Be not easily exceptious, nor given to contradiction, for this occasions contention; nor be rudely familiar, for familiarity breeds contempt.
"If any thing be not fitting, do it not:-if it be not true, speak it not." In a word, cherish in your heart a true love for your fellow-creatures: this will at once make you good-natured, and agreeable to others, and pleasant to yourself: it will give every object smiles, and your prospect of heaven will look much the brighter for it. - Jonas Hanway, Virtue in humble life
With a week left before Christmas there was not much time for discussion or preparation, and before she knew it, Mary was saying goodbye to Rosings and on her way to Longbourn.
On arrival, her first thought was to see her father's health for herself. At first he seemed the same as ever, but after a while she noticed that he leaned back in his chair with more exhaustion than ennui, and his wry grins were tinged with more pain than cynicism. He made no mention of his difficulties, and seemed determined to act as if nothing was wrong. Mrs Bennet was another matter entirely.
"Oh Mary!" she said piteously. "It has been such a trial! You must make you father take care of himself. Why, this morning he went out into the fields to talk to the men for hours on end in this bitter cold, despite the surgeon specifically forbidding it. What if he were to die, and leave me without a roof over my head? You know how I suffer with my nerves; the stress has me in agonies. He has no concern for my feelings at all, I would not be surprised if he drives me to die."
Of course Mr Bennet was, if anything, even less likely to listen to Mary than he was to his wife, and her comments about responsibility and cautious self discipline went unheeded.
Before Mary left, Lady Catherine had made sympathetic noises about how cramped and small Longbourn would feel after spending so long in the splendour of Pemberley and Rosings, but she did not find it so. In fact, she found herself enjoying the smaller, more familiar space, feeling more affection for her family home than she had in years.
It is said that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and perhaps it is true. Not only did she find herself enjoying the comfort of reading in her old familiar chair, but she even found herself enjoying the company of the Lucases and appreciating the trees along the walk to church and the effort the local priest put into his sermons.
This lasted about a week.
Mary was reminded that it is also said that familiarity breeds contempt. It did not take long for life to slip back into the same dull routine she had been glad to escape from, with the added unpleasantness of worrying about her father and answering her mother's probing questions about Rosings and Charlotte's baby. Lady Catherine was right, she did miss the richer surroundings and lifestyle of Rosings a little, but what she most yearned for was someone to talk to.
One thing she was determined to do before she left, though she did not expect any pleasure from it, was to have a proper conversation with her father. Attempts to spark a dialogue with statements about the importance of family and the tragedy of words unsaid having failed, she turned to more mundane topics.
"You wish me to recommend you a book about drains?"
"It has been a topic of some discussion between Miss de Bourgh and myself."
"I am surprised that she concerns herself with such worldly matters; she seemed the type to be above such things. But I suppose that with no man of the house...hmm. Well, I will gladly share with you what I know of the arcane art of drains. Had I a son such knowledge would have gone to him, but instead the torch now passes to you. Use it well." He smiled to himself. "I imagine you will make a better student than Bingley. Poor boy had no idea what he was getting into; these city fellows think becoming a country gentleman is all balls and fancy houses, when in fact it's a lot of keeping track of expenses and mud."
Miss de Bourgh was herself feeling the restrictions of her life as landed gentry, although not presently the aspects involving mud. While Anne liked her companion most of the time, she had sometimes wished Miss Bennet was elsewhere so that she could spend more time alone with Charlotte. However, that was before Charlotte became surrounded by a coterie of family and friends who never left her side, and now Anne was left with little to do but think.
The new year began with the christening of Master John Collins, with a very pretty sermon about beginnings and the joy of new life. Alas, Anne could not ask Miss Bennet who Mr Collins had borrowed it from, but found herself feeling a little inspired despite herself.
It was a new year, and perhaps it was time to turn over a new leaf and get some direction in her life. It had been a long time since she had really believed she would ever marry Darcy, yet she had still passively accepted Lady Catherine planning her life, on the assumption that she would one day be mistress of Pemberley. But now even Lady Catherine had to admit that that would never happen. She had once hoped of finding a more affectionate companion than a man she could not love, but it had been a long time since she had believed that possible either. So what now? Did she really want to spend the rest of her life trapped in this house under her mother's control? What other choice was there?
