Texas was sitting on a wooden bench on the banks of the River Dee. It was the nearly the end of November so she was wrapped up warmly in a thick coat, woolly scarf, hat, and gloves. She had been there for a couple of hours just watching the canal barges move slowly on their way past her. Every now and again she would raise the camera, which hung around her neck, to capture a shot of the ornate decorations on the passing narrowboats or the water birds that bobbed along on the surface.
Since India's death Texas had often come to sit by the river. She found the gentle waters and the meandering boats peaceful. Also it reminded her of perhaps some of the happiest times of her life, big family holidays or long weekends away on her Grandfather's yacht, whether round the local rivers or sometimes they went further afield. If they went where the water was warm enough she and India had loved nothing more than diving overboard, swimming, splashing and playing. India had always loved the water, it seemed to be the place where she was freest, a place where she could let go and have fun. A proper water-baby their father had always said.
Both Texas and India had grown-up in a privileged, if sheltered atmosphere. They both bore the burden of living in the shadow of their glamorous mother, a famous singer in the eighties, her beauty was undiminished with time and her aura was captivating. Here the similarities between the sisters ended. Whilst Texas fought to divert the attention away from her mother and onto herself, India retreated further and further into herself, seeming to accept she could never compete against her mother and sister. This lead to Texas and India being like chalk and cheese. Texas rebellious, India straight-laced. Texas gregarious, India withdrawn. Texas reckless, India mindful. India had always been so tightly bound by the rules she placed upon herself, Texas thought she should lighten up. Life was for living. The guilt therefore that Texas felt because she believed it was her lifestyle that was to blame for India's murder was immeasurable.
Texas pulled her coat more tightly around herself as the cold north wind began to pick up. She pointed her camera at the river one final time as the low winter sun caused the ripples on the water to sparkle and shimmer. She had really taken a liking to photography recently. It was almost as if with the click of her camera she could momentarily halt the steady march of the world; pause, just for a second, the continuous spinning of the Earth; freeze the endless progress of time. It gave her a fleeting opportunity to breath freely.
As Texas made her way back home she paused at the large black gates of the courtyard opposite her flat. There were still a few bunches of wilted flowers stuck between the iron bars, marking the spot where Heidi Costello had been taken from her family. They served as a reminder to Texas every time she walked past. As she stood there Texas hoped all the victims of the serial killer had at least gone to a better place. She hoped the fates had at least given them that.
Texas felt the presence of another person come stand beside her. It was Doug, her American roommate. If anyone could understand what she was going through, maybe it could be Doug. He had also lost somebody at the hands of Silas.
"Hey you ok?" Doug nudged her gently in the side with his elbow. Texas just looked at him and smiled wanly, "yeah, you?"
Doug reached up and tugged slightly on one of the drooping leaves of one of the bouquets, "kinda sad aren't they," he stated. Texas wondered if Doug was suffering like she was. He looked sad. They may live in the same flat, they may have gone through the same traumatic experience, but they did not really talk about it. Maybe it was because they were both so wrapped up in their own private emotions to realise the other felt exactly the same, or maybe it was because of other unspoken events from their joint past. Events that meant Texas found it hard to be around Doug sometimes, ashamed as she was about some of the things he had witnessed about her when she had been at her lowest.
In the aftermath of India's death, in the time before Doug's girlfriend turned up out of the blue, before their reunion was cut short by her murder, Texas had used Doug abominably. In her darkest hours, on her path to self-destruction she had wanted, no needed, to forget. Forget that that it was because of her choices in life, choices India had warned Texas about, that she had lost her sister for good. She felt overwhelmed with guilt. It had begun with drinking at first, more and more as she fought to forget. But as India's funeral had approached the alcohol had not been enough anymore. Texas had taken drugs on the odd occasion before, recreationally, at parties, with friends. She longed to feel again the numb nothingness that drugs could give her. She knew Doug dealt drugs, she had bought from him before in clubs, so she had forced Doug to get her cocaine. Doug, to his credit, had tried to stop her, tried to make her see that this was not the best way to deal with things. She ignored his advice though. When the alcohol stopped working to make her forget she had pressured and pushed Doug to get her something stronger to take the edge off, she was not concerned about the consequences at that.
"Do you wanna go for a drink later?" Doug asked Texas.
"Sorry I can't," Texas smiled more warmly at Doug this time "me and Leanne are meeting up with a friend later."
"Okay." Doug looked despondent at this.
"I should get going actually, Leanne'll be waiting." Texas reached out to Doug for a second, and gave his arm a gentle squeeze.
As Texas walked into the flat, Leanne bounded over. Leanne had the kind of giddy energy that could be infectious if you were in the right kind of mood. She appeared all sweetness and light, though she could be like a dog with a bone, once she had sunk her teeth into something. Whilst Texas enjoyed her company for what it was, she did not really feel an infinty to Leanne, she did not feel comfortable really opening up about how she felt to her. In fact there were very few, if any people she really felt she could confide in, so Texas had remained isolated in her grief, hiding it continuely from those around her.
"Come on, where've you been?" Leanne remonstrated Texas, "Jodie's waiting for us in town."