Chapter Eighteen: Don't Speak

She didn't want to talk about it. If she talked to him about it, she'd have to admit he had done things to her body that she hadn't thought possible. She'd have to tell him that in those precious hours in that train compartment, she'd let him in in ways that she had never let anyone. She'd have to say that she let him see her, all of her. Of course, she'd also have to tell the truth: that she loved every moment of it, that she longed to be with him again. And she absolutely couldn't do that.

Glinda was giving her the silent treatment, and maybe that was for the best. If anyone prodded at the exterior she'd fought so hard to keep up over the last months, she feared it would finally come tumbling down. And when Nanny had seen the marks on Elphaba's neck and collarbone, she'd merely raised her eyebrows and commented that perhaps she should make sure her sister didn't see such things. She wore scarves for a few days, at least around Nessa. Fiyero had given her several Vinkun scarves for her birthday last month, and they actually were proving quite useful.

"You two are going to have a rough summer ahead of you," Tibbett said one evening as they ate a late dinner. "Three months apart. I barely ever see either one of you alone anymore."

"He's coming out to meet my father after about a month. And besides, I don't need to be with him constantly." Elphaba stuck her nose in the air. She didn't mind playing the part of his lover, but she wasn't going to play the part of needy girlfriend. "I spend plenty of time alone, but you never bother to seek me out on my own. I only see most of you when we're all together. That's not my fault."

"She's right, you know. I can barely get her to spend a day with me." Fiyero's arm was around her, as usual. "If I could, I'd never let her out of my sight."

"You're pathetic," she told him sweetly.

"I know. You made me that way. What can I say?" He kissed her on the mouth.

"You two need to back off." Glinda muttered, glaring at both of them. She only spoke to either of them when they were all out together.

"She's probably seen more than she wants to," Avaric added.

"I have my own room," Fiyero pointed out.

Nanny and Nessa weren't with them this time, so she decided to push it. "And thank Oz you do." She gave him a grin.

"Ooh!" Pfanee giggled.

Glinda gagged. "I'm so sick of the two of you."

"I love her. If that makes me obnoxious, so be it." Fiyero smiled at her, and she lowered her eyes, unable to come to terms what she saw in his.

"We ought to go," she said. "Fiyero, darling, will you walk me back to my room?"

"Of course." He stood and offered her his hand. As they walked away, he said, "A bit much?"

"Yes."

"I could tell. I tried to back down a little. I'm sorry."

"Glinda is going to kill us one of these days." She sighed. "You know she won't talk to me at all anymore. That's the most I've heard her say in weeks."

"Really?"

"It's actually somewhat peaceful in our room now."

"Elphaba, she's your best friend. That can't be easy."

"She said her piece, Fiyero, and I didn't listen. Then again, I've never listened to her advice much, but this is the first time that I've outright fought her on it."

"She just doesn't want to see you hurt."

"I won't get hurt. I told her as much." Elphaba shrugged. "I know how to protect myself from being clueless. It may not be the way she thinks I should, but I'm taking perfectly good care of myself."

"I wish you'd let me…"

"No." She wanted to believe that he cared about her, but she didn't trust it. There was no way it was anything of a product of all they had been through in the past few months, and as soon as he had a choice, he'd realize that. Besides, pretending to love him distracted her enough. How would she ever keep herself focused if she really did love him?

"Come back to my room."

"I don't think that's a good idea. It's late and I'm tired." She hadn't spent a night alone with him since the train. It was hard enough to be alone with him during the day, to stay on the floor away from his bed. At night? Something would come over her. And so she kept away.

"I won't push you." He sighed. "But I'm here when you want me."

If only he knew she always wanted him. "That's a nice offer, Fiyero. But it's silly. I'm going to bed. Alone. Have a good night."

Summer was the first time she'd been away from him for more than a week or two, and she finally felt like she was breathing air that wasn't thick with tension and unspoken words. But the air felt too thin in her lungs, the world felt veiled and distant, less… colorful.

He'd barely gotten through the entranceway when he kissed her deeply, wrapping his arms around her waist as she wound hers around his neck. She tried not to get lost in him and snapped herself out of it when her father cleared his throat. "Are you going to introduce me or do I have to physically separate you two?"

She flushed. "Of course. Father, this is Fiyero."

Fiyero stuck a hand out for Frex to shake. "It's good to meet you, Sir."

Frex shook Fiyero's hand limply. "Likewise. Why don't you put your things in the guest room and we'll all sit down?" He gestured down the hall.

"I'll help you get settled." Elphaba offered and dragged him into the guest room. She didn't shut the door behind them, knowing her father wouldn't have it. Quietly, she said, "We're not going to be alone much out here. Not that it matters."

"And if I sneak into your room at night?"

"You're willing to go through whatever fresh hell my father might have in store? Go ahead. It'll make him angry, and I like it. Although, he'll probably just walk straight into the room. And if we're not actually doing anything, I don't think he'll get too upset."

"We can make it look like something."

She grinned at him, unable to help herself. She'd never had the courage to speak back to her father as much as she'd wanted to, instead choosing to act out. And this would be the ultimate way to do that. "That might be fun." A small part of her tugged at the back of her mind, saying that maybe she should dare him to not only make it look like they were doing something, but to actually do it. But she'd given in once – well, several times in a day-long timespan – and she couldn't let herself do it again, no matter how she yearned for it. "I'm up for making it look bad."

Fiyero put his things down. "Am I going to get interrogated by your father?"

"Probably. Your parents were much easier on me than my father is going to be on you. Are you sure you want to upset him by taking his eldest daughter's virginity? Because he's going to assume that's what you did if you sneak into my room."

"I am not afraid of him. If you want to make him upset, I'll do it." He wrapped an arm around her waist before they went back to the small living room. "Thank you so much for having me out here," he told Frex.

"I don't see that I had much of a choice. Elphaba does what she wants and there's only so much I can do to keep an eye on her." Frex frowned. "Tell me about yourself, young man."

"What is there to tell? I'm from the Vinkus. I'm studying politics. I'm about to go into my third year, just like Elphaba. I'm sure she's told you that I'm a prince of the Arjiki tribe. Other than that, I don't see what else there is to say other than the fact that I love your daughter more than life itself."

Her father rose his eyebrows at that. "Yes, that's… unexpected. Elphaba has never been one for love. Tell me, exactly, how did this come about?"

"We got to talking one day."

"You could talk to any girl. Why my daughter?"

"Because she can talk back." He replied.

"Most men don't like that." Frex commented.

"I'm not like most men. I love the way she talks to me, even if it's not always polite. I wouldn't want it any other way."

"You'd be the first to say that."

"And that surprises me." Something changed in Fiyero's face, his mouth became a thin line; his eyes became stern. She rarely saw him that displeased. Around her he was always so cheerful and kind.

"I'm going to be blunt about this. I find this all a little suspicious. There's no point in talking around it. Elphaba hasn't exactly had hordes of boys following her around. When she said there was someone, I was shocked. She's not… the type that men want."

Fiyero's hand was so tight on her waist that she could barely breathe. His words came out slowly. "Maybe you don't know your daughter the way you thought you did, Sir, because she's exactly what I want. For the rest of my life. I've always wondered why she was so hesitant to let me in, why she didn't trust at first that I could want her. I think I understand that now."