couldn't understand how something so horrible had happened to someone so good and undeserving.

It was a few days before the Hogsmeade trip that Lily finally decided that she'd had enough.

"Okay, out with it," she commanded one evening when we were alone in our dormitory. "What's wrong with you? Something's been bothering you for a week now and you haven't said a thing. So spill."

I busied myself with folding some of my clothes and putting them away, contemplating what I would have to say. I couldn't tell her about this, it wasn't my place. But… it was Lily. We'd never kept anything from each other. Surely I could trust her with this, right?

That didn't matter. Not this time.

"Alyssa." Lily sounded impatient.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "It's… not really something I can share."

She arched one delicate eyebrow. "Why not?"

"It's about someone else," I answered vaguely. "And it's not my secret to tell."

She was silent for a long time. A glance over my shoulder told me that she had sat down on my bed.

"I can respect that," she responded eventually.

I nodded and grabbed my towel, stepping into the bathroom for a shower. I let out a huge puff of air as soon as the door closed behind me. My heart hammered in my chest. I really hated keeping things from Lily, especially knowing how persuading she could be, but I couldn't tell her.

Twenty minutes later, when I stepped out of the shower, I heard a knock on the door.

"Hey, Lyssie," Lily called from the other side of the door, "can I borrow your Runes syllabary? Mary is borrowing mine, and I need to check this translation."

"Yeah, it's under my bed," I answered without thinking. I heard her shout her thanks as I got dressed.

Lily was back on my bed when I walked out of the bathroom, drying off my hair. She was oddly silent, looking at something in her lap. I flopped onto the bed next to her, and still she didn't move.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked, worried.

Lily finally looked up, concern and– was that anger in her eyes? "Alyssa, what is this?" she asked sharply.

I sat up and took the book from her hands, finally looking at the title. My blood ran cold. It was the book on werewolves that I had been studying from. In her hand, Lily held several sheets of parchment, filled with all the notes I had taken. I had completely forgotten that I'd shoved it under the bed with the rest of my books.

"What is it for?" Lily repeated impatiently.

I met her eyes, feeling the hugest wave of guilt wash over me. "Research."

Lily scoffed and rolled her eyes. A pang like a dagger drove through my heart. "Please, Alyssa. We take all the same classes, and I know for a fact that there isn't any such assignment that requires research on werewolves. Now tell me the truth." She straightened out the parchment with all my notes on it, looking down gravely. "Who do you think is a werewolf?"

Frustration rising, I said through gritted teeth, "I told you before, it's not my business to say."

Far more forcefully than I intended, I took the book and notes from her grasp, throwing them in my trunk and letting the lid slam shut.

"It's Remus, isn't it?"

Her words halted me. It wasn't a question, more like a resigned statement, like I had confirmed everything she thought was true… She knew?

I turned to face her. "How…"

She crossed her arms and sighed. "I've known for a few years now."

"So you get it then?" I said urgently.

"Get what?"

"Get that something has to be done!" I waved my arms around. "Lily, Remus is a sweet guy, but he's a werewolf. Does anyone else know? Where does he go during full moons, and how do we know he's not running loose somewhere? If any student were out past curfew during a full moon, they could get seriously hurt. They could become a werewolf themselves!" I let my arms flop to my sides, meeting Lily's wide eyes. My voice dropped to a whisper. "There's a monster in our House, Lils."

Something flipped in her mind. With those last words, the shock had turned to anger, unfathomable rage. And it was directed at me.

"How could you?!" she yelled, getting to her feet. I took a step back, thrown off by the words. "How could you, of all people, ever even think such a thing?! A monster? Is that what he is?"

"Lily–"

"Are you going to look at him with fear every time you have to interact with him?" she snapped. "Stop speaking to him, shun him for what he is? Because that's what I'm hearing right now, Alyssa Jones, and it is disgusting."

"That's not what–"

Lily held up a silencing hand, throwing me a glare as she walked to the door. "I don't want to talk to you right now."

The door shut behind her with a reverberating slam. Head reeling, I lowered myself to the floor and tried to make sense of what had just happened.

o0o0o0o

Lily and I didn't speak for the next couple of days. No matter how many notes I passed her, no matter how many whispered pleas I sent her, she ignored me with stony silence. I had been thoroughly and completely shut out.

My heart ached. I missed my best friend. I wanted her to listen to me, to let me explain myself, but she was adamant.