It was with these thoughts in mind that Anne was happily surprised by a visit from Charlotte.
"Good morning, Mrs Collins! You did not have to visit me so soon after leaving confinement, though I am, as always, glad to see you." Anne had mostly managed to let go of the affectionate leanings that had made her friendship with Charlotte so consuming and strange. But she was still very fond of her.
"I can think of no place I would rather visit, and I am glad to be out of the house."
Anne, already in a good mood, was buoyed by this evidence that Charlotte had missed her company too. She remembered what Mrs Darcy had said about the importance of Mary having an ally against Lady Catherine. Perhaps that was what she needed herself, and who better than Charlotte?
They spoke of everyday things, of the quality of the roads at this time of year and how beautiful Master Collins had looked in his christening gown. Anne spoke of her reading and Charlotte smiled and nodded encouragingly, but the thread of conversation quickly lagged and Anne decided this was a sign that she should speak of other things.
"I have been thinking."
"Yes?"
"I have spent too long letting the world pass me by, cooped up in this gilded cage of a house. I need to go out and see the world; it will not come to me."
"I do not understand. Do you intend to travel? But you were so ill after your return from Pemberley, would it not be too taxing?"
"As much as the idea is appealing, it would undeniably be unwise for me to go on a Continental tour or other such long trip. But London is only twenty miles from here. I could make it there in a day."
"London! But even a day is a long time for one so little used to traveling. And London is so noisy and dirty, and for a woman of your rank there would be constant social obligations. Would you not be happier here with your friends and family?"
"I have friends and family in London. And I have no intention of coming out into the bustle of London society, for that would be too fatiguing. I do not see why I cannot rest and receive occasional visitors in the London house as well as I do here."
"But will Lady Catherine not oppose it?"
"Oh, I am sure she will forbid it, but I am not going to let that stop me. And this is where you can help, Mrs Collins! I realise that you are very dependent on Lady Catherine's support and cannot afford to oppose her too strongly, but if we choose our battles and speak together, I feel we might be able to change her mind without raising her ire. Not just in this, but on your behalf too should you ever require it. Miss Bennet, as well. She is more under Lady Catherine's influence, but might still be persuaded. My mother is too used to having her word as law; if all three of us stopped passively accepting her pronouncements, she might actually learn to listen to the opinions of others."
Charlotte wore a troubled expression.
"You are very quiet. Tell me you will stand by me; I could not stand to be alone in this."
"You are not alone, Miss de Bourgh."
"So you will support me?"
"I cannot...I cannot openly oppose my patron. I am sorry."
Anne sighed. "I understand. Well, how best do you think I can persuade her to let me go? Much as it pains me, I suppose I could ask for Darcy's support. He has certainly proven himself willing to brave my mother's wrath. Perhaps you could discuss it with Mrs Darcy." She made a sour face at the thought. Hopefully it would not come to that.
"Oh," said Charlotte. "I am not sure...I do not think it would be right or sensible for me to act against Lady Catherine behind her back."
"But you do agree with me that she should be opposed? Do you truly support my wishes here?"
"I agree that Lady Catherine can be very forceful in her opinions, and can see how you would find this stifling."
"But you think I should still follow her orders."
"It has been my experience that one can achieve more in life by avoiding conflict than creating it, especially when dealing with a mind as strong as Lady Catherine's."
Anne thought about what she had seen of Charlotte's behaviour, dealing with her family and parishioners, not to mention Lady Catherine and herself. And it was true, she could not think of a single time she had seen her come into conflict with anyone. She was always polite and deferential and kept any disagreement to herself. She had a sudden horrible thought.
"Do you feel the same way about me? Have you been pretending to agree with me to keep the peace?"
"I have not pretended. However, I must admit, there have been times when our views were not in accordance but I decided you needed a sympathetic ear more than a contrary opinion."
"So you are my friend only when it is convenient to you, and honest only when our views happen to coincide."
For the first time in their acquaintance, Anne saw something akin to anger come over Charlotte's face, though only for a moment. "I am your friend, Miss de Bourgh. But I am also Lady Catherine's friend. And I have my own mind. I cannot always agree with you and be completely honest with you at the same time. I do not crave conflict, and it has been my observation that Lady Catherine and yourself do not like to be opposed. I felt that I could best serve you by giving you someone to whom you could vent your frustrations without being contradicted. If I was wrong, then I apologise, but I had only your well being at heart."
Anne wasn't sure she believed that. She felt fairly certain that Charlotte had also been thinking of how the well being of the Collins family was served by being on the right side of the heir of Rosings. But perhaps the true fault was in herself, for refusing to believe the evidence that Charlotte was anything other than what she wanted her to be. She sighed. If she could not rely on Charlotte, who else was there? Miss Bennet could be more relied on to speak her mind, but since she tended to agree with Lady Catherine anyway, that wasn't much help, especially without Charlotte to back her up. And she had no reason to expect any loyalty from Darcy. Hard as it was, perhaps she should just accept that she was going to have to change things on her own.
"Let us talk no more of it. Tell me, has Mr Collins persuaded Lady Lucas that John has started to smile, or is she still convinced that it is only wind?"
By the time Mary arrived back at Rosings, all the visitors to the parsonage had left and things quickly returned to the way they had been before, at least on the surface. Mary had never been much of a judge of social dynamics, but even she could sense some coolness between Miss de Bourgh and Mrs Collins, and there was something not cool but still different about the way Miss de Bourgh acted around Mary herself as well.
But right at the moment Mary was not worrying about Miss de Bourgh; she was on the hunt for a basket. It was not inherently valuable or ornate, but had been made for Elizabeth as a gift by their grandmother, and she was very fond of it. When Mary and Elizabeth had crossed paths at Longbourn, her sister had mentioned that she had lost the basket and asked Mary to make the search at Rosings. She had considered asking for help from one of the servants, but decided they would probably not be able to tell it apart from any other basket, and there was a certain thrill to exploring the house by herself.
Mary opened the door to one of the guest bedrooms and peered around the darkly curtained gloom. She was about to walk to the window and let in some light when she noticed a movement in the corner. She peered into the darkness and then, when she realised what she was looking at, stifled an exclamation and left the room as quickly and silently as she could manage.
That had been Jackson!
With a man!
In an embrace!
Mary did not know how to process this information. She liked Jackson; she was one of the friendlier servants and had greatly assisted in her adjustment to Rosings. She had seemed such a sensible, moral woman. How had she fallen into such a lapse? Should Mary confront her? In her experience that sort of action rarely ended well.
In a daze, she continued her search and eventually found the basket put neatly away in a cupboard. She shook her head to clear her mind and steeled herself. She knew what she had to do.
"Yes?" said Miss de Bourgh, answering the knock on her door. She looked irritated at being interrupted while dressing for dinner.
"Excuse me, Miss de Bourgh, but I was wondering if I might speak to Jackson."
"To Jackson?"
"Yes, I...that is..." Mary faltered. She truly did not want to lie to Miss de Bourgh, but what was she to say? But to her surprise, Miss de Bourgh's expression lightened and she gestured for Mary to come into the room.
"I take it then that you did see Jackson and her husband," she said after closing the door.
Mary turned to Jackson, who was standing to the side looking rather embarrassed. "That was your husband? But I thought you were unmarried!"
"David is at sea most of the time, and we can't yet afford our own house, so I'm working here still until we have enough saved up. We find what time together as we can grab. I'm awfully sorry we startled you like that. Lady Catherine is very strict on none of her servants being married, which is why we didn't tell anyone."
"Including me," said Miss de Bourgh. "At least not until Jackson realised you had seen them and she decided to throw herself on my mercy." Mary got the feeling that this had resulted in words, although Miss de Bourgh's expression was tinged with more affection than annoyance.
"You lied?" asked Mary.
"It was that or lose my position, and we only need wait another year or two before we can go and live together. Besides, I like working for Miss de Bourgh. She is a good mistress and I would miss her. I am sorry for lying, though. I was planning on telling Miss de Bourgh soon that I was leaving so that she could find a new ladies maid. I suppose this just moves the plan forward a little."
Mary was having a little trouble adjusting to the new situation. Lying was in and of itself a sin, but it was not the sin she had been originally prepared to confront. She had had bible quotes prepared and everything.
"I must thank you, Miss Bennet, for coming to me and not Lady Catherine. We were so scared I'd be fired," continued Jackson.
"How do you know that I did not?"
Here Jackson looked even more embarrassed. "I got Clara, she's one of the maids, to keep an eye on you. She's David's cousin, so she already knew we were married."
"I do not approve of all this subterfuge. The path of lies leads only to destruction. I am sure that if you explain the situation to Lady Catherine, she will understand."
"That seems unlikely," said Miss de Bourgh "Last year she fired one of the grooms on the spot when she found out he was engaged. Luckily I heard about it and helped to find him a new position, but she was willing to leave the poor man on the street. Would you have the same thing happen to Jackson?"
Jackson smiled at Mary hopefully. Mary considered the fact that there was no immorality in a servant being married, merely a violation of fashion. She did wonder at their lack of self control, but after some mortifying incidents involving her sisters had decided that such a lack was alarmingly common.
"Were she unmarried and unrepentant I might," she replied. "For one must not let affection blind oneself to duty. As Ye Sow, So Shall Ye Reap, and perhaps it would act as a necessary lesson."
"But given that she is not."
"I will keep my silence. But I do not like it."
The look of relief on Jackson's face was so palpable that although Mary might question the morality of her decision, she could not bring herself to regret it.
As they walked to the dining room, Miss de Bourgh asked, "Would you really have exposed Jackson to my mother if she and her husband had not have been married?"
"It has been both my experience and the conclusion of much study that to let vice go unchecked is to invite ruin and assure destruction. It is of course preferable that a sinner should recognise that they have gone astray when corrected and repent, but if they will not then they must be punished, lest they take it as encouragement to sin further."
"That is a very unforgiving view of the world, Miss Bennet."
"It is an unforgiving world we live in, for we women especially."
"Miss Bennet–" Miss de Bourgh paused. "I hope I do not overstep my bounds, but: are you perhaps thinking of your sister, Mrs Wickham?"
How did she know? But now that Mary thought back, her mother had complained bitterly about Charlotte passing of the news of Lydia's then deep disgrace to Miss de Bough and Lady Catherine. "Not specifically," she replied. "I spoke of the general principle."
"You must not blame yourself or her for what happened. I have known Mr Wickham my whole life, and many strong minded and fully grown women have fallen for his charms. Any young girl would have little hope of resisting a concerted effort on his part to seduce her, regardless of what moral precepts she had been taught or what past behaviour she had displayed. The fault lies with him, and if anyone should have been punished beforehand to prevent future sin, it should have been Wickham. Not that I would expect it to have done any good." This was such a reversal of the way she had been inclined to view the situation that Mary did not know how to reply. "Well, regardless, thanks to you Jackson will not suffer any punishment, and for that I am grateful." She smiled. "I am glad to know, too, that you are willing to oppose Lady Catherine when it is right to do so. I wish such bravery were not so rare."
It had not occurred to Mary that her choice was brave. But it was true, if Lady Catherine found out that she had aided in her deception she would probably be very angry. Mary was torn between berating herself for not thinking through the consequences of her actions and proud of herself for placing morality above self preservation. Well, there was no going back on it now.
At dinner, Miss de Bourgh was uncharacteristically buoyant, praising the quality of her boiled beef and responding cheerfully to Lady Catherine's pronouncements.
"It is good to see you so happy, my dear," said Lady Catherine. "It has hurt me to see the low spirits that have oppressed you of late."
"Yes, I suppose I have been rather down. But today I am happy, for the future holds infinite possibilities if I am willing to grasp them."
"Now that is exactly what I would wish to hear. In fact, I have been thinking of your future myself." Miss de Bourgh's easy expression expression changed into one of wary suspicion. "It is clear to me that your life here is too limiting. You should not be forever tied to my apron strings, but out in the world living the full life of an adult woman. My vision for you has been far too narrow."
"Then we are in agreement," said Miss de Bourgh cautiously.
"That is good to hear! Yes, it is well past time we found you a husband."