Brooke, Alice, and Marlene were concerned. The first morning after our argument, they asked us at breakfast what was wrong. Lily had snapped, "Nothing," while I picked the crust off some toast in silence. After that morning, I had taken to sitting a fair distance away from my roommates at mealtimes and instead sat with Hestia and her friends. That brought on a whole new round of questioning, but I kept my mouth shut about the issue.

Classes were even worse, as Lily and I were almost always partners. Most professors didn't have a strict policy about who we partnered with in class, so we simply sat at different tables and whoever sat next to us was our partner. It wasn't that simple in Potions. Slughorn had a fit upon seeing our different seating arrangements and lectured for ten minutes on the importance of continuity in his class. By the end of it, I was seriously considering the benefits of using that nifty little stirring spoon to gouge out his eyes.

That weekend in Hogsmeade should have been something to look forward to. I was hoping that it would serve to be a distraction from the ongoing silence Lily was serving me, and a good opportunity to catch up with my boyfriend, but it wasn't so. I woke up that morning and still felt like the world's poorest excuse for a human being. I considered staying in my dorm all day, but figured that I owed it to Adam to at least show up when we'd been planning this trip for weeks.

I wandered through the shops aimlessly with Adam at my side. He had to repeat himself several times because I wasn't listening, and I couldn't even work up a fake smile. Put simply, I was miserable.

"All right, what's wrong?" Adam asked later as we sat in the Three Broomsticks.

"Hmm? Oh, it's nothing," I muttered, tracing circles over the rim of my mug.

"Doesn't seem like nothing."

I heaved out a deep breath and slid down a bit in my chair. "Lily and I had an argument."

Adam reached across the table and squeezed my hand. "Want to talk about it?"

Did I? Obviously, I couldn't tell him the details of why we had argued, but did I even want to give him a generalization of it?

"Not really," I answered.

He looked a little disappointed, but nodded anyway.

"Well, for what it's worth," he said, "I know you and Lily will work something out."

"Do you, now?"

"Yeah. Because you, Alyssa Jones, are bloody brilliant." He grinned. "And you are too damn stubborn to let anything come between you two."

The tiniest of laughs burst out of my mouth, and the look of accomplishment on his face made me glad that I had come after all.

He tried to shift the conversation to something more lively, and bless him, he even managed to elicit a chuckle with his anecdote about some third year he caught sneaking out the other night.

The bell over the door rang, and I automatically looked up to see who it was. I almost immediately looked away when I saw Lily enter with Alice and Marlene. While Alice ordered drinks, Marlene and Lily looked for a table. The one they chose was right behind mine and Adam's table, and Lily stalked past me on her way there. Marlene gently touched my shoulder as she walked by, offering a tiny smile in consolation.

Adam noticed the sudden tension and suggested that we go on to some other shops. It was almost embarrassing how quickly I stood up to leave, but he didn't flinch.

We went to Scrivenshaft's first, and as I was admiring a quill that translated your words into different languages, Adam cursed.

I turned to see him searching his pockets frantically. "Something wrong?"

"Yeah, I can't find my money," he answered. Realization then washed over his face and he groaned. "I think I left it in the Three Broomsticks."

"Well, then run back and get it," I told him, smiling. "I'll wait here."

He smiled in return. "I'll be right back. Stay here, and don't do anything reckless."

I snorted a laugh. "Reckless? Me? It's like you think there are so many opportunities for me to do something reckless in a quill shop."

He shrugged. "I know you Gryffindors. Trouble finds you." He leaned in and kissed my cheek. "I'll be back."

I heard the door slam shut behind him, and as I moved up and down the aisles in the shop, I heard muffled, tense voices coming from the back. They sounded pretty young, a boy and a girl. I winced. From what I could tell, it seemed like a Hogwarts couple was having a major fight.

I jumped when a body pushed past me, and I craned my neck to see a girl smaller than me rush out of the shop in a huff. I rubbed my shoulder where she'd hit me, wondering just what her boyfriend had said that pissed her off.

Adam was taking a long time, I realized as I glanced at the clock above the counter. The Three Broomsticks was just across the street. What could possibly be–

Screams met my ears.

My heart stopped.

Blood rushed in my ears and I almost didn't notice my feet taking me outside.

What I saw confirmed my fears. Figures in black robes and silver masks dotted the street as far as I could see. Streaks of light burst forth from wands so rapidly I had a hard time following them. But above all those things, my mind registered one chilling thought.

We were under attack.

